Hey everybody! Puph 17 here again. Now you may be wondering what on earth is going on with this fic. Well, as stated in the title and summary this is a parody of Brawl Era Fanfiction. As you may or may not know, I have lurked and read fics in the SSB fanfiction community for a long time, since about 2010 (if my memory serves me correctly). Much later, I ended up creating my account and started posting fics of my own.
Recently, I got inspired to write a oneshot in the style of Brawl era humor, slice of life, and parody fics. A best approximation of sorts, as it's been quite some time. However, it quickly turned into a parody fic of my own. What I hope to provide here is a bit of nostalgia to OG writers and readers alike, while giving newcomers a small little window into what the fandom was like about a decade ago. Back in the Brawl era, when shipping was king and Marth x Ike ruled the fandom. We've come a long way since then.
But for now, please enjoy this little throwback to the old days. Back to a simpler time. Back to when writers only had 40 playable characters to work with throughout the series…. Back to before the days of DLC and patch notes. Back to the days….of Super Smash Bros Brawl…..
Now if you'll excuse me for a second….ahem…
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Author's Note:
Puph 17: Hi everybody! This is my first fic so don't flame me!
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these wonderful characters! I have no money so pls don't sue me Nintendo!
Samus walked into the living room of Smash Mansion with Pikachu perched on her backpack. Pikachu perked up. Looked like most of the Smashers were here. Samus smiled. It was good to see that everything was peaceful while everybody enjoyed themselves.
Samus sat down in an open armchair and set her backpack down next to it. Next to her, she noticed a cardboard box.
"Sup," said Snake from within the box.
Samus nodded to Pikachu as she picked up the remote.
Pikachu began sparking with electricity as Samus began channel surfing.
"OH, PAINFUL PAIN!" screamed Snake as Pikachu began electrocuting him.
Samus kept channel surfing. She quickly skipped past a cartoon channel, a cooking channel and a home décor channel before settling on a history channel playing a show about tanks.
After a few moments, Pikachu jumped back onto her shoulder and chirruped cheerfully. Samus smiled, noting the smoking cardboard box next to her and the pitiful groans coming from it. It paid to have the right friends.
A uproarus bellow of laughter caused Samus to jump. She looked over to a small card table in the corner of the living room, where Bowser, Wario, Ganondorf, and Wolf sat, playing poker.
"Hah!" gloated Wario. "You can't beat my luck!"
"Cheater," growled Wolf. "There's no way you got a royal flush legit!"
"But anyway, as I was saying, my plan to take over the Mushroom Kingdom is to freeze over the kingdom in ice!" said Bowser.
"Eh? How are you going to do that?" asked Ganondorf.
"I'll build a machine to do it!"
"No, that's not how you invade a kingdom!" said Ganondorf.
"Eh? Whaddya mean?" asked Bowser.
"First of all, you need giant bats at a bare minimum," said Ganondorf.
"Hey! I've never heard of that," said Wolf.
"Me neither," said Wario. "Sounds like a lot of money to me. Just roll in and beat up everybody till they give you money! That's what I do!"
"Yes, to fund your garlic addiction?" asked Ganondorf snidely.
"Wah! Addiction? That's a load of nonsense! I get stronger from eating garlic!"
Samus just shrugged. It was the villains table. Honestly, what else would they be talking about other than their evil plans?
"Wait a second!" said Wolf. "Bowser had one king, Ganondorf had two, I had two and Wario had one! This doesn't add up! Somebody's cheating!"
"Yeah! Something's up!" said Wario.
"It would appear that more than one of us is cheating. Isn't that right, Bowser?" said Ganondorf darkly.
"Hey! How dare you accuse me of cheating! My hand is clean! And anyway, you're the one with two kings! You're more likely to have cheated then me!" retorted Bowser.
"Well, it sure wasn't me," growled Wolf.
All eyes fell to Wario.
"Hey! Why do you always think I'm cheating?"
"Because you're the greediest person I know," said Bowser. "Of course your cheating."
"Hey! I have standards!" said Wario jumping to his feet.
"Oh yeah?" growled Bowser, pulling himself to his feet. "Prove me wrong!"
"Gentlemen?"
The four at the table looked up to see Peach, walking up to them. She was followed by Mario and Luigi. "Everything is all right?"
