Immediately upon hearing his voice, Harper's face crumpled and she dissolved into tears. James gave a chuckle torn between amusement and concern.
"Hey, darlin', it's alright," he assured gently.
"James?"
"It's me," he confirmed. She could hear the smile on his face and his own disbelief that they were really speaking again.
"Are you alright?" she choked out between sobs.
"Right as rain," he replied confidently. Then, gently, "Are you okay, Harper?"
The brunette pressed a hand to her mouth, trying desperately to stifle her continued ugly cries. She focused on evening out her breathing, holding more shaking sobs at bay, and slowing her tears. He seemed to understand without her saying anything that she was trying to put herself back together. Patiently, he waited until she finally replied, her voice husky and raw, "Despite appearances, I am better than I have been in nearly nine months. I've missed you."
"I'm sorry, darlin'," James said earnestly. Another sob nearly parted her lips, heart swelling at finally hearing his Brooklyn drawl again. "I'm sorry it's been so long. And I'm sorry that you were much more aware of all that time passing than I was."
"Did it work?" Harper asked. "Are you… better?"
"They think so. They have to test it, though. A few times, probably, just to make sure the code is really outta my head." He paused, and Harper was silent, sensing that something in him had changed. Slowly, with wonder barely perceptible in his voice, he continued, "I… I may never have to be the Winter Soldier again."
Hope. Hope was the change; something so foreign in him that she had hardly ever heard it in his voice before. She wished she could see his face, see the shift in his eyes as he came to terms with this very real possibility. "I'm so happy, James."
"Once we're sure I'm safe… can I see you?"
Harper let out a relieved laugh, though there was still the waver to it brought on by her tears. "Of course. Despite the long wait, I do love you."
"God, I love you, too, Harper."
"Will you be okay, Buck?"
The former soldier directed his gaze at his best friend. They stood in front of an expansive window of T'Challa's palace overlooking the magnificent Wakandan landscape. Their eyes met and Bucky offered a small smile.
"I think I'll always be afraid that the words are still there, but I'm especially concerned that we'll get confirmation of that tomorrow." He heaved a sigh and even he could hear the lifetime of weariness expressed in it. "I never want to be out of control again, Steve. I'm tired of fighting, sick of killing. For a while, I had normalcy. I want that again. I want Harper. And I can't be near her if I might still be the Winter Soldier."
"I got to spend some time with her," Steve mentioned.
"Yeah?"
The blond nodded. "I stayed with her for two weeks in the fall."
"How'd you like Bucharest?" Bucky asked, wanting to prolong hearing Steve's assessment of his choice in Harper at least minutely.
The Captain shook his head. "She's back in Boston. Which was nice, though it was no New York."
"She's…?" he trailed off, eyes widened at this revelation. What had happened? How had she gotten out of Romania? What was she doing now?
Steve smiled fondly, probably perfectly aware of the deluge of questions tumbling around Bucky's mind. With a chuckle, he said, "I'm sure she'll fill you in. It's not my place."
"I'm supposed to call her tomorrow night," he muttered absently, mentally cataloguing all of his queries.
"Anyway," Steve said, bringing the conversation back around. "I'm surprised, Buck. She's nothing like the dames you used to go for."
"No," Bucky admitted with a chuckle. "She's sorta more your type, huh?"
"Maybe but… she shares your crassness," he answered with just a hint of embarrassment.
Bucky grinned teasingly. "We can't all be prudes, Stevie."
"She seems like she has a really good head on her shoulders," Steve admitted. "And she seems to really understand you."
Moving to look out at the landscape below again, Bucky nodded. He watched a group of the King's guard move as a unit through some training steps. "She does get me. She's always gotten me, even when I didn't know myself."
Steve clapped a hand to his shoulder, squeezing. He left his palm there for a moment, and Bucky closed his eyes briefly, drawing from the comforting presence of his friend, his brother. Slowly, Steve pulled back. He asked, "Other than being a bit… crude, she seems too perfect."
Ah. There it was. The hesitation he could sense behind Steve's lack of overt approval. Bucky chuckled, "Only because she's incredibly adept at hiding who she really is. We have that in common, though in different ways."
"What do you mean?" Steve asked sharply.
"I just meant that she has a really hard time trusting people and keeps her walls up. I had known her nearly two months before I got even a glimpse behind the perfect face she wears."
