It was just an anxiety attack. Olivia could hardly believe it. A day had passed after a night of excitement in the hospital where the chief of surgery, police officers, attending, nurses and residents hovered around her. She was finally home with Maya and still, she couldn't believe it. She was staring into the void as Maya watched her, worried.
She remembered her fight with Fitz, how intense it was, how bad. At the time, she'd thought the worst, maybe a stroke or a heart attack but certainly not an anxiety attack. She wouldn't have fought with him in that way over an anxiety attack that sent her mother to the hospital only because Abby was worried it was a precursor to something worse. That something worse never materialized, even after being admitted to the hospital for two days.
This was the third time Maya tried to converse with Olivia about what had happened. Each time she was unsuccessful.
"What happened? How are you here?" she asked, tearfully. "You have to talk to me, Olivia."
"They let me go," Olivia said as she turned briefly to her mother.
"That man-"
Olivia nodded quickly then turned away.
"What happened Olivia- one second you call me saying you left and then-"
"Mom-" Olivia said, "I can't talk about it. I can't talk about any of it."
"You owe me answers," Maya cried.
"I know. I do. But I can't talk about it."
"Did they beat you? Did they touch you," Maya stepped closer to Olivia attempting to inspect her daughter but Olivia stepped back.
"I'm fine."
"You keep saying that Olivia-"
"I'm fine, I really am- I'm fine. I'm totally fine." Olivia said as tears rained down her cheeks.
Maya reached out and held her daughter tightly, hugging and kissing her face.
"Your father had something to do with this, didn't he?"
Olivia didn't respond, one wrong answer and she would be caught in a lie. That was a risk she couldn't take.
"Mom, I'm fine, I just want to forget it happened."
"I can't forget. You were gone for two weeks. My only daughter, taken from me for two weeks. You have to go back and tell the officers what happened."
"No," Olivia answered.
"Yes."
"Mom, I'm not going to talk to them."
"Yes you are Olivia. Whoever did this to you, needs to pay for what they've done. That man who spoke to me on the phone, who's voice I've been replaying over and over in my head, needs to pay and I'm not gonna stop until he does."
Olivia shook her head, "I can take care of myself-"
"No you can't Olivia, if you did you wouldn't have been walking 10 minutes away to your car at almost 1 in the morning. I told you it was dangerous but you don't listen!" Maya raised her voice slightly then calmed. "You won't let the doctors at the hospital inspect you or give you a rape kit-"
"I wasn't raped," Olivia barked frustrated.
"How do you know that? How do you know you weren't drugged-"
"Mom-"
"I'm not. I can't. Someone took my baby and I'm not stopping until they pay."
Olivia shook her head and turned to walk away but Maya slowly stepped into her path.
"This isn't you. You don't act like this?"
"Im fine," Olivia repeated, "I just want to go to sleep"
Maya straightened, "well, get some rest. I'm going to call that officer and tell him to stop by in a few hours so you can talk to him."
Olivia didn't respond as she walked to her bedroom.
"I don't know what's wrong with her," Maya complained, "this isn't my daughter, she talks to me. She is the kind of kid who talks to their mother but since she's been back she's barely said a word."
Two male detectives sat on the couch in Olivia's living room.
"This isn't uncommon with victims of kidnappings. Usually, a predator takes them and sometimes decides it's actually less trouble to return the victims than to kill them. Almost always the perpetrator promises violence in order to keep the victim quiet."
"She's smart, that shouldn't work on her," Maya replied.
"Well, it depends on how close the person is to her, how much they know about her and what kind of violence they promised."
Maya sighed.
"We're looking into all the information you gave us, about her father and about the night she was taken."
Olivia heard the whisper of voices from her bedroom. That was a few minutes ago when the detectives first arrived. She'd been listening to them converse for some time.
"There was something else that happened," Maya said. "I didn't want to tell you before because I thought maybe it would impede your efforts to find my daughter."
The detectives urged her to continue.
"She called me, while she was there, she called me."
Both detectives looked at each other.
"Are you sure she didn't just run away?"