"Uh, yes, of course," said Wario quickly.
"There won't be any fighting or teaching the children bad words?"
"Yeah! We were just….uh…getting a little heated, that's all!" said Bowser. "Just a bit of a disagreement!"
"Then good! I hope you enjoy your game!" said Peach sweetly.
Immediately upon turning away, her demeanor instantly changed, and she gave Mario a sweet smile.
"Mama Mia, Peach!" said Mario. "You-a can be so-a scary some-a times!"
"Say bro," said Luigi. "We're brothers, right?"
"Yes-a," said Mario.
"Which means we were brought up in the same home, right?"
"That's-a right-a, bro!"
"So then why do you talk with such a strangely written and strong Italian accent, but I don't have one at all?"
There was a moment of dead silence.
"You-a know-a, bro? I'mma not-a sure."
Suddenly, Captain Falcon dashed into the room.
"FALCON ANNOUNCEMENT!" he shouted, coming to a running stop. However, as he did, he tripped over a table and face planted hard.
"FALCON PAIN! AAAAGGGGHHHHH!"
Dr. Mario suddenly walked into the room with a soda in one hand and a large carton of popcorn in the other. He took one look at and groaned.
"Mamma Mia, what happened?"
"F-falcon e-explain….I-I tripped on something…." whimpered Falcon.
Dr. Mario shook his head.
"Mamma Mia, I don't get paid enough for this crap… Come on, I'll take you to the clinic…"
Dr. Mario led Falcon out of the room, still muttering.
Peach walked over to another corner of the living room, where Ness, Lucas, Popo, Nana and Toon Link were sitting in front of a second tv.
"Oh, what are you all doing?" asked Peach.
"Oh! They're playing video games!" said Lucas. "They're playing Brawl!"
"Again?" asked Peach. "You guys don't seem to play any other games. Are you at least having fun?"
"Yeah! Of course we are!" said Lucas.
The game ended, which ended with Popo and Nana jumping up and down. Ness and Toon Link looked less then pleased.
"That's cheating! Cheating! I've perfected wave dashing and L cancelling, how are you still winning!?" fumed Ness. "I won't take this crap, you modders!"
Nana just grinned. "N0 m0dd1ng h3r3! P0p0 4nd 1 4r3 1337 h4x0rs 4nd w3 just pwnd y0u! G1t gud n00bz!"
"l0l0l0l0l0l0l" said Popo, giving Nana a high five.
"Dude! Didn't you say Meta Knight is a top tier character?" griped Toon Link.
"Yeah! Of course he is!" growled Ness.
"So then how are Popo and Nana beating us with Bowser and Ganondorf!?" snapped Toon Link. "Aren't they bottom tiers?"
"I DON'T KNOW!"
"G1t r3kt scrub!" gloated Nana.
"l0l0l0l0l0l0l" said Popo.
Peach gave them a confused look. "Uh Lucas….do you know what any of that means?"
"No, it's something else. I haven't quite deciphered it yet, but it's a language spoken by people who spend a lot of time on the internet and play a lot of video games. I'm only partially fluent," said Lucas.
"And you're ok just watching?" asked Peach.
"Yeah! I don't know any of that wavedashing stuff, so I wouldn't be any good. And they don't like to play with items or on any other stages then Final Destination. But these battles are really fun to watch! Even if they're a bit slower than when we were playing Melee earlier."
"All right," said Peach. "Oh well. At least it's not going as badly as Truth or Dare or Spin the Bottle went last week. Well, just let us know if you want to do something else, all right?"
"All right, Princess Peach!" said Lucas cheerily. Peach turned to walk away as Lucas returned his attention to the screen.
"We're going to beat you this time," growled Ness.
"Yeah!" said Toon Link. "I'm switching to Link, so I'll be super effective on Ganondorf!"
"Wait!" said Ness. "That's not how this works! Meta Knight is top tier and Link is bottom tier! At least go Ice Climbers or Olimar or something! Snake? Diddy Kong?"
"I don't know how to chain grab!" retorted Toon Link. "I'm much better at Link!"
"No, don't do it!" said Ness. "Tiers don't lie man!"
From her arm chair, Samus just smiled. It looked like the kids were really getting into that video game!
