We Are (Not) Cursed

by BardInTheForest

(Pax Ikari vol III) When Shinji Ikari rides the train from Nagano to Tokyo-3, he is made the epicenter of a reality altering event. With the reality he had occupied now changed forever, he must conceive of a future that will accomodate diametrically opposed ethos. A man who has never known love is now responsible for the fate of the very humans he's been kept from, for good or ill.

52. Chapter 52

+++++ NERV. (Tuesday, September 7th, +17, New Moon 4/4)

Yui's mood was dark. Dark in the way that deep space had been. Dark beyond the simple absence of light. Very few would have known, however, and the two that were presently in her office with her carried the burden of the knowing. "We need her expertise," she said in the calm, detached, voice she was known for. "We can set up protections against her interacting with my son alone, and we can monitor her activities, but we cannot replace her. Ritsuko-chan is not quite ready yet, and the difference between a journeyman's work and a master's is quite possibly the difference between my son winning a fight and us losing everything."

The Wanderer, having stopped by to deliver a report in person to the woman who can't have been his mother in the reality they were standing within, agreed with his host, "Working with the lesser evil is an equation that requires constant balancing. I would encourage you to bring your Ritsuko Akagi in on this, though. She's always been up to the challenge in my reality, and with a good reason to improve I doubt she'll leave you disappointed."

"Part of her reason for not pushing too hard, is that we both find it adorable how she tries to hide her relationship with dear Maya." Kyoko Zeppelin, the native of the reality they were standing within, smiled sadly. "We approve of their partnership, just as we approve of them taking precautions to not upset proper decorum. The potential upset, however, is long gone. There just aren't that many people left, and romance arising out of bleak circumstances is far more forgivable if its only 'sin' is unbalancing the command structure ever so slightly."

"The UN's rules regarding intra-command romance are worthless, now," Yui murmured, looking once again at the monitors that showed The Wanderer's daughter's vitals. "If we provide them official sanction, and a legal waiver, I doubt that anyone will make a fuss. Maya-chan would never accept favoritism, and Ritsuko-chan is likely to push her harder, not go easier on her."

"That does sound like Ritsuko," The Wanderer stated with a chuckle. "What is your plan for after you feel she's ready to assume her mother's mantle?"

Yui looked back to him, hearing in his tone the several layers of curiosity. He knew how angry she was. He knew, because he'd been cursed with the same temper she struggled constantly with. "…Justice is not a synonym for vengeance. She attempted to convince my husband to cheat on me. She failed. There is nothing illegal, per se, that she's provably done. However, she holds too many proprietary secrets to just fire her. We have more than enough room to…isolate her."

"Create air-gapped terminals, line her 'housing' with signal nullifying materials, provide her with something to keep her busy that she can't turn into anything dangerous," Kyoko ticked off items on her fingers as she continued her friend's logic. "It will be a comfortable prison, but one she'll have to accept if she wishes to live."

"You'd kill her?" The Wanderer's question wasn't pointed, simply direct.

"In a heartbeat, if I felt that she was going to endanger our mission." Kyoko looked at him without pity or remorse in her eyes. "We are expendable, die kinder…not so much. I will ensure that they have everything they need to stop this world from falling," a small frown crossed her lips, "as odd as it might sometimes seem."

Already dealing with the oddities of the world he stood within, The Wanderer was less shy about questioning the women present, "Are you going to tell her?"

There was a heavy pause, paired with a frost growing from the side of the room Yui occupied. "Tell me what," she asked with far too much politeness in her tone.

"Du bist kein netter Mann," Kyoko growled at The Wanderer before turning to Yui. "Your son…desires me."

The frost stopped dead. Yui's eyebrow lifted slightly in anticipation of further details.

"I…have to admit that I am…not opposed to his advances."

She rolled her eyes. "You are not related to him, Kyoko-chan. He's already going to be sleeping with several thousand women in an effort to figure out some way of replenishing our population. Just don't hurt him, and I won't have a reason to hurt you." Her demeanor, for the first time since the meeting had started, became noticeably positive. "At least I'll know that he has one very capable lover."

The comment prompted its target to also roll her eyes. It did not, however, cause The Wanderer to feel…embarrassed. "I had meant to ask, but we seem to keep being distracted." He hesitated but found that both women were giving him their total attention. "Was there anything…odd, or maybe even difficult, with Shinji's birth?"

"Nothing significant," Kyoko replied. "I was his presiding doctor. He had a little difficulty expelling the last of the fluid from his lungs, had a stronger than normal grip, and was otherwise very quiet. Why?"

"I'm scanning the infinite multiverse for variations of myself that are capable of helping me defend against things that go bump in the night…every little bit of data can only help." It wasn't entirely honest, but there were too many unknowns to be completely open with them.

+++++ NERV. (Tuesday, September 7th, +17, New Moon 4/4)

Sadayo Kawakami was in heaven. She knew this had to be heaven, because there was no possible way that she remained on earth while receiving the kind of love and gentle affection that Shinji was lavishing on her. He had discovered, to both of their surprise, that the bathtub had a hidden hammock-style feature that allowed someone to lay in the water without having to focus on not drowning. Kept aloft in steaming hot water by the hammock, encouraged to fall asleep by the far-too skilled massage of Shinji, she was forced to talk to keep herself from falling asleep and missing a single moment. "The Diet, or what remains of it, has decided to wait until we have an accurate census to restart school. After The Wanderer explained his 'sanctuary strategy' for those citizens that 'don't meet breeding standards', they all but surrendered the nation to him on the spot."