"What's behind it?"
Bucky hesitated, glancing at his friend with cheeks lightly flushed. "This sounds really fucked up, Steve…"
"It's fine, Buck."
"Behind the perfect face, she's in a lot of pain, has dealt with a lot of shit. And I kinda think that's a big reason why I love her."
Bucky went on to, in brief, describe the difficulties Harper had faced that had left her stuck in Bucharest, poor and alone, yet still doing everything she could for other people. He left out her whispered confessions late at night as they were cuddled beneath her blankets about how there were certain cases where she was just going through the motions, that she lacked all sympathy and compassion for. That she couldn't even bring herself to feel guilty having recognized that darkness in herself because, ultimately, she was miserable with the way her own life was panning out and couldn't always muster anything else for those she was supposed to care about.
He talked, too, about how she actually harbored a lot of insecurities about herself, about how she had been made to feel so much less than because of her only previous romantic experience. About how she needed to appear capable and confident to protect herself.
And then he told Steve about the cluster headaches. It was difficult to find the words to actually describe the pain he had seen her contend with. "It was horrifying, honestly, the first time I saw her start hitting herself to try and alleviate the pain. She can't stay still during them either. She just paces manically, or rocks back and forth in place. It's like watching her be tortured, but the perpetrator is her own body. I… it's unbelievable, Steve."
"And they're really that… scheduled?" Steve asked, blond brows lifting toward hair that had grown out to a surprising length.
Bucky nodded. "I think half the torture is the pain, but the other half is the anticipation of the pain coming back. In a lot of ways, more than anything else, the clusters have kinda ruined her life. They run her life."
Steve hummed, face scrunched slightly as he pondered all this new information. "So she has demons like the rest of us. Good to know."
The brunet sighed, knowing that his friend had not yet been convinced. "She's basically the only good thing that's happened in my life since 1944, Steve."
"If nothing else, she loves you," the super soldier stated. "That was clear."
"Then would it kill ya to be happy for me?" Bucky asked with a sad smile.
Steve sighed and placed a hand on Bucky's shoulder again. "I'm just worried that you got yourself into something because of everything you've been through. I don't want to see you stuck or hurt."
"I appreciate the concern. I really do," the former soldier assured. More sharply, he continued, "But it's misplaced. The Bucky of 1940 would have thought Harper attractive only 'til she proved her strength and grit. But I'm not the same person anymore. I get why this seems rash and out of character, but it isn't. Not anymore."
"Okay." The reply was simple, sure. There was no doubt in it. Bucky nodded, glad that Steve had been somewhat convinced. Harper would win his favor over time. For now, this was enough.
"Harper, I just don't think that the insurance is the problem this time."
"Right, this time. After the way they've been treating me the last few years…"
"But, honey, now that you're back, things will go back to working out just fine. Just find a new doctor, and see how that goes."
The brunette sighed. "I don't want to doctor shop, dad. I just want to go see a specialist."
"I know you do," her father sighed. "But you have a good plan at really good rates, Harper. I don't want to see you screw yourself out of the good deal you have right now."
"I also don't want my clusters to screw me out of what's left of an otherwise productive and happy life."
He pinched the bridge of his nose and begged, "Please try a new doctor first. For me?"
"Fine."
June 29, 2017
Harper: I finally read your letter today. I accept your apology, unneeded as it was. I'm happy to know more about you, and I hope that I can continue to know you more. I love the James I've been with so far, and can only imagine how much more I'll come to love the completed version.
July 17th, 2017
Harper: Moving sucks. And I'm worried about how Aslan will travel. I suppose that I never got to tell you about any of this, either… Your big news definitely trumped mine! It's a lot to say here, so I'll keep it short. My ass was totally saved and I'm starting school again in the fall. Meaning I'm heading back to Boston! I'll miss all the memories I've (we've) made in Bucharest, but without you here, there really isn't anything calling to me anymore. I'm happy to be moving on and moving home. I hope you'll be able to enjoy this city with me, too, someday.
August 2, 2017
Harper: I may be surrounded by boxes, but I have a litter box set up and a mountain of takeout trash piling up, so I feel pretty at home already. No drugs or sex workers, either! You'd be happy to see my new setup. I know it bothered you how I was living in Bucharest. Do you think you could be happy here, despite it not being your (shitty) NYC?