Maya rolled her eyes and sighed, "this is why I didn't tell you. This is why-"
"Ma'am calm down, please, it's just that we spoke to the chief of surgery at the Mass gen. The residency program there is notoriously difficult; maybe the pressure of the program made her leave."
Maya stood, slowly. She still hadn't fully recovered from her stroke though she was as close to normal as she ever was.
"My daughter doesn't crack under pressure. She doesn't run away from hard work. She isn't some spoiled brat. She is brilliant and she's perfect, she is good and she doesn't cry wolf. Your job is to figure out who the hell kidnapped my daughter. It was a man, he sounded young and when she called me he was there and he didn't sound like a friend, he sounded like a cold, heartless monster."
One officer stood. "Please don't be upset- it's just that we have to imagine every possibility- even one that might upset you."
"That's fine, as long as you imagine a possibility where the person who did this gets caught."
"We'll do everything we can."
Maya took a breath and softened.
"Can you please tell us more about this phone call?" the officer asked.
Maya sat back on the couch and recalled the details of the phone calls to the officers. Olivia stood listening by the cracked door in her bedroom.
At the end of the conversation, Maya gave the police officers the cell phone that Olivia had called and they left after agreeing to surveil her building.
When the front door closed and the officers left, Olivia went back to her bed and laid down. This time, she closed her eyes and slept for the first time since her plane ride.
When Olivia woke it was almost 11 pm. The smell of food in the kitchen instantly made her stomach growl.
She pulled the covers from her body and walked to the kitchen. Maya stood around a stove, stirring a pot of broth.
"Are you hungry?" Maya asked, "you must be hungry."
Olivia nodded.
"Sit, let me fix you a bowl."
Olivia sat at the rickety old sage green table she'd purchased at a garage sale almost three years ago. She yawned and rubbed her eyes and at that moment she remembered she was supposed to have taken a levonorgestrel pill. Her heart sped up for a few beats then she took a breath and calmed down. Now that the detectives would be watching her it would be that much harder to get it and time was running out. She couldn't get it at the hospital because there was no one there she trusted to know that secret, not even Abby. Suddenly she felt panic wash over her and almost as quickly as it came, it passed.
Maya brought her over a bowl of beef broth.
"Thanks," Olivia said.
She began to sip her soup as Maya sat beside her at the table.
"How are you feeling?"
"Fine," Olivia said between sips of hot soup.
"You've said 'fine' about 50 times now but you won't say a word more than that. I guess I should believe you because you can say it with a straight face but considering our circumstances you can understand why I can't."
Olivia didn't reply.
"Are you afraid, Olivia?"
"I'm fine mom, I'm fine. I don't want to talk about anything, I just want to get back to work and pretend none of this happened."
Maya shrugged and sighed, "I spoke to the police. They'll be keeping an eye on you to make sure this doesn't happen again."
Olivia nodded, "I heard."
She tried to reconcile her fear of whatever Marco had planned for her, if he did in fact have anything planned for her, she felt better with police following her around though she wasn't exactly sure it was to protect her.
"Well, I'm going to start looking for a job. Now that you're home I think you should take some time off from work-"
"I don't think I want that- in fact, I don't want that. I want to go back as soon as possible. You still haven't been cleared to return to normal activity by the rehab center so-"
"I'm perfectly fine."
"That's-"
"Why don't we talk about it in the morning."
Olivia sighed and conceded, "sure."
In the morning after a sleepless night, she bathed and dressed. Now it had been three days since last they had sex and four days since first they had sex. This was the last possible day it made sense to get the pill and Olivia found the resolve to try to do so.
Maya woke when Olivia was on her way out the door, dressed in jeans, a sweater, and a puff coat.
"You weren't gonna tell me you were leaving?" Maya said, incredulously.
"I left a note."
"You're joking right?"
"I have to go mom-"
"No Olivia-"
"No," Olivia yelled. "Just stop. You haven't listened to me once since I've been back. Stop treating me like I'm a five year old girl. I'm an adult and I have to work to survive so I'm going to the hospital to find out when I can return to my residency. I've lost enough time as it is."
