Jack crawled out of the tent to take a piss. It was early in the morning, too early for even a ranch hand to consider getting up, but something had woken him, something besides the urge to relieve himself—that had been almost an after thought.

Once outside the vinyl flap that kept the tent sealed, he stood carefully, feeling the tiredness that had started to settle in his bad knee and hip, tiredness that only came from roughing it and sleeping on the ground for a week. Jack stretched with his hands on his hips and then wandered off a little distance into the woods to piss on a tree that he'd taken to calling "Mighty John Young" (He brought Eliza to see the movie Mighty Joe Young when it was in theaters). That was the area he'd been using as his outhouse, and he wasn't sure why, but for some reason he found it funny to call it that.

He unzipped, let go, and leaned his head back, feeling sleep and the promise of Ennis' warmth calling him back to the tent. When he was done, he did his jeans up and ambled, not to the tent (sleep, though inviting, was not possible at the moment), but over to their little cooking area. Jack sat down and picked up the pack of cigarettes he kept tucked under a notch in the tree trunk he always occupied. He flicked his lighter, brought the smoke to his mouth, and inhaled deep, resting his elbows on his knees, and tilting his head to the side so he had a clear view of the cloudless night sky.

"Sure is beautiful up here. Damn, it's fuckin' amazin', that's what."

Jack sighed. Sure it was amazing, too good to be true, and that's what had Jack worried, what he was almost sure—though not positive—had stirred him from his easy sleep.

"It's like some kind a' dream world up here, a little too perfect. Jest the two a' us, no one else ta mess with, no one ta tell us we're perverted."

Not the real world, in other words.

"Can see what was so attractive 'bout comin' up here fer the two guys in the story."

Jack took another puff of his cigarette, felt his lungs burn slightly, but enjoyed it like he hadn't much else in his life. He wasn't sure why all that was bothering him so much. He should have been feeling carefree. Full of hope and love, right? Wasn't it enough to know that Ennis shared his feelings?

Jack shook his head. No, it wasn't enough. Sure the words had been said, and then made clear by actions, but what happened next?

It was Sunday, well, Monday now, and they'd been in the mountains a week. They'd kissed for the first time on Monday afternoon, fucked Monday night, nearly fallen apart Tuesday morning, then came back together and admitted things the characters in the book had never said by that same afternoon. It had all happened so fast, it almost made Jack's head spin. A whirlwind, sure, but it still seemed like Jack had been waiting his whole life for Ennis to say those things, had never actually imagined it actually happening.

The rest of the week had fallen into a comfortable routine. Wake up, fuck, make breakfast, try to fuck but find out they were too old to go at it that soon after, laugh, procure lunch, succeed at fucking once again, swim, make dinner, tell stories, drink, smoke, talk about family, doze off by the fire, wake up in the middle of the night, get to bed, fuck again though groggily and at a slower pace, then finally sleep—repeat the next day. It was a routine that both had been extremely happy to follow; Jack felt like he could follow that routine for as long as he lived, though he figured that eventually three times a day would be a bit of a stretch. Jack was still kicking though, hell 56 wasn't that old, and he intended to try and keep that three times a day deal going as long as he could.

"Just makin' up for lost time," He mused.

What had started to trouble him though, what had started to seep into his bones like a cold wind foretelling winter, was the fact that they hadn't talked about what happened next, or where all their high times were leading. Jack kept meaning to bring it up, kept wanting to talk some more, but he couldn't find the right moment, and he was just so damned happy with the way things were going, he didn't want to have another fight, or interrupt their pleasant little schedule. And Ennis hadn't brought it up—but then again, was that very surprising?

Ennis had told him he "thought" he loved him. That was momentous. But—did that mean he wanted to spend the rest of his life with him? Was that why he hadn't said anything? Jack didn't know. What he did know was the longer he spent with Ennis, the more he started thinking about how they might be able to make a life together work, and the deeper he sunk into this well of "feelings" and hope. He was so deep now he wasn't sure there was any going back.

Jack's thoughts were interrupted by the sounds of the tent flap and then the grass rustling. He didn't bother turning around, knew who it was, just kept sucking away on his cigarette.

Ennis walked over and sat down next to Jack, sleepy expression on his face, chest bare, feet bare. He gave Jack a soft smile and then held his hand out. Jack knew what he was gesturing for and handed him the pack of cigarettes and then gave him the lighter. Ennis flicked out the flame after his smoke was burning and then put the metal lighter back into Jack's hand. They sat there in silence for a couple of minutes.

"Can't sleep?" Ennis finally found his voice.

Jack squeezed the still glowing end of his cigarette with his thumb and forefinger until the embers were completely extinguished and then tossed the butt off to the side.

"Nope."

