Chapter 5:
No Fear
This was not the same Sean, Emma decided as she stood up and walked over to the counter a little shaken.
She'd been so sure that Sean would see through her. So sure that he'd prove to be ten times better than Peter in every way, that she hadn't even given her Anorexia issue a second thought when she and Sean had begun dating again.
But, now?…Now that she was suddenly having that urge, having eaten way too much pizza?…Now? Emma wanted nothing more than to go back in time, take back that forbidden kiss that she'd first shared with the backagain Sean, and just be with Peter.
Safe, untrusting, thereforher Peter, whom she'd screwed over to be with clueless, loving, but unsuspecting, Sean.
Emma couldn't kid herself, she loved Sean. She always had and she always would; but now? Now, she felt scared and alone and lost and she wasn't thinking about Sean. She was thinking about herself and how Sean would be just as easy to manipulate as everyone else. How under his unwatchful eye, she'd be able to do whatever she wanted- jog obsessively, throw up, starve, -whenever she wanted and that thought scared her violently…
No idea how she'd even gotten down stairs, Emma sat on her bed and stared at the bathroom door, shivering as though something was going to jump out at her.
Emma stood up and walked toward the door, the light beckoning to her, her full stomach uncooperatively seeming to become fuller and fuller, and her mind going blank; once again washing away the fear that had been stopping her…
The fear of hurting herself…
The fear of wasting away…
The fear of death…
Emma was almost in a sleeplike state as she stepped closer to the toilet, knowing how her walk would end…
But, suddenly,
Emma felt something wrapping around her…
Was she going crazy?
Another panic attack?
Another crazed sensation?
No…
It was arms
Arms were wrapping around her…
Strong…
And safe…
And loving arms…
Sean's arms…
And he hugged back to his chest tightly
As he pulled her away from the bathroom,
And the horrible way, that Emma'd thought for sure, her walk would end in.