"It's difficult to believe that he's just another version of me, sometimes." Shinji had kept his ministrations on 'socially acceptable' locations, not wanting to presume overmuch and hurt Sadayo's feelings. Working on a stubborn spot on her left foot, a knot of muscles that refused to relax, he was far more engaged in the conversation than she believed he was. "I could stand up on a stage, with a full microphone and speaker system, shouting that it wasn't a good idea to swallow plutonium and people would still just throw it in their mouths. He tells us that he's me from another dimension, and everyone just…trusts."

Curling the toes of her right foot, she nudged his chin with that foot so that he faced her. "We trust you too," she assured him with a steady smile. "You, however, prefer to let your actions speak for you. You also prefer to let Mitsuru-chan, or Yuka-Chan convey your thoughts. There's nothing wrong with that, but you can't exist as an introvert and expect success as an extrovert. The Wanderer is…I think he's forcing himself to be extroverted. That doesn't mean you have to, nor does it mean you can't if you want to try."

The conversation had turned on something he was curious about, prompting him to kiss the top of her right foot in gratitude. "So you think I can remain introverted? I won't have to…I don't know, start giving speeches to rally the people who are left?"

Her heart warmed at how he treated her far better than anyone had ever tried to, and all without trying to. "I believe that you have a wealth of talent around you. Mitsuru-chan has been raised to lead. Rise-chan, as a former idol, knows how to both hold and work a crowd. Yuka-chan is finally displaying the intellect I've always known she hid behind the veneer of anti-establishment playfulness." The teacher in her couldn't leave the last two students out of her praises, though their talents weren't germane to his question, "Chie-chan would happily act as a living bulwark against social obligations for you, and Yukiko-chan understands how to keep 'customers' at arm's distance. Isako…she's much more polished in her public persona than I am. I don't doubt that you'll have her full support in whatever you choose."

He felt the knot give way, and saw the rush of endorphins perform their magic on Sadayo's face. "And you?"

"Blunt," she replied breathily. "I'm…blunt. I'm not cut out for diplomacy, so I can't help you there."

He nodded, agreeing that 'blunt' and 'diplomatic' weren't typically conjoined. "You wouldn't be upset if I didn't want to pretend to be an extrovert?"

Her eyelids had become too heavy to keep open, the glory of having her pain drained allowing her a level of relaxation she'd not had in decades. "I want you to become whatever you want to become. As a teacher, that's my goal for all of my students. As a human, that's my hope for all humanity."

"Mmm." He floated forward, barely causing a ripple in the water as he moved between her legs to start on her calves. "I want to be the best partner all of you could ever have. I want to love, like I've discovered is possible."

Far too relaxed now, she sighed out, "It would be nice to be loved by, and to be able to love, someone as wonderful as you."

"So you don't think you love me?" The question held no pain, no darker emotions at all. It was an inquiry, nothing more.

She replied with complete honesty. "I don't know any more about love than you do. I know that I missed my mom when I moved here to take the job. I know that she was very important to me, and that I cared about being on her good side. I've never…yeah, never looked at someone and had 'butterflies', or a sense that I'd just die without them accepting me. I want you around, though. I want to have you smile at me, like you did when you saw that I was ok. I want you to come to me with questions, trusting that I know the answers. I…really want more time like this with you, even though it's not really 'right'." His hands working their magic on her tired legs felt so wonderful. "Nothing about what's happening to us is 'right', though. In a sane world, you'd end up with one of the ladies your age. You'd marry, have kids, and spoil her with affection and attention. Now…."

"Now?"

She took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. "Now I'm just hoping your mother doesn't have me assassinated for not being more responsible with her son." With a light giggle, she added, "But if I have to go, at least I get to go having had you spend time engaged in intimacy with me." She felt his fingers slowly trail away from where they'd been performing miracles, wondered at why he hadn't said anything in response to her admission, and was about to ask if everything was ok when she felt his lips alight on a much different portion of her anatomy than before. Surprise caused her to clench slightly, but the unexpected joy his 'kiss' brought her smoothed that over nicely.

+++++ NERV. (Tuesday, September 7th, +17, New Moon 4/4)

It was much later in the day before anything significant raised its head to disturb the peace. Chie and Rise were dancing in front of a large television, playing a rhythm-based game on two platforms with nine foot-sized buttons for input. Mitsuru was going through résumés with Isako and Sadayo helping provide 'outside opinions' on the potential women. Yukiko and Yuka were chatting with Catherine d'Azincourt, the topics something that involved a lot of 'finger drawing' on the table they were huddled around. Everything, as far as Shinji was concerned from his seat off to the side, was well-balanced. He'd pulled up a list of his previous engagements in Unit-01, watching the footage in search of an explanation that he doubted could be found outside of the entry plug. His review had reached the point where he'd slaughtered the alien being responsible for the deaths of Sumire, Eriko, and Ulala, his hand unconsciously rewinding and replaying the gory scene over and over and over, when the bells that indicated someone was at the door rang out into the room.

