+++++ NERV. (Thursday, September 2d, +12, Waning Crescent 3/4)
Shinji laid in a bed in Ritsuko's lab. Connected to a pulse monitor, a monitor that checked his oxygen levels, a monitor that checked his blood pressure, several tiny pads that monitored his circulatory system as a whole, and, most irritatingly, a tiny pad that monitored his temperature. Placed as it was, just below his hairline on his forehead, it itched in a way that made him want to rip everything off of his body and storm out of the facility.
He'd earned his solitude, having made it clear after returning the Eva to its pen that he wanted nothing to do with anyone else. Sympathies were offered, and ignored. Cries of gratitude and joy at another victory, ignored. Offers of assistance, requests for a status report, ignored. Alone, naked, and dripping LCL, he had walked to Ritsuko's lab and laid himself down on the gurney inside. He had cooperated, physically, with the younger Akagi as she drew blood samples and connected the various bits and bobs that would keep them aware of how he was doing. He had even felt a momentary surge of sorrow when she kissed his forehead and whispered that she understood. She was watching his vitals, she was keeping everyone and everything else on the other side of the door, and she was leaving him the fuck alone.
Whatever voice that had spoken to him in the Eva wasn't there anymore for him to speak to. He knew that it was far more knowledgeable than him on a great many things, despite not having the faintest idea of who it was at all. For the first time in what felt like forever, he was finally alone. His mind free to drift, free to think, or not, and free to question the reality he now faced.
He hadn't been pulled into Tartarus in some time. Hadn't been able to take advantage of that fact, either. He'd left slavery behind, only to discover that the world itself might never be done enslaving him. Out beyond the boundaries of what remained of his reality, he had…brothers? Copies of himself, who'd gone through trials like his own. Each Shinji Ikari living a different life, only to find that tragedy was their only common ground. Did he have a responsibility to them? Did they have a responsibility to him? Were his trials a form of…down-payment? A retainer, to hold his place in line? It made sense, if that were true. If he survived what they were facing here, whatever waited next was clearly worse. The last thing he'd want is a version of himself that was nothing more than a liability. Prove your worth, fight on…stop being a child.
Prying off the medical equipment, he sat up and asked the woman he knew would hear him, "Is Misato-san ok?"
"Bored out of her skull, but they'll have her out of the elevator in a few hours. They're being careful, something I think we both can appreciate." Ritsuko had stood up from her desk and walked over to stand near him. She radiated calm, clearly content with letting him set the pace of the conversation.
"Yeah. I…wouldn't be happy if she died." The sponge bath he'd been given no longer felt satisfactory, and his eyes drifted towards her lab's bathroom. A joke he'd overheard in school came to mind, and he looked over to the brunette beauty with a slight frown. "If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?"
Her head tilted slightly to the side. "You sure?"
"…Yes." He gestured between them. "If today proves anything, it's that we can all die at any moment. I have thought you were beautiful since I first laid eyes on you. I've thought you were wonderful to be around since you first started joking with me. I've wanted to worship your body since the locker room shower. I can't guarantee a tomorrow for us…so I want to offer you today."
"You realize that if I don't invite Maya, there won't be a tomorrow for us, right?"
+++++ Tokyo-3. (Thursday, September 2d, +12, Waning Crescent 3/4)
It was several hours later when Shinji began moving in the general direction of 'home'. He'd lingered at leisure for as long as the pair of scientists could last, taking comfort and solace in a job well done. The sounds of their contentment would bolster him for days…or at least until the next attack. Spying a twenty-four-seven with its lights on, he grabbed the attention of his driver and asked, "Could we stop there? I've…never been to one."
The pair of agents made the appropriate adjustments to both the vehicle he was in and the convoy that vehicle was a part of. They asked that he wait for them to check inside, and were pleased when he agreed to do so emphatically. Today had proven that he was the only defense these people had. That one small mistake could end lives. That his best might not be good enough. He understood their jobs, now. He wouldn't fail them.
After several minutes, his door was opened and he was escorted inside. The store's layout seemed…rigid. Everything had a place, and it would be in that place or it would not be in the store. Food, drink, entertainment, vices, a wide variety of things he never felt he would have any interest in. Still, what point was there in living if all he did was what was familiar? Wending his way through the shop, he picked up various and sundry items that piqued his curiosity or drew his eye. He had an obligation to meet, and he made sure he'd have enough to meet it.
Sitting on a shelf, he spied a bottle of the same whisky that Misato had given him at her apartment. The memory of its taste told him that it was palatable, and he doubted that it was strong enough to get him as drunk as she used to get. Reaching up for it, he stopped, lowered his hand, and turned to speak to the agent that was keeping watch over him without being overbearing about it, "Would you mind terribly violating the law? I can probably find a way to sneak around you on this, but I'd really rather just work with you on it."
Without turning to face him, she snorted out a laugh. "My friend, if she tries to card you I'll probably just bounce her head off the counter and ring you up myself. You just fought a giant alien, and just lost three friends. I'll throw hands with anyone who wants to deny you a little drinky drinky."
"Thank you." He picked up the bottle, setting it in his cart with a smile. He'd have what was needed, and all he had to do was ask politely. A few more items made their way in on his way to the counter, and then he carefully unloaded the cart so that his purchases could be scanned. "Good evening, ma'am."
The woman behind the counter, a plain and inoffensive individual wearing the store's uniform, blinked in disbelief at both his purchases and demeanor. "Y-you're…."
Holding up his paycard, recovered from his bag by the agents that protected the school, Shinji gestured between it and her. "I think I'm supposed to use this, right?"