Suddenly a young woman walked into the room. She walked arm in arm with Pit, her cute boyfriend that she loved SOOOO much! It was Oswaldalina Cordelia Ophelia Starborn Eclipse Luna Comet Aurora Twilight Ebony Diamond Pearl Platinum Obsidian Sonic Shadow Amy Tails Knuckles Dawn Sakura Reina Hinata Akira Taiga Rainbow Fairy Unicorn Naruto Uzumaki-Uchiha-Senju-Skywalker -Kenobi-Amidala-Yoda-Windu-Jinn-Ketchum-Myamoto-Sakurai! Or OC-chan for short. She was the newest Smasher of them all!
She had shoulder length hair that was purple like the most beautiful wildflower. It ranged from a pale lilac purple to a deep ripe plum purple, depending how the sun hit it. It was straight, but slightly wavy, and it seemed to sparkle in the sunlight. It cascaded over her eyes, one red like a ruby lit ablaze with fire and the other a cyan blue, like a luminous crystal of great power. She wore a black hoodie with a Smash Bros logo that fit her perfectly, and a pair of top dollar designer jeans. She also wore black fingerless gloves and wore designer fur lined boots. She had two katanas strapped to her back, the hilts wrapped in purple fabric. Both had tassels hanging of the end, one with a peace symbol and one with a smiley face.
All in all, OC-chan was the embodiment of perfection at the ripe old age of 17 years old!
Samus just smiled fondly. OC-chan was just too pure for this cruel world. She would do anything to protect her. A cough next to her caused her to look to the far door. Samus looked over to see Meta Knight and Kirby standing in front of Jigglypuff.
"Madam. I would be honored if you'll join me for a stroll by the lake," said Meta Knight with a courteous bow.
"No! you should go with me! We'll get ice cream sundaes!" said Kirby cheerily.
"But Kirby, is not the fridge restocked after you consumed all of its contents earlier? Surely you have….other engagements, do you not?" said Meta Knight.
Kirby's face suddenly shifted to one of indecision, before suddenly shifting back into a cheery grin.
"Hey Jigglypuff! You wanna go raid the fridge together? I'll give you dibs on Ike's turkey legs!"
Samus just chuckled. Those two. Always trying to woo Jigglypuff. Samus supposed that she was a lucky puffball. She was content to sit back, relax and watch her show.
In the broom closet of Smash Mansion
Olimar quietly closed the door of the broom closet behind him. It was much quieter in here, away from the chaos of the rest of the mansion. He walked to the back and looked over his shoulder quickly, before moving a bucket on the floor and pulling a lever underneath. This was a secret that he did NOT want getting out there. It was far too important.
The storage shelf and the wall behind it suddenly began to rotate, revealing a space behind. Olimar walked through to see a dusty room with old boxes and other random things piled high. In the room were a few much less dusty couches arrayed around a TV, where Yoshi, Mr. Game and Watch, Diddy Kong, ROB and Pokemon Trainer sat. Squirtle sat on the arm rest of the couch, while Ivysaur and Charizard had arranged themselves next to him on the floor. Next to them floated Master Hand.
"Hey Oli!" said Pokemon Trainer cheerfully. "Good timing! We were just about to start the movie!"
"Ook! Eek Ook?" asked Diddy.
"I think DK got talking with the others. I'm sure he'll be back with the bananas soon!" said Olimar.
Mr. Game and Watch let out a series of beeps.
"The chat room states that Dr. Mario was unexpectedly required to assist Captain Falcon," said ROB. "It is likely he will be done soon and will join us momentarily."
"All right," said Pokemon Trainer. "I'm sure that DK and Doc will be here soon. Anyway, the Totally Forgotten Smashers Club movie night starts now! Anybody got anything fancy to say before we start?"
"I have a few words," said Master Hand.
"Go ahead!" said Pokemon Trainer.
"First of all, let me restate how thankful I am that you've let me join in you all," said Master Hand. "It's been crazy running this tournament, and it's been wonderful getting to know you all better! Also, the peace and quiet of this club and its meeting place has been an absolute lifesaver. I have enough bills to worry about, you know!"
Everybody chuckled at that.
"Anyway, I won't hold up the festivities any longer. Let's get this show on the road, people!"
