AN: I thought more people out there liked Radek! Thanks to all who left reviews; I appreciate the feedback. Personally, Zelenka is one of my two favorite characters!

SPOILERS: None

SUMMARY: Radek gets a stomach flu, but is anything ever that simple on Atlantis?

DISCLAIMER: The following story is a work of fanfiction, and as such is for fan enjoyment only. All recognizable characters/settings are the property of their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended, and no profit is made.

Not an Exact Science

By Kerr Avon

2. No Rest for the Wicked

The energy he got from the shower rapidly faded, and the trip to the Gateroom became interminable. By the time the stairs to Weir's office hove into view, he was unsure if he could even stagger up them. He took a deep breath, then concentrated on mounting them one at a time, with his eyes only on the next stair. To his surprise, he eventually found himself at the top and standing in front of Weir's door. He tentatively raised his hand to knock; Weir bade him enter with a smile.

Radek went through the updates by rote, referring frequently to his laptop for the exact numbers and projections. Of course, this was nothing unusual; his reports usually smoothed out once he got over being tongue-tied. This woman made him feel like a sixteen-year-old with his first crush! Still, she always maintained a professional demeanor, and once he became involved in the data he was presenting the report went well. As he exited the office he paused and took a deep breath to steady his nerves before trudging back to the lab.

At first he thought he had entered the wrong room; it had only half its normal complement of personnel. He caught sight of Miko working diligently at a far table, and headed over to find out why. The young woman hadn't heard him enter so he cleared his throat to announce his presence.

"Oh, Doctor Zelenka!" she exclaimed as she whirled around. She leaned forward in concern and examined his face near-sightedly. "You do not look well, sir," she hazarded nervously.

He ignored the comment as irrelevant and gestured to the half-empty room. "Where is everyone?"

Her eyes flicked towards the floor. "They are all in the infirmary. Morrison actually fainted. Beckett's team had to carry him out on a stretcher." She finally raised her eyes to his. "But the doctor told me that this is only a," her eyes rolled as she tried to recall the exact phrase, "Twenty-four-hour bug". The Japanese scientist smiled reassuringly. "He expects both Meyers and Sorenson to be released to their quarters later today, although they won't be able to work for a while."

Zelenka nodded wearily, his own eyes involuntarily sliding shut from exhaustion. 'Just what I need…' he thought.

His contemplation was interrupted by Miko's gentle, hesitant voice. "Sir…perhaps you should have Doctor Beckett to examine you as well…"

Biting back his instinctive retort, he realized that his temper was unnaturally frayed due to feeling unwell. Instead he rubbed his forehead ruefully and answered, "You might be right; I will try to later. For now, could you update me on where we stand on…"

His thoughts were drowned out by the blaring of his comm. "Doctor Zelenka! Report to Chemistry IMMEDIATELY!" Radek winced and pulled out his earplug slightly as Kavanagh's scream threatened to burst his eardrum, then tapped the button to reply.

"Doctor Kavanagh, I thought we went through this…"

"NOW, Zelenka! It's an emergency!"

There was no mistaking the panic in the chemist's voice so, shrugging apologetically to Miko, he answered, "On my way," and left at a slow jog. Chemistry was just down the hall and he moved as fast as his rebellious stomach would allow.

As he approached the lab he increased his pace when he saw the dark smoke billowing from the open doorway. Techs were pouring out, coughing and gasping for air while he entered chaos. People ran willy-nilly on pointless errands until almost overcome by smoke, causing such confusion that Zelenka's aching head was unable to discern the source of the problem. "Excuse me…" he began, trying to catch the attention of a passing chemist.

The rushing man didn't hear him. Radek raised his hand to try again when a bellow erupted from the far side of the lab. "I need that fire extinguisher NOW!" The voice clearly belonged to Kavanagh, so at least Zelenka knew in which direction the disaster lay.

He hurried over, shoving his way unapologetically through the throng. When he could finally see the source of the problem, the engineer's eyes widened in alarm. In front of him stood the smoldering, partially molten ruins of an unknown Ancient device, belching smoke and glowing menacingly as it crouched on the table. Kavanagh, carefully not touching the mechanism, seized the proffered fire extinguisher and pointed it at the melting machine.

Zelenka, images of explosions dancing before his eyes, surged forward. "No!" he cried. "You don't know how it will react!"

Not lowering the red canister but not firing it, Kavanagh glared at the new arrival. "It's about time you got here. We have a problem." He gestured emphatically towards the smoking metallic mass.

