I Pray For You

by Megan Sleevewillow

A Songfic using Big and Rich's I Pray For You. Carth has problems dealing with Revan's absence, and uses something his wife did when she needed comfort.

A/N: When I first bought and listened to the CD that this song is from, I loved it. Then, last week, as I finally beat KOTOR II and began replaying KOTOR, this song slowly began to leech away my sanity until a brilliant muse hit me upside the head, and the following is the finished product. Of course Revan is female. I don't see Carth thinking this way 'bout a guy.

Any mistakes made are my fault, and sorry about them.

Disclaimer: "I Pray for You" belongs to Big and Rich. Knights of the Old Republic belongs to Lucas Arts. But that doesn't stop me from imprinting Carth Onasi on my underwear! BWAHAHAHAHA!

Yeah, that's gross.

-KOTOR-

Carth had turned in for the night in his cabin aboard the Sojourn. Since his promotion to Admiral, his living quarters had been expanded to include a parlor that had two squishy sofas and a table, mostly for entertaining visiting dignitaries or diplomats. Carth never used them. His sleeping berth was bare except for his bed and several holos of his former family, Dustil at the present, and one of himself, Mission, Zaalbar, Canderous, Juhani, Bastilla, Jolee, HK-47, T3-M4, and finally, Revan taken the day they were awarded their medals. He spent lots of time lately staring at that holo, wishing so hard for that year right after Malak had been destroyed. Maybe, maybe if he had done something, if he had been there for Revan more…Maybe she wouldn't have left.

Sighing with thoughts of the past, Carth climbed into his bed and pulled his sheets over him. The lights dimmed and he rolled towards the wall and closed his eyes. He fell asleep, and did not wake up when the door to his sleeping quarters opened. A cloaked figure entered and drew back its hood. The person leaned over Carth, raven hair haloing their face, and their blue eyes seeming to glow in the darkness. They sniffled once and placed a hand on Carth's cheek. He gave a start, rolling over and grabbing her arm, but when he saw who it was, his grip slackened. Tears falling from her blue eyes, Revan leaned down and kissed him.

With a jolt, Carth awoke from his dream.

Sometimes when I sleep
I can see you walkin' back to me
And sometimes I wake up
'Cause I swear I felt your touch

Carth sat up and held his head in his hands. He had that dream several times a week; one would have thought he had begun to realize that it was a dream, not reality. But every time it shook the man to his core, and made him angrier that Saul Karath ever could have. It was a misleading dream that would never fulfill itself, and it just reminded the admiral of what he had lost. Clenching his fists in anger, Carth hit the wall beside his bed so hard his holograms fell off and broke.

Then emotions overcome me
And the darkness is so cold

Carth decided to do something, something that would hopefully calm his mind and his troubled heart. His wife, Teah, the Force rest her soul, used to do a little ritual whenever Carth went off to the fleet or Dustil was sick. He purchased a candle from the ship commissary and took it back to his quarters. He placed it on the parlor's table and lit it before turning off the lights. He silently prayed, "Revan, may the Force be with you, and may it bring you back to me. Please. Please." A breeze stirred his hair, and he looked to see if someone had entered his room without his knowledge. There was nothing, but Carth could feel that someone else was in the room with him. The feeling was not dark, but light. Carth sat and watched the candle burn down to nothing, and when it finally flickered out, he felt the presence leave. "Thank you." He whispered.

I light a candle, watch it burn
I feel the angels come and fill this room
Oh, when you're gone I miss you so much
I do the only thing I can do
I pray for you
I pray for you

Carth's mind was less troubled after lighting the candle. He did his duties with tireless vigor, but one standard month after that, Telos was attacked, but saved by an Exiled Jedi. Carth asked her that if she came across Revan in her travels to tell her that he was waiting for her. After that, Carth began seeing Revan everywhere: in holograms, in reports, even in the faces of female cadets. He felt more hopeless than ever that she would never return.

Every minute of the day
I can clearly see your face

The chief of the medical staff noticed Carth's slump and pallor. He asked the admiral to come in for a few tests, and was slightly disappointed to find that everything was physically fine with Admiral Onasi. As the admiral went to leave, the doctor asked, "Are you sure that there is nothing I can do to help you?"

"Not unless you can mend a breaking heart." Carth replied, pulled on his jacket, and left. That night, he lit a candle again, and felt two presences in the room, both light. A soothing feeling seeped into his heart, telling him that everything would be all right in the end.