There was a general cheer.
Back in the living room
Samus stretched, her show finally finished. She groaned in disappointment as the next thing that appeared on the screen was an informercial.
"Hey everybody! Bogus Fraud here for Dr. Quack's Snake Oil! Now with 87% less MSG!"
Samus yawned. Not this guy again. She must have seen this informercial at least 100 times since the first tournament. She didn't feel like going anywhere, so she decided to surf the web. She reached into her backpack and pulled out a laptop, and quickly connected to the wifi. She was glad that Master Hand had invested in it for the Smashers. It was great.
Marth quickly walked past her, a cup of coffee in hand.
"Excuse me," he muttered as he walked in front of her. He sat down at the couch, where Ike was already sitting in front of a laptop.
"Ok, so here's what we got so far," said Marth, sitting down in front of the laptop, next to Ike. "This is Marth and Ike. We realize that all you fangirls love shipping the two of us together, but the truth is that we hate each other with a burning passion. Will you please stop shipping us together? Thank you."
Ike took a bite of a mostly eaten turkey leg in his hand and chewed on it thoughtfully. "Hmm…..reword that burning passion bit, you know that's going to get taken out of context."
"Hmm. For once, you actually have a point," said Marth. "Now, let's see…..maybe just say we hate each other and leave it at that?"
"I mean, we could, but then the fangirls are still just gonna do enemies to lovers fics," said Ike with another bite of his turkey leg.
"Curses, you're right," grumbled Marth. "Ugh! Now we're back to square one, again! What do they think we are, some happy couple like Link and Zelda?"
He glared over at the couch next to them, where Link and Zelda were sitting, holding hands, staring into each other's eyes, and whispering sweet nothings to each other.
Suddenly, a notification popped up as a small text box on Samus's laptop. That was the Smasher's chat room. Samus clicked on it. It read the following:
blue_blur: You're too slow!
plunger_hero: Mamma Mia, Sonic, you're-a not-a that-a fast!
blue_blur: 1) Yes, I'm that fast, 2) why do you type your accent in here? It's just weird dude lol
plunger_hero: I-a don't-a know! I-a just-a do!
blue_blur: lol. Oh well, I guess all of my rivals have some weird quirk anyway. Not that any of
have a chance of beating me!
plunger_hero: you-a wanna back-a that-a statement up, buddy?
blue_blur: Final Destination, no items, 3 stocks.
plunger_hero: You're-a on!
Samus shook her head. Those two at it again. But then again, what did you expect out of those two? She glanced over to Marth and Ike.
"You guys see that?" she asked, bemused.
"Yup," said Marth dryly. "Another distraction from the task at hand."
Ike sighed and took another bite of his turkey leg. He grimaced and took a look at his turkey leg, realizing that he'd eaten all the meat off of it.
Suddenly, a figure showed up behind the two. It was the author, Puph 17! He handed a fresh turkey leg to Ike.
"Oh, thanks, Puph!"
"No problem, dude! Good luck on that letter!"
"Thanks!" said Ike, taking a hearty bite out of his new turkey leg.
"Say, Puph, I was thinking," said Marth. "You're the author, right?"
"Yeah?" said Puph.
"So, what you say goes, right?"
"Uh huh."
"So, you could just write out the shippers and I wouldn't have to deal with these lunatics?"
There was an awkward pause.
"I need to go! Cya!" said Puph quickly, before poofing into thin air.
Marth snorted. "Figures. What a horrible guy."
"At least I got another turkey leg out of the deal," shrugged Ike.
An explosion rattled the window. Samus glanced outside the window, to see Fox, Falco and Wolf having a battle of the Landmasters on the front lawn.
"I'mma firing mah lazor!" bellowed Fox, as he shot the cannon of his Landmaster.
"Can't let you do that, Star Fox!" yelled Wolf from the cockpit of his Landmaster, barrel rolling out of the way.
"Hands off my bread!" shouted Falco, as he fired the thrusters of the Landmaster, taking off into the air.
Samus just smiled. Those guys and their Landmaster duels. Just another quirky day at the mansion.
Suddenly, Lucario rushed into the room. "Oh no! Guys! The worst has happened!"
"Eh, what?" asked Marth, looking up from his laptop screen disinterestedly.
