Okay...this has no basis in reality. It's literally just because I saw a post somewhere about it and then listened to a D&D story where this incident happened and it all spiraled from there. At this point, I say just blame the Nyquil, even though the Nyquil has rarely lead me astray.

Timeline-wise...post-Wing and post-Endless Waltz (God do I love listening to "White Reflection"), but before anything else in canon.
Also, main couples are Heero/Relena, Duo/Hilde, and Quatre/Trowa...but everyone's technically one big poly-group cause why not? It's fun.

Also...

Relena: DM/Dungeon Master (loves the group, but often wants to TPK them)
Heero: Drow Ranger (Quatre had to make his character for him)
Duo: Tiefling Bard (likes to play up "that bard" to Relena's annoyance)
Trowa: Tiefling Rogue (dresses "like a bard/clown" to confuse enemies)
Quatre: Aasimar Cleric (lone healer of the group and all that prevents a TPK)
Wufei: Dragonborn Monk (extremely particular about his character)
Hilde: Tabaxi Barbarian (used to grapple the others as needed)

"I seduce the dragon!"

A pause followed the brunette's excited announcement of his 'brilliant plan'...before six sets of eyes leveled expressions of various degrees of "are you kidding me right now" on the pilot. Relena brought a hand up to rub at her temple in hopes of easing the coming headache. "Duo...why in the name of all that is holy AND unholy would you want to seduce the dragon that is trying to kill all of you?"

Surely, she had just misheard him, right?

Please, someone, say that she had just misheard him.

"Like you said, it's trying to kill us, so why not?" Duo said with a grin as he glanced from his character sheet to the custom-made miniatures set up on the map covering the table. No one was fully certain if it was Relena or Quatre who had paid for the miniatures to be made (as well as acquired all of the books, dice, maps, and other accoutrements needed to play this game) and no one was complaining.

Well...

"Duo. You can't seduce everything in the game!" Hilde argued, giving her boyfriend a light bop on the shoulder. "Seriously...would it kill you to come up with a plan that doesn't involve pimping your character out?"

"We would need to get paid for his "services" for it to be 'pimping his character out'." Heero chimed in dismissively from his seat as he focused on the map and his character sheet. Sure, he had been uncertain about this so-called 'game', but a month in and he was seeing it as an interesting tactical and social training exercise. If anything, it was proving immensely useful in helping keep several of his skills sharp as well as aiding in developing several others that, in retrospect, he had let flounder for far too long. "Not as if we would get much money to start with anyway. He is probably too scrawny for most people."

"You like me being scrawny, you asshole!" Duo snapped, slapping his fellow pilot's exposed bicep. Quatre sighed softly and held up both hands, beginning another attempt to curb a potential "Duo learns to not fistfight his fellow pilots again" session. "Now, now, let's not fight...again. It looks suspicious when we have to restock the first aid kits too often."

In all fairness though, the first aid kit for "group date night" was suspicious in itself considering even medical first responders didn't carry bags that contained tools for exorcisms. As for why the exorcism tools were in the bag, well...the less anyone thought about that particular debacle, the better.

Trowa just shook his head and leaned back in his seat in a valiant attempt to ignore the latest chaos at the table. Honestly...this was supposed to be some kind of 'high fantasy adventure game', not "let Duo unleash his inner prostitute". Wufei glared up from his spot at the table. "If all of you would just listen to me, we would not be in this mess to begin with."

"You got outvoted, 'Fei." Duo snarked back with a grin...only to let out a yelp and grip his head when one of Wufei's dice nailed him in the forehead.

"That's enough." Relena said firmly, pressing both of her palms flat on the table as she looked up from the notes in front of her. "Wufei. What did we agree would happen if you threw dice at someone again?"

"...No cookies for a week."

Relena nodded at Wufei's grumbling, then, after choosing to ignore the pilot's mutterings in Cantonese (or was it Mandarin? She had the worst habit of getting the two languages confused even after knowing him for this long) turned back to Duo and brought her hands up to steeple her fingers against her chin. "Are you absolutely sure that you want to seduce the dragon?"

"Yep."

"Roll for it."

Heero, Trowa, and Wufei all glanced at the diplomat in curiosity at her change of tone; Heero, in particular, looking his version of leery at his girlfriend's new attitude. Hilde tilted her head to one side and shared a look with Quatre who merely shrugged in response before leaning back to rest against Trowa's chest, and Duo, all by his lonesome, grinned in triumph as he rattled his dice before letting them fall. Relena kept her mouth hidden behind her fingers as the dice landed and Duo let out a triumphant. "Nat 20, baby."

A faint 'heh' left Relena and immediately Duo's long-disused 'prey sense' triggered. A sly smile formed on the diplomat's face as she focused on the pilot. "The dragon pauses in it's attack on the barbarian and the monk, and it's eyes focus on the bard alone. Overcome with the heat of sudden, untempered passion, it barrels across the battlefield towards you, bypassing the ranger, rogue, and the cleric as it lets out a mating roar that can be heard echoing throughout the surrounding valley and mountainside..."

A pause followed before Relena's smile took on a wicked glint. "Roll a CON save."

"Wha...why?" Duo asked, not really sure if he liked that look on Relena's face; sure, it made her look gorgeous as always, but it was also kind of terrifying like a horror movie villain. He was pretty sure that even Trieze Khushrenada would be unnerved down in Hell if he saw the look currently on the diplomat's face.

"Male Dragon."

At that, Hilde busted out laughing, her arms wrapped around her middle as Duo's jaw steadily dropped to the floor at the same time as his face turned a color typically reserved for fire engines. Heero leaned back in his seat. one brow raised and a barely-there quirk near the corner of his mouth as the only sign of his amusement at Duo's 'plan' coming back to bite him, fictionally-literally, in the ass. Trowa covered his face with a hand at the same time as Wufei barely concealed a snort of amusement behind a fist at the other pilot's predicament. Quatre shook his head and placed his face in the palms of his hands, muttering something in Arabic relating to Duo's habit of getting into trouble both in and out of game.

"I don't really-"

"Duo. You wanted to seduce the dragon, well you've seduced the dragon. Roll your CON save and good luck." Relena's smile turned into a smirk. "After all, your roll decides if you just have an awkward healing session with Quatre later, or if you get an interesting obituary."

Yes, Relena is trying to curb Duo's "that bard" tendency...but she is literally done with his BS right now.