What he failed to see, because the agent behind him made sure he couldn't see, was a dire threat against not only the life of the woman serving him but also against the entire neighborhood if she continued to act like this was anything but normal. Stuttering into a different mode of thought, the cashier gave him a halting smile. "Y-yes. Would you be all right with paper bags today, sir?"
"If that's what's easiest," he answered with a smile and shrug. "I've never been shopping before. So this is kind of a first for me." He hesitated, then turned to look at the agent. "I hate to ask, but could someone help me carry all of this?"
"I insist that we do, my friend." The same agent that approved his alcohol gave him a firm grin. "You go straight into the vehicle, we pack the groceries."
"Ah, ok." He nodded, accepting her authority equinanimously. Turning back around, he looked at all of the various items kept behind the counter. Cigars, cigarettes, nothing that interested him in the slightest. "We're not going to be wasting valuable farmland on tobacco…are we?"
"Don't let Ueno hear you say that, sir," the agent chuckled. "If she doesn't have a cigarette in her mouth, it's because she's in the middle of someplace with extremely flammable gas. I've seen her shower with one, and not get it wet."
His lips bunched off to one side, watching as the clerk scanned and bagged everything. "I should talk to her about that. I really should. It's not healthy, it smells terrible, and I can only imagine that we could grow something edible instead."
"I hear my name being taken in vain?" Another agent leaned against the counter, an unlit cigarette in her mouth.
The first agent shrugged, trying to draw fire away from Shinji. "Our little prince here is anti-smoking. Thinks we could use the land to grow food, instead."
Ueno's eyes narrowed, shifting to Shinji's face. When, instead of disgust and anger she saw worry and concern, she scowled and huffed. "What's your trade, sir?"
He blinked, uncertain as to her meaning. "I'm…sorry?"
"I give up the death sticks, what will you give me in return?"
Spreading his hands, he shook his head. "What do you want? I'm open to whatever, if it'll help you quit."
"…I'll think about it. Get back to you."
The cashier carefully set a box on the counter. "This…uhm…this helped my father quit. M-maybe it could help you?"
Swiping it over the scanner, Shinji handed the box of nicotine gum to the agent. "I'll pay for this tonight, while you think about what I can do for you."
With a grumble, she accepted the box and flicked her cigarette into the nearby trash. Prying out a tinfoil rack of gum, she popped one out and tossed it in her mouth. "Not gonna go easy on you."
"I wouldn't ask you to. If this is something that matters to you…I should give you something of equal value." He looked out the window, towards the school. "Give and take in equal measure…." He felt a hand alight on the back of his neck, turning back to see Ueno grimacing at him in sympathy.
"You did a damn fine job clearing Kujikawa-chan, kid. A damn fine job. What happened isn't on you, it isn't even on us. You killed the fuck out of the thing responsible, you got who you could to where they would be safer, and I'll put anyone who says otherwise in traction." Chewing hard on the gum, she squeezed his neck twice. "You keep doing what you're doing, let it come when it comes."
He nodded, understanding the meaning hidden in the words. "Thanks…I'll try."
+++++ The Blue House. (Thursday, September 2d, +12, Waning Crescent 3/4)
The sky had darkened by the time Shinji's convoy rolled up to the Blue House. Once more urged to simply enter the house and let the agents arrange for everything he'd bought to make its way inside, he entered the home to find Chiaki waiting for him. Without saying anything, he approached her and pulled her into a tight hug. He knew he didn't have to say a word, and he hoped she understood how grateful he was that was true.
Holding him just as tightly, she whispered into his chest, "Thank you for returning to us." She paused. "I will see that it is done." Firmly separating from him, she resumed her professional mien. "Mistress Kirijo has requested your presence at your earliest convenience. She is waiting in your chambers, spending her time redecorating."
The way upstairs required that he pass several other staff who offered both gratitude and sympathies as he passed. Fortunately, as before, he never had to say anything in response. A simple bow, and continue onwards. Reaching his room, he quietly opened the door to see Mitsuru firmly clearing out things that he would have asked not be wasted on him. He watched her work for a time, appreciating her presence, her motions, her insight, and her figure. "I had a thought, while I was recovering from the Eva."
She had known he was there, and had put together that he hadn't wanted to speak just yet. That lack of surprise showed through as she continued creating a pile of objects that would leave his room. "I will admit to having several myself, while waiting to be released."
"I…failed." When she whirled around on him, a clear vein of anger in her eyes, he motioned for calm before continuing, "Not…not today. I couldn't save them. I could barely save Rise. I could barely save myself."
Mollified, she crossed the room to pull him into a hug. "I am glad to hear that you are at least listening to reason. I've already started letters of condolences, but I admit I'm not certain how well they'll be received. The both of us…we did what we could to calm her down. You by following after her to try and convince her that the lack of a bond was temporary, me by…letting Rise take the lead. Ulala and I had too much history, and it was wretched luck that put the three of them on the course they walked."
Holding her tighter, he let himself enjoy the feel of her against his body. "How many opportunities did I have to show her that I was at least interested? All it would have taken was one single conversation. One moment where I thought about something other than myself. They'd still be here, and I wouldn't…I wouldn't have to hate myself for thanking every star in the sky that it wasn't you." He felt her body stiffen slightly, and moved to separate from her.