"Okay," Maya said, "it's almost as if your angry they brought you back."
"Why would you say that?" Olivia asked, almost tearfully.
Maya immediately regretted her words.
"Everything I say or do annoys you- I don't even know if you wanted to see me- I don't know what's going on?"
"Of course I missed you, I cried more times than I can count at the thought that I'd never see you again and mom, you know I love you more than anyone but you can't just roll over me like a plow. You don't listen to me. I told you the best thing for me is just to try to return to normal as soon as I can and it's like you don't hear me."
"Olivia, you were gone and I didn't know where you were or if you were alive for days at a time. There is no normal after that."
"Maybe not but we can still try- I can still try."
Olivia walked over and gave her mother a tight hug. "I'm gonna go to the hospital, I'll be back as soon as I can."
"I'll come with you. Just wait two seconds-" Maya said quickly as she took Olivia's hand and pulled her back to the bathroom, "just let me brush my teeth and put some clothes on."
Olivia sighed as she watched her chance to stop by the pharmacy and snag her levonorgestrel pill vanish.
Fitz paced on the balcony of his hotel room in Brazil. He'd found himself there just two days after Olivia's departure. It had been almost a week now, since he last saw her and he couldn't get her out of his mind.
His phone was gripped tightly in the fingers as he waited for his scheduled call from Alesander.
It was almost 8pm and Alesander was always on time.
Fitz paced a bit, more nursing a scotch until his phone rang.
"What's going on with my girl?" Fitz answered.
He reached into his pocket and took out a spliff and lit it.
"The Boston PD is still trailing her but only at night. She hasn't said anything to them and the mom hasn't said anything else."
"Where is she?"
"Home now with her mother. She just got home, took the bus and won't be out again until morning."
Fitz realized that was about as much as they could tell him.
"We're still keeping an eye out boss. If he tries anything he'll know."
Fitz hung up and took a deep breath then went back inside his hotel room.
Olivia knocked on the gray office door.
"Come in," the voice called.
Olivia twisted the cold silver handle and opened the door. Inside, the hospital therapist was waiting for her in an orange armchair. Olivia took a seat on the navy blue sofa in front of him and crossed her legs. He was a black-haired, gaunt man who seemed to only wear plaid sweater vests and khakis.
"Good morning Dr. Pope."
"Good morning Dr. Samson."
"How did you sleep?"
"Fine," Olivia responded.
"You always answer fine?"
"Well, I am. I just want to get back to work. I've been out long enough, I feel anxious."
"Do you think you'll be left behind by the other residents?"
"Of course, do you know how competitive this program is- well you do know."
"The way your file reads- you are an extremely brilliant doctor- I think you'll make up a few weeks in no time."
"I'm an extremely brilliant doctor because I work hard and I study hard. I can't do either if I'm sitting here with you having a feelings party" Olivia said angrily.
"Why are you sitting here?"
"What?"
"Why are you sitting here?" Dr. Samson asked.
"Because the chief said I have to, until you clear me."
"Really, you don't think it's because you were abducted?"
"Well, it hasn't been lost on me that I'm being punished for that," Olivia responded with snark.
"Making sure you're well enough to interact with patients isn't a punishment."
Olivia sighed, "it is when you're fine."
"You keep saying that."
"But I am," Olivia said as she threw her hands up in frustration.
"We're not getting anywhere?"
"What do you need me to say?" Olivia asked.
"I can't tell you what to say-"
Olivia rolled her eyes, "very helpful."
Dr. Samson sighed, "you seem angry at me, you seem angry at the chief, angry at yourself but you don't seem angry at the people who took you."
Olivia smiled, "once again Dr. Samson, you've put your brilliant mind to the task and once again you've come to the exact wrong conclusion."
"No need to be rude."
"No need to make assumptions about my feelings and insinuate that-"
"-Olivia, I'm sorry to cut you off but admitting you aren't upset at the people who took you doesn't make you culpable in any way, it makes you human."
"Well, you are wrong."
"I don't think I am," Dr. Samson responded. "I must imagine if I were you I'd feel powerless against these people, why waste my energy hating someone who I can't stop?"