And every minute we're apart
Oh, you know it just breaks my heart
I'm so lonely, but I'm OK
'Cause I know we'll be together again

I light a candle, watch it burn
I feel the angels come and fill this room
Oh, when you're gone I miss you so much
I do the only thing I can do
I pray for you
I pray for you

Oh, I pray for you

Praying for Revan became a weekly, sometimes daily habit as time wore on. The admiral felt it was the only thing that kept him sane. Over time Carth felt the presences expand in number, and one night, they appeared. Masters Vrook, Kavar, Dorak, and countless others embodied themselves in a blue light, along with an old woman Carth didn't know.

"We have heard your prayers and thoughts. They resonate through the force like the striking of a hammer against a bell." Vrook spoke. His tone seemed to drip with displeasure. "Your love for Revan is great, and Force-adepts feel your pain. We have no choice…but to respond to these thoughts and hopes. We will try to guide Revan away from harm, while still keeping her to the path her destiny lies on. If we can find her, what would you like her to know?"

Carth stared awestruck at the masters for a few minutes before dropping to his knees, his hands clenched together in front of him, and tears spilling from his eyelids. He replied,

"Please hold her and protect her
'Til she's back here in my arms again
Oh and tell her how I love her
And I'll be waitin' right here forever, amen."

The Jedi Masters slowly rose up the air, illuminating the dark room in a radiant, glorious light. Carth watched as they rose up, and with a flash that almost blinded the admiral they disappeared.

I feel the angels come and fill this room
Oh, when you're gone I miss you so much
I do the only thing I can do
I pray for you
I pray for you

A few months later, Carth was back on Telos to help root out a few problems that the TSF couldn't handle alone. He and a spy named Atton Rand were walking to the TSF offices so that the younger man could be debriefed when Carth's com crackled to life.

"Admiral, this is Dob Larkin from docking bay 126, hangar one here." A young man's voice announced.

"How can I help you, Dob?"

"That freighter that you've been having everyone keeping an eye out for, the Ebon Hawk? It just landed."

Carth's jaw dropped so low, he was surprised it didn't detach. Her stuttered a thank you to Dob and turned to Atton. "I need to go to the docking bay immediately." He jabbered.

The younger man raised an eyebrow. "Ok, Whatever. I'll come with you." Atton then had to run to keep pace with Carth, who immediately bolted to the docking bay shuttle. The admiral, usually cool and collected under pressure, was drumming his fingers on his arm rest, making a memo to advise that the shuttles needed to have faster speeds.

"You got a load of spice that's overdue?" Atton asked, a smirk dancing on his lips. Carth ignored him. Once the shuttle stopped he basically ripped his safety belt off of him and dashed to hangar number one, accidentally knocking into a couple Ithorians on the way. Carth opened the airlock, Atton behind him, and with the opening of a second airlock, they were in the hangar.

The Ebon Hawk was indeed there. It had carbon scoring and looked like it had been a miracle it had been able to dock at all. The ramp to the Ebon Hawk descended with a few jerks and Carth stood there, breathless. From Atton's expression, the admiral had the impression that the boy recognized the ship as well.

A tall figure descended the ramp, but it was not Revan. It was a woman with short blonde hair, wearing Jedi robes. Carth recognized her as the Jedi Exile. She surveyed the two men with surprise, but her surprise turned to shock when she recognized Atton. "Atton?!" She asked incredulously, and immediately sped down the ramp. Atton ran for her, and when they met, Atton picked her up and spun her around a few times before embracing her tightly. Carth felt fear and envy. He knew that the Exile had headed where Revan had last been, and he was afraid of any news she might bring and jealous for her and Atton's reunion. "Excuse me…" He began, reluctant to interrupt. The Exile turned towards him and greeted him with a kind smile. Carth stumbled before asking, "Is anyone…else on board?"

The woman looked at him and smiled. "Yes Admiral. She's coming." The Exile placed one hand on his shoulder and squeezed before turning back to Atton. They turned and headed out the airlock, Atton's arm around the woman.

As if on cue, Carth heard footsteps at the top of the ramp. He turned and watched as Revan descended, favoring her right leg. Her Jedi Robes were worn and torn. Her face looked a little gaunt. Behind her was T3 and a very battered looking HK-47. She looked a bit more aged than the last time she and Carth had been together, but her raven hair showed no sign of gray, and her blue eyes were sharp and lively. She paused when she saw Carth, and he did the same when he looked on her. His breath caught in his chest, and his mouth stretched into a grin. "Revan." He whispered.

"Carth… Carth!" Revan loped down the ramp right into Carth's arms. Her warm tears of joy were wiped away by Carth's palms, and soon Carth had brought them both to the ground, holding her to him as close as he could. She cried into his neck, and Carth stroked her hair, his entire being delighting in the feeling of her in his arms once more. The Jedi Masters who had appeared to Carth those many months before appeared on the ramp of the Ebon Hawk. With tears glistening in his eyes, Carth whispered, "Thank you," and kissed Revan's forehead.

-KOTOR-