"No!" Hauling him close again, she shook her head. "No…. I just…I wasn't…I didn't expect to hear what I was thinking mirrored like that." A shuddering sigh, her tears finally beginning to fall. "My first thought was anger. Because of her inability to just…just wait for one single moment to let people speak, three of my classmates, three of my allies, three of my friends, died. I almost lost a wonderful man. I almost lost Rise-chan. I felt…I feel so ashamed of myself for that. That I would be so self-centered to…to blame her for being murdered!" She laughed morosely. "I quickly turned my anger on all the other classes. I could hear them, through the door. 'I saw him, he just took off into the sky!' 'Shinji-kun will save us all!' 'When I see him next, I'm going to make sure to thank him properly.' Not a word about the bloodstain outside. Nothing about how three people were just executed. No, just mindless 'I'm going to drop my panties for him first!' It's vile."
His breathing steadied again, and he risked allowing himself to run a hand along her spine. "I…bought some stuff. I thought, maybe, we could get the others and…watch a movie, or play cards…something that would let us talk about whatever…when they were ready."
"An excellent plan." Leaning back slightly, she looked up into his eyes, not bothering to hide her own tears. "I'll let you bring them to the media room, and I'll ask Chiaki to bring what you bought there." When she went to break contact, and found herself restrained without force, she bit her lip.
"I hope…uhm…I don't want to…."
"I would very much appreciate a kiss."
Permission granted, Shinji put his heart into showing her his feelings for her. They were alive. They still had a chance to show one another how they felt. It might not be love, but he'd be damned if whatever it was, was bad.
+++++ The Blue House. (Thursday, September 2d, +12, Waning Crescent 3/4)
Rise and Yuka had both tackled him at the same time. Yukiko and Chie let him come to them, and drew strength from his holding them close. Sadayo and Isako, unlike the others, were found sitting in the library working on letters, lesson plans, and topics of discussion to help the nascent adults in their class come to grips with death. When he walked into the overlarge study, both women turned as one to observe him for a second before standing up so they would meet him on equal footing.
Looking at the spines of a long row of books that were at least ten times his own age, Shinji spoke without directly addressing anyone. "Somehow, over the course of twelve days, my life has gone from what I would believe could be universally considered 'unpleasant' to, again, what I would believe could be universally considered 'insane'." Pausing at a familiar tome of poetry regarding the pain of unrequited love, he gently ran a knuckle along the spine to stop himself from pulling it out and ripping it to shreds. "I would give anything to have been strong, or fast, enough to save them. I would give anything to have died in their place. I was not the first, nor could I have been the last." Turning to face them, he spoke plainly, "I will do what I can to make your jobs easier. I have no idea how to help you, but all you have to do is ask. While unrelated, I also want to make something perfectly clear: each of you are more than just 'kind of attractive' to me. Not because of your bodies, which I will admit are lovely to admire. Not because of your position as my teachers, which I will also admit is…a little exciting. But because instead of wallowing in misery, you're both sitting in here helping each other. Instead of dreading your responsibility, you're attacking it head on. Whenever I am fortunate enough to share your bed, I hope that you leave the experience with as much joy as I feel knowing that I might be given that opportunity."
Isako looked to Sadayo, shrugging and smiling. "He's serious. Genuine attraction without hormonal overdrive. He wants us, not just the fun bits."
"I also bought some random stuff I've never tried before. We're gathering upstairs to…not be alone. I'd like it if you'd join us, but I understand if you feel that you can't."
It was Sadayo's turn to blow out a sigh of frustration. "How are you this emotionally mature at seventeen years old?"
"I have no idea. I don't understand my emotions, I'm just…kind of doing what I think is right and hoping that I don't screw up."
+++++ The Blue House. (Thursday, September 2d, +12, Waning Crescent 3/4)
Shinji was not forced to wait terribly long for people to begin sharing stories, or letting go of emotional barriers. He'd grabbed one of his now enormous collection of card decks, quietly shuffling and practicing as he saw what an actual 'family' did to support one another through hard times. The random assortment of snacks and drinks were slowly consumed, discussed, and responsible for the occasional memory of some interaction the ladies had with the deceased. The movie playing in the background, its volume reduced to nearly nothing, was full of vibrant colors and spectacle that only served as a momentary respite from tragedy.
Several hours into the night, he'd set down most of the deck to instead practice with a single card. Making it disappear, or change, or switch from hand to hand. I should be angrier. The thought didn't surprise him when it voiced itself. He couldn't seem to summon any significant emotions from the more negative end of the spectrum, a fact that was neutral at worst in his mind. Yuka, Chie, and Isako all turned to frown at him in concern, while Rise and Mitsuru instead looked at him with sympathy.
Holding up the seven of hearts, where they could all see it, he tried to explain himself. "I look around, and all I see is this." With a roll of his fingers, it became the four of clubs. "But all I feel is this." Flicking his hand, it became the nine of diamonds. "And what's actually happening is this." Placing the card atop the deck, he picked it up and shuffled it twice before fanning the entire deck out. "Which is lost in all of this." Collapsing the deck, he pulled the seven of hearts from the middle without looking for it. "I don't know what to do with this, and I don't know why I'm not able to do anything about it." Standing, he motioned for everyone else to stay sitting. "I'm going to take a quick walk around the house. Try to find the words I'm missing."
The room he left was just as silent as the rest of the house itself. There were some workers moving about the tasks that kept the house clean and functional, a fact which caused a small surge of irritation in him. Now feeling something, he stopped at the stairwell and watched one of the women calmly cleaning and polishing a beautiful statue of a woman combing out her floor length hair. There was nothing offensive about her presence itself, she was rather handsome for a woman of over five decades. Nor was he upset with her motions, or her obvious caution over what was clearly an expensive work of art. She was practiced at her job, cared about how it was done, and was not making a production about doing it.
Slowly walking over, he decided to continue his drive to be more proactive. "Excuse me, ma'am?"
