Brawl Parody 3: Chartoissaur's Rampage
Bowser stared down Gaonondorf impassively, his hand of cards held close to his chest.
Ganondorf stared straight back at him, over his hand of cards.
"Go fish."
Bowser growled and drew a card.
"Say, I'm glad we moved to the porch, it's nice to get a little sun!" said Dedede.
"Bah, the darkness was better, the light hurts my eyes," grumbled Ganondorf.
"At least we don't have to listen to the pipsqueaks play their video games," said Wolf.
"I think Fuzzball has a point there," said Wario.
"Hey! Bowser!"
Bowser looked up. "Oh, Merlin! I didn't see you there!"
The Magikoopa standing behind him frowned. "First of all, its Marlin, get it right! Stop getting me mixed up with my brother! And second of all, I'm here to overthrow you!"
Bowser stared at him for a moment and blinked.
"BWAHAHAHAHAHA! You? Overthrow me? Hah! In your dreams! You can't even beat your own bro, let alone me!"
Marlin glared at him, before charging magic in his wand and firing a fireball at Bowser. It bounced off of him with no effect. This time, the others joined Bowser in hearty laughter.
Ganondorf shook his head and sneered. "Listen, Mr. Magician, why don't you go back to whatever child's birthday party you were at and pull some more rabbits out of your hat?"
"Crud, I don't even believe in magic!" said Wolf. "I guess my skepticism is still safe!"
This prompted another round of laughter from the villains.
Marlin just grit his teeth, before hurling balls of magic at Wario, Wolf, Ganondorf, and Dedede. They all impacted the villains, who just sat there, blinking in confusion.
"Uh…. was that supposed to do somethin'?" asked Dedede.
Marlin stared at his wand in shock. "What? Mind control doesn't work on you?"
Wario gave him a look. "You know we're like the greediest people in existence, right? Your magic mind tricks are useless against our level of greed!"
Marlin took a couple steps back and looked around wildly as the villains broke out into a chorus of laughter once again. His gaze eventually fell on Pokemon Trainer, who was feeding his Pokemon outside.
"Oh, Charizard! Let me go get you some more pokefood! I'll be right back!" said Pokemon Trainer. He walked away towards a large bag of the stuff leaning up against the side of the mansion.
Marlin grinned, and fired a large ball of energy at the Pokemon. The ball of magic impacted the ground near them, before expanding into a large ball of magical energy, engulfing the three Pokemon. After glowing for a few moments, the ball of magical energy suddenly dissipated, revealing a singular figure, shaded in the dissipating glow of the magical energy.
"Hey! What did you do!?" demanded Pokemon Trainer.
"Behold, my ultimate creation!" cackled Marlin.
The glowing from the magic faded to reveal a chimera monster. It had the shell of a Blastoise with the flower of a Venusaur sprouting from the middle of the shell. It had the head, arms, legs and tail of a Charizard.
"HAHAHAHA! Who's laughing now?" cackled Marlin. He quickly stopped as his laughter was drowned out by another round of laughter from the villains.
"Dude! You're gonna take over the world with that thing!?" chortled Bowser. "Hah! You really are delusional!"
"Hmm…. It needs a name. I shall call it…. Chartoissaur!" said Marlin, ignoring their inconsiderate laughter.
"HEY!" yelled Pokemon Trainer, stomping up to Marlin. "What did you do to my Pokemon?"
"Can I borrow them for a couple minutes so I can overthrow Bowser?" asked Marlin with the nicest smile he could muster.
"NO! Those are my Pokemon!" snapped Pokemon Trainer.
"Well, too bad! Chartoissaur! Destroy the mansion! Destroy everybody! Destroy it all! MUAHAHAHAHA!" shouted Marlin.
Chartoissaur roared and turned towards the mansion, charging energy in his mouth.
"Charizard! Ivysaur! Squirtle! Stop! Snap out of it!" shouted Pokemon Trainer.
Chartoissaur paid no attention, and unleashed a powerful Solarbeam into the side of the mansion, obliterating the wall, before sweeping it, and obliterating several windows and shrubs in its path.
