Snapshots

A Final Fantasy VII Fanfiction by ntc

Part 3

The silver-haired youth screamed as more concentrated Mako was poured into the glass cage he was imprisoned in. The bespectacled scientist observed his test subject's agony with clinical detachment, occasionally jotting down his observations on a clipboard. His dispassionate eyes swept across the screen displaying the readings of his subject's vital signs from time to time. It would be such a waste if his subject expired before useful data could be obtained.

"Erm… do you think this is wise, Professor?" asked one of his lab assistants nervously. "That amount of Mako would normally…"

"You're not dealing with an ordinary human being here. This boy here is one of the original's clones. He is incapable of feeling pain or any other human emotions."

"But I don't see how subjecting Kadaj to more Mako would…"

"Kadaj?" asked the professor, his tone sharp.

The assistant fairly wilted from the heat of her supervisor's disapproval. "The subject's name is Kadaj, sir."

The professor shook his head in disgust at such foolish sentimentality. "Instead of wasting your time naming your guinea pigs, you should've put it to better use. How far have you gone in persuading the top brass to get us more Jenova tissue?"

"The president has agreed to send a task force to the Crater to retrieve Jenova's head. We should be hearing from them soon."

The professor grunted, mildly appeased. "I suppose there's little more that we can achieve here until we get hold of all the necessary materials for the experiment."

"So… does that mean we can stop this now, sir?" asked his assistant hopefully. "Kad… I mean, the subject is already afflicted with the Geostigma. We don't have to put him through any more of this…"

"You're developing an unhealthy attachment to the human guinea pig, Ms. Hayakawa," said the professor coldly. "This behaviour is highly unbecoming of a scientist of your stature."

The assistant bowed her head in shame. "Forgive me, sir."

xXxXxXx

Marlene stared at the slender woman in the picture with naked jealousy. What does she have that I don't? The woman— no, girl— in the picture couldn't have been much older than her. Maybe sixteen or seventeen years old at most. The female ninja's face was angled to the side, and the play of sunlight on her only visible eye gave it a mischievous twinkle. An enormous shuriken was held casually in one hand while the other was pressed against her hip in a cocky, confident pose. Behind her, one could see the thick foliage of the forests of Wutai.

"What did she ever do to you, Marlene, to earn such a look from you?"

Marlene nearly let out a startled yelp and turned to find Denzel looking at her with an amused grin. Was she that obvious? Flushing in embarrassment, she stammered, "W-What makes you say that?"

Denzel chuckled. "Oh, come now, Marlene. I noticed that you've been glaring at Yuffie's photograph for a good fifteen minutes now. Don't tell me she has stolen a Materia from you in the past…" His voice dwindled when he noticed Marlene's look of surprise.

"Yuf…fie?"

"Yeah, the Wutaian Materia-hunter who became a member of AVALANCHE— Yuffie Kisaragi." Denzel gave her a puzzled look. "Who did you think the lady in the photograph was?"

Marlene suddenly felt foolish. She had naturally assumed… But there weren't any other women in the photographs displayed in the gallery… excluding Tifa, that is. She recognized Tifa. "Er… Zack."

Denzel's reaction was not quite what she expected. He burst out laughing. When he was finally able to explain to her what was so funny, she found herself conjuring up uncharacteristic thoughts of extreme violence with regards to a certain chain-smoking redhead.

xXxXxXx

The phone rang shrilly, breaking his concentration on the computer screen. Annoyed at the interruption, he practically barked into the handset, "Who the hell is this?"

"You really should learn how to answer the phone in a less hostile manner, Reno," drawled the caller in a silky baritone.

"Rufus?" Surprise, as well as wariness, coloured Reno's tone.

"Yes, this is your boss calling." There was a brief pause. "Though I sometimes wonder whether that is still true. You haven't been in to work for months now."

Reno voiced the first excuse he could think of. "I've been busy. Besides, Rude and Elena can easily handle whatever jobs you might have for them."

"What are you busy with?"

"The same thing as you," Reno remarked cryptically.

There was an audible sigh from Rufus, who was clearly growing weary of his laconic replies. "The same thing being?"