August 26, 2017
Harper: I just realized I can have Christmas décor this year. My love for Boston is truly rekindled.
September 30, 2017
Harper: It's been a while, James. Not for lack of thinking of you. More because I became insecure that maybe it would be annoying or pathetic to come back to a million messages. I don't know. Is it? Regardless, I just wanted to drop you a note. I think about you every day, and I miss you so much.
October 31, 2017
Harper: Happy Halloween! I've eaten far too many sour watermelons and chocolate covered pretzels. Maybe I should just be grateful you like a thicker lady and accept that I don't have it in me to be thin. Cuz I don't think I could give this shit up.
November 17, 2017
Harper: Hello, my favorite sexy soldier man. Steve just left after spending two weeks here in Boston. I'm grateful that I was able to get to know him a bit better. He's a real good guy. Somehow, he makes me nervous, though. Like I'm barely any closer to earning his approval than I was when you two scared the shit out of me in my apartment in Bucharest. Maybe I'm imagining it. Is it a deal breaker if Steve doesn't much care for me? I sure hope not. But also I'd get it cuz holy shit is there a more morally attuned person than Steve?
December 8, 2017
Harper: It's finals season, but all I can think about is our Christmas tree from last year. You lugging that thing up the stairs, insisting that I needed to decorate no matter what… I just really fuckin love you, ya know?
December 25, 2017
Harper: Merry Christmas, James. You have all my love.
January 1, 2018
Harper: Happy New Year! My greatest wish for the coming year is that you'll be alright and we can go back to our happy little bubble.
February 14, 2018
Harper: Happy stupid commercialized love holiday. May we get to celebrate next year by eating take out on the couch and watching movies. Before kicking Aslan out of the bedroom, of course. I feel like by the time we're back together, I'm gonna be real rusty. Practice on my own just isn't the same. ;)
March 1, 2018
Harper: In honor of your birthday month, I'm now thinking about how there's a wee bit of an age difference between us. Which doesn't bother me, given that there are lots of other factors involved here. But how do you put up with me? I feel like I must sound so stupid or privileged or something, looking at me from the viewpoint of someone who lived through the Depression and a fucking World War. I'm sorry for sucking.
March 8, 2018
James: What a rollercoaster, doll. I went from heartbroken for you, to happy, to horny, to heartbroken again. I can't wait to talk to you later today. I love you more than I could ever say.
"Hello?"
"Hey, darlin'."
"You know, I half thought our call the other day was a dream," Harper confessed, relief awash in her voice. "How are you?"
"I'm really good," Bucky answered, a wide grin splitting his lips.
"Does that mean…?"
"The code is gone."
"Oh, James, I'm so glad! That's amazing! You're feeling better then? About everything?"
"Well, everything to do with becoming the Winter Soldier again. I feel like I'm the only one with a hand on the wheel now."
"What happens now?"
Bucky breathed a sad sigh through his nose. "I don't know. I'm still a fugitive, technically speaking. There is a… politician trying to smooth things over after the Accords, but..."
"I sense there's more to the story than this."
"Harper…" he muttered, pleading her to understand the need for secrecy, especially over the phone.
She hummed and said, "Alright. So for now you're staying wherever you are?"
"Yeah," Bucky confirmed. "I um… look, I know it's asking a lot of you. I read your texts and I know you have a lot going on now, but…"
"James, what do you need?"
"One of the people working with Steve is flying out of Boston to London next week. From there, Steve can meet up with you and get you out here. The politician has to be in New York and can get you back home that way. Problem is New York isn't until the beginning of June, so…"
There was a stretch of silence. Bucky closed his eyes, stomach churning with a nauseating mix of emotions. Guilt that he had asked something so big of Harper, dread at what would be her answer.
"Hun, can you give me an hour to figure things out? I'll call you back."
"Of course, doll."
"Thanks," she replied distractedly. "Talk to you soon. Love you."
The line disconnected, and Bucky's sense of dread grew. Why on earth would he have asked her to sacrifice things when her life was finally going so well?
A/N: Thank you all so much for the continued support. I'm grateful for your kind words and continued interest. As it may already be clear, I have taken some liberties with the timeline during Bucky's stay in Wakanda. We don't see Steve there prior to Infinity War, but it's also not made explicit that he has never been back. Because we have so little information on what happened in that time, I've had to make due with how I imagine things could have happened. I hope that isn't too bothersome.