Bowser's eyes widened. "Holy cow, he wasn't kidding!"
"Child's play, my friend! Watch and learn!" said Ganondorf. He snapped his fingers. Chartoissaur began blasting the inside of the mansion with Hydro Pumps.
"Uh? Why isn't that working?"
He stood up at took a dramatic stance, hand extended towards Chartoissaur. "Spell Reversal!"
"Hah! You think I didn't plan for that?" crowed Marlin. "I planned for this, you dunce! I was 10 steps ahead of you all along! You can't stop me now! I will be the new ruler of the Koopa Kingdom! Long live King….."
"Hey! What's going on here?" demanded Master Hand as he floated through the wreckage of the side of his mansion.
"Oh, come on, not the formal dining room! Do you know how expensive a table that long is to replace? And the china…. THE CHINA! NOOOOOO!"
Master Hand quickly floated up to a destroyed cupboard to mourn over the loss of his precious china.
"Somebody's gonna pay for….." he started, but Marlin was faster.
"Doom Laser!"
Marlin fired a massive laser out of his wand.
"Huh?" said Master Hand as he looked up, but he was too slow and got slammed through the mansion by the laser.
Bowser's eyes widened even further. "The Doom Laser spell! That's forbidden magic!"
"Had to make sure that meddling Hand didn't steal my victory from me," said Marlin, dusting off his robes. "I might only be able to use it once per day, and maybe I should have used it on you, but it's worth it to ensure no outside interference."
Bowser scrambled to his feet with the other villains, as Marlin shot a magical ball into the air, letting it soar upwards before falling back down onto his head. His body was engulfed with magical power. Marlin flipped his wand dramatically and pointed at the villains, who took fighting stances.
"Now to deal with you. Let's finish this….."
Next to Chartoissaur….
Pokemon Trainer ducked as Chartoissaur unleashed a blast of fire at the mansion. Suddenly, Captain Falcon, Fox and Falco rushed out of one of the side doors.
"Falcon Taunt! Show me your moves!" shouted Captain Falcon.
"All right, let's do this!" shouted Fox. "LEEEEEEEROY JEEEEENKINS!"
"Get off my plane!" growled Falco.
Chartoissaur turned a disdainful glare at them and promptly blasted them with a Solarbeam.
"FALCON PAAAAAAAAIIIINNNNN!" screamed Captain Falcon as the three were blasted off into the distance.
"Hey ugly!" shouted Ike. Pokemon Trainer looked over to see Ike hiding behind one of the still intact mansion walls, waving a turkey leg. "Fetch!"
Ike tried to throw the turkey leg over Chartoissaur's head. However, Chartoissaur jumped and caught the turkey leg midair.
"Oh, come on!" shouted Ike as Chartoissaur chowed down on the turkey leg. He turned to the sky.
"Puph! I need another turkey leg!"
A portal opened above his head, but instead of a turkey leg, a piece of paper fell out. Ike snatched the piece of paper out of the air.
"AN IOU? COME ON MAN!" bellowed Ike, moments before he got blasted away through the wall by a Hydro Pump.
Kirby and Meta Knight crashed in with their Warp Stars in front of Chartoissaur, ready to fight.
Chartoissaur unleashed a blast of fire, but Kirby inhaled it, and tried to spit it back at Chartoissaur. However, the hybrid Pokemon was faster, and neutralized the homecoming fire with a Hydro Pump before blasting Kirby with a Solar Beam. Meta Knight tried to close the distance, but was promptly smacked in the face with Chartoissaur's tail, and also sent flying.
Suddenly Mewtwo teleported in front of Chartoissaur.
"So, you seem to be powerful. But know you face the strongest Pokemon in existence. Now, feel despair as I obliterate you!"
Mewtwo began to draw his hands back, charging power, but Chartoissaur was faster and blasted him in the face with a Hyper Beam. Mewtwo was shot straight into the ground.
"You…. haven't… seen…." growled Mewtwo as he struggled to his feet, but Chartoissaur stomped up to him, and smacked him in the face with his tail, sending him careening straight into a tree.
