Congratulations to Morgan who correctly identified the title as being from Tenacious D's "Tribute".

We disclaim. If Harry was ours, we'd be sipping vodka martinis with Alan Rickman and bashing Dolores Umbridge to death with an umbrella before using her as our new unidentifiable corpse.

MARG says: virtual cookies are baking for those who laugh. Actual cookies are baking for those who review. Once again, this is only as filthy as you are.

The Dumb-Adores of Ravenclaw

Harry, flush from his hasty exit, realised that returning to the Gryffindor common room with the whole of Slytherin House in hot pursuit could only lead to capture and finally. After only six years of being hunted by Voldemort, he took the wiser path of rushing for the Room of Requirement to think and plot strategy.

Trevor was clearly a target now, and as he was the pet of Harry's friend, it was obviously Harry's job to protect him and stop Snape from using him as a potions ingredient.

So intent on his thoughts of escape, Harry didn't notice the hood of the invisibility cloak had slipped down to his shoulders as he crashed through the silencing charms. He didn't realise the cobweb thin layer even existed until the unmistakable sound of a girl's high pitched squeal pierced his eardrums.

"More! Faster! Harder! Push! I wanna go higher! WEEEEEE!"

The ominous rumbling should have warned the muggle-born Harry that something heavy was rolling towards him and that, like Indiana Jones, he had better run or be hero-jam.

Only Trevor wriggling out of his hand and making the desperate leap for the nearest doorway allowed Harry to escape the terrible fate of being crushed by a squealing Ravenclaw in a butter-beer barrel. It was Cho, in lederhosen and a Viking horned helmet.

"Bloody hell," Harry muttered to Trevor, "has the whole school been taken over by body-snatching aliens tonight?"

"Oh no, Harry," Luna replied sweetly from the doorway behind him, "the Slytherins are always filthy minded basket-weaving bonkers."

Harry gaped at her. "But…?"

"Don't worry, it can be our little secret along with the fact that all the Ravenclaws are actually Dumb-Adores." She sighed happily and cast an unusually focused stare his way. "I guess that's why I find you so attractive."

Luna farted loudly and the Ravenclaws behind her fell about laughing. Harry wondered if Luna's bodily gases had strange powers of turning everyone into jackasses. He could believe it of her.

His mouth got sick of waiting for his brain to catch up with events and said, "Dumb-Adores?"

"We worship the Silly." Luna explained. "Adore the Dumb. Delight in the Daft. Ron Weasley is one of our most esteemed peers, along with his elder brothers." Luna dropped her voice to a whisper as she spoke the honoured names "Gred and Forge are naturally our Kings – who do you think taught the Slytherins that song? Charlie and Bill as well; they made the current generation of professional Fools look like Ernie McMillan. Percy is always good for a laugh. Too why did you think Penelope went out with him for so long? It was hardly for his exceptional tongue skills."

Harry's brain took the opportunity of being back on the firmer ground of Percy bashing to say, "But a butterbeer barrel?"

"'I am Ring-winner and Luckwearer; and I am Barrel-rider.'" Luna beamed. "We may be silly but we're still Ravenclaws. I thought of Bilbo when he puts the dwarves in barrels to send them downriver. The Room of Requirement balked at providing an actual river so we improvised." She said and presented her tongue with a little wiggle. "Fancy a ride?"

Harry gulped, thought of Ginny and then remembered he was a Gryffindor, boldly going where others were too smart to tread.

"OK."

The next thing Harry knew he was sitting in an empty butterbeer barrel at the top of the staircase that led to the Room of Requirement with Loony Lovegood proving her moniker. Barnabas the Barmy leered at him from his painting at the bottom. Trevor wriggled deeper into his pocket, not sure he liked this new turn of events.

"You are a total nutter," Harry mumbled as she patted him on the head, took firm grip of the wood and manoeuvred into position. "You sure you aren't half-Muggle?"

"Absolutely." Luna tilted her head and stared at him with more focus than he had ever seen her apply to anything that wasn't the Quibbler. "Why?"

"Because I don't know a single wizard that would know what a skateboard ramp was, let alone know enough to use it as a loop the loop with a Hogwarts moving staircase for a barrel riding… AHHHHHHHHH!"

Harry found his famed Gryffindor courage put to the test once more as Luna bored of his long-windedness and gave him a good hard push.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Harry whirled one way and his world rotated the other he bounced down the Hogwarts stairs and into the Room of Requirement before being thrown back into the air to do it again and again until spots fandango'd before his eyes.

"STOP!" He yelled and the barrel rolled to Luna's feet. He crawled out, stomach spinning like a tumble dryer, and kissed the ground before him.

Unfortunately for Harry, the ground directly before him was covered by Luna's feet so he found himself gripping the Ravenclaw's ankles in a position that, he was sure, Ginny would not like.

"I accept!" Luna clapped her hands together happily. "This is exactly how Daddy proposed to Mum! He always said she made him dizzy with desire!"

Harry's mouth found itself well ahead of his brain once more.

"Fuck."

"OK. I wouldn't usually but we are engaged."

"Loony & Potty are engaged!" Squealed Michael Corner. "Give me a P! Give me an A! Give me an R! Give me a T! Give me a Y! What do we have?"

"WANKER!" The whole of Ravenclaw House shouted back.

"That's right!" Michael cheered happily, before muttering in a dark undertone. "You bastards are all going to die the next time we play 'Hunt the Ferret around the Slytherin Dungeons'. I know where Draco's room is."

As he turned around, he was hit in the face with a pie. "Mmm," he murmured as he licked his face clean, "vintage canary cream custard." Then he burst into a canary and started singing the Thundercats theme tune to the melody of Mendelssohn's Wedding March as Luna dragged Harry into the Room of Requirement, which had a Crumple-Horned-Snorkack dressed in priest's robes ready to perform the ceremony.

Harry had the momentarily comforting thought that if the Snorkack did in fact exist that his new bride's birdbrain wasn't totally round-the-twist, or at least not more than any of the coca-cola snorting Ravenclaws who were now spouting coke over them.

"Potty, do you solemnly swear that you are up to no good as you take this Dumb-Adore, Loony, as your lawfully wedded fart-instrument Deus-ex-Machina?" Without waiting for Harry's stunned reply, he went on, "Loony, do you solemnly swear that you are up to no good as you take this Gryffie-Whore as your lawfully wedded belch-machine Tortured-Hero? Then in the name of all that Monty Python's Flying Circus hold Sacredly Silly, you may kiss the groom."

Luna leaned forwards, her head circled by tiny red-winged Veneris birds with little crossbows for better accuracy in love.

Harry wished that the ground would swallow him.

Then it did.

He'd completely forgotten he was standing in the Room of Requirement.

Unfortunately, he'd also forgotten that Hogwarts had chosen Dumbledore as its Headmaster and had a sense of humour that a Dumb-Adore would appreciate.