"I saw the future!" said Lucario.
"The future? What did you see?" gasped Link.
"It was horrible….there were too many horrors to describe…." said Lucario.
"What happens?" asked Pit.
"I'm not a popular character in Super Smash Bros Fanfiction anymore!"
"Really? That's it?" asked Marth.
"No, there's more! Snake's defining characteristic isn't his cardboard box in the future!"
Snake shot up out of his carboard box. "What!? Me…without my….cardboard box? NOOOOOOOOO!"
"And it gets worse too! They clone Marth!"
"What? What about me?" asked Ike.
"You're just considered a clone of Marth, just like the rest of them. They call you buff Marth."
"Me? Buff Marth? I'm more buff then Marth could ever dream of being! I'm my own person!" growled Ike, pointing his turkey leg dramatically at Lucario.
"Hey! Stop saying things that will get taken out of context by the shippers!" snapped Marth.
"But it's true!" said Lucario. "For starters, there's a red fire Marth!"
"Roy? Ah, whatever, he was always inferior to me," sniffed Marth.
"And there was a female Marth too! And her dad is another Marth clone! There also two magician Marths, two dragon Marths with no shoes and two green haired Marths that wielded a ton of different weapons!"" said Lucario.
"Good!" said Marth. "I'll have no shippers on my tail by then! They'll all be spread out amongst my clones! Sounds like the dream!"
"And there was this purple dragon guy and this crocodile, and a literal Piranha Plant!"
"Spyro?" said Samus. "Oh, he's pretty cool!"
"Oh! We get a pet crocodile? That sounds like fun!" said DK, who happened to be passing through.
"Huh, so-a Petey does-a get-a into-a Smash. Good for-a him!" said Mario.
"And there was this weird guy with spiky blonde hair with a giant butcher knife sword thingy!" said Lucario.
"What was his name?" asked Link.
"Uh…Squall, was it? No….Lightning? Noctis? Uh…oh! Cloud! They called him Cloud! He was dating Marth's girl dragon clone, I think."
"Cloud? Cloud Strife?" asked Ike, in shock.
"Dating MY clone?!" gasped Marth.
"In THIS mansion?" they shouted together.
The two immediately glared at each other.
"STOP GIVING THE SHIPPERS MORE FODDER, IDIOT!" they yelled at each other.
Ike shook his head. "But still! I'm the big sword wielder in this mansion, not Cloud! What's the hype around him about anyway?"
"And to think any clone of mine would do such a thing!" said Marth. "Despicable. I shall have to train them more strictly."
"And they brought that two-bit scam Mewtwo back too! Can you believe this?" said Lucario incredulously. "They even had a secretary dog thing fighting Mewtwo too!"
The room froze for a moment as OC-chan gave him a horrified look.
"Wait….what did you say?" said OC-chan.
"Uh, they brought back Mewtwo and…." said Lucario.
"No, no, that last bit," said OC-chan. "Did you say a secretary made it into Smash Bros?"
"Yes! It was one of the many horrors! I think her name was Isabelle! She had this fishing rod that…."
OC-chan cut him off. "Ladies and gentlemen, we cannot let this happen. We are warriors! Heroes! Legends of our worlds! We cannot let just some random secretary join the Super Smash Bros!"
The other Smashers jumped to their feet and let out various war cries.
"We must change the future!" cried OC-chan loudly.
The Smashers let out a loud war cry and followed OC-chan out of the mansion on their grand quest to save the future.
They did not change the future. OC-chan fell into a plot hole and was never seen again. The whole quest fell apart immediately after that. Pit grieved loudly and emotionally for her for 3.14159265 seconds before forgetting that she ever existed.
The future remained the same. Cloud Strife dated Marth's female dragon clone Corrin in Smash Mansion. Samus, DK and Mario all ended up being severely disappointed that Spyro, a pet crocodile and Petey Piranha didn't make it into Smash. Lucario and Snake's Cardboard Box faded into fanfiction obscurity kicking and screaming and Mewtwo frequently gloated about it upon his return. Absolutely nothing about the future changed.
Puph 17: Well, how was that? Comments are always appreciated!
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Ahem! Well, hopefully that turned out all right. Hope you all enjoyed!