"Are you thinking for me now too?" Olivia asked.
Dr. Samson smiled, "you refused to talk so at this time I can't recommend you return to work."
Olivia smiled, though she was bubbling with anger inside. "It's been two weeks Dr. Samson, when do you think you'll be ready? Because I am."
"I'll be ready when you are."
Olivia stood, "the punishment continues."
"It's not a punishment, Dr. Pope."
"Then what is it? I'm confused because you say that but you seem to relish in watching my career pass me by. I was gone for two weeks- which is not even that long. I wasn't raped, I wasn't beaten. Maybe now I have to look over my shoulder every minute to make sure no one's following me but that's a good thing, if I'd been doing that before then it wouldn't have happened the first time."
Dr. Samson sat back and watched Olivia.
"Everyone is treating me like an invalid. My mom won't even let me get the mail downstairs without following me. As if all 95 pounds of her could protect me from someone. You treat me like this fragile, mentally unstable victim that's gonna break and I'm not. Everyone is looking at me like some poor thing and I'm not okay, I just want to get back to work. Everyday I was there that's all I wanted to do and now I'm here and I can't even do that."
Dr. Samson smiled.
"Now you're laughing at me. Great, that's just great."
"I'm not laughing. You're cleared to return to work. I'll send the paperwork to the chief."
"What?" Olivia asked, confused.
"You're cleared. Now you still have to meet with me twice a week but for right now I feel comfortable letting you interact with patients."
Olivia smiled, "oh my god, thank you."
She ran over and hugged the hospital therapist.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you. Can I start today?"
"Tomorrow," Dr. Samson said.
"You know what, that's fine, thank you!"
Olivia ran out and didn't look back but the moment she stepped out of the office her phone rang.
"Mom?" she answered.
"Look."
Maya smiled and waved from down the hall as she waited for Olivia to notice her.
Olivia smiled and hung up and headed down the hall. Maya was operating as her personal escort now. There was nowhere she could go where Maya didn't insert herself.
Neither was working now but with the little money Olivia had saved along with her last check before she was taken she had about a one-month buffer before she was penniless.
"How was it?" Maya asked.
"I've been cleared to go back to work."
"What? Why?"
"Mom, what do you mean why? I'm ready and Dr. Samson thinks so too."
"Olivia, you're not ready."
"Mom, I am ready but I don't think you are."
Maya didn't know what to say in response.
Olivia sighed, "let go home, I start tomorrow and I want to get as much rest as I can."
Maya turned and they both walked down the bright white hall towards the elevators.
"When you start working again you'll have to leave the house at 4 and 5 am and sometimes you won't get home until that time again when it's dark and cold outside, just like it was when you were taken."
"Mom- I can't live in fear. I can't just stay home until you feel it's safe for me to go out again."
They waited at the silver elevator door until there was a ding and the doors opened.
"You're being naive."
Both stepped in. It was empty as they were on the administrative side wing of the hospital.
"No, I'm not. I understand you were scared. I was too but now I'm home and I have to jump back into my life because the residency program won't wait forever neither will our rent, or my student loans, or insurance or the utility bills."
The door closed.
"When did you become so disobedient?" Maya questioned aloud.
Olivia's eyes opened wide, "disobedient?"
"Yes. For the past two weeks you've been going against everything I say and do in a way that's not you."
Olivia shrugged, "okay mom."
"Okay?" Maya asked, feeling slighted, "they took my daughter and I don't know who they sent back."
Olivia smiled and shook her head, "that's very hurtful mom but I can't pretend to expect different."
Maya threw her hands up frustrated, "well, I'm sorry." she said in tears, "but I'm scared. You're my baby. What am I supposed to do?" Maya wiped her eyes, "act like everything is normal. Business as usual? It's not and you won't talk to me."
"There's nothing to talk about."
Maya nodded, "of course."
The elevator arrived at the ground floor and dinged open. They both exited and headed home without another word where Olivia was aware that somewhere close there was a Boston police car with agents watching her.