"Hey guys, it's Shiori Miyashiro." The speaker's audio fidelity was good enough to capture her fatigue, and still indicate that she wasn't happy to have to show her face. "Mind if Katsuragi and I come in?"

Everyone's heads swiveled at once to Shinji, who hadn't heard the bell or the head of his security. So fixated on the battle that his mind had regressed back to what he was feeling during the conflict, he wasn't 'present' to register an opinion. The murderous scowl stopped anyone from bothering him, the silent consensus being to let the two women enter but warn them that Shinji wasn't up for company.

Isako stood from her seat, unsealing the door and answering the questioning look both Shiori and Misato held in a hush, "He's been watching his fights. I think he's 'checked out'."

"Yeah, no," Misato groaned as she walked over to break the loop he was stuck in, "this is PTSD." Her first act was to turn off the monitor, then point out how he kept repeating the physical movements as if he was still watching what was no longer displaying. "Don't be surprised if I have to defend myself." With no further warning, she sat down on his lap and drew his attention to her by physical presence.

His eyes locked on hers. His hands twitching for controls that weren't in the room. "You…how…."

"You're not there," she whispered soothingly, running the backs of her fingers along his cheek. "You're safe. You're in a room with a whole bunch of beautiful women." Using the same hand, she urged him to look towards where everyone was standing nervously. "Much better place, huh? No blood and guts, no fighting to survive, just a lot of women who're worried about you."

The muscles along his neck spasmed, confusion and doubt growing in his eyes. "B-but…h-how am…. I can't be…."

"A fun little human reflex known as 'post-traumatic stress disorder'. You've been dwelling on your fights, your mind is trying to process what you've experienced, and it's all far too overwhelming." He went to speak, and she set her fingertip on his lips. "And it would be overwhelming for anyone. This doesn't make you weak, and nobody worth listening to thinks less of you for it."

Anger surged forward in his heart. "They should," he snapped. Standing up he tossed Misato down onto the chair he'd vacated, then turned and stormed towards the door into the bedroom. "How many people have I managed to get killed because I wasn't good enough? How many more pools of blood do I have to find before you all realize that?!" What he didn't notice, in his confused state, was that the door he opened had turned blue and no longer opened up into the solitude of his bedroom. By the time that he was through the threshold and slammed the door behind himself, he scowled at the unexpected alternate destination. "…The…."

"Velvet Room," a friendly voice filled in from nearby. Standing as tall as Shinji, the entity known as Elizabeth stood behind a long bar drying a glass with a pristine white rag. Her platinum hair and yellow eyes were accentuated with a hint of a smile of greeting. "It's nice to see you return here, we don't often receive repeat visits from our customers. Please, come have a seat. Your destination is still a ways off, and I'll make sure you reach it safely."

That he was asked to was enough to set him in motion towards the barstool. That he was asked politely stopped him from allowing his anger to continue. "I…apologize for before," he said, seating himself. "Hikaru-chan is…."

"Frustrating?"

"As good a way to describe her as any."

Elizabeth set the glass she'd been cleaning down, leaning her elbows on the bar and looking him over. "You do a good job of hiding it, I think."

It took him a second to follow her on the non-sequitur. "I've had a lifetime of practice. Anger is just unfocused fear. I've been afraid my entire life…it was pretty easy to learn how to control my anger once I realized the two were connected."

"True, but not many people compartmentalize the entire thing like you've done. You love them, but you know that you would probably love anyone that approached you in the same set of circumstances…so long as they weren't evil."

He couldn't maintain eye contact. "It's…."

"Rational, but not necessarily healthy." Tapping one immaculately lacquered nail against the bar in a steady beat, she waited for him to look back towards her. "That's the problem with letting other people dictate your life, you know. The purpose of this little slice of paradise is to help humans make choices. It's why we often don't see repeat customers, really. You come here, you discover what you are inside, you leave. With the knowledge of who you are, you can make all of the choices you need to. Some few, like you, make choices that are far more…impactful. Your choices are going to shape the destinies of countless living beings, and until you can figure out what you want to be there's going to be a need for you to come back here and seek what you are."

"I know what I am," he refuted.

"Oh?"

"I'm a mistake."

"So you believe what your Shadow tells you?" Her head tipped to the side a few degrees. "Then why present yourself to the world as a bulwark against destruction? Your Persona is that of a Hero."

"That's all it is, a mask. A disguise. Another lie in a life full of them."

Elizabeth sighed, truly saddened by what was before her. "How dreadful humanity is, that hearts with potential such as yours are treated with such callous disregard. Have you considered leaving them to their fate? Striking out on your own, as you feel you should?"

"Abandon them, just like I was abandoned?" He looked away again, searching the room with his eyes as his mind wandered dark paths. "Yes. I've considered it…and if Chie hadn't bound herself to me, I might have."

"And since you love her, even though you don't understand how or why, you can't leave anymore."

Shinji nodded slowly, his head still turning to take in the room. "She's a good woman, with a good heart, and a good set of principles. She wants to protect the people she cares for. She wants to be better than she is now, in whatever way she can be. I'm a mistake, not a monster…I can't just abandon someone who thinks I'm worth as much as she does."

"What of the others?"