Setting down her tools, the woman stood up to her full one-point-four meter height before bowing gracefully. "Good evening, Ikari-sama. What might I do to assist you?"
He towered over her, the height difference much more noticeable up close. There was a strength in her, however, that seemed to completely avoid that immediate impression of weakness. "I…have some questions." She waited quietly for him to find the words he wanted to use, not rushing him or seeming impatient for the delay. "…How…uhm…how did you…no, that's not it." Blowing out a sigh of frustration, he raked his fingers through his hair. "I don't like seeing you work like this. You should be doing something…meaningful. I mean, I'm grateful that the house is clean! I'm grateful that you and your coworkers do what you do…I just…."
While not hesitant, she did not rush to interrupt him had he simply been struggling to put voice to something, "If I may?"
"Please," he urged her to try something.
"Would the sir prefer to do these things himself?"
"Prefer?" His brow knit. "I…maybe? I know how to do it, and would have had to do it…before…."
"Perhaps, then, the sir seeks out what is familiar to them? It bothers the sir that there is nothing 'familiar' to do, because those of us who are tasked with doing it have become quite efficient at our tasks." Her tiny hand gestured towards the statue. "The sir's mind is burdened by grief, and the first response to that grief is to find the well-worn tracks of the past."
He grunted, having thought something similar. "I…don't think so. I mean, I could just walk back in there and pick up after the princesses. I could serve them drinks, or snacks. This is something different. Honestly, yes I would prefer to do the work around the house myself. After a decade and a half serving someone that didn't lift a finger for themselves, I just have an aversion to watching someone do something I could do myself. But…that's not what's upsetting me."
"I have not found that the Kirijo family has been lax in looking after themselves, sir," the comment wasn't chiding, instead serving as informational. "In better times, they often hosted dozens of people a week. Charities, corporations, governmental workers, never enough time to do what must be done themselves. Is it, perhaps, that the sir simply disapproves of someone my age being employed in this manner?"
Leaning forward slightly, and catching the scent of a well-loved wooden chair, he shook his head again. "It's not…you. You don't smell empty." He caught a hint of confusion cross her eyes. "You already likely think I'm nuts, so I may as well explain that. There's…two groups of women that I've found. The first, and seemingly the larger group, smells empty. Like…thick, clinging blue smoke that has nothing inside of it but itself. Like…like a living void of intangible…it's hard to describe. I don't like it. The second group smells…different. Chie-chan smells like oranges, Yukiko-chan smells like cherries, Yuka-chan smells like fresh earth ready for planting. You smell like…like wood that's been taken care of by someone who loves the furniture. Like a wooden chair that would fit me perfectly. I've noticed the smell being evident from a distance, before I can actually smell it. Like a warning, or a memory I've never actually…."
"It is not my place to speak to the sir's mental state, though I believe he is simply more capable than any ordinary man. The spirits share things with humans when necessary, perhaps this scent is simply the spirits helping you choose proper companions in your journey." Nothing in her voice or emotions spoke of her lying or covering for a concern over his sanity. She believed that he had a gift, and that was that.
Quirking his lips off to the side, he let his eyes lose focus on the present as he thought about her answer. "Maybe." Something floated across his consciousness, drawing his attention away from the matter. "Were you married?"
"No, sir. My life has been full, living in service of the Kirijo family. Those few useful men that shared my employment were never of any interest to me. Too pompous or too interested in women less than half their age to notice their peers."
He barked out a laugh. "Their loss, then." Giving her a warm smile, he shook his head. "I think it is you, in particular. I just don't know why."
"I will request a transfer to-"
"No, no." He waved off the idea firmly. "I'm not upset with you. Not with how you look, or smell, or sound. Your voice is pleasant, your presence is comforting, and you are a very handsome woman to observe. I just…there is something about watching you work at these tasks that seems…wrong."
"Is there else that the sir would prefer I do?"
On impulse he pulled his cards back out of his pocket, shuffled them repeatedly, then held them out in a fan before her. "Pick a card, don't show me."
Finally showing a hint of hesitation, she reached out and took one of the cards closer to the middle. Holding it out before her, the value facing her, she resumed her calm airs.
He slapped the deck closed, then flicked the card with his right index finger. It responded by ringing like a gong and shimmering a verdant green. He knew, without knowing why or how, what that meant for the woman before him. Chiaki?
The small two-way radio attached to the maid's belt beeped, then issued, "Aichi-san, please report to the personnel office for new orders." Chiaki's voice was clear, and her intent to be listened to even clearer. "Kindly leave your work effects where they are, we will send someone to gather them."
Shinji smiled, comforted by the knowledge that Chiaki was always just a thought away. Thank you. "Four of hearts, by the way," he grinned helplessly as he took the card back.
+++++ NERV. (Thursday, September 2d, +12, Waning Crescent 3/4)
"Other than a need for physical affirmation of our affection for him, he didn't show anything terribly out of the ordinary." Ritsuko and Maya were seated in Kyoko's office, discussing what they'd managed to learn regarding what had clearly been a severe emotional change for Shinji. "He was steady, if a bit disaffected. He said that after losing the three young ladies today that he didn't want to wait to show me 'what he felt'. It wasn't just lust, but it also wasn't love. He wants us in his life, but he's not sure where or how."
With a slightly mischievous grin, the subcommander leaned in and asked quietly, "War es gut?"
"Better," she replied with a contented sigh. "My little lady and Shinji at the same time were more than I could keep up with."
Maya, for her part, was completely crimson in the cheeks. "He…proved to be very…eloquent. Loquacious. He…uhm, he never…you know…."
