Vince starts looping. Everyone else is suitably terrified.

The Third Looper: Vince McMahon

It was another three dozen loops into Randy's looping career before they got another looper. For Dean that meant two or three times as many loops, but only the videos and DVDs and other visual records located in his subspace pocket could give him any scope as to how many loops it had been for him. This loop, however, he could never forget.

It was a quiet baseline loop. It was only Dean and Randy Awake, as Sami hadn't pinged back, and they had decided there would be no big plans this loop. That being said, they had decided not to go on vacation either. Instead, Randy had decided he was going to join Team Hell No (if only just to freak out Kane and Daniel Bryan) while Dean was going to see how much money and favors he could squeeze out of Paul Heyman to protect CM Punk before he snapped and sent Brock Lesnar after him and the rest of the Shield.

He was, in fact, in the middle of writing out his latest contract for Heyman to sign when he got a call from headquarters. A summoning from Vincent Kennedy McMahon. He hoped it wasn't anything serious — he'd rather not alert Vince to the treasure trove of blackmail material he had on him, because that usually resulted in assassins. Dean hated dealing with assassins.

When he arrived at Vince's office a few days later, he was surprised to see Randy there. "You got a call too?"

"Yes, which sucks because I think I was really getting through to Bryan." Randy sullenly answered. Had it been anyone else, they would've been disturbed by the response. As it was Dean, he merely patted Randy on the shoulder.

They entered the office, passing by pictures of the McMahon family's greatest moments, until made it to Vince's desk. To their surprise, there someone besides Vince already there. A very familiar someone.

A moment later, Dean and Randy were on opposites side of a flailing Sami, who was strapped to a wooden chair via duck tape. A lot of it. There was a small strap covering his mouth as well, though when he spotted his fellow loopers he perked up and started trying to speak, as fruitless as the effort was. Dean ripped off the duck tape in return, and Sami breathed in a sigh of relief.

"Thank you, you have no idea how long that's been on my mouth." He said, panting.

"Are you Awake, Sami?" Randy asked, eyes narrowed.

"Yes, Randall, I'm Awake, and you can see why I didn't ping you back earlier." Sami looked down, gesturing to the mountains of tape keeping him glued to the chair. "I've been a little busy."

"Why didn't you break out, then?" Dean asked skeptically. "It's only duck tape. You've already had a Naruto loop; compared to that, this is child's play."

"Because it's magical duck tape." Sami replied.

Beat.

"What." Randy deadpanned.

"I'm serious!" Sami insisted. "Whatever this stuff is, it's preventing me from using most of my abilities! I would've broken out already if it hadn't been for the tape!"

While Randy continued to stare disbelievingly at Sami, Dean took the initiative. He looked at the piece of tape he had ripped off Sami's mouth, and used a scanning technique that Harry had taught him that combined magic and chakra with a bit of spirit power to see if there was anything abnormal about an item. He blinked when he actually did sense something.

"He's not lying." Dean's announcement drew his fellow loopers' attention back towards him. "There really is some kind of energy emitting from this. Strong enough to restrain you as well Randy, though not strong enough to keep me at bay."

Randy blinked, and then turn back to Sami, a little astonished. "Alright, who the hell kidnapped you, Sami?"

"Isn't the answer obvious?" Sami said, raising an eyebrow.

Dean and Randy paused, suddenly remembering who, exactly, had called them to their office.

"…Where's Vince?"

"Right here!"

The three turned around (with Sami even using his legs to hop his chair for movement) to see the back of the room slide away to reveal a hidden room. Vince McMahon emerged from the entrance in all his glory, back straight, with his ever-present sneer on his face. Normal wrestlers would quail at this sort of sight.

None of these three men were normal wrestlers.

"Huh, that's a new one." Dean commented, as Randy and Sami gaped beside him.

"…What the hell?" Randy said eloquently.

Sami's jaw kept on dropping up and down.

Vince ignored all their reactions, and simply glared. "Now, you three have been screwing around a lot during these weird repeats, and I want to know why! This curse isn't going to break itself, you know!"

There was another beat of silence. His three employees (well, actually two employees and one prospective employee) turned to each other.

Curse?

Finally, Dean was the one to speak. "Vince, we need to talk."

"…So this isn't some weird curse Mark cooked up and cast on us?" Vince asked, a little hesitant.

Mark? Dean shook his head, figuring it didn't matter. He'd realize it soon enough. "No, Vince. This is beyond whatever Mark can do. And unfortunately, there's no way to stop it, at least not for us."

