I do not own Naruto Shippuden or any of the characters.

Not Okay

Ryuu wandered aimlessly through the empty street, eyes not seeing anything. His mind was miles away, and two days behind. Stuck on the feeling of cutting one shinobi's throat, memorizing the feeling of the slight resistance his neck gave. The feeling of the ninja's warm blood spraying out of his neck onto Ryuu. Ryuu hadn't even noticed the blood until Hinata had pointed it out on the way back. His eyes briefly focused, glancing down at his hand as the memory of the feeling brought a very real sensation of having blood on his hand again, but it was clean. Then, his eyes slid out of focus again, his mind recalling the feeling of splitting Suien in half. The feeling of his sword hitting bone and slowing, only to continue anyway a moment later. He had gotten covered in blood then too, though less of it. He glanced at his hand again, finding his right trying to wipe the blood off his left. He forced his hands to his sides, stopping and looking around, finding himself at Shisui's grave.

Tears began to roll down his face instantly and he fell to his knees, beginning to sob uncontrollably. He wasn't sure how long he was there. Or how long he cried. Long enough for his throat to hurt. For his eyes to burn and the flesh around them to be raw.

"Brother, what do I do?" Ryuu chocked out once he had calmed enough to form words, though he was still sobbing. "I murdered two people! I killed them! I can't take this! I can't be a ninja! I can't kill! I can't!" He broke down into sobs again, forehead resting on the ground. "I don't know what to do! Please! The guilt is killing me and I can't stop it!"

He felt a hand on his should, spinning to look up only to see Yugao kneeling beside him, mask on the ground beside her and sympathy written all over her face. He sat up and she pulled him into a hug instantly, resting her head on his as she shushed him and rocked gently, comforting him. Slowly, he began to calm until he finally stopped crying, sniffing every so often.

"I'm sorry," Yugao said. "I'm so sorry. I know how you feel."

"How?" Ryuu asked, looking up at her.

"Itachi used to be the same way," she said. "When we were in ANBU together, he and I were...close. Anytime he had to take a life, it broke him. I was the one to always help him pick up the pieces. I helped him as much as I could, but I couldn't stop the nightmares."

"How could he be an ANBU if he hated to kill?" Ryuu asked.

"For the village," Yugao said. "He felt he could serve the village best as a nameless shinobi who worked from the shadows, just as your brother did. But...killing was always hard for him."

"How did he keep from going insane?" Ryuu asked.

"He prayed," Yugao said. "Every time Itachi took a life, he would stop and pray for the sins of those he had killed, and then for his own. It was still hard, and he had nightmares about them. But it was enough for him to survive. If not, the job would have killed him."

Ryuu nodded and Yugao rested a hand on his shoulder.

"Ryuu, there's no sin in killing to protect the ones you love," Yugao said. "To protect friends, family, the innocent. It's not wrong to kill in those situations."

"It's still killing," Ryuu mumbled before closing his eyes, beginning to pray.

As he did, he felt his chest compress and tears rolled down his cheeks again, but as he finished, he felt as though a massive weight was lifted off of him. The tears stopped and a sense of peace settled on him. It wasn't complete. The pain and guilt were still there, but they were muted now. He opened his eyes and smiled up at Yugao, nodding. Yugao smiled as well, hugging him before pulling back and pulling her mask back on.

"Alright, now you need to get to sleep," Yugao said. "We have a hard day of training tomorrow."

Ryuu nodded, standing and hugging her again before walking away. He returned to his and Sasuke's house for the first time since he had gotten back, having been in the hospital for the rest, and stopped, seeing Sasuke was in the living room, changing out bandages for numerous tiny but deep puncture wounds over his body.

"Sasuke?" Ryuu blinked. "What happened to you?"

Sasuke looked over at him and grimaced. "Kekkei Genkai user who was trained as an ANBU and used senbon. He put me in a state of death and everything. On the bright side, I finally awakened my Sharingan."

"You did?" Ryuu asked, Sasuke's eyes turning red, the right eye having one tomoe and the other having two. "That's awesome!"

"I heard what happened on your mission," Sasuke said. "Sounds like you got your ass kicked."

Ryuu smirked, shaking his head, grateful that was what he chose to talk about. "There was something else."

"What?" Sasuke asked.

"I met someone," Ryuu said.

"Well it's about goddamn time," Sasuke snorted. "I was starting to be afraid you were gay."

"Not like that!" Ryuu snapped. "This person was...different. Special."

"I thought it wasn't like that," Sasuke said.

"It's not!" Ryuu said. "She...She had wings."

Sasuke stared at him. "Wings. You sure you weren't hallucinating from blood loss?"

"I'm sure," Ryuu nodded. "She had wings. She could fly."

"It had to be a Kekkei Genkai, right?" Sasuke asked.

"Something like that," Ryuu nodded. "But still, it's possible."

Sasuke nodded, smiling. "You and your bug obsession. Anyway, I'm going to bed."

"So, you and Sakura make out yet?" Ryuu asked as he lay down, Sasuke starting to laugh.

"She's annoying."

"You know you like it," Ryuu chuckled. "Just give her a chance. What do you have to lose? A few ryo?"

Sasuke shrugged, laying down and closing his eyes. Ryuu closed his as well, also passing out. The nightmares started instantly.

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