"Warten." Kyoko held her hand out slightly. "What do you mean?"
"No emissions," Ritsuko confirmed. "I didn't want to ask, because he was…very content with what we'd done. Once we were properly worn out, he kissed us each once more and left us to enjoy holding one another. I didn't put a condom on him, we didn't find a mess, and I'm positive we would have felt it if he'd refrained from pulling out. I don't know if he didn't because he didn't want to, or couldn't, and I didn't want to make something wonderful into another scientific endeavor on an evening where I was helping him settle himself."
Kyoko waved away her student's irritation. "Ja, ja. I don't disagree, but it is a point of data for us to consider. When we try again tomorrow, we might consider throwing one 'familiar' partner in with the others."
"You want me to ask him to come in tomorrow?"
"Want? No. I am ordering you to, though." Kyoko looked between the two women meaningfully. "According to his own comments, he can perform anywhere. Time is not going to suddenly stand still for us, and we are already far too limited in what we can do. Do I have to take over this project, or can you execute?"
The last thing Maya wanted was anyone else 'taking over'. "I will coordinate with his EA, ma'am…and I am doing so under protest."
"Protest recorded, recognized, and if you need me to I will frame it and hang it on my wall for everyone to see. Go get some sleep, both of you." She stood from her seat, and added without rancor, "I will be there tomorrow to observe the situation myself. Commander Ikari is becoming unsettled regarding this matter, and believe it or not I am trying to help him."
Maya got to her feet and saluted sharply, still angered but at least with greater understanding. "Understood, ma'am."
+++++ The Blue House. (Friday, September 3d, +13, Waning Crescent 4/4)
The midnight hour had come and gone as Shinji walked throughout the varying halls of the house. A veritable army of support staff were still in the process of shoring up their workspaces, while also doing what they had been hired to do to make sure that a group of proto-adults had what they needed to succeed. From time to time, he stopped, asked someone to draw a card, and discovered something else about what had been bothering him. People were discontent, and that discontent was burrowing into his mind uncomfortably.
He knew that they would have continued to work without complaint, knew that they would have done what was asked even as the world burned down around them. The people that had been employed were beyond loyal, beyond grateful to have the employment they did, they just felt they might have been better off in a slightly different position. He managed to create several new positions, performing tasks that still needed to be done but were more in line with what the person doing them would feel happiest with. He maximized everyone's inner contentment, even when their new job would require more effort to accomplish.
The last person he was 'fixing' was the woman who'd been assigned to replace some of what had been removed from his bedroom. Holding the ladder she was using, out of concern more than need, he watched as she expertly placed a pair of nails up to hang a new painting opposite his bed. His head was politely turned away, so as not to see up the dress she was wearing. "I would not say that I know what everyone wants, no." He'd been describing the process he'd been using to her, and unlike most of the others she had proven to be curious about the 'how' as much as the 'what'. "I know that someone is…not unhappy, per se, but not as happy as they could be. Really, what I think I'm doing is just pointing out what someone is hiding behind their masks. Chiaki-chan is taking care of the rest, and I'm offering ideas where I can."
"That's still odd, to me." Leaning back from the wall to make sure that the level she was using went through the center of both nails, she nodded in contentment with her work. "I couldn't tell you what I wanted for lunch, most days. What you're describing means that somehow, either Tachibana-san or you knows better than I do what I want."
"Only if the card you pick tells me that you're not as content as you could be."
"So is it the cards?"
"I doubt it, they're pretty standard."
Looking down at him, and noting that he was looking away, she grinned with approval and happiness at his display of manners. "Then that leaves us back where we started." Climbing down the ladder, she presented herself before him. "Let's get it over with, then. Maybe I can figure out what's going on once you've done your mojo."
A few shuffles later, he fanned out the cards before her. "Just pick one, and don't show me."
"What happens if I do?"
"…I don't know. I just…feel like I shouldn't look before I ask."
"Then let's try it when you look." Pulling out a card, she took note of the value and then showed him the face. "Queen of Clubs."
What he saw, unlike her, was not the Queen of Clubs. Within the physical borders of the laminated card stock, twisting in spirals and writhing in violent disarray was the truth of the woman holding the card. She hated carrots. She despised ignorant people. She refused to do anything less than her best, even to the detriment of other tasks she needed to complete. She desperately wanted to be loved. She wanted him to bend her over the balcony and- Clenching his eyes shut, he took the card from her and slammed it back down atop the deck.
"Ebikawa-san, report to the front desk immediately." A voice that wasn't Chiaki's radiated irritation through the carpenter's two-way radio, "Leave your equipment where it is, you have two minutes."
Forced by the visions still echoing in his head, Shinji fell heavily on his ass and had to fight simply to stay in an upright seated position. He had no chance to respond to the situation verbally, no opportunity to say that it wasn't her fault. He also, just as suddenly, had a pair of arms wrapped around his neck with the familiar scent of warm light accompanying them.
Shizuko stroked his chest, murmuring softly, "It is safe, Master. You can open your eyes without fear."
Stuck like a child with shampoo-tainted water running down their face, it took a physical effort for him to pry his eyes open. Each tiny fragment of light creating a fear of further pain, each motion stuttering and reversing, testing whether pain occurred before once more attempting with slightly greater force. When he managed to get his eyes open, he was unable to stifle a sigh of relief, and unwilling to not reach back and pull Shizuko around to sit on his lap as he held her. A confused miasma of words all struggled to be the first out of his mouth, joy at her safety warring against fear of what he'd just experienced battling an apology for what he'd done to her combating a plea for her to keep him safe.