Olivia laid in the bathroom tub in soapy warm water with her eyes closed and enjoyed her one moment of relief throughout the day.
She ran her hands up and down her torso and reminisced back to the night when it was his hands instead of hers. She ran her fingers over her breasts and squeezed her tender nipples hard until she couldn't take the pain.
She gasped and bit her lips and let go. Her breasts tingled with sensation.
She pressed her legs together and slid her fingers down between her thighs. The pressure on her clit felt exquisite and all she could think about was him. His smell, the way he tasted when he kissed her lips and, the way he felt. All the sensations, she could taste them, smell them, and feel them all over.
This was how it was every time she found herself alone.
She moved her index finger up and down slowly. She came almost instantly.
The first time was days after her return when she couldn't stop daydreaming about his phallic limb and all the other parts of his body. Then, it had been every night after that- like a scheduled dose of medicine heavy enough for her to ignore how sick she was that she hadn't heard from him at all since her return.
She slept in a deep dreamless sleep after.
The next morning she woke early for her 6am shift. It was early enough to catch on to all of the overnight developments with patients. She was hoping her first case back would be at the very least exciting. She was awake by 4am and left her apartment by 5:20 to take the bus to work. Riding the bus was how she'd been getting around since Fitz lit her car on fire in the woods. She couldn't afford another one.
She left a note for Maya, knowing that when she woke she would be in a panic that she'd left without waking her.
Olivia arrived at the hospital a bit before 6am. With the few minutes she had before the start of her shift. She went to the resident's locker room and changed into her scrubs and lab coat. She pulled her hair into a ponytail and washed her hands in the bathroom and when she returned Abby was there, along with a few other residents who came in for the 6am shift.
"Olivia's back," Abby said with a smile, "now we get to compete for surgeries again. Fun."
Olivia smiled, "I was gonna go crazy. I need my hand to be in someone's brain."
Abby laughed and she walked closer and hugged Olivia.
"Do you know who's been asking for you the entire time you were gone?"
"I give up?" Olivia said.
"Dr. Roberts," Abby said with a smile, "everyday he asked for updates."
Olivia let out a breath, "well I appreciate that he was concerned about me."
"Are you kidding? He wants to bring you to bone town."
"Not this again? It's my first day back-" Olivia complained.
"You know the good thing that will come out of this is a lot of pity surgeries or maybe no surgery at all because everything maybe thinks you're a nutcase now," another resident Rebecca said. "It's probably 50/50."
"I'll keep that in mind Becky," Olivia said with an empty smile and an eye roll before she headed to the door to escape the conversation.
Abby followed her quickly and once they were out the door she began.
"So, I wanted to wait before bringing this up cause I didn't want it to seem like this is all I cared about but now that you're back to work I have to ask."
Olivia felt her heart skip a beat as she stopped in the hallway.
"Can I move back in? I mean- you're home now and I still haven't found a place to live and I've been crashing at Will's place and it's not going well so please… your mom kind of just kicked me out with no warning but now that you're back I can move in, right?"
"Oh-" Olivia said, "I'd have to ask my mom-"
"Olivia, it's your apartment. She can't just move in and kick me out. Please, I'll stay in the living room on the couch."
"That old couch will kill your back?"
"I don't care at this point."
"I'll try to talk to her but she's really been on overdrive since I've been back. I mean- she's my mom and I love her but she won't give me an inch of space since I've been back. I'm sure she'll be upset when she wakes up and realizes I didn't wake her so she could take the bus with me to work."
"I don't know how you deal with her."
Olivia chuckled, "usually when she's steamrolling me it's over the phone. Now it's in person and it's so much worse or maybe I just forgot. We haven't lived together for a while."
"Didn't she freak out when you took your residency in Boston instead of New York."
"Yup," Olivia answered with a sigh. "I'll talk to her okay but as long as she's staying I don't know how we'll find space. The apartment is tiny as it is..."
"Just try-"
"I will," Olivia replied.
They began walking again.
"Be honest Abby; did I miss alot?"
"You missed a few labs but there's nothing you can't make up."
Olivia nodded and smiled.