"Hmph. What a truly powerful Pokemon. I guess I really have to do everything myself here," said Marth as he walked dramatically through the wreckage, his cape billowing in a sudden and random breeze and the sun glinting off of his tiara. With a single flourish, he drew his sword from its scabbard. However, before he could do anything, Chartoissaur quickly opened his mouth and blasted him away with a Hyper Beam.
Chartoissaur suddenly paused and sniffed the air. He turned to see a cardboard box set up like a deadfall trap, with an open can of tuna sitting underneath it. Chartoissaur quickly reached under the box and grabbed the can of tuna, ignoring the cardboard box as it fell on its arm. It pulled it arm out from under the box, revealing Snake, holding tightly onto his arm. He got his feet underneath him and attempted a judo like throw, to no success.
"Oh, come on!" grumbled Snake.
Chartoissaur chucked the can of tuna into his mouth, before shaking Snake off of its arm, and smacking him off into the bushes with a smart thwack of his tail.
Pokemon Trainer stepped back, as Mario, Dr. Mario and Luigi rushed up.
"Mamma-a Mia! What-a is-a that?" gasped Mario.
Dr. Mario sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I don't get paid enough for this crap, do I?"
"Mamma-a mia, stop-a complaining about-a the-a pay!" grumbled Mario.
Suddenly, Pit swooped out of the sky, bow in hand as he came to a running stop in front of Chartoissaur.
"The fight is on!" he shouted, a split second before getting blown away by a Hydro Pump.
Luigi took a fighting stance with a less then battle ready look on his face. "Uh…. we can take him, right?"
"That's-a right-a!" said Mario. "We-a have-a three Mario Bros here! This-a thing-a can't-a beat-a all of-a us!"
Dr. Mario nodded and pulled out a large syringe from his coat pocket. "I always knew this syringe of concentrated elephant sedative would come in handy someday. All right, boys, let's take this thing down!"
Luigi nodded, looking more confident. "Let's do it!"
The three leapt at Chartoissaur with a unified shout of "Wahooo!"
Suddenly Pokemon Trainer felt a tap on his shoulder. It was Lucario.
"Yo, the plot demands that I remind you that you have half of your team still in your box. You can totally just pull them out and help the rest of us fight!"
Pokemon Trainer nodded. "That's a great idea Lucario! Can you help me get to the PC?"
"Of course, that's my role in this chapter, after all," said Lucario. "Come on!"
With Bowser and the other villains….
"Abra kadabra!" shouted Bowser while striking a dramatic pose. A small ball of energy shot from his hand, and completely missed Marlin, who was floating around and firing lasers out of his wand.
"Seriously? That's the best magic you've got?" asked Ganondorf.
"Well considering I'm really strong, breathe fire, can attack with my shell, and can take a lot of hits, I've never really needed magic," grunted Bowser.
"Quit jabbering and get back in the fight!" shouted Wolf as he shot his blaster at Marlin.
"We're strategizing!" yelled Bowser.
"Sure ya are, just help us beat him up already!" shouted Dedede as he chucked a Gordo at Marlin. The Magikoopa easily dodged the spike ball and kept shooting lasers. Dedede side stepped a few, before inhaling one and spitting it straight back at Marlin. Marlin quickly created a magical shield around himself, easily blocking the homecoming laser.
Wario picked up one of the chairs from the lawn furniture and chucked it at Marlin, who merely floated away to dodge.
"That's it!" snapped Wario. He reached into his pocket, grabbed a clove of garlic, and shoved it into his mouth. With a brief glow, he transformed into Wario Man.
"I'm done with this crap! Get over here ya stupid wand twirler!"
"Wait! Don't…." started Ganondorf, but it was too late, and Wario had already launched himself into the air with a powerful waft.
"GAH!" shouted Wolf as the brownish cloud engulfed the villains. "Where's my gas mask?"
"Everybody get out of the cloud! I know how to get rid of this!" said Bowser.
"Wait, you ain't serious about what I think you're about to do?" said Dedede.
"Of course I'm serious, the explosion will get that Magikoopa too!" yelled Bowser.