Reno debated on whether to tell the truth. In the end, he decided that lying was pointless. "Finding a cure, of course."

"What do you hope to achieve on your own?" asked Rufus incredulously. "This is a task that is out of your area of expertise, Reno. Let the scientists do their job while you do yours."

"Well, forgive me for not sitting on my ass while I watch him die slowly in front of me, Rufus!" hissed Reno.

"You fool," snapped Rufus. "Has it not occurred to you that I'm in the same boat as well? I'm already doing everything in my power to expedite the research—"

"It's not enough!" Reno cried angrily. "It's too little, too late! He has been exposed to a great deal more Mako than you in the hands of that sadistic mad scientist, and for a much longer duration. He doesn't have as much time as you!"

Rufus patiently waited for his outburst to die down before responding, "You're still living with him, aren't you?"

Reno decided to ignore the question. Rufus already knew the answer to that, seeing how he had called Cloud's apartment to get in touch with him. "What business is it of yours, anyway?"

"Look, I promise you that once we have a cure, he'll be one of the first few to get it," said Rufus in an effort to placate him. "I can't help feeling that I'm partly responsible for… a lot of his suffering."

"It was your father, not you," said Reno tiredly. Tired, because he had pondered over the circumstances surrounding Zack's death repeatedly in his mind and could never quite work out who was ultimately responsible. "Your father was the one who ordered his execution."

"And you Turks were the ones who carried out that order." When Reno remained silent, he continued, "Is that why you're staying with him? Because you feel guilty?"

"Ha! What's this talk of guilt? You know that I have no conscience to speak of." Reno snorted. "I'm doing this purely for my own selfish reasons."

There was a period of thoughtful silence before Rufus spoke again. "You do know there's no point in competing with a ghost, right? You'll never win."

Reno's grip on the handset tightened. "If you have nothing worthwhile to say, I'll hang up now."

"I'm just giving you some friendly advice, Reno. You're setting yourself up for a great deal of unnecessary pain which could destroy you eventually."

Reno hung up. And not a moment too soon either, for his bedroom door had chosen that moment to swing open with a loud bang.

"You lied to me!" cried an enraged prepubescent girl standing at his doorway. "You led me to believe that Zack is a woman!"

Reno smirked. What better way to distract himself from Rufus's ominous warnings than to tease this gullible imp before him? "Think back carefully, kid. I never once told you that Zack is a woman."

"Ooh! But you did imply it!" The diminutive brunette stomped her foot in a display of impotent anger. "You told me that they love each other!"

"I wasn't lying when I said that," said Reno seriously.

The girl opened and closed her mouth several times before choking out, "You… you mean that they… " She swallowed. "…They are lovers?"

Reno busied himself with the task of switching off the computer, not wanting her to witness his dark expression. "They never had that kind of relationship; but they might as well have been, for all the intimacy and deep connection that they shared. By the way, you needn't feel bothered by all this anymore coz Zack is dead already. He died many years back"

Marlene gasped in shock. "How?"

Reno closed his eyes, still keeping his back to the girl. "He was killed by the same people I work with." Damn the girl for dredging up memories that he would much prefer to have kept buried. "It turned out to be some stupid misunderstanding, but…" He laughed then; a laugh that was heavy with regret. "It doesn't matter now, does it? He's dead, and I'm responsible…"

"It wasn't your fault, Reno."

Reno's eyes widened and he whipped his head around to find Cloud standing next to Marlene. Shit! He hadn't even heard the blond coming back. Usually he would have been given some warning of Cloud's return by the engine noise of his motorcycle. He forgot that Cloud had not ridden his motorcycle out that morning.

Cloud knelt down and spoke to Marlene at eye-level. "Can you leave us for a moment, Marlene? I'd like to have a private word with Reno." The girl's gaze darted between the two of them before she nodded and left quietly. Neither of them said anything until they heard the apartment door closing shut.

"I meant what I said, Reno," reiterated Cloud. "You shouldn't blame yourself for Zack's death."

"You… knew?" said Reno hoarsely.

Cloud smiled one of those smiles that totally pissed Reno off— the type of smile that had nothing to do with mirth and everything to do with pain and sorrow. "Yes, I knew it was Elena who shot fifteen rounds into Zack at point-blank range. I don't blame her either. She thought she was avenging Tseng's death."