It was almost an hour into her shift when Olivia's cell buzzed in her lab coat. She ignored it the first few times but answered on the fourth buzz.
"Hello mom?"
"Olivia, why didn't you wake me? Why didn't you call me?"
"Mom I'm really busy- I can't do this right now. Love you, bye." Olivia hung up quickly and went back to work.
Olivia went about her day until almost 11 am when she wandered into the waiting room to find a patient's family member only to see Maya sitting there nonchalantly, reading the daily newspaper.
"Mom?" she asked, shocked.
Maya stood and smiled.
Olivia walked over quickly.
"What are you doing here?"
"You weren't answering your phone. I told you I was coming by for lunch and I also need to know what time you leave because I'll want to take the bus home with you. I definitely don't want you traveling alone, even if the police are supposed to be watching you. It's been days since I've seen them so I'm not gonna count on them."
"Mom- stop, I'm at work at a hospital- as a surgeon, I'm not in elementary school or high school, you can't just stop by. You have to stop," Olivia said frustrated.
"Calm down-"
"No mom. I appreciate you bringing lunch but-"
"Dr. Pope, did you find the patient?" an attending called from across the waiting room.
"Yes, we'll be right over," Olivia quickly stepped away from Maya and headed towards the patient.
Maya watched for a moment then she left the small bag of lunch at the front desk in the waiting room for Olivia and left.
When finished her shift it was just after 6 am. She'd gone 24 hours and it didn't feel like it once did. She'd gone over a month out and it would take some time to get used to the hours again. Still, she was glad though she felt nervous about leaving work for the first time. She knew it wouldn't be Fitz again, it would be someone else, and that someone would be much worse than Fitz.
She tried to quiet her fears as she changed in the locker room. Repeating constantly that she had nothing to worry about until she'd taken off her scrubs and was dressed in her jeans.
She headed down to the lobby only to find once again, Maya sitting half asleep in the waiting room.
This time all Olivia could do was smile.
"Mom?" she said as she walked over and sat down.
Maya woke and yawned, "I'm not letting you come home by yourself," Maya whispered.
"What time did you get here?"
"After 4, I think."
Olivia smiled and hugged her mother. Tears came to her eyes, "thanks mom."
Maya smiled in return, "don't you dare cry."
Olivia wiped her eyes quickly, "come on, let's go home, I didn't sleep at all."
"Why not?"
"I was too anxious. I tried to sleep but I didn't want to miss anything," Olivia responded.
"Are you hungry?" Maya asked.
"A little but I'm too tired, I just want to sleep."
Olivia stood and stretched. Maya stood as well and they headed towards the bus stop in front of the hospital where Maya made plans about the large breakfast she was going to cook for Olivia.
It had been yet another two weeks and Olivia finally felt she was slipping back into her routine. She got her old job at the restaurant back and she would start in a few days. Her aim was to try to save enough for another car because it was exhausting taking the bus but still, another car was months away.
Maya was working at an agency as a nanny for two small children. She'd only started days ago.
The morning was dark and when she got home from her shift, it was almost 7am.
Maya was on her way out to work but she usually didn't leave until Olivia got home since she could no longer pick her up from work. That was how their schedules worked.
"Good morning mom," Olivia called as she kicked off her shoes by the door.
"Hey honey, I'm heading out. Also, I'm gonna stop at the supermarket to get some groceries on my way home. Do you need anything special?"
"No, not really, just popcorn but you know the one I like-"
"Butter lovers, I know."
Olivia chuckled, "yup also could you buy some sweet treats, maybe like chocolate muffins or something. I just feel for that, I don't know why."
Olivia pulled off her coat and hung it by the coat rack.
"Do you need tampons or pads or anything? I didn't see any in the bathroom and I didn't want you to run out because of your calendar-."
"Um, I think I have some in my closet, don't worry about it," Olivia said quickly.
"Okay, I'll see you later. I might not be able to manage the groceries so if anything I'll take a taxi home and call you to help me downstairs."
"Um, I'll get the groceries, I'm gonna be home so I don't mind," Olivia said.