Dedede took a nervous glance over to where Wario Man was, seeing the treasure hunter rip another mighty waft.
Marlin gasped and fell to the ground.
"DUDE! What do you eat, dead rats and garbage?"
"Only the finest garlic! What, you think I'm poor or something?" asked Wario. He sniffed the air. "Huh, I think it's gotten stronger since last time!"
Dedede turned back to Bowser and shrugged, before performing the Dedede Jump to get clear of the imminent explosion.
Wolf quickly performed the Wolf Flash, while Ganondorf used a Wizard's Foot to escape the gas cloud. Bowser took as deep a breath as he was willing to take and breathed out a plume of fire. The waft exploded, leaving a heavy cloud of smoke.
Dedede landed with a thud, blowing away some of the smoke. Out of the haze stomped Bowser, who looked no worse for wear, save for a bit of soot.
"You all right?" asked Dedede.
"Eh, I've been better," said Bowser.
"Hey!" shouted Wario from amid the smoke cloud. "What was that!? I totally had him!"
"Sure you did," grunted Bowser as Wolf and Ganondorf moved to rejoin them.
"Well, at least the stench is gone," said Ganondorf.
Wario stomped out of the now dissipating smoke, now out of Wario Man mode.
"Hey! Why didn't you tell me you were gonna blow up the whole area?"
Bowser shrugged. "What? You're just as durable as me, I knew you'd be fine. By the way, did I get him?"
"No, I had to punch him in the face to knock him out!" said Wario. "You owe me!"
Bowser rolled his eyes. "Ugh, fine. Now come on, let's get that monster!"
Meanwhile in the Greenhouse….
Peach sipped her tea and passed Jigglypuff a crumpet. It was always peaceful here in the greenhouse. Peach loved it here, where it was always warm and green. Her eyes fell on Samus, who had fallen asleep lying down on one of the benchs, with Pikachu dozing off in a small yellow ball next to her arm. Some distance away from Samus and Pikachu, Link and Zelda danced to a waltz being played on a CD player.
"Those two really make for quite the pair, don't they?" said Peach. "Their dancing is incredible!"
Jigglypuff nodded energetically.
A rumble was felt, some distance away.
"Huh, I wonder if Fox and Falco are having another tank battle," wondered Peach. "Oh well, as long as they don't destroy the mansion, it's all in good fun!"
Inside Smash Mansion…..
Pokemon Trainer hurriedly typed on the keyboard of a desktop computer in his room as Lucario kept an eye out behind him. In a device to the side of the PC, three pokeballs materialized in a clear chute, and dropped to the bottom, where a latch held them in place. Pokemon Trainer quickly undid the latch and tossed all three pokeballs, before putting the balls themselves back on his belt. Out popped a Lapras, a Sandshrew and a Paras.
"Seriously? That's the rest of your team?" asked Lucario.
"Ok, I was never the guy to complete the Pokedex, all right?" said Pokemon Trainer.
"I mean, sure, but you never really trained any of your other Pokemon?"
Red opened his mouth to speak but Lapras, Sandshrew and Paras shook their heads.
"Dude, that's pretty lame, man."
"Oh, come on! Charizard was enough to take most opponents, and Ivysaur and Squirtle could finish off anybody who Charizard couldn't beat!"
"I mean, it's just for a guy whose name is literally Pokemon Trainer, you don't seem to do much training."
"I was more of an adventurer!" said Pokemon Trainer. "These guys helped me get around the region! They're more explorers than fighters!"
The three pokemon nodded in unison.
"Sure, whatever makes you feel better," said Lucario. "Now come on! Let's go!"
A few minutes later, the two ran outside to see Mario, Luigi, and Dr. Mario still fighting Chartoissaur, and that more of the Mansion had been destroyed in the fighting.
Suddenly, a blue blur crashed into Chartoissaur's back, slowing down to reveal Sonic.
"You're too slow!" he said as he began to run circles around Chartoissaur. However, the monster was not so easily fooled, and stuck its tail out in Sonic's path, causing him to trip and crash face first into the ground. With a casual flick of its tail, Chartoissaur sent Sonic flying.