Instead of speaking and adding to the confusion, Shizuko shifted her body about enough that she was able to press her lips to his. That one, singular, point of stability caused the entire waveform to collapse onto something real and tangible. When he deepened their kiss, pulling her tighter against him, she continued to enthusiastically participate. There was no anger in her heart for him, no hurt that he had inspired or provoked. Pure and joyful, she was simply glad that he was drawing relief from the wellspring of her soul.
The moment was interrupted by Chiaki's arrival in the room, though only because of the addition of another person in their area rather than anything that the woman herself did or attempted. When both participants in the kiss looked to her, she bowed a quick apology. "Is he well, Shizuko-san?"
"Yes, now that he has something physical to hold and anchor his mind to. His mind is not designed to experience or understand what was shown to him, and he had not sought out information that he had no right to have. The woman responsible, the one who fled this room when ordered elsewhere, attempted an act that very easily might have resulted in far more damage to his mind had he not reacted with the haste he displayed." Undercutting the normal enthusiasm in her voice was a strain of wrath that neither Shinji nor Chiaki had heard before from the typically docile angelic being. "Master's efforts were well ordered, and his precautions sensible. His attempts at restoring order to his surroundings were also recovering that order within his abused spirit, and she should be disciplined for damaging what he had been building."
Before Shinji could protest, Chiaki agreed fulsomely, "Her employment has been transferred back to the Kirijo Manor. A personnel review will determine whether she shall retain her employment at all, and I will include a factual detailing of what occurred. Shinji-sama, as you know, is most descriptive with his thoughts and I was paying close attention to what happened as it happened."
"He's also a big boy, who wears big boy pants, and can probably make big boy decisions if mommy would let him speak." Hikaru, now sitting on his desk and eyeing both Chiaki and Shizuko with irritation, drew everyone's attention with said irritation, "Or am I behind on human slang terms? Did I miss the point where 'Master' traded places with 'Property', or '-sama' became subordinate to '-san'?"
"Personnel decisions are not within his purview. Allowing him to decide the fate of his subordinates directly would create the appearance of favoritism, which would be unacceptable under any circumstances." Well aware of who she was addressing, Chiaki did not back down. "Shinji-sama made the decision to interject himself in the structure of their employment, which served as an acceptable introduction to those people working in his employ. Shinji-sama helped restructure their employment in a manner that improved how work would flow in the future. Shinji-sama did not, and will not, decide to hire or fire anyone. The review will take into account Ebikawa-san's actions before, during, and after this incident, it will operate without favor or bias, which will shield this household from lawsuits regarding improper termination or retention."
Hikaru leaned slightly closer, lowering her voice in a dramatic stage whisper, "It's adorable watching you attempt to justify your usurpation of his strength. Either he's strong, or he's not. Either you're loyal to the strongest, or you're not." Before Chiaki could retort, she hopped off the desk. "We need to get to sleep. You have a long day of fucking random women tomorrow, since school has been cancelled for the day. Don't want to approach that half-awake now, do we?"
Shizuko slipped free of Shinji's grasp, interposing herself between Hikaru and the man she was forever attached to. "It is my place to help him sleep, not yours. You remain outside this household, an intruder and not a guest, so if you would please see yourself out."
"…What have I done?" Hearing the typically upbeat angel speaking more and more like someone entirely different cut him deeply. "I…I hurt you." Taking Shizuko's hand, he tried to stop her from moving any closer to Hikaru. "I'm sorry. I didn't-"
Returning to her perch atop his lap, she hugged him tight and hushed him softly. "No, no, no. I am more than content at what has come to pass! I now serve someone who thinks first of what he might do to bring hope and life to those at risk of losing either or both. I serve someone who would never dream of usurping my own desires towards his ends. I serve someone with both strength and tenderness." Shuffling even closer when he set a hand on her back, she added, "I will see threats to you and your wellbeing eliminated, Master. I love you too much to not do what I can to protect you."
"She loves you so much that she's going to proactively remove anyone that she doesn't personally approve of," Hikaru faux-enthused. "Isn't it wonderful that she's saving you from the terrors of having to think for yourself?"
Shinji knew, deep in his bones knew, that Hikaru was right. That he couldn't both live his life and let someone live it for him. That if he couldn't choose who he interacted with, he'd never learn who he liked or didn't like. He'd spent over a decade learning that lesson, and he couldn't let himself go back to what was familiar without disappointing everyone. Helping Shizuko stand up, he stamped on further argument for the evening. "Thank you, Hikaru. You're right, in that I need to have the right to choose my own friends." Raising Shizuko's knuckles to his lips, he kissed them gently. "Thank you, Shizuko…for being kind to me even after I stole your choice from you." Straightening his spine, he looked to Chiaki with a hint of a frown. "Please make sure that Shizuko has appropriate accommodations available, and that someone comes to wake me up at oh-six. I want to be at the Red House before whoever they're bringing."
The unmistakable sound of a dismissal stung both women, but they departed without visible rancor or argument. Once the door was closed behind Chiaki, the last out of the room, Shinji looked to Hikaru for an explanation, which the powerful entity was perfectly happy to provide, "Only someone who is an irredeemable cunt goes up to the widow at a funeral to ask for a date. I'll ask the potential partners once things aren't quite so…sore."
Once more, a perfectly reasonable assertion from someone he'd not expected being inclined to reasonability. Tugging his shirt over his head, he moved towards the covers intent on sleeping for the few hours he had left. "Don't taunt my friends."