"Yuka's selfish, but she knows she is and doesn't let that side of her run things. I'm her chance to prove her family wrong, to prove society wrong. You could argue she's using me, but I don't sense that in her. She's willing to suffer to help me. That's not abuse…it's a fair trade. She knows I'll suffer, and she doesn't use either of our suffering as leverage. I doubt many men could say that with full confidence about their partner."

"Go on."

"Mitsuru's trapped. She wants me all to herself. She wants me to be what her father couldn't be. But she was raised better than to push those things on me. I can't belong to only her, no matter how wonderful it would be. I'm never going to be someone standing before the public reassuring them that everything is under control. I'm not built that way. Since she can't have all of what she wants…I think she deludes herself into thinking that what I am is enough."

"Perhaps."

"Isako…." He shrugged his shoulders. "All she's ever wanted is to be accepted as an equal. She wanted a husband who wouldn't shame her for her drive, wouldn't tell her that she couldn't affect change, wouldn't expect her to be barefoot, pregnant, and in the kitchen. She wants to help the children in her care, to nurture them and see them grow into a better generation than the one before them. I'm…I'm Mount Everest, to her. An almost insurmountable challenge. A chance for her to stand atop the highest peak and scream to the world that she can do it."

"That is one perspective, yes." She waited for a few moments, letting him choose to continue, or not. After it seemed that he wouldn't speak without further prompting, she nudged him, "The others?"

"Still have a chance to leave. To find somewhere better for them. To not be drowned in the madness of my life." This time, he turned to look directly at her, confidence and surety radiating off of him as he spoke, "If I was given a choice, I would accept what I have and say 'no more'. No more lost souls finding their home in my life. No women accepting less and forcing me to take more. No deaths on my conscience, on my hands, on my soul." He opened his mouth to continue, then thought through what he was about to say and closed it. Reshaping the thought to be less petulant, he concluded, "I don't know who I am…but I do know that whatever demented cycle of pain and torment that caused my past must end with me."

"And you would end it by restricting your love, instead of letting it grow free of constraint?"

"I would end it by swallowing a bullet, if I weren't essential to the defense of what remains of humanity."

"So you agree that the many outweigh the one?"

"No, I agree that those people I've met deserve better than to die or be enslaved because I was too much of a fucking coward to put my shoulder into it," he countered without heat. "My job is to fight giant alien creatures. I'm the only one who can, so I'm the one who will…no matter what it ends up costing me."

A quiet chime interrupted the flow of the conversation, earning a brief scowl from Elizabeth that bordered on anger. Before a heartbeat had passed, she was once again offering her guest a gentle smile. "I appreciate your willingness to speak with me, my friend. Please, feel welcome to return anytime," her words finished, she gestured towards the door he'd come through. "Your destination awaits."

Standing up, he bowed politely to his hostess. "I'm sorry for disturbing you. Thank you for taking care of me."

Returning the formulaic farewell, Elizabeth replied, "It was no bother at all. Please, feel forever welcome in The Velvet Room."

Deciding it would be best to say nothing more, for fear of it sounding either petulant or angry, Shinji turned and walked to and through the door. Instinct had him duck beneath a large, long, cylindrical object just as he set foot…somewhere else. Rolling out of the way of the branches that remained upon the trunk of the tree he'd barely managed to avoid being struck by, he was up in a defensive stance with the long dagger Motsuki had given him just before he was surrounded by a number of powerful women. Still stuck in an angry and defensive mindset, the deck of cards that had grown to prefer him popped into existence at his shoulder, a quintet of cards floating around the rest ready to act as necessary.

"That's quite enough," a tall, olive-skinned, woman took a step closer than any of the others, turning her back to Shinji and motioning for everyone to give him room, "we're not under attack. Motoko could hardly have expected him to appear where he did, and anyone having an evergreen thrown at him is perfectly within their rights to anticipate further assault."

Landing next to the woman who called for peace, what Shinji could only describe as a miniature Unit-01 painted in black instead of purple asked, "What are you doing here?" The voice coming through the speakers was harsh, clearly feeling very keenly the need to protect the women around him.

Shinji hesitated, then asked, "Do you know The Wanderer?"

"Yes." Taking off his helmet and putting it under one arm, a close enough to mirror version of Shinji smirked in frustrated amusement. "Did he send you here?"

"No. I came on my own. I just didn't know if I should talk to you about it without knowing if you knew him." Purposely glancing around at the retreating women, the surrounding area, and the sky above, Shinji hoped that he could put the other man at ease. "I was getting away from Misato before I did or said something reprehensible, walked through a door and ended up in The Velvet Room, then walked back out and…was here."

"The Fates often send us where they will, whether we ourselves will or no," the woman beside him stated, more to her version of Shinji than anyone else. "Should we send him back?"

"For the sake of our conversation," his counterpart offered, "let's just call each other 'brothers'. Referring to me as 'The Silent One' or Shinji is going to become either a mouthful or an annoyance, and I get the feeling you're here for a reason."

"Because my mother couldn't be bothered to keep me around, my aunt couldn't be bothered to keep it in her pants, and life can't be bothered to leave me the fuck alone," Shinji stated flatly. "I agree there's probably more…but I'd like to think that's reason enough."