Vince stared at him for a long moment, then gave a short nod. "I believe you."

Everyone blinked. "Huh, you didn't have to bring out the light saber this time." Sami commented, still taped up.

"I've been at the top of the wrestling world before any of you boys were born." Vince stated. "And when you've been on the top this long, you see a lot of weird stuff. Admittedly, this is probably the weirdest thing that's happened to me yet, but that's fine. I can adapt."

"O…kay then." Randy crossed his arms, frowning. "This was surprisingly easy."

"You know what else would be surprisingly easy." Sami said sweetly. "GETTING THIS TAPE OFF ME!"

Everyone else winced at the volume of his shout. Dean sighed, and with a flick of his wrist, his light saber appeared and cut through Sami's bonds like butter. Sami quickly ripped off the tape, standing and stretching in relief.

"Thank you." He said rapturously. He then turned to his (future) boss, rubbing the bits of skin that had been touched by the adhesive side of the tape. "Where'd you even get that stuff anyway?"

"A gift from Mark back when he first started wrestling for the company." Vince shrugged. "According to him, it had the power to restrain 'other-worldly beings'. I didn't think I would ever have a use for it until you three came along."

"Mark, Mark — do you mean the Undertaker? That Mark?" Dean asked, having finally made the connection.

"Who else would it be?"

"Oh, you'd be surprised…" Dean muttered. There was an entire multiverse now, after all.

"Alright then." Randy said with finality. "If we're all good here, can we leave now? I don't want to give up any ground I've gotten on Team Hell No. I've worked too hard this loop for them to reject me now just because my boss just started looping."

"No." Vince glared at him, then turned to Sami. "You'll sign a developmental contract when you're finished with ROH, right?" He demanded angrily.

"Yeah, sure, whatever you want Vince." Sami sighed.

"Good. Now then, what am I supposed to do then?" He asked, now panicked. "There's no point in making more money if I can't take it with me to the next life."

There was another collective wince. "Actually…" Dean started.

"What else have you three learned over the years?" Vince asked with a terrifying gleam in his eyes.

Dean shrugged. "Take your pick. I've done pretty much everything. I've even been President of the United States."

That stopped Vince cold. "Really?"

"Yeah, it was a couple loops ago in fact. Us three wanted to see if we could get me to become President, with me, the candidate, being gutter trash and a former drug addict, Randy, my vice-president, a dishonorably discharged marine, and Sami, my chief of staff, a Syrian Muslim from Canada."

"And you succeeded?"

"Yes." Dean look visibly pained. "I kinda wish we didn't." Randy and Sami both nodded in agreement, also looking haggard at the memories.

"Fine then. If you three have done everything, then you can help me with my plan for my first loop: to make WWE the most powerful entertainment company in the world!" The Chairman began to laugh maniacally.

The trio watched him go, exchanging looks.

Well, there goes this loop's plans…

"Hunter!" Vince called out to his son-in-law. Hunter, currently in the process of conversing with some of the producers for tonight's RAW, turned around at the sound of his father-in-law's voice, and internally cringed. Dear Mr. McMahon had that grin on his face, and that rarely led to anything good.

"Yeah, pop?"

"I've just fired DeMott!"

Hunter blinked. "Wait, what?"

"Yeah, and I've already found a replacement!" Vince gestured to his right, where Randy Orton walked over to stand next to him.

"Yo." His former protege held up a hand in greeting.

Now Hunter was really confused. "Vince, are you alright?"

"I'm perfectly fine! Better than ever, really! This guy," Vince clapped a hand on Randy's shoulder. "Is going to whip those brats down in developmental into tip-top shape! Better than DeMott ever could! Just you wait and see. You'll be thanking me later!" With that, he turned and left, no doubt to hassle some other employee of his.

The two former members of Evolution watched him go, before turning to look at each other.

"What is he on right now? What did you say to him?" Hunter demanded, glaring. Vince hadn't been anywhere near this kind to Randy since that time Randy punted him in the head.

Randy shrugged. "Just the truth, Hunter. Don't worry about it. As for the trainer thing — he gave me orders, I just followed them."

"Please, you don't follow anyone's orders. Not since I kicked you to the curb eight years ago." A person could've sworn that steam was coming out of the Game's nose now. "What are you planning, Randy?"

Randy just gave him an unimpressed look and walked away, ignoring his former mentor's calls for his return. He had lesson plans to make.

"What are you doing?" Seth asked as he threw the remote he had been using to flip through the hotel's TV channels to the side. Beside him, a shirtless Dean was typing away at a laptop. From the corner of his eye, he could see what exactly Dean was typing, and he didn't understand a single jot of it.