Pokemon Trainer grit his teeth and struck a dramatic pose.
"All right! Sandshrew! Use Sand Attack!"
Sandshrew looked at Chartoissaur, looked back at Pokemon Trainer, and shook its head, and scurried behind Pokemon Trainer's leg.
"Sandshrew! No! Ugh… Paras!"
Paras jumped and scurried away behind Lucario.
"Oh, you've gotta be kidding me…." grumbled Pokemon Trainer. "Lapras? Are you ok to fight?"
Lapras gave Chartoissuar a sideways look and made a noise that sounded less then confident.
Pokemon Trainer gave a defeated sigh.
"HEY UGLY!" shouted Bowser, as he barreled into the battle along with Dedede, Wolf, Ganondorf and Wario.
Bowser rushed in, ready to tackle Chartoissaur, but took a Hyper Beam to the face, sending him crashing into the ground in a crater.
"Wah!" shouted Wario in surprise as he and the other villains came to a complete stop. "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea!"
"Yeah," said Ganondorf, "Maybe we…."
But before he could finish his sentence, he took a Hydro Pump to the face, and was sent flying.
Wario turned around to unleash another waft but was blasted away with a Solarbeam to the back.
Chartoissaur unleashed a Fire Blast towards Wolf, and another one towards Dedede, but the rouge pilot rolled aside, while Dedede inhaled the Fire Blast, and spat it back at Chartoissaur. The monster quickly fired a Hyper Beam, dispelling the homecoming attack, though missing his target as Dedede managed to sidestep it at the last second.
"You-a have-a to-a keep-a dodging!" shouted Mario.
"Thanks for telling us that AFTER half of us got beat up!" shouted Wolf.
"Well-a do-a you-a think-a that-a Bowser is-a going to-a listen to-a any-a of us-a Mario Bros?" asked Mario.
Wolf took a brief glance around. "All right, Mustachio, I'll give you that."
Dedede grunted, "Stop talking and get fighting! This thing ain't gonna beat itself up!"
Pokemon Trainer paused, an idea having come to him. "Ok, I think I have a plan. Lucario, can I get you to help me?"
Lucario shrugged. "Sure, why not? I've got plot armor for this fic."
Pokemon Trainer nodded and said, "All right. So, I need you to distract him with the others. I'm gonna have my Pokemon do a combo attack!"
All three Pokemon made nervous noises.
"Don't worry guys! With the Mario Bros, Wolf, Dedede and Lucario, we'll totally smash him!" said Pokemon Trainer.
The Pokemon didn't look any less nervous.
"All right, Lucario! Let's go!"
Lucario shook his head and zipped off. He lunged for Chartoissaur and landed several punches to its back. Chartoissaur whipped around, but Lucario used Extremespeed to get out of the way.
"Now! Attack!" shouted Pokemon Trainer. Lapras fired off an Aurora Beam as Sandshrew used Mud Slap and Paras shot off an Energy Ball. The three attacks struck Chartoissaur straight on, but didn't seem to do much damage.
"Now! Give him the stun combo!" shouted Pokemon Trainer.
Lapras unleashed an Icy Wind, while Sandshrew used a Sand Attack and Paras shot off a blast of Stun Spore.
The three attacks hit Chartoissaur, and the monster stood still for a moment.
"Did that get him?" asked Dedede.
"I'm not sure…." said Luigi.
Chartoissaur turned to Pokemon Trainer and his Pokemon and growled dangerously. Sandshrew, Paras and Lapras all jumped and did their best to scurry away.
"Guys? Guys!?" shouted Pokemon Trainer. He looked around to see that his Pokemon had fled. He turned back to Chartoissaur and looked him in the eye. The monster stared back at him and paused for a moment. Pokemon Trainer quickly straightened his back.
"Hey buddy. Do you hear me?"
Chartoissaur paused and cocked his head.
"That's right. It's me! You don't have to worry!"
Chartoissaur growled, and Pokemon Trainer winced.
Mario's eyes widened.