"I could have stopped her…"

"No." Cloud stood up from his kneeling position. "No, you couldn't. That would require you to betray the Turks, and they're practically your family. If anyone is to be blamed for his death, it would've been me. I was the one who foolishly accepted Hojo's offer. I… I hated myself for being weak, for not being able to aid Zack in his battles. I wanted to become strong, as strong as him, as Sephiroth even… I didn't fully understand what Hojo's experiments entailed back then, and Zack had lost his life trying to rescue me—"

Cloud's words were cut off when Reno suddenly seized his shoulders and slammed him against the wall. "Stop it, already!" Cloud looked stunned but remained still as Reno proceeded to rest his chin on the blond fighter's shoulder. "If you want to play the blame game, blame me, or Elena, or Hojo, or Shinra, or even Sephiroth, for he was the one who drove Elena mad with grief by murdering Tseng. Just stop torturing yourself with guilt that ain't rightfully yours to begin with!" Cloud did not protest as Reno pulled him slightly away from the wall so that his arms could wrap around his back. "Damn you! Why can't you be happy? Why can't you forget him?"

"I did that once, Reno," said Cloud, his arms dangling at his sides. "And it nearly broke me when I started remembering."

Reno didn't say anything to that. He merely tightened his hold and concentrated on immersing himself in Cloud's scent and body warmth. He wished that the moment could stretch on for eternity. His concentration was broken when he felt Cloud's hesitant arms returning his embrace.

"I'm sorry, Reno."

"What are you apologizing for, idiot?" Reno growled, not revealing the fact that part of him was dancing with joy at having Cloud hug him back at long last. "I've brought this on myself."

"But still… I'm sorry."

They remained in that position for a long time, reveling in the little comfort that they could draw from each other.

xXxXxXx

"I can't believe you still have this picture, after all these years."

Cloud chuckled. "How could I lose such an important photograph? It's one of the rare few that I've managed to take of happier times, before everything went to hell at Nibelheim."

Tifa flashed a small smile at him before returning her attention to the framed picture before them. The girl in the cowboy hat and white tank top was undoubtedly her, albeit a younger and more carefree her. Had she ever looked so young? Flanking her were Sephiroth and his effervescent first lieutenant Zack, with the Shinra mansion standing tall behind them. She could still catch glimpses of some of the houses of her old hometown in the background. No one in the small town has had any warning, then, of the tragedy which would soon befall them all. She mentally chided herself for allowing her thoughts to take such a morbid and gloomy turn. All of that was now history.

"What happened at Nibelheim?" asked Marlene, who was standing between them.

While Tifa was trying to think of a way to evade the question, Cloud answered for her. "Sephiroth descended into madness there, and tried to wipe out the very people he had been assigned to protect."

"Cloud!" Tifa exclaimed, shocked at his brutal honesty.

"Please," said Marlene, her expression earnest. "I want to know what happened."

"Well…" Skipping over the gruesome details of the massacre, Tifa tried to redirect the focus of the conversation elsewhere. "Have I ever told you that Cloud here saved my life back then? Just like a hero rescuing the damsel in distress in fairytales."

"Really?" Marlene's large eyes sparkled with interest and admiration, and Tifa knew that she had succeeded.

Cloud groaned. "I didn't…"

"You're too modest, Cloud," said Tifa, poking him in the ribs playfully. "You even dared to take on the legendary General Sephiroth and vanquish him in order to protect lil' ol' me. Even Zack wasn't able to stop Sephiroth."

"Zack wounded Sephiroth enough for me to finish the job," mumbled Cloud.

"So, you don't deny that you were the one who defeated Sephiroth in the end." Tifa grinned at Cloud's discomfiture at having made such an admission. "And you did it at a time when you weren't even a soldier; when you weren't even trained in the ways of combat." Tifa bent down to address Marlene directly. "Do you know what that is, Marlene? That's true courage, that's what it is. To keep your head up while others have theirs bowed. To stand up and fight where others have given up and surrendered. It doesn't take much courage to fight a battle you're sure to win; but it takes a whole lot of courage to fight one which you're sure to lose."