The woman walked closer, taking up Shinji's empty hand in both of her own. "It may be small solace, but I am grateful that you are 'here', at least in the grander scheme. Without you, I would not have been returned to my beloved husband's side. I am Hera, and I offer you what comforts I may for as long as you wish for them."

Now face to face with someone he'd managed to resurrect, Shinji had no clue what to do or say. "I…uhm…I'm glad."

"Normally when someone thanks you, 'you're welcome' is a good start for replying," The Silent One chortled. "There are other options, 'of course' is one that comes to mind even if it's a bit more rude."

"Do not mind my husband," Hera laid an arm around Shinji's shoulders and moved him towards a staircase leading up a nearby hill, "he's fond of believing that he's funny. We allow him his illusions, as it keeps him happy."

The Silent One took his other side, idly spinning his helmet on one finger. "You going to keep that weapon out, or are we going to be able to talk without me flattening you?" Hearing Shinji's growl, he met his glare with one of his own. "My house, my rules. Keep it sheathed, or I turn you into a pancake."

"There will be no violence amongst family," Hera announced with a thunderclap from the skies above. "I have offered him sacred Xenia, husband. Do not allow your darker inclinations free rein."

He didn't need the dagger. The woman next to him would maintain the peace, which meant him remaining armed was being rude to someone he should know better than to be rude to. "My apologies, Hera-san." He allowed the dagger to de-manifest. "It was rude of me to presume that I was in danger."

"No," The Silent One ground out between clenched teeth, "it wasn't. It's pretty natural to feel threatened on this rock." Dismissing his own helmet, but retaining the armor beyond it, he reached over and gripped Shinji's shoulder. "What can we do to help? If you're able to hop dimensions, I'm starting to seriously worry about the validity of our brother's test."

There was a moment where Shinji could smell the worry in his brother's statement. "The story is…a bit winding. Do you have any water around here?"

+++++ The Runic Throne.

The Wanderer stood in front of an enormous screen, little inset displays showing the world leaders that had aligned their fortunes with the Ikari Empire. "…soil viability assessments are showing positive signs for future crops. Thanks to all of your efforts, the refugees to the Silent World will be able to eat long enough to get an agricultural base started for themselves. I hope you will pass on my gratitude to your peoples, my friends. We've managed a miracle, and saved a lot of lives in the process."

A rumble of agreement, and assurances that the message would be broadcast 'locally' was his reply. After a long moment of allowed freedom, Kelly returned the meeting to order. Her long green hair shimmering as she looked from side to side of the screen, her position below the platform her husband stood upon allowing her a good perspective of 'troublemakers'. "That is all we have for today's agenda, folks. Please continue to pass along queries or concerns through your usual channels, we'll be meeting again next month to discuss the border disputes in North America, so please be ready to focus on that particular topic. Thank you again for being here." After allowing another moment for pleasant goodbyes, she pushed the button that cut the feed off from their end, turned around, and asked bluntly, "What has you wound up? You've spent the past few days with storm clouds growing around you, and I can't think of the last time the children have gone so long without a proper goodnight story from you. We've been patient, but you need to give me something or you're going to end up with a lot of 'one-on-one' talks."

"Kelly…I love you," he replied with a heavy sigh. "I'm contemplating how much responsibility I bear for what's going on with the male populations. My brother's world is…not a good candidate to draw data from. But I've noticed a trend in many of the worlds we're monitoring as potential candidates of a heavy swing in the ratio of male to female civilians."

Hopping up onto the edge of his platform, and letting him take her arms so she could bounce over the railing that stopped him from tumbling off, she sat on that railing and tugged on him to take a seat in his chair. "So you're thinking that you're subconsciously changing the populations that draw your eye?"

"It's not exactly a secret that I have hang-ups regarding men over the age of thirteen."

"But there's no reason to think that you're petty enough to set up systems that would kill them." She waved off his cynicism when he raised an eyebrow. "Yes, you can get pretty dark when things get hard. No, I've never seen you once choose violence as the first option. I would think that, by now, someone would have mentioned it to the rest of us if they saw you heading down a genocidal path. Iri, or Lily, or even Iris would have certainly confronted you."

"Ok…but what if I am?" He leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. "I don't know how I am, so I wouldn't know how not to. What if this is 'natural'? Hard times make hard people who make hard decisions. Preferring females to survive over males is a civilization instinct to prevent population bottlenecks. We're able to manage a five-to-one ratio this way a far cry better than we would a one-to-five ratio."

She shrugged, agreeing with his thought. "Ok, presuming you are somehow causing this, the way to not cause it is to continue to be a good father, a good husband, and a good leader. The more you build up your paternal instincts, the more you continue to talk to other world leaders with children, the less your subconscious fears are going to dominate your life. You know it's just like any other addiction or habit, the hold it has lessens with positive exposure therapy to healthy alternatives."

"If I was human, that would make sense."

"So ask one of the non-humans we have lying around!" She laughed, gesturing to the doorway. "I'm pretty sure they'll tell you the same thing. Psychology is proving to be basically just a universal issue. Lily's issues stemmed from very human causes. Eve's did too. So did Ireul's, Sahaquiel's, Justice's, even that bitch Hope had very human psychological needs." She jabbed a finger at him. "You made all of this, so of course it's going to be constructed in a very human manner. You may be part immortal sex god, but you were raised as an immortal human sex god."