"Are you sure, I know you'll be tired-"
"No, it's okay. It's really okay," Olivia said. "I'll see you later. I have to shower."
"Well, I don't really want you to be outside alone," Maya walked to her and kissed her cheek, "I'll pick them up, don't worry."
She headed out leaving Olivia alone.
The moment the door closed Olivia ran to her calendar posted behind her closet door. She marked her period every month through the year. Her period was never late, only early except for when she experienced heavy stress.
Her last period was on October 15th, now it is November 20th. Her period was supposed to have come on November 12th. She was over a week late.
She frantically counted the days and weeks since her last period. If she was pregnant, she would be 5 weeks and 2 days.
Olivia took a deep, long breath and then exhaled.
"Don't freak out," she said aloud, "it's probably just stress. You're not pregnant. You can't be."
She took another breath and then walked back to the door and dressed in her coat, shoes, and scarf, and headed to the CVS pharmacy down the block from her apartment.
There were a million different tests and she stood in the feminine hygiene aisle staring at the different brands. She could take a blood test but there was no way she could afford for anyone at the hospital to find out if it came back positive.
In the end, she bought two generic tests and one brand name test. It cost her $40 but she had to be sure.
She rushed home after and dropped her coat in the foyer and went to the bathroom immediately. She dropped her bag and shoved her jeans down her legs and quickly sat on the toilet. She pulled one of the generic tests from her bag and tore the box open quickly. She pulled the cap off the test and stuck it between her legs. She took a breath and waited for a few seconds until her urine came down.
When she finished peeing on the stick she locked the cap on the top and waited until the results. She checked her watch, then the test, then her watch, and then the test. Finally, after several minutes the results were on the screen. It read 'not pregnant'.
"Thank god," she said, overjoyed.
A pregnancy would have been disastrous in the most extreme sense of the word. Apart from the fact that the entirety of her relationship with Fitz lasted about 2 and a half weeks, there was no way to contact him. In fact, at this point, she was rather sure she'd never see him again.
More severely, a pregnancy would be catastrophic half-way through her residency as she was struggling to pay the bills, loans, and rent and working two jobs not to mention Maya, the hell that would break loose if Maya found out.
Feeling relieved she stripped and took a hot shower. The adrenaline died down and when she stepped out of the shower she was hungry but too tired to make herself food.
She crawled into her bed and covered herself up to the ear with her covers. Sleep took her immediately.
When she woke up it was almost 4 pm. A pang of hunger immediately burned through her core and she quickly went to the kitchen to rummage through to find something she felt like eating. She ended up with honey cheerios and milk.
She ate two bowls and then scavenged further for more food but there was nothing left that was appetizing. She gave up knowing Maya would be home soon with food to make dinner.
Olivia went back to the bathroom to clean up the mess she'd left there earlier. The pregnancy tests were still on the counter and her clothes were still on the floor. She put her dirty clothes in her laundry hamper and the used pregnancy test and box in the bin then she took the bag from the bathroom trash and tied it tightly and took it to the trash shoot in the hallway in her building.
When she opened the trash shoot it emitted a smell so putrid that it turned her stomach immediately and in a flash, her legs carried her to the bathroom and she was hunched over the toilet regurgitating her cheerios and milk.
When she was finished, she brushed her teeth and stood, staring at her reflection in the mirror.
The episode of vomiting couldn't have come at a worse time. Just when her brief pregnancy scare was no longer a scare, a bout of nausea whiffed through just enough to unsettle her.
Olivia had planned on returning the unused pregnancy tests but now she couldn't.
She walked to the kitchen and drank two glasses of water and then went back to the bathroom. She sat on the toilet with an opened pregnancy test until she felt urine and peed on the stick. She waited again. Just as nervous as the first time, she waited on the floor of her bathroom until the result came in and this time it read "pregnant."
It couldn't be. One positive and one negative and for some reason she believed the positive. Quickly she pulled down her pants and sat on the toilet and tore open the last box. It was the brand name test. She quickly stuck it between her legs and pushed out urine as fast as she could.
She couldn't sit calmly and wait this time. She paced back and forth, checking her watch trying to measure what time Maya would be home.
