Chapter 6:
The Look…
"Em-ma? What were you about to do...?!" Sean asked, his voice choked with emotion and fear, thinking of the look that he'd seen in Emma's frozen, ghostly eyes as she'd walked toward the bathroom.
Sean had noticed the strange look on Emma's face earlier and decided to wait and see if she was okay when she came back in the living room. When she didn't come back he'd followed her down the stairs and stood watching for a moment as she headed for the bathroom, before realizing for certain, what was happening…
Emma could feel herself sinking back into his arms, and her mind raced but she couldn't come up with a lie. "I was-I was…" Sean turned Emma around to face him and said slowly but fiercely through his shivering teeth, "Emma? Don't lie to me, alright?"
Emma nodded, but she still stood speechless, for some reason, unable to process an explanation…
What was Sean doing downstairs?
"Emma? I don't know…I mean, I don't know what I'm supposed to say. I don't exactly have a lot of…experience, with stuff like this…" Sean was saying, as he stared at the floor blinking hatefully.
Emma had been wrong, she decided, this was the same Sean; and he had the same Seanlike way of dealing…trying to figure out a way to fix things that couldn't just up and be fixed.
Sadly, Emma realized that there was no use in her trying to avoid this anymore. Sean just wasn't the kind of guy who could deal with a girlfriend still struggling with Bulimia…or Anorexia, and she'd have to admit that to herself, no matter how badly it hurt.
"Sean." Emma said tiredly, stopping any further utterances or stammerings "There's nothing you can say, alright? It's something that I just have to…I have to deal with it myself." Emma said, stammering and she could feel that fear enveloping her…
Sean couldn't handle this.
He was disgusted by her.
He'd leave her, abandon her, the same way he had after the shooting.
Thinking she was better, Sean could handle, Emma thought.
But, knowing that she was just a time-bomb waiting to explode?
Emma could feel the tears softly sliding down her cheeks as she said the words.
"I'm still…I'm still…getting better, Sean. I'm not…I'm not completely over this, but I am trying to get better." Emma said, and she hung her head as she added quietly "If you can't deal, I mean, if you just wanna leave, or whatever…I'll understand."
Sean just stared at her
Looking at her as though she were a completely different person;
Someone he'd never seen before;
And Emma glanced up at him; looking into his eyes and waiting for…The Look.
The look of pain and disgust and fear that everyone seemed to give her whenever they stopped her from doing this again.
Whenever they caught her and apparently seemed to realize that she might just have hurt herself, in a way they couldn't understand, once again…
But…In Sean's eyes?...
There was no pain…
Or disgust
Only…
Only…?
Fear.