Zelenka's headache finally reached migraine proportions, but he savagely repressed it as being extraneous. Quickly taking charge, he surveyed the crowd of scientists. "All right, everybody out! I need room to work!" What he really needed was to keep potential casualties to a minimum, and if he had to act the ogre to clear the room, well…he'd had lessons from an expert. Speaking of which…"And somebody find McKay and get him down here!" He didn't have the time or energy to argue with his irascible superior over the comm. The chemists caused this mess; they could face the Wrath of McKay.

Out of the corner of his eye he noted that Kavanagh was leaving with the rest. He halted the departing chief chemist in his tracks with a glare. "Not you. I need to know what happened here, Doctor."

The pony-tailed scientist drew himself to his full height. That tactic had already failed to work on Zelenka once today, but the chemist appeared to be a slow learner. "As we could not get the assistance of the engineering department on this project, we opted to proceed ourselves."

'Sure, fix the fault for your incompetence on my team.' Zelenka sighed and, removing his glasses, pinched the bridge of his nose tiredly between two fingers before replacing them. "Fine, fine. You want to blame me for this debacle. Whatever. Just tell me what you did."

Kavanagh cleared his throat nervously. He had expected Radek to become defensive and storm out, allowing him to leave as well. However, it seemed as if the Czech wanted to actually salvage something. He pointed to the nearest side, "We postulated that this was a form of Ancient spectrometer, and if so, it could cut the work time in half on several of our projects. There was a switch here…"

The partially molten object chose that moment to spark menacingly, causing both scientists to jump back in alarm. Zelenka quickly peered beneath the table, gasping at the power cord still connected to the wall. Striking like a snake, he immediately yanked it out, almost falling over in the process.

Dragging himself upright, he leaned heavily against the table until a wave of vertigo passed, then looked over at the taller man incredulously. "You didn't even unplug it?"

Kavanagh spluttered incoherently, clearly embarrassed. Zelenka, exhausted, closed his eyes and held up a hand for silence. "Nevermind. Let's see what we can do…" He leaned forward and peered closely at what was once a faceplate and immediately lost himself in study, forgetting everything around him. He produced a set of probes from an inner pocket of his jacket, then gingerly approached the machine. Kavanagh leaned over his shoulder for a better view.

However, before he could begin his diagnostics, the device shot up a shower of sparks that caused both men to leap backwards in alarm. More smoke billowed upwards before the mechanism decided, once and for all, to turn itself inside out. The resulting explosion blew both men to the ground, blasting shrapnel out in all directions, shattering beakers and obliterating experiments throughout the room. Zelenka cowered face-down on the floor, curled into as small a ball as possible, covering his head protectively with his arms. Debris rained down for a few minutes following the initial explosion, causing both scientists to stay covered even after the room had finally quieted.

Kavanagh was the first to poke up his head. "What did you do?" he demanded imperiously.

That was it; Radek had had enough. "What did I do?" he asked incredulously, climbing painfully to his feet. "What did I do?" He glared at the taller man. "I made the mistake of answering your distress call. Trust me, that error will not be repeated in the future!"

Kavanagh raised a finger, ready to argue a point, but was cowed by a glare from the Czech. Instead, he contented himself with muttering, "This will all be in my report."

"Go right ahead." Radek didn't even spare him a glance as he returned to the lab table. He superficially examined the mound of molten slag, taking care not to even think about touching it.

"What do you think?" hazarded Kavanagh after a minute. The engineer shrugged expressively. "After careful consideration….I deem this to be a very, very old device which has recently undergone a thorough metamorphosis garbage. Throw it away when it cools down."

Waving the smoke from his face, he coughed and headed towards the door. Now that the emergency was over, his nausea returned with a vengeance. The thick haze that still hung in the room despite the air filters was also not aiding his vertigo, and the room canted wildly as he activated the door control. 'I guess I'd better go see Beckett,' he thought resignedly, finally admitting his own human frailty.

Unfortunately, the door did not open at his command. Glancing up, he hit the control a second time, with the same results.

"What's wrong with the door?" Kavanagh demanded hovering behind the Czech, anxious to leave the chamber himself.

"The control is broken." As quick as thought, he had the panel off to inspect the internal components. Kavanagh crowded in behind the smaller man even though he had no idea what he was looking at. Zelenka looked upwards in disgust. "You getting all this?" he demanded.

Kavanagh didn't reply, but did back up slightly. A few moments of uninterrupted work, and he withdrew the shattered crystal. Sighing, he shook his head, "We won't be opening the door from this side."

"What? Why not?" Kavanagh panicked, grabbing Zelenka and swinging him around to face him. The sudden unexpected movement was too much for the engineer's beleaguered stomach, which finally decided to relieve itself of its meager contents all over Kavanagh's shoes.

TBC…..