He eyed her with a wry smirk. "Hint, hint?"

"I'm just saying, I can psychoanalyze you just as easily with you trying to get me pregnant. Multitasking, mo shíorghrá, multitasking!"

The idea to talk to Eve, who was less likely to give him a canned answer, was a good one. It was also an idea worth giving a reward for. "Are those cameras off?"

"Door's locked too," she answered with a Cheshire grin. "I'm not daft."

+++++ The Silent World.

Now sitting in a room adjacent to the kitchen, Shinji finished explaining to Hera, The Silent One, and Saeko Mizuno what he'd been dealing with, "The last thing I want to do is tell you that what you're doing is wrong. If it works for you, if it works for The Wanderer, that's…that's great! I can't even manage to stop myself from getting stuck in a recursive loop of horrific memories, how the fuck am I supposed to manage a relationship, let alone four…or more? I mean, I'm glad they're leaning on each other…but that's only going to last so long before they're going to expect me to be…available? Is available the right word?"

Saeko, as a physician, was accustomed to seeing the signs of someone suffering from a wide variety of maladies both mental and physical. She wasn't shocked when her lover looked to her first for an answer for his brother's problems. "PTSD, GAD, MDD, Social Phobia, and those are just my first guesses based on an insufficient amount of data." The bluenette sat back in her chair, nodding slowly to her own thoughts. "He is a lot like you, which shouldn't be surprising. I can't prescribe him medication, since I can't access him to follow up with appropriate care, but I can tell you that he needs medicine, therapy, and to be well away from combat and stressors until he has his mind in a better place. It wouldn't shock me at all to find he's also beginning to 'ideate'."

"A warrior never gets to choose their place in combat, my dear," Hera interjected with grim sorrow. "Is there something you can send with him to encourage those that should be caring for him to begin to do so? We both know that our poor beloved languished for far too long without proper care."

"To be Shinji is to suffer," The Silent One murmured. "I'm just glad you have that Chie-san. Seems like a good woman with open eyes."

Shinji nodded in agreement. "Yeah. I'm lucky to have her. To have any of them." Looking towards Saeko, he asked, "So what do I do?"

"Well," Saeko began, "the first step is to accept that you are only human. I mean that, of course, in the psychosocial way. No matter what powers you have, or what you may someday become, your mind is human. As a human, you have to come to accept that the past cannot be changed, the future is not immutable, and the present is just a transitory bridge between the two. Yes, you have an enormous burden on your shoulders. Yes, there are some things that only you can do. No, that does not mean you are alone. No, that does not mean that your only value is either between your legs or in the cockpit. My Shinji is a wonderful young man who works very hard to be 'available', as you rightly put it, in between bouts of saving the multiverse or being 'available' to another in our family. That he is able to manage this is not solely due to his being wonderful, it also lies on our shoulders as his family. We often talk without him around to worry over it, helping to balance things out so that none of us start to feel neglected, and to give him time alone to get his thoughts in order. I'm sure that if you spoke with your paramours, they would likely say the same thing. It is just as incumbent upon them to manage time with you as it is your job to ensure that when you're spending time with them that you communicate with them."

Shinji frowned. "Your best advice is to let them manage my life?"

"Her best advice," The Silent One replied, "is that you're already going to naturally bend over backwards for them. It's better that, instead, you talk to them. If you don't like something, say so. If you like something, say so. Telling them how you feel is going to make everyone happier. Our histories are different, to an extent, but I know I struggle with that still. We're laconic, and that's being nice about it. Besides," he gestured to his brother, "do you really want to have to plan out every birthday, anniversary, and holiday? Wouldn't it be better to let them do that, and then just show up and have fun?"

"A successful marriage, no matter how large, will always be built through selflessness and mutual understanding," Hera added. "There are times where you will give more, so they can be given the chance to be happy. There are times where you will need more help, and they must set aside their own goals to keep you in their life. One day, it will no longer seem that they are managing your life. Just that they are performing those small tasks that keep your lives together harmonious."

Saeko sealed his understanding of the main issues, "Right now, you are dealing with being thrown into combat against things you can't possibly understand. You're fighting in a giant robot, you're fighting hand to hand, you're fighting to understand the world, you're fighting to leave your past where it belongs. You're going to be irritable. You're going to be confused. You're going to feel embarrassed, and you're going to need help. If you truly want the most helpful advice we can give, know that more communication is always beneficial. Lean on those who you feel have your best interests at heart, and tell them truthfully that you're not well. They'll understand, if they're the kind of people you feel you love."

As the words danced around his mind, Shinji began to understand her earlier advice. He was trying to carry everything alone. He was falling prey to the situation Meroko had set him up for. He'd wanted to prove to himself that he could handle everything so badly that he'd forgotten he didn't need to. "I don't want to hurt anyone…but if I never speak up, I'm just going to hurt everyone."

"It's hard, man." The Silent One knocked on the table, drawing his brother's eyes. "It really is. I'm still trying to learn how to get what's up here," he spun his finger around his temple, "out and in the open. Give yourself some credit, you at least opened up to me. I couldn't even manage to do that much."