"Code." Was his brother's succinct answer.

Seth stared at him. "You won't even lift a finger to tweet something, but you're perfectly willing to code a program into a computer you barely use?"

"No choice. I was ordered to."

"By who?"

"The Big Bossman."

Okay, now Seth was getting annoyed. "Dean—"

"Not that Bossman."

"Well, what other Bossman could it be?"

Dean stopped typing and looked at Seth as if he were stupid. Seth resisted the urge to throw his pillow at him. "Our Bossman, of course."

Our Bossman… "Are you telling me Vince ordered you to code this for him?" Vince didn't exactly have a reputation for being current.

"Yes." Dean bluntly answered, having already returned to coding.

Seth watched him in disbelief before giving up and turning back to the TV. Sometimes, it was better just to leave these kinds of things alone.

"And…stop!" Randy smirked as the group of recruits dropped to the ground in groaning heaps. "Congratulations, everyone! You're not completely hopeless!"

"Is he serious?" The former PAC, newly-renamed Adrian Neville, asked.

"Yes." Claudio Castognli, aka Antonio Cesaro, deadpanned.

"Maybe one day, you lot will be as good as Sami over here!" Randy continued, gesturing towards Sami Zayn, who was currently doing the exact exercise they had been doing, except twice as fast, while proofreading some paperwork that was sitting on the ground.

Sami was also a new recruit and supposedly a homegrown talent, though he was oddly skilled and experienced for someone considered as such. It was rumored he was an orphan trained by El Generico who had come to WWE to fulfill Generico's dreams. At least, that was the case for everyone who hadn't come from some form of wrestling background.

Everyone who had actually met and wrestled El Generico knew exactly who Sami was, but they kept their mouths shut for all their sakes. Kevin Steen was still on the indie circuit, after all — no need to give him any reason to come here.

"Why is he doing paperwork?" Sasha Banks asked, once she caught her breath.

"I heard that it was part of his deal." Charlotte Flair answered, keeping her voice low as to not catch Randy's attention. "In exchange for no house shows, he had to play consultant for the company's legal and HR departments."

"Does Sami even have the background for those?" Cesaro whispered to Neville.

Neville subtly shook his head. "I haven't the slightest idea."

"If you four are done talking…" The four recruits nearly jumped when they heard their coach's voice behind him. They turned around to see Randy Orton glaring at them. "…then drop and give me fifty!"

"Sir, yes sir!"

"The recruits now have better cardio than most stars on the main roster, progress on the WWE Network has accelerated to the point that we can launch it six months ahead of schedule, in time for SummerSlam, and there's been a sharp drop in complaints to HR and lawsuits for the legal department." Hunter dropped the report back onto his desk. "What the hell."

Across from him, sitting side-by-side, were Randy, Dean, and Sami. Randy simply glared at him, Dean started tapping his fingers onto his lap while Sami gave a sheepish smile. "Just following orders?"

Hunter just looked at him and sighed. "Well, at least the loss in house show revenue wasn't for nothing. And that explains why Vince said you three have 'jobs for life' now."

"Where is Vince, anyway?" Randy suddenly asked, now wondering why it was Hunter handling this and not the ever-present Chairman.

"The stock has shot up and is beginning to stabilize. Vince is officially a billionaire again." Hunter said, as if that explained it all.

"XFL." Dean answered, quickly connecting the dots. Randy and Sami resisted the urge to groan.

"I take it he wants us with that too?" Sami asked, as if begging Hunter to say no.

"Yes." Hunter expressed his own displeasure at the notion — losing three major stars just to help kick off Vince's failed attempt at an NFL offshoot was not his idea of 'good business'.

"How long until he asks us?"

"Probably after next year's WrestleMania."

Wrestling's first three loopers watched silently as wrestling's fourth looper started dancing under a rain of confetti in the middle of a gigantic football field. Surrounding him, in the stands, were thousands of cheering fans. It looked like something out of a Lifetime movie.

"You guys up for a vacation next loop?" Dean asked suddenly.

"Yes."

"Best idea I've heard all loop."

The reason why Vince wasn't selected as anchor: poor impulse control and a distinct lack of empathy.

In other news, Corey Graves' wife has just revealed he cheated on her with Carmella. That's almost as disappointing as when I heard Seth had cheated on his fiancee with another woman, who also happened to be engaged (said woman is now dating Sonya Deville, surprisingly).

Never meet your heroes, my friends. At least, not your wrestling heroes.