"Mamma-a Mia, is-a he-a actually-a gonna talk-a him-a down?"
"Looks like it," said Wolf.
"Man, I could use somebody with skills like that in my clinic," said Dr. Mario. "I wonder if I could hire him as security?"
Lucario shook his head. "I don't think so. The author wants to keep the status quo so he can keep writing crummy oneshots about our lives here at the mansion. I don't think he wants to write a spinoff like that."
"Rats," said Dr. Mario. "Good help is really hard to find these days."
Pokemon Trainer ignored his fellow smashers and reached out to put his hand on Chartoissaur's arm.
"See? We don't have to be mad and blow up the mansion! Everything's all right!"
"No! No it's not!" shouted a voice to the side. The Smashers looked over to see Marlin crawling towards them, his glasses bent and his wand and robes looking much worse for wear. "This isn't over!"
Suddenly, two figures rushed out from some bushes and grabbed Marlin.
"Huh?"
"Dud3, y0u just bl3w up th3 G4m3cub3 and the W11! N0t c00l dud3! Pr3p4r3 t0 g3t r3kt!" said N4n4, brandishing her hammer with her free hand.
"L0l0l0l0l0l0l0l," said P0p0.
"Yeah!" shouted Ness as he burst from the bushes with Toon Link and Lucas, brandishing his bat. "Let's get him!"
"This is for blowing up our game systems!" shouted Toon Link as he hefted his Skull Hammer.
"Uh… shouldn't we wait for Master Hand?" asked Lucas nervously as he held his stick in a defensive position.
"N0! N0 m3rcy!" shouted N4n4.
"L0l0l0l0l0l0l0l," said P0p0.
"Wait, no! What are you….aaaaiiiiiieeeeeee!" screamed Marlin as the 1c3 Cl1mb3rz slammed him into the ground and the kid smashers began whaling on him with their respective weapons.
Suddenly a laser shot out from the wreckage inside the mansion, striking Chartoissaur. It didn't explode or seem to cause any damage, but it caused the creature to start glowing, before separating into three different shapes. The light faded to reveal Squirtle, Ivysaur and Charizard.
"Guys! You're all right!" shouted Pokemon Trainer as all six of his pokemon crowded around him. After hugging all of them, he looked around. "Was that Master Hand?"
"That's right. I dispelled the magic," boomed Master Hand as he floated out of the wreckage. He turned around and surveyed the damaged mansion, before letting out a bone-weary sigh.
"Not this crap again…. don't these guys know I have bills to pay? Ugh….."
Master Hand cleared his throat, before shouting, "FIGHTING ALLOYS! LET'S GET THIS FIXED!"
Suddenly, dozens of fighting alloys rushed out of the mansion with construction tools and materials and began fixing the damage.
"Wow, that was fast," said Wolf.
"It's the status quo man," said Lucario. "The Mansion's gotta be ok in time for the next chapter. This is the power of Plot Convenience right here."
"Uh, sure. Whatever you say," said Wolf.
Master Hand then floated over to where most of the Kid Smashers were still whaling on Marlin, with one exception.
"Uh guys? Don't you think that's good?" asked Lucas.
"N0!" said N4n4, Ness and Toon Link.
"L0l0l0l0l0l0l," said P0p0.
"Excuse me. You mind if I cart this fellow off to jail?" asked Master Hand as he floated up.
"Awww….." grumbled the other Kid Smashers, as they stopped beating up on Marlin.
Master Hand sighed as the Kid Smashers backed off. He picked up the unconscious Marlin with telekinesis, before floating off into the mansion.
"Man, the crap I do for these guys. These repairs are gonna cost me an arm and a leg! I really hope nothing like this happens to the Mansion again….."
A/N: Ahhhhh, my childhood OC Pokémon Chartoissaur returns for one more glorious outing! As I'm sure you've guessed, it's basically an amalgamation of Charizard, Blastoise and Venusaur and was supposed to be a Fire-Water-Grass Type. Yeah, younger me wasn't the most creative person in the world….
As a heads up, I do have a few more ideas right now that will hopefully make it into written form. But I think that's all for now, folks! See you then!