"If it is your diabolical intention to make me die of embarrassment, you're succeeding pretty well."

"The girl has the right to know what an amazing person you are, Cloud." Tifa laughed and hugged Cloud impulsively and Marlene could see his body stiffen in response. Tifa seemed to have sensed this as well, for she quickly let go and withdrew.

"I… I need to go now. I have an interview with a local reporter who's covering this exhibition."

Tifa sighed as she watched Cloud's back retreating in the distance. When she saw Marlene watching her, she smiled weakly at her. "I don't know why Cloud keeps pushing me away. He's so… distant… all the time, even when we're right next to each other. Every time I take one step forward, he leaps two steps back. I guess Aeris's sacrifice still weighs heavily on his heart."

"Aeris?"

"Don't you know her, Marlene? She did save you from those Shinra goons once, when you were younger. She's also Elmyra's daughter."

"No, I don't mean that I don't know who Aeris is… it's just…" Marlene cleared her throat self-consciously. "Who does Cloud love, do you know?"

Tifa did not reply immediately, seeming to take time to think her answer through carefully. "I don't know. Sometimes, I wonder whether he himself knows the answer to that question."

xXxXxXx

The apartment was dark when Reno stepped into it.

"Cloud?" Reno was about to call out 'little brat' as well but stopped himself when he recalled that the girl would be staying over at Tifa's for the night. Great. Here we are, the two of us alone at last after so many days and he has to find something else to occupy himself with this very night. He flipped the light switch on irritably and was about to trudge to the kitchen to fetch a beer when he noticed Cloud's collapsed form on the living room carpet.

"Cloud!" Reno rushed to the unconscious blond's side and frantically tried to feel for signs of breathing and a pulse with trembling fingers. He began to calm himself down only when he felt the evidence of a heartbeat beneath the fingertips he held against Cloud's pale neck. He proceeded to lift Cloud's body off the floor and deposit him gently on the sofa. Now there was nothing else he could do except wait. He sat down at the edge of the sofa, grateful for its adequate width.

As he lit up a cigarette, he remembered the first time this happened. He was more anxious then, going so far as to call the ambulance and then threaten to bash the heads of the doctors in the hospital when they failed to attend to Cloud soon enough for his liking. That was when Reno first learnt of Geostigma, and the eventual fate of its victims. Cloud had tried to brush it off as a benign 'fainting spell', and Reno had pretended to believe his lie.

Reno clasped his hands together to stop them from shaking so much. It's just nicotine withdrawal, that's all. He's not worried. There's no reason for him to be worried. Cloud would be fine. Just fine…

Cloud's eyelids fluttered and opened. He appeared disorientated initially but his eyes quickly gained their sharp focus when they locked onto his. "Reno?"

"Hey, sleepyhead." Reno was proud of the fact that he could keep his voice steady.

It didn't take long for Cloud to work out how he ended up stretched out on the couch. "How long am I out this time?"

Reno took a long drag on his cigarette. "Don't know. You were lying on the floor when I came back."

"Oh." Cloud's monosyllabic response sounded almost apologetic. When he tried to sit up, Reno placed a hand on his chest and pinned him back down on the couch.

In reply to Cloud's confused look, Reno muttered, "Lie still for a while. You might have had a concussion or something when you fell just now." He could not stop his fingers from brushing the golden bangs away from that angelic face. Angelic? Ha! He'd be spouting poetry next if he wasn't careful.

"If I have a concussion, Reno, I doubt lying still would be of much help at all. And if, by some great misfortune, I really do have an extradural haematoma, I should be getting my head scanned and my skull burr-holed to relieve the pressure."

"Shut up. Just let me indulge myself for once…" And in a much softer voice, almost pleading. "Please."

Cloud, who was about to smack away the hand that was fiddling with his hair, paused. "Reno?"

"I wouldn't be feeling this shitty if I haven't… if only you…" Reno sighed. "Why can't you be a downright vile bastard whom I can hate, really hate, Cloud?"

"Well, I did do everything short of maiming you to shut you out of my life three years ago, Reno. But you were too thick-headed to get the hint."