"Can't promise that, but I'll try to keep it to only the really unimportant things." Stretching cutely, she banished her clothes and slipped through space and time to climb under his blanket. Catching his frown go from 'normal' to 'displeased', she allowed the façade of nonchalance to fall away. "For tonight, let me sleep here, ok? Today was far too traumatic, and I can keep you from having nightmares. Nothing wrong with the occasional uninterrupted bout of unconsciousness, and I promise to keep my hands mostly to myself."
His expression softened, his mind once more agreeing with her reasonable intent. Climbing under the covers, he asked, "Mostly?"
Once he was lying on his side, she pushed her rear against his front and wrapped his arms around herself. "As in 'for the most part'. I'm going to hold your hands, which means that my hands won't be limited to my own body." Shifting around, settling the bits that he possessed where they maximized contact with the bits she possessed, she cut off the next question, "I said both 'my' and 'hands'. You holding my tits is your hands, and my thighs holding your weaponry does not involve hands. Now go to sleep, you've got a miserable day ahead."
She fit perfectly against him. There was no way for Shinji to deny that truth, as he lay holding her in his arms. Soft where he found it delicious, hard where he needed her to be, a part of his mind wondered how she'd feel atop him as the rest of his mind quickly gave in to unconsciousness.
Hikaru, however, did not need to sleep. Instead, she used her time in his arms attempting to reach out to the woman that she doubted seriously would be interested in hearing from her.
+++++ The Runic Throne
One of the few things The Wanderer disliked was when the women he loved tried to 'spare him from having to deal with something'. He was, and had been for quite some time, responsible for everything that happened in an ever-expanding sphere of influence. That Hikari had taken it upon herself to go and 'lasso' Lilith and Maria's sister was, while irritating, at least something that he wouldn't argue against. He hated his wife putting herself in danger, but he would never be accused of being controlling as a spouse.
When he felt the tiniest wiggle on the strands that connected his universe with the universe that he'd been focusing on of late, he almost let it go 'unnoticed'. It was aimed at Lilith, not him. He did not let it go, though. Because if he found out that she was manipulating another universe like she had with The Silent One's, he was going to have to make good on a promise he'd made that would break his heart. With an annoyed gesture, he solidified the mirror that allowed people to communicate across realities. The first thing he took note of was that the person on the other side was really surprised, and the second thing he took note of was that she was laying naked against the 'him' that was being tested in that dimension. "You have one chance at survival: did my wife make contact with you at any point since you took up residence in that reality?"
"No." The answer, without any form of embellishment or hesitation, was made with unwavering eye contact.
He nodded, accepting her word. "I was wondering if you existed. Hadn't thought to ask Lily or Maria, mainly because discussing their past is very painful."
"Which is one of the reasons I'm laying here in your arms," Hikaru agreed, grateful that the conversation wasn't going somewhere dark. "I, uh…I was actually hoping she could put me in touch with you."
"That would have turned out poorly for everyone. In the future, contact me directly." Relaxing back into his chair, he gestured for her to ask what she would.
"First, and I promise I'm not being a fangirl, I want to say that I'm really enamored with your management style. Good balance of 'hands-off' and 'focused oversight'. Probably wouldn't be in the mess I'm in, if the prior occupant of your position had done the same. Might have been able to save my boss, if nothing else."
"You're already on my dick, let's get on with it."
She winced. "Y-yeah. Sorry. What are the chances that I could convince you to perhaps pull your sister-in-law out of this reality…permanently?"
"For what purpose?"
"Because she stands as much chance against The Great Will as that adorable penguin you have back there, and giving this asshole his own reality, disconnected from everything else, would make him the most powerful being in here…except for you."
His eyebrow raised a hair. "Altruism?"
"No, that's just what's in it for you. As upset as Lilith is with her sister, I doubt she'd want her to be pushed back into sexual subservience to a micro-dicked tinpot dictator." She shrugged one shoulder slightly. "He's an unsufferable prick at the best of times, when you move against him wouldn't it be better that he doesn't have hostages?"
"…You're asking me to interfere in the trial."
"I'm asking you to stop her from interfering in the trial. The trial's already been interfered with. By her very nature, she's an irregularity in the process. If you limit further interference, and it just happens to benefit everyone, isn't that better than just letting her do whatever and causing everyone an even larger headache?"
"And what's in it for you?"
"…."
The incredulity faded from his expression, replaced with both empathy and understanding. "I see."
"…Please?"
"I will present your case to my wives. They've chosen to 'handle' Qodeshah, and I do not make a habit of mucking about in their business without notifying them." He motioned for calm with one hand. "I'm sure they'll listen to reason, I'm offering you full disclosure to show that when I say that you will no longer attempt to sneak around me you understand that you will be treated as you treat me, yes?"
She nodded eagerly. "Deal! You have my word. I'll come straight to you, in the future." Looking back behind herself at the sleeping Shinji of her reality, she then asked one final important question, "If I have kids with you, is that going to…be a problem?"
The Wanderer's eyes closed, his irritation climbing. "We exist as mostly separate from one another. We try not to look at it as 'our' children, so much as our children. The Silent One is happy being an uncle, and I am enjoying being a father. If he," he flicked a finger at the Shinji Ikari sleeping in the arms of an angel, "gets along well enough with you to have kids, then I will enjoy being an uncle as well."
"Understood…and…you know…thanks."
"Go to sleep, don't let him dream alone." The order given, he shut down the connection between realms. Mentally reviewing the conversation several times, he shook his head with a sigh. "A Faustian bargain, or just a stroke of luck…she does make it incredibly difficult to trust her." Standing from his seat, he decided that if nothing else he would keep his word.