"You were raised by a man," Shinji replied with a shrug and a smirk, "I wasn't. I was told to bring anything I couldn't resolve to Meroko-sama, who would tell me exactly how to handle it. I'm not getting that from anyone anymore, because it's not the way that it should be according to people who grew up outside of a gaslighting, manipulative, rapist's control."

"A vile woman," Hera spat out. "The sharing of mind and body should only ever be done willingly, as a gift to another in love and admiration of their presence in your life."

"Or at least as a way to blow off steam," Saeko added with an equally upset frown. "Sex between friends, willingly as she puts it, is also just fine. It doesn't have to mean more than a momentary reprieve from the stresses of life, but it should always be between consenting individuals."

All it took was The Silent One looking towards the door in confusion for Shinji to react. His powerful deck of cards manifested, The Emperor sliding out and growing in size just as an enormous beam of sickly yellow light punched a hole through the walls and doors separating them from the outside world. The power of the card ablated as much of the attack as it could, giving the four people at the table time to move.

Hera grabbed Saeko, hurrying her out of danger. The Silent One stood slowly from the table, his helmet back in its place, an axe in each hand, and a growled order to Shinji of, "Stay back. You're better at range." Striding through the gaping hole that had been torn in a house he himself had built, The Silent One's midnight armor began to glow with a violent crimson. "SOUND OFF."

Shinji could hear a host of replies, women moving as a unit towards the man they loved, others hurrying the weaker members of the family to safety. He watched as a finely tuned military functioned, and began to understand why it was that a successful Shinji was a Shinji that was not alone. The decision to follow The Silent One's instructions wasn't difficult, as after he'd picked his way through the hole he saw what had decided to introduce themselves with so much force.

Looming in the sky above was an enormous ship. Organic and inorganic fused together in ways that seemed both impractical and natural. Spires of rock and metal, towering trees and vines, it seemed to be several chunks of some alien planet ripped up from the ground and smashed together to form an island of something from nothing. Floating beneath, descending to the ground below, was a series of smaller rocks that bore alien beings of a variety of shapes, sizes, and colorations.

Towards this odd sight, The Silent One calmly walked. Radiating death, he was nonetheless placid. Working his grip on both axes, he did not hurry towards his assailants. With a voice that likely could have been heard on the other side of the prefecture, he stated, "I am obligated by Article Two of the Imperial Law of Armed Conflict to offer you a-" A projectile the size of a school bus moving at a significant percentage of the speed of light was batted aside and into space by one of his axes, not breaking his stride or his practiced statement. "-chance to enter into negotiations regarding whatever grievances you might have. If you will port arms, I guarantee you safety for the duration of parlay."

"You offer that which is not yours to give," a confident, feminine, voice replied. Standing on the central rock amongst those descending towards them, a woman with luxurious golden hair looked down on the assembled forces of the Ikari Empire with thinly veiled contempt. "All that live do so at the sufferance of my patron. Safety may only be granted at the sufferance of my patron."

The Silent One came to a stop once he was within striking distance of the opposing force. "Is that your answer?" He scanned the enemy lines. Hulking brutes with multiple pairs of arms, seemingly dainty creatures that floated on air. Hardened carapaces, furry hides, leathery wings. There was, assembled before him, a broad array of races. To look at The Silent One, they might as well have been overeager house cats. "Then, in accordance with Article Two, Sub-Section One, I am authorized to consider your initial assault as hostile intentions and declare you and everyone with you to be aggressors. Ladies, let's show our guests what happens to people who abuse our house."

While he had listened to the man who declared himself his brother, Shinji had felt Hera move up alongside of him. When the lines surged towards one another, she clamped a hand on his shoulder to stop him from moving forward as well. "I do not doubt your valor. Your place is here, protecting those less capable." Confident that he wouldn't move, she removed her hand and limbered up her arms. "Behind us are several of my sisters by bonds of marriage, those who cannot reasonably expect to assault those as strong as the ones we face. I cannot be everywhere at once, neither can you, but together we can prevent cowards and deviants who would seek to harm those that are no threat while our allies push them back."

Since he was forced to defend, his honor demanding that he cooperate with someone he felt to have a good heart, Shinji occupied himself by looking at the outer edges of the fights. To his left, three of the women who'd chosen his brother were using wolfpack tactics to keep one of the giant brutes off balance. They couldn't match his size, even put together, but their speed made up for the disparity through that coordination. Off to the right, a woman that seemed to be almost made of plants was using her connection to the earth itself to occupy the attention of six of the leaner combatants. Aiding her was a young woman with long light brown hair and a skin-tight suit that glowed with a subtle orangish-yellow. It was clear that they were not having an easy time of things, but it was equally clear that they were content to fight to a draw for the moment.

His attention was forced to return to his immediate surroundings as another of his cards moved of its own will, deflecting several heavy projectiles from one of the enemies that had managed to disengage from the main force. He saw Hera move towards the lone foe and stepped to the side just enough to have a clear line of fire. Much like he had before with Chie, he began to throw cards to give her an easier path into melee range. Three of his cards struck against the unprepared beast, caught off guard by the violence that his attacks carried. When the monster chose to step out of the way of the next two, he found that Hera had closed the distance. Four expert strikes of her fists, finished off by spinning its head three hundred and sixty degrees.

Dancing backwards to rejoin him, the goddess bumped his shoulder with her fist with a grin. "Well done. Support me in such a manner each time we engage, and few will stand against us."