"Hey, as they say, the unattainable is often the most irresistible. Maybe if you had let me have my way with you…" The leer that accompanied the hanging sentence left little doubt as to what he meant by that. "… I would have grown bored of you and left you by now."

"Is it… too late now?"

Reno gaped in surprise and his cigarette came precariously close to slipping off his lower lip. Could that possibly have been an offer? It damned sure sounded like one, at least to his gutter of a mind. "Too late for what?" he asked, deliberately keeping his voice nonchalant.

"For you to have your way," said Cloud, his face all serious innocence. The pent-up longing and ravenous anticipation that flared up within Reno died with Cloud's next words. "So that you would leave me."

Reno's desire to kiss Cloud senseless was quickly replaced by the desire to punch him senseless instead. "You would do that? Just to get rid of me?" said Reno softly, sounding more bitter than angry. Before Cloud could open his mouth to answer, Reno dug his fingers into the blond's Geostigma-sensitized left arm. The only indication of pain from Cloud was his silence. "Stop tempting me, you asshole," Reno snarled. "We Turks are not known for our scruples. If I'm a lesser man, I'd take what you offer without a second thought and still stick to you like shit to a blanket."

Cloud grimaced at the overly vivid analogy. "I suppose I'm fortunate that you're not a lesser man then."

"Don't be so sure." Reno released Cloud and stepped away from the couch. He really didn't need all that physical proximity clouding his judgment and making him want to do things that he would definitely regret later. He didn't trust himself, even if Cloud did. "Besides, you're right. It's too late now."

Reno wondered when it was that he had stopped wanting only acceptance from Cloud and started wanting everything from him. A pity shag wasn't enough anymore. Anything short of Cloud's entire heart, body, mind and soul just wasn't enough anymore. The thought was as corny as hell, but what made it even more pathetic was that it was also undeniably true. "I need to go out for a while. Don't wait up for me."

He did not turn his head even when Cloud called out after him. He just wanted to get away from the apartment before he lost himself to his anger and frustration. He found himself standing outside the Honey Bee Inn half an hour later. Being a fairly regular customer, the Turk was let into the premises without anyone accosting him.

"Ah, Master Reno, sir," greeted the manager of the place. "Mary is busy with another client at the moment. I'll send her to your room straight away once she's done."

Reno grabbed the key that was placed on the counter. "Not Mary this time. Do you have anyone with… longer hair?"

"Well, um…" The manager scanned the row of women standing expectantly behind him. Most, if not all, of them had long hair. Mary had been one of few girls with short hair. The manager pointed to a pale lady in a kimono with delicate features like a porcelain doll and glossy hair that was as black as midnight. "Kiki here is free to serve you if you…"

"No."

"Are you sure you won't reconsider, sir? All her clients have only good things to say about… oh, how silly of me, sir! Forgive me. I've forgotten your preference... The woman you want would be Tracy. It's her day off today but I'll see if I can get her to do an extra session for me. She won't be long, sir."

Reno went to his designated room without another word. He was just finishing his second cigarette when 'Tracy' (the women in the inn almost never used their real names) entered his room and began shedding her clothing almost immediately. The manager of the place must have coached her on his preferences before she was sent to him. He did not kiss her at all and when he got his physical release from her, it was from behind. Through it all he could not stop himself from caressing the wispy blonde hair that tumbled down to the middle of her back. It was a poor substitute for the one he really wanted to run his fingers through, but at least it was something tangible and solid that he could touch without fear of rejection; without fear of losing that delicate trust he had taken so long to build.

When he woke up alone on the rumpled bed the next morning, he felt even emptier than before. These sessions always filled him with guilt and self-loathing, but he needed them. He didn't think he could remain sane, living with Cloud all these years, without an outlet such as this. He had long understood that the emptiness inside him could never be filled by all the non-Cloud people on the planet. All they could do was tone down the hunger to a level where it wasn't physically painful.

Before he could allow himself to dwell in self-pity, he got up, dressed efficiently and left the inn.

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A/N: I realized that Cloud wasn't getting enough screen time in the last chapter, so I tried to rectify that in this one. Hope I've made the right decision.