+++++ The Blue House. (Friday, September 3d, +13, Waning Crescent 4/4)
Shinji woke up slowly, but more importantly alone. His first reaction was to look around, try to see if he was actually awake or just dreaming he was. Slipping out of the bed, he began to feel the light tug of several other people's existences in the house. Mitsuru, Rise, each person that was connected to him somehow started to rise in his awareness. Accepting he was awake, at least to avoid spending the next however long worried over something he couldn't change, he moved to take a shower. It was half past five, and there was no point in wasting any time lazing about.
Cleaned in short order and dressed in comfortable clothes, he hurried down to the first floor and approached the little kiosk that had been set up for any of the residents to ask for help. The woman seemed surprised to see him, but recovered quickly. "Good morning, sir. Is there something I can help you with?"
He began to feel more and more restless, and less and less like he wanted to be where he was. "Ask security to bring a car around. I want to get to the Red House early…need to try and get to know something about…them."
The woman was quick to pick up the phone and dial the security office. "Good morning, Agent, this is the front desk. Ikari-sama has requested transportation to the Red House be made available immediately. How long should I tell him you will be?" She nodded at the answer. "Understood, thank you. I will let him know, and ask him to wait where you've indicated." Hanging up, she looked at him with a carefully neutral expression. "They will have a vehicle at the front door in three minutes, and have asked you to wait inside for the time being as a matter of safety."
It made sense, so he nodded in acceptance and walked over to stand near the door and analyze the potted plant growing next to it. He had no school today. No obligations except…. Pushing away the mental comparison between his past and humanity's future, he turned back to the front desk. "Could you please leave a message for Chiaki, asking her to make sure that I have a chance to sign…something, for Kirishima-san, Serizawa-san, and Yoshizawa-san?"
"Of course, sir. My deepest sympathies for your loss, they seemed like fine young women."
How was he supposed to respond to that? …Was he supposed to respond? He was saved from venturing a guess by the door opening to reveal Shiori Miyashiro, her visage grim. Once more, he wasn't entirely sure what to say or do. A fact that was plastered all across his features.
"C'mon," she urged him forward, "we'll talk in the car." Once he was standing by her, she put her arm around his torso and held him close to her side as she hurried him to the vehicle away from the noticeable crowd that had gathered at some point during the evening. "It's ok," she whispered gently. "I promise, we're still ok. I'm not upset with you, and I hope deep in my heart that you're not upset with me. Just focus on me, ok? Don't focus on them."
He found himself easing into her embrace, realizing exactly how many people were now being held back from rushing towards him by a cordon of guards. Cries of 'Shinji-kun, Shinji-kun, over here!', 'Ikari-sama, we love you!', among other even less socially appropriate catcalls. A surge of anxiety raced along his nerves, and it was only owing to Shiori's proximity that he didn't turn back around and barricade himself inside the Blue House.
Once he was safely in the armored car and they were underway, Shiori took his hands and filled his face with her presence. "It's ok. Everyone's safe, everyone is going to stay safe. Those idiots will not get near the House, they won't get near you, they're going to stay well away from everyone and everything. I have you, and I'm not letting you get hurt."
Her steady hands, calm voice, and comforting presence kept him from coming completely unwound. He couldn't even begin to put his thoughts in order now, and the first thing that came out was the purest distillation of what it was to be Shinji Ikari, "I-I'm s-sorry…."
"Don't be." Shifting over to where she sat next to him, she kept up her efforts at comforting him with proximity and affectionate touches. "I know you'll let me back in when you're strong enough to handle it. I had a chat with Ayase-chan, got an idea of what was going down. She made the right call, prioritizing the people that were able to give you the strength needed to fight on. As far as I'm concerned, our deal is still fully valid. You and I share ourselves with each other from time to time, I keep you safe and find the right people to keep the princesses safe, and together we make sure to keep humanity safe."
Whether it was her words or actions, or a combination of the two, the tension he'd built up began to relax. She wasn't just saying things to calm him, her emotions smelled cleanly of an honest affection for him. She wasn't angry, or hurt, just frustrated at the people outside the car. It felt wonderful to be the focus of, and allowed him to say, "I promise, I'll try to figure out how to."
"Of course you will." Ruffling his hair, she bumped against him playfully. "In your position, I'd want to bind me up too. I'm a damn fine catch, thank you very much." His bark of a chuckle brought a genuine smile out of her. She'd stopped him from losing his cool, which had been the main goal of everything. "You ok, now?"
"Yeah…that," he turned to look back out the rear window towards 'home', despite them already being well out of sight, "that was insane. What happened?"
"We're looking into that," she assured him. "We didn't publicize your address, nor would we. If we manage to find the source, I'll let you know, promise." His head turned back to her, the obvious question plain to see. "Partners, right? I'm relying on you to be a part of your own safekeeping. That means I need to keep you informed about dangers, even after they've been neutralized. It'll help you keep your eyes open for future problems. Have to learn from the past to prevent repeating the mistakes it made."
Unconsciously reaching over, he set his hand on her knee and squeezed in gratitude. "Thank you." With a deep breath, he purged himself of the last of his nerves. "Thank you."
The rest of the ride was quiet, with Shiori working on her phone to keep up to date on what her personnel were doing and Shinji lightly running his palm along her lower quadriceps. She wasn't going to tell him to stop making her feel good, and he wasn't going to ask her to stop doing her job to talk to him instead. If this was what her life would become, a morning car ride to work with an attentive and affectionate man, the occasional romp in a quiet place, and a sense of satisfaction that her work was both appreciated and supported? In her opinion she could do a damn sight worse. A small grin curled one side of her lips, So could he.
+++++ Author's Note.
Apologies for the break in service. Promise, I'm still working on the story.