Shinji nodded, shuffling his cards to stop himself from losing his focus to the anxiety of combat. The central force, comprised of The Silent One and three women in skin-tight suits that matched the woman helping the plant-lady, was having the greatest challenge in holding their position. Nearly surrounded, the four fought with one mind. An exit path was maintained by a constant shift of their formation, but it took them nearly five times as long to force one of their enemies to either disengage or be broken. "How often does he struggle like this?"

"I've never seen him struggle, to be honest." Hera's confidence was unwavering, her voice reflecting as much, "My late 'husband' had, at one point, been the strongest warrior alive. My current husband, a man much worthier of the title, makes him appear as if a newborn babe. They simply need time to adjust to the strengths and weaknesses of their foes."

"Ok…but their boss hasn't come down yet." He looked up to the golden-haired warrior, realizing that he was being watched by the woman in turn. There was a subtle hesitation in her bearing, an unwillingness to descend further and risk confrontation. "Is she directing her forces? Is she just a figurehead?"

From further off to their left, a hole formed in the world. Quickly pouring out of the strange portal, a host of women that appeared to be of the same race as Motsuki joined the fight. With a broad array of weapons, and an organizational efficiency that impressed him as almost art, they made the difference in the battle. Foes began to more rapidly fall, the enemy lines becoming disorganized and tattered as they did. Just as it began to seem like a rout, a foghorn bellowed out from the ship above.

Where before there had been dozens of enemy combatants, there were now thousands. The Silent One made a series of gestures, and everyone began to fall back to the house. Through it all, the golden-haired woman watched Shinji. She watched as he was pulled backwards by Hera. She watched as he stumbled over a bit of uneven ground, landing on his back. She watched as two of The Silent One's strange alien allies scooped him up under his shoulders. She watched them pull him through a portal. Even after he lost sight of her, it felt to him that she was still watching. His fixation was shattered by one of the alien women patting his chest and back in search of injuries.

"[Song]?" Her intent came through clear, "[Song], [Song]?"

He nodded, trying to shake loose from the feeling of being watched. "[Song]."

"Ey, supposed to speak native," another of the pink-skinned women jabbed her friend in the side. "Just because he knows how to speak, doesn't mean we stop using native."

"Right, of course," the first replied with appropriate humility. "Is she well?"

"Yes," Shinji replied with a forced smile. "She has cared for me properly, and helped me understand my place in…in…. In [Song]?"

"It's easier to just use 'family'," the second one offered with a nod of understanding. "Is it technically correct? No. Does it get the idea across? Yes." Scrubbing her hand along the back of his head, she gave him a bright smile. "We welcome you to our family. I know we're all overjoyed to know that you accepted our sister's offer, and the two of us are personally glad that you carry her blade with honor."

An outburst from where The Silent One had gathered his strategic and tactical leaders drew their attention along with Shinji's, "Not an acceptable answer, damn it!" There were more than a few dents on his armor, and he was clearly angry. "I chose this as our fallback spot because we need to protect my brother's people. We just settled them here, and we built those shelters for a reason. We can't just show up back at The Runic Throne with a metric asston of refugees, especially considering all we'll likely do is drag this fight there."

Shinji felt one of the two women he was standing by slide her arm around his waist, keeping him away from the discussion. The one that had been rubbing the back of his head let her hand fall down to the base of his neck, which meant contact with the magatama, which sent a shudder of joy up his spine. Swallowing hard, he fought against the sensation caused by the unconscious motion of support and familial bonds. "We can't bring an unknown force directly to the capital city," he stated in a voice loud enough to be heard by The Silent One. "We don't know if they know where it is, and we don't want to give them a roadmap. If we need to, we could fall back to my dimension. I have an Eva there; chances are good that would be a significant help."

"I am an Eva, but I take your meaning. Figure it out," he stated to the women by his side, before approaching Shinji and sizing him up. "Listen, you need to get home. You shouldn't be here until your trials are complete, and as strong as you are…you're not used to working with my team. A lack of coordination will get people killed, and neither of us wants that on our conscience."

"Except you're defending my people," he countered in disbelief. "I sent them here because he said they'd be safe. What's the point of kicking me out of the fight when you're already outgunned?"

"I am not outgunned," The Silent One growled. "I fell back because we didn't have a solid grasp of enemy forces. The last thing I want to do is fight on their battlefield, on their terms. I have spent a decade fighting throughout the galaxy, you have spent two weeks occasionally getting into scuffles in your city. Your time will come, but it's not today, and it's not on my battlefield. Go home."

"…or what?" Freeing himself from the two non-humans, Shinji took a step to stand nose-to-faceplate with The Silent One. "Hmm? Are you going to try and force me? You going to be just like the people who raised us?"

With a voice as cold as the grave, The Silent One loomed over Shinji like a monument to death itself, "I am protecting you. I am protecting those women you're attached to. I am protecting your world. Get over yourself, get back to where you're needed, fight your fight…and learn to trust yourself." Without moving physically, he dropped Shinji into the Amara Network and closed the portal behind him. With a shake of his head, he felt Michiru standing behind him in concern and tried to allay her fears, "We're bleeding through. I know I have anger issues, and he's starting to mirror them. He needs to not be here; he needs to not do that."