This was the worst-case scenario. It will be soon. She left work at 5 pm and the clock read 5:18. She would be stopping at the supermarket and that gave Olivia some time but not much.
After several minutes when the results came it once again read "pregnant."
Two positives and one negative along with a missing period meant that the positive won. It had to be a false-negative and that meant she was pregnant.
Still, it couldn't be. She couldn't deal with a pregnancy- not now- things were just starting to return to normal. The police stopped following her and they stopped asking questions. Her kidnapping was no longer the elephant in the room and Maya had finally found a job which meant she no longer had the time or energy to follow her around to and from work.
Quick as she could Olivia threw the boxes and tests in a plastic bag and left them in her room then she dressed quickly and grabbed her purse to run to the pharmacy to buy more tests. If she had a false-negative then that meant that she could have a false-positive as well. Sure, it was harder for two false-positives to occur but not impossible.
She bought as many tests as she could carry in her arms and went back to her apartment. This time, she peed in a cup and stuck the 3 tests in the cup, and waited for the results.
They were all positive.
What continued was Olivia guzzling glasses of water and urinating over and over again until she had no test left.
They all said the same thing.
She sat on the floor, with her back against the wall, completely devastated. The feeling of dread filled her. As if what came next could only be bad.
This was the logical conclusion to having any kind of unprotected sex especially days away from your ovulation window. At the time Olivia hadn't done the calculation but after examining her calendar earlier she realized it. She was convinced there was no chance but in retrospect, that was just her excuse to have sex.
She heard the front door open.
"Olivia?" Maya called out, "I've been calling you. I needed help."
Olivia didn't bother moving from the floor. She was feeling destructive and pretending to be okay for Maya was not something she was capable of with her current state of mind.
"Olivia?" Maya called again.
This time Olivia heard footsteps inching closer until Maya appeared at the open bathroom door.
Her mouth fell open slightly at the sight of Olivia surrounded by boxes and white sticks. She wasn't sure what it was until she walked closer and saw the labels on the boxes.
"What is this Olivia?"
Olivia's eyes welled with tears.
"I'm pregnant- apparently."
She took a breath and looked up at her mother with wet eyes. Maya took one of the pregnancy tests from the floor and stared at the results.
Maya dropped to the ground beside her, "what did they do to you?"
Olivia shook her head, "nothing-"
"Why didn't you tell the police they-" the words got caught in Maya's throat, "did he do this to you? The man I spoke to? Did he rape you?"
"No one raped me."
Maya became angry quickly. "He kidnapped you and held you against your will, you didn't have a choice- that's rape."
"He let me go," Olivia barked, "he told me I was free to leave. He was getting a plane to take me home-"
"A plane- where the hell did he take you?"
Olivia shook her head, "it doesn't matter. He let me go and then I chose to have sex with him. He gave me every opportunity to stop, to change my mind, but I didn't and now I'm pregnant."
Maya dropped the test on the floor.
Olivia stood and turned to her mother, finally looking her in the eye.
"I know that's not what you want to hear. I know you'd rather I tell you some man held me down and forced himself inside me and that I hated every second of it. If I said that you could go on telling everyone about your perfect, brilliant, innocent daughter who never ever did anything wrong. It wouldn't matter that in that version I'd have been hurt and violated, I'd still be innocent."
"Shut up," Maya barked with tear-drenched cheeks, "shut your mouth Olivia."
"I'm sorry to say it but I did enjoy it...alot and then I hated myself after but only for a few hours and then I enjoyed it again and again."
Maya swung her hand hard and struck Olivia across the cheek. It turned her face.
"If that man shows up anywhere near you, I'm calling the police and I'm having him arrested," Maya shook her head, tears were still streaming down her cheeks. "I can't look at you. You disgust me. I was here worried sick and you were… you were getting pregnant."
"I don't care," Olivia said as she licked her lips, she tasted blood.
Maya wiped her eyes and walked out, leaving Olivia alone in the bathroom.
Moments later, Olivia heard the front door slam shut and instantly she fell to the floor and broke down.
.