"Got a lot on yer mind?"

"Yep."

Ennis let it go at that, wouldn't pry any farther unless Jack decided to share. They sat in comfortable silence for a few more minutes, looking up at the sky, the new moon barely visible in the darkness, the stars the only light for miles.

"Where were you in 1963?"

Jack looked over at Ennis, surprised by his question.

"What d'ya mean?"

Ennis took a puff of his cigarette and then exhaled slowly.

"I mean, where were ya, what were ya doin'?"

Jack turned forward again, rested his elbows on his knees. He thought. Hard.

"Jesus. 1963. Seems like a million years ago. Let's see…"

Antsy, he repositioned himself again, leaned back, rested a hand on the log to either side of him, and stared up at the dark sky.

" I was helpin' my daddy out on the ranch when jobs were scarce. But, I guess that was maybe the second year I'd tried ta get a job somewhere away from home. I'd signed up with the Farm and Ranch Employment agency, hopin' fer somethin' good…"

"What happened?"

"I don't remember." Jack turned his head to the side, a funny grin on his face. A memory was just beyond his reach, but he couldn't manage to touch it.

"I think the first summer I tried ta get away, we'd had a busy season at the ranch, busier than normal at least, and it turned out that my folks needed me more than I needed a job. Then the next summer, I guess…my daddy, yeah that's right, he got hurt, fell off his horse and threw out his back, needed my help again. Shit, I thought I'd never get away."

Jack laughed.

"I'd already been rodeoin' when I could, locally, whenever the rodeo would come in ta town, but the next summer, I decided ta call ranchin' quits and took up ta tourin'. Thought I was gonna be a famous bull rider or sometin'."

He shook his head. "Got me away from Lightenin' Flat and that's 'bout all I wanted."

Ennis nodded then threw his own cigarette down.

"Why do you ask? What were you doin' in '63?"

"Believe it or not, I also signed up with Farm and Ranch Employment that summer. KE had jest gotten married, and I had nowhere ta go."

Jack raised his eyebrows. "Oh really?"

"Yeah, I'd gotten a job with 'em too. But, uh, this friend a' KE's also needed some help with his spread, was short handed that summer, so my brother decided ta help me out and told his buddy, name a' Carden, that I was lookin' fer work."

Ennis took in a deep breath; let it out.

"Anyway, I turned down the job that F.R.E had assigned me and went to work cleanin' up horse shit fer a summer. That November I married my ex-wife."

Jack was silent. He wasn't sure why Ennis had brought this up.

"Don't ya get it?"

Jack shook his head. Ennis sighed.

"Do ya remember what job ya'd been assigned to that summer?"

Jack thought hard, then suddenly realized what Ennis was getting at and his stomach dropped out from under him. His mouth went dry.

"I…I…can't…"

"Well I can. It was herdin' sheep on Brokeback Mountain. I brushed it off at the time, figured I was better off with KE's buddy anyway, thought herdin' sheep wasn't a real cowboy's job. I would a' taken it if nothin' else had come up, though. I was that desperate. Didn't remember the place 'till I found it again a few years back."

Jack's heart was racing. He couldn't think straight, wasn't sure if he'd been arranged to work on Brokeback that summer or not, couldn't remember. But, on that fateful day nearly two months earlier, when he'd been sitting on his bed, flipping through the book he'd bought just by chance because it seemed interesting, what had made him pick the last story in the book to read? What had led him to it? Wasn't it because deep down inside, somewhere in his memory, he'd heard the name before? Wasn't it because Brokeback Mountain had a familiar ring to it?

"Holy shit."

That was it. He remembered now. He had been assigned as sheepherder to work on Brokeback Mountain that summer in 1963, that summer that John C. Twist had fallen off his horse because of some freak accident and had caused Jack to have to turn down the job at the last minute and work on his family ranch for another summer, thus altering his fate forever.

"Holy shit!" Jack stood up from the log quickly. He had to walk around, had to feel his feet moving, had to feel something other than utter shock and disbelief.

"Were you gonna work up on Brokeback that summer, Jack?"

He was pacing around behind Ennis, thoughts moving at a million miles a second.

"This doesn't make any sense. This seems impossible, this, this…holy fuckin' shit, I think…I think I need ta sit back down."

Jack suddenly felt weak in the knees, felt his surroundings start to slip away, felt blackness on the brink. He put one hand to his head, trying to ease the dizziness. Then he felt Ennis' arms around him and he was able to lean his weight against him, feel his steady support, warm and unchanging.

"Ya didn't answer my question." Ennis whispered in his ear. He was running his hand up and down Jack's back trying to soothe.

Jack squeezed his eyes shut.

"You know the answer."

