Hey guys this little plot suddenly came to me after watching Heroes again. Hope you like let me know!
Just a note to say this is my frist real attempt at angst and fluff im not really great at these so let me know what you think feedback would be great!
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the fluffy interaction between characters and the Song Words come from the Mariah Carey and Boys Men song One Sweet Day i really love this song.
Warning: Spoilers for Heroes
Now on with the story!
One Sweet Day
Danny Messer had never thought himself an emotional man and then in a year, no a few months really, he had cried more than he had cried in years.
First with his brother's near fatal beating and then finding out about Aidan. Damn that had hurt! More than he had ever thought possible. Aidan had been one of his best friends but later she had been more than that.
He had to admit that he had never really forgiven her for leaving the crime lab without telling him why though he had seen her other times. She had never explained and after it he had never asked. Now he wished he'd not been such an arse and tried to understand.
But he'd been so angry with her he didn't want to spoil what they had by bringing it up. He wished he'd asked and been there for her when she needed him most. But he'd been too caught up in his own issues to know that she needed him.
Of course He thought he understood now but he really didn't want too. He felt so guilty for not understanding for not continuing to be her friend the way he should have been.
Of course really they had been more than friends. A lot more than friends. Only Danny had never really told her exactly how he had felt about her and now, well now it was too late.
Sorry I never told you all I wanted to say. And now it's too late to hold you coz you've flown away so far away.
Oh he had given enough hints and it wasn't as if she hadn't known he had cared. He had, cared about her of course he had and he'd told her. Told her he cared at least. And he'd showed her, the way he'd held her hand and took her on dates it was his way of showing her. They'd had a good time and she'd shown she appreciated it but he knew she had wanted more.
And he'd wanted to give it to her. He'd wanted to give it to her so bad it had hurt inside but he hadn't known what to do or what to say to make her understand.
He wasn't good at the emotional stuff. In fact until he had met her he had thought he was incapable of such things. But as she had done in many things she had proved him wrong.
Time and again.
And now he would never see her again. He stood at the funeral his face in a permanent line. Aidan, he thought, why didn't you tell me? He could feel the pain rising again and he knew he had to keep it from surfacing otherwise he'd never survive.
It hurt because he wondered if she thought he wouldn't understand, but how could he not understand? Especially after the Minhus incident. Danny didn't think he'd ever live that down.
Why did you leave me? Danny fought tears. Fought hard but he knew he was fighting a loosing battle.
Danny knew he could have helped her if only she had asked. But then, he knew she probably shouldn't have had to if he'd only took the time to care he would have known himself.
He shook his head feeling like the pain was going to drown him. He remembered the last time he had seen her. It had only been the weekend before she was killed. They'd been out together and were discussing the options of telling their friends about their relationship. They'd decided that at the next staff party they were going to announce it since they had no intentions of leaving.
Danny could remember the first time he had worked with Aidan he'd been almost struck dumb by how beautiful she was and then had laughed out loud by how clear she made it that she didn't need anyone to take care of her.
He remembered her voice the most the thick almost nasal tone of Boston New York and the attitude that went with it proving that she could hold her own and suspects would not intimidate her.
Never had I imagined living without your smile, feeling knowing you hear me it keeps me alive, alive
He remembered the first time he'd asked her out and she'd turned him down flat. He'd ended up laughing because she'd insisted it was because she was better than him so he'd left it a few months and tried again, and then again, and then again and they'd got together not long before she'd left the crime lab though he'd never truly known why.
Until after she was gone.
There was an ache in his heart that refused to leave and every time his bell went or Flack came round using the key Danny had give him he was sure it would be Aidan. He kept thinking that she would just walk in the door and tell him that everything was okay and where they going to the movies or not?
Aidan had been there for him when he was sure that no one else was and now the knowledge that she would never be again was hard to handle. He'd never see her smile again, speak again. She was gone, forever and she wasn't coming back.
And I know your shining down on me from heaven. Like so many friends we've lost the love along the way and I know eventually we'll be together one sweet day. And I wait patiently to see it happen.
They'd had a drink for her in Sullivan's but for Danny that wasn't enough. It wasn't enough for the person who had stolen his heart and ran off with it and now he had no hopes of ever getting it back not that he had really wanted it back.
He stood stone faced at the funeral as they watched the ceremony and Danny promised himself he wouldn't cry. Aidan had been a police officer once and a good one and they'd given a good send off, one that made sure that wherever Aidan was she knew that she was loved. Though Danny prayed wherever she was she would have never thought otherwise.
He hadn't thought it was possible to miss someone as much as he missed Aidan. He hadn't thought it was possible to love someone as much as he had loved her. He'd never admitted it while she was alive but the pain proved that he couldn't lie to himself anymore.
He was hurting but he refused to let himself feel the pain. This was his fault. He could have been with her if only he had never been so stubborn. He'd tried to make sure his reputation wasn't in tatters after both the Tanglewood incident and the Minhus incident but it didn't seem to be working.
She'd left soon after and he'd never known why. Now they were burying her. Mac had personally seen to it that her killer went away for along time. Aidan hadn't been able to catch him in life but she'd made sure he'd get caught in death. She was always too smart for her own good.
Danny tried not to think about how those last few moments must have been when Aidan realised she wasn't going to survive. He closed his eyes and refused to think of her as she had been the last time he had seen her in the morgue unrecognisable, a burnt out corpse but the last time she'd been at his apartment and they'd had dinner and kisses over wine.
That was how he wanted to remember her he refused to remember her any other way because it hurt too much to think about.
Darling, I never showed you. Never no, Assumed you'd always be there, always and always, and I took your presence for granted but I always cared and miss the love we shared
It was still so hard to think of her as gone. Even weeks after the funeral and he often found himself at her grave chatting about things that he knew he couldn't talk about with anyone else.
"Hey babe." He whispered as he stood by her grave bringing her, her weekly red rose. He placed it in the hand of the angel that guarded her grave. He'd always given her a rose a week when she was alive she saw no reason for it to end now she was gone. It was one of the small things that still made sense in a world that completely confused him.
"Brought the rose. It's a pretty one. So I'm told you know I know sod all about flowers but I know you like em so I figure it's the thought that counts right?" He sighed and knelt down by her gravestone. "Why did you have to leave me Aidan?" He asked. "I thought we were gonna tell them. I thought you wanted them to know. God knows I did."
"This isn't fair!" Danny snapped at the angel as if the little stone statue could fix his problems. As if it was the Angel's fault that Aidan had been snatched from him.
"Aidan we both know you're the only one that can totally handle my mood swings to why did you have to go and leave me like that?"
There weren't any answers but Danny felt better as he often did when he had vented at the grave of his girlfriend. It appeared that even in death she could manage to do what others couldn't.
Calm him down.
He could imagine her stood there with her hands on her hips and her dark hair flowing down her back looking at him with that look and saying, "Woah, calm down Messer what's jumped up your ass?"
And I know your shining down on me from heaven. Like so many friends we've lost the love along the way and I know eventually we'll be together one sweet day. And I wait patiently to see it happen.
He smiled thinking about it and it eased the pain a bit. "So I'm still at the crime lab and Mac's still on my ass." He said looking at the floor. "I guess something's never change huh?"
He looked at the grave and saw that the grave was nice and neat. And the old flowers had been tossed out and replaced with new ones.
"So I take it Stella's been again. I wonder what she would say if she knew I came as often as I did I doubt many of them would believe it. Flack would but then he was one of the only ones that knew about us wasn't he? He says hi by the way."
Danny looked up to the sky and saw the storm clouds coming over. Covering over the sun and leaving New York bathed in the purple hue of clouds before a storm.
"Looks like it's gonna rain babe. You always did like the rain didn't you?"
Although the sun will never shine the same I'll always look to a brighter day
He watched as the sun disappeared behind a cloud and thought of all the things he had done with Aidan. And how she used to like watch the sun disappear behind the buildings on a night from his apartment.
They'd watch the sun disappear with wine fuelled kisses now she wasn't there it didn't seem right. The sun didn't seem to be as bright, as beautiful and the sunset had dulled. His apartment seemed too big, too empty. Just like his heart.
He had never realised loving someone could be this painful, but then he had never imagined he would love.
And then he realised he could he never imagined that she would never be there either. He never imagined that one day he would turn round and she wouldn't be there smirking at him, wouldn't be there for him when he needed her.
Why had he never told her?
As the first raindrops started to fall Danny smiled "You were listening weren't you?" Danny watched as the rain started to turn from into a shower into a full on down pour sheets of rain slanting washing the city, cleansing the city's pain in nature's own way. The rain began to get so thick that Danny was having trouble seeing in front of him.
He knew he should move before he got pneumonia but he couldn't being himself to leave just yet. He couldn't leave her yet. He found that it was getting harder and harder to leave the graveside since that was the only thing he had left to connect him to her.
He looked to the sky. He had never really believed in God and he hadn't believed for a long time but he found himself wishing that if there was a God, if he did exist then he hoped that Aidan was taken care of. She had been through so much in life she deserved better now she was in Death.
Yeah, yeah!
Lord I know when I live without your seeing you will always listen as I pray
Danny found himself wincing as he thought about it. She really was dead, she wasn't coming back, so why did Danny feel like he was waiting for her to return from an errand? It seemed so wrong.
His heart felt like it was being ripped apart.
He knew it was stupid but he felt like if he walked away he was leaving her. Standing in the rain at her graveside the pain didn't seem so soul crushing. Standing in the rain at her graveside made it all seem less real. Like if he was here then he wouldn't return to reality where everything just didn't make sense.
He regretted that he hadn't let her tell his friends the way she had wanted but as much as he wanted to Danny knew he couldn't change the past. If he could he'd go back to that last night he had had with her and warn her not to go after Pratt.
He felt his heart threatening to break when he thought of what she had gone through, how she had left Mac a clue, just one clue and how to do that she must have know what he would do. Danny was pleased that Pratt had been arrested because when he had found out he had wanted to kill something.
In some ways he'd been so pleased he had been forced to work a case it kept his mind focused though it wasn't until afterwards it truly hit him about what it meant.
He would never see her again. He would never touch her again.
He would never get teased by her again, and most importantly and most the most painful realisation he had had, that didn't happen until after the funeral was that he would never get the chance to tell her that he loved her.
He'd been such a fool, he knew that now. He'd never told her, she'd had his heart for so long and she had never even known.
Foolish. One of the worst things he had ever done. He had never told her and now he prayed that wherever she was she knew, and she was listening.
And I know your shining down on me from heaven. Like so many friends we've lost the love along the way and I know eventually we'll be together one sweet day. And I wait patiently to see it happen.
Danny squatted down beside her grave not caring that he was almost wet through now and that the show was turning into a thunderstorm and the clouds had turned the day to night all he cared about was that he somehow show her that he cared.
He hadn't done enough in life so he swore that he would do it now. Danny had never been a great believer in God, he couldn't after the life he had led. Growing up in a family caught in the middle of gang warfare. Where having a gun was like having a fashion accessory.
Danny had never really talked about it but it was one of the reasons he had never handled a gun well he saw his bodyguard gunned down when he was 10 and when his brother Louie had given him one at the age of 12 he'd had to fight the urge to throw up and then afterwards he'd thrown in straight in the Hudson.
Yeah in his life there had never been any room to believe in God. Danny could never believe that a God would let his family suffer so much. Of course his dad and his brother never truly believed they were suffering until it was too late.
His dad had been gunned down by his "partners" when Danny had been 14 and Louie was on life support fighting for his life because he had choose to stand up against Sonny Sassone. For the kid brother that had never known he had cared.
Yeah, there was no God.
Danny looked down as he felt his tears mingle with the rain water. His heart ached. Why was nothing ever simple? Why did he have to loose her? He looked at the sky feeling the rain fall on his face.
Now he had to pray that even if there was no God, now he was sure of it since the one person he had truly cared about had been ripped from him. He had to pray that wherever Aidan was, she was watching him and she finally realised that he did love her.
He had just took to long finding the courage to make the leap of faith to but his faith in another person and now well, well he was definitely paying for it.
And I know your shining down on me from heaven. Like so many friends we've lost the love along the way and I know eventually we'll be together one sweet day. And I wait patiently to see you in heaven.
Danny looked down at the angel and the gravestone watching as the rain continued to fall around the name that he wished he'd never have to see on a gravestone so soon. He looked at the Angel and said,
"Tell her I loved her won't you?" Then he thought about it. "Tell her that I still love her and she can keep my heart. I don't want it back." As he stood there he felt the wind pick up and the rose he put in the hand of the angel was picked up and blown into the sky by the wind.
Danny watched it go being blown across the treetops and out into the hubbub of the City and into the clouds on the horizon. Danny watched it until it was almost a speck in the sky and then sighed. He never knew it was possible to miss a person this much.
The lightening flashed and Danny knew he had to leave. The thunder roared a few seconds later and Danny knew it was going to be one hell of a storm. He and Aidan had always loved watching the storms from her balcony.
Damn it everything reminded him of her. He drew in a shaky breath. It was time to leave he traced Aidan's name on the stone and whispered, "I love you babe and I hope that you know that." He touched the stone once more and then stood up.
He looked at her grave once more and at the Angel. "Remember what I said." He said to it and then he turned and walked away determined not to look back. He would be back but right now his heart ached too much to torture himself.
He was leaving the cemetery when there was a break in the clouds. The rain seemed to stop for a brief second and at that moment a single ray of light broke through the cloud cover and bathed the cemetery in a gentle golden light.
Danny looked up expecting to see the rain to clear but instead found it was still raining, still pouring down and he could see the lightening flashing in other parts of the city.
He smiled as he saw the first hints of a rainbow beginning to emerge. It arched across the cemetery like a multicoloured Halo covering the trees in its glow. Danny stuck his hands in his pockets and smiled and continued to walk.
At that moment he heard a laugh. Danny! Danny froze. His eyes huge behind his glasses that were now watermarked from the rain. It couldn't have been. His heart was playing tricks on him.
He started to walk forward again when he heard it again. Danny! He shook his head. He promised himself he wouldn't turn back but he found himself doing it anyway. He turned back and looked at her grave.
His heart froze as he stared. The patch of sunlight was sat right over her little piece of land. The glare of that single ray of sunlight made him squint but he could still see the outline of a person. Danny! The figure seemed to wave at him and a wave of happiness washed over him.
He choked on tears. "Aidan," He whispered. He watched as the figure seemed to nod and then her voice came again, I know. I love you. Danny felt the tears coming again. "I'm sorry." He whispered. I know babe. I'll be waiting for you, but it's not your time. I love you." She waved again and Danny saw that she had the rose he'd brought and he smiled despite his tears.
"I'm sorry I never told you…" I always knew Danny, I never expected you to say it before you were ready and then when you were you never got chance and that wasn't your fault. Danny smiled. "I love you." The happiness in his heart intensified. I love you too. I'll wait for you and I'll be watching you.
Danny smiled. Go now Danny and don't feel guilty for the things you couldn't have changed. Then she was gone and the rainbow winked at him and disappeared and Danny turned and headed out of the cemetery his heart lighter than it had been in weeks.
His encounter with Aidan may not have been real but it had felt real and even as the rain closed in around him again he felt his heart soar. He had never told her in life, but he had told her in death and there would be a day when he could truly tell her how he felt, one day he would be with her but now he knew it wasn't his time.
At least not yet.
Danny left the graveyard and retuned to his City, a city that was his with all its quirks and faults and in the sky a star winked down at him waiting for the day she would see him again.
He may not have told her but she knew and anyway, there was plenty of time for that. She had forever.
And for him, she would wait forever.
Sorry I never told you all I wanted to say…