Disclaimer: Any element of the story you think recognise belongs to Mercedes Lackey, but the characters in this chapter are all mine.
Chapter 5 Torment in torrents
Kerrayrlia knocked on the plain wooden door hesitatingly. What should she do if Liritia was still angry with her? Would Liritia refuse to speak to her? She had been very shocked at Liritia's outburst today, more so because it came from the normally soft-spoken and gentle Liritia. Her conversation with Zarien had almost put Liritia out of her mind, but it all came back vividly to her now, the anger and underlying fear in it almost overwhelming her.
The door creaked open slowly. Liritia's smooth oval face came into view, marred by lingering streaks of tears. Goodness! Oh, poor 'Ritia…As Kerrayrlia started to voice her concern, Liritia made a small pleading gesture with her hand. "Please," she whispered hoarsely. "Not in the hallway." Kerrayrlia took the hint immediately and stepped into the plainly furnished, albeit comfortable room.
Unsure of herself like never before, Kerrayrlia slowly sat in one of the hard-backed chairs accompanying the pine desk. Liritia had curled up on her bed as soon as the door was close, an action which spoke volumes. Oh, whatever have I done to her...it's hurting her so much. Oh gods, I'm so sorry, 'Ritia. I never meant to hurt you. Thoughts however, did not translate easily into words; at least, not for Kerrayrlia.
"'Ritia, I…I apologize…" Kerrayrlia groped around for the words that would express what she felt, but came up with a blank. She had, after all, never been good with words; it was one of her many failings that had caused much friction between herself and her father. Snarling silently, she started to try again, but was cut off with a small shake of Liritia's head.
Straightening slightly, Liritia reached out and took hold of Kerrayrlia's hands. She whispered, "It's not your fault, Kerri. I, I am the one who should be sorry for running off like that…I know you don't mean any harm…" Liritia's eyes clouded. She stared unseeingly into blank air; the expression on her sweet face anguished enough to break the heart of the hardest mercenary.
Kerrayrlia's hands twitched slightly, her only gesture of discomfort. Just as she was wondering if she should leave, Liritia's hazel eyes focused on her again. "I'm sorry…it's just that…I've never told this story to anyone except the Dean, no, not even to the other Healer Trainees. The story is…painful…but I'd like you to know... to know about it. Please." Her eyes pleaded softly what she did not put into words; her need for someone to talk to. Kerrayrlia nodded and moved her chair closer to the bed, to offer Liritia whatever comfort she could.
"Thank you, Kerri...thank you so much." Liritia's gaze was warm; Kerrayrlia felt a rising joy at that sight. She would have given much to get that look back into Liritia's eyes. Yet, even as she thought that, Liritia's face took on a pensive look as her gaze turned melancholy. "...before...before I came here...You know that I'm from Rethwellan. But I've never told you why I ended up as a Healer trainee in Valdemar, right?" When Kerrayrlia shook her head in the negative, Liritia continued softly, yet bitterly. "The reason why I escaped across the Border was because my stepfather…he raped me."
-LS-LS-LS-
Kerrayrlia leaned against the door of her room, still in a state of shock. She closed her eyes fiercely as a single tear trickled down her cheek. No, damn it, I'm not going to cry. I don't deserve the luxury of crying. Oh, 'Ritia my friend, what have I done? Liritia had just told her the whole story of how her stepfather had used mind magic to take over her mind and rape her.
He was a mage who had escaped from Karse when they had begun proscribing mages years ago. Valdemar had not taken in any of those escaped mages, and had instead directed them to Rethwellan. Many of them had settled down with the locals. Liritia's mother was just one such person who had been captivated by the lure of the mysterious mages.
At first, all had been well, but when Liritia had turned eleven years old, the mage had started making advances to her. An innocent child then, Liritia refused and complained to her mother about it. Unfortunately, her mother had refused to believe her and even admitted the child's confidence to her new husband. That night, Liritia's stepfather had gone up to her room, take hold of her mind with his magic, and did the unspeakable with her.
No wonder she became so angry when she detected traces of the Bardic Gift in the playing of my song. She must have felt manipulated! I always use it to influence the audience's mood a bit, to convey my feelings to the audience. Gods, think of the pain that it must have caused her to relieve that…that whole experience again. Oh, what a fool I am!
Kerrayrlia sagged to the floor, her mask all gone. A horrible sense of guilt weighted her down, even though intellectually she knew that she was in no way at fault. She had not known about Liritia's past, did not know that Liritia would react to the Bardic Gift that way. Ah, but I never did try to find out, did I? A small insistent mental voice kept nagging away at her, that she should have cared more for her best friend, should have cared enough to ask, should have…
Just as her emotions were at its highest state of frenzy, a loud thump startled her out of her brooding. Looking up, she could not believe what she saw. A small book was floating above the study desk in frenzy circles, bouncing off the wall at periodic intervals. Kerrayrlia stared openmouthed, then shut her eyes. This cannot be happening, no, its not real. I am just too tired. Yes, that's it, I'm in shock. Caused by what 'Ritia confided in me. That's it. Taking huge deep breaths, she calmed herself down and put a clamp on her emotions with a discipline that would have made monks envious.
When she opened her eyes again, the book was resting innocuously on the desk. Kerrayrlia narrowed her eyes suspiciously. There was absolutely no evidence that the book had been floating around just a few seconds ago. Kerrayrlia stood up shakingly and move over to the desk. She glared at the book, then gingerly touched it. It was quite real and solid, so, she had probably stepped out of her dream state, if that was what that was. After examining every inch of it, she convinced herself that what she had experienced was merely a hallucination.
I must have imagined it. The book was probably just a reflection of my mental state just now… Having persuaded herself, Kerrayrlia wiped her face with a small blue handkerchief. When she looked up again, the blank mask was over her face once more. Yet, her mental state was chaotic; she had just realized another implication of Liritia's confidence. Men were just not to be trusted…
-LS-LS-LS-
In his Formal Greys, Zarien looked every inch a striking and handsome young man. The Formals were darker than the usual Trainee uniform, and the shadowy tones contrasted nicely with his slightly tanned skin and even brought out the pale grey of his eyes.
With every expression of confidence, Zarien ignored the curious looks on the face of the other Bardic Trainees and knocked crisply on Kerrayrlia's door. Inside however, he was quivering nervously. What if she changed her mind? He Mindspoke Dorilynn anxiously. Chosen, if she has changed her mind, you can go to the party on your own. It's not as if you have never done it before. Dorilynn sounded amused.
Before he could compose a retort, the door swung open. Zarien had planned a dozen compliments to say to Kerrayrlia, no matter what she wore and how she looked, but when he saw her, he was struck speechless.
Kerrayrlia was wearing a dress which was unlike anything he had ever seen before. The long, pale blue sleeves of the dress were translucent, deliberately wrinkled and gathered at the wrists with silver ribbons, the dress itself light and diaphanous, just a shade darker than the colour of her eyes. The top of the dress was cut closely to her shapely body and embroidered with silver thread in patterns of swirls and spirals. Around the waist, small tear-drops of dark sapphire were sewn along a V-shaped line. Midnight blue coloured lace formed the collar of her dress, bringing out the deep blue highlights in her rich black hair. Her hair itself was arranged in an artistic disheveled state, with locks of hair sticking out randomly at various places. Everything about her attire served only to accentuate her pale prettiness, down to the dark sapphire stone and silver chain at her neck.
"You look…beautiful, Kerri," he managed in a strangled, tormented voice. Coolly, Kerrayrlia acknowledged the compliment with a nod and gestured to the corridor. "Shall we?" Without waiting for an answer, she swept off gracefully, leaving Zarien to catch up.