Suddenly, he felt hot tears spring into his eyes and the next thing he knew, they were streaming down his face silently falling on the warm skin of Ennis' bare shoulder.

"Are you cryin'?" The question was gentle, not accusatory.

He didn't say anything.

"It's alright Jack. Honest ta God, I don't mind. Ya can cry in front a' me if ya want."

Jack shook his head, lifted his face from Ennis' shoulder and wiped at his eyes, his nose.

"I'm becomin' a goddamned cry baby. Jesus."

He wiped his face and wiped again, but the tears kept coming, slowly, gently.

"I jest can't believe it, s'all. That means, Jesus, that means we were gonna be workin' together that summer…jest like the book…"

His breath caught in his throat and another wave of sorrow washed through him.

"I don't know which is worse, me dyin' or me not meetin' you till now, half our lives gone."

Ennis tightened his grip on Jack.

"Jack, hush now."

He let his head fall back onto Ennis' shoulder, pressed his face into his neck, let his words flow out like his tears.

"God, Ennis, I jest wish I coulda met you when I was younger, I jest…it's jest…"

He let out a shaky breath and wrapped his own arms around Ennis' back, loved the feel of the strong, hard muscles underneath his fingertips.

"Knowin' we were this close ta meetin' then, ta actually livin' the story…it's fuckin' unbelievable…it's like seein' the face a' God or somethin'…ya know? I mean, seein' what yer life woulda been, but how it changed just by insignificant little things…I'd be dead…"

"Jack."

"What?"

"Don't think about it anymore. I shouldn't a' brought it up. Don't bother trouble yerself over it. It wasn't supposed ta happen the way it did in the story, other wise it would a'. But it didn't."

He pushed Jack away far enough so he could look into his face, his eyes; make sure his meaning was clear.

"Now I can't say I don't got some sadness that I didn't know you sooner, but I got no regrets it happened this way. Looks ta me more like a blessin', don't' ya think?"

Jack blinked. He thought he knew what Ennis was saying, and it brought a warm feeling into his middle, washing away his earlier worries and doubts about their relationship.

"Yeah, guess so."

"I know so." Ennis smiled and wiped his cheek. Jack smiled and chuckled.

"What d'ya say we go back ta bed, huh?"

Jack nodded slowly, grabbed Ennis' hand and squeezed it.

"All right. Sounds good ta me."

"Come on then. I'm freezin' my fuckin' balls off."

"Heaven forbid."

"Shut up, asshole."

Jack laughed and followed Ennis back inside the tent and fell soundly asleep nearly the minute his head hit the ground.

They were sitting around the fire, cooking up the last two cans of beans and each staring off into the distance. They both knew their time in the mountains had to end that day, they couldn't stay up there forever, but it was a hard truth to accept.

They'd been silent all that morning, both lost in thought, both knowing there was more to discuss but neither sure how to start the conversation.

The beans started to bubble and Ennis grabbed a can and passed it to Jack. Jack grabbed it, held it with the pair of gloves that Ennis had let him borrow, and stared down into the thick, boiling liquid.

"Ya know, I didn't wanna say anythin', but I really am sick a' beans."

Ennis grumbled something and started to eat. He stuck his spoon piled with beans in his mouth and then immediately spit it out, reached for the canteen of water he had at his side and drank heartily. Jack watched this whole display in amusement.

"Beans not settlin' with you either, huh?"

Ennis continued to drink then put the canteen down and wiped the excess liquid from his mouth.

"I burnt my fuckin' tongue."

"You know, ya might try lettin' yer food cool before ya start eatin'. It's a pretty clever method, saved me from many a burnt catastrophe."

Ennis gave Jack a look and then with exaggerated movements, picked up the can, blew on the contents and took another bite. He chewed, swallowed, and gave Jack a ridiculous smile, more of a grimace really. He looked away, Jack's attempts at humor clearly pointless.

"Yer such a smart ass, Twist. Sometimes ya really piss me off."

"Yeah well yer stubborn. And ya don't have a very good sense a' humor."

"Well sorry I can't be perfect, yer highness. How 'bout I get down on my knees and make ya feel a little better about it, what d'ya say?"

Jack frowned.

"Hey now. No need ta get defensive."

Ennis didn't say anything just kept eating and frowning. Jack tried to let his annoyance dissipate, knew that getting confrontational would just make matters worse. When he was calm enough, he took it into perspective.

"What's really botherin' you, Ennis? Is it cuz we have ta go back down today?"

Ennis didn't answer, which meant 'yes'. Jack clasped his hands between his knees and looked down. He knew that it wasn't the best time to bring up what had to be brought up, but he felt it was now or never.

"What happens next, Ennis? We haven't talked about any that stuff since, well since last week."

"I don't know."

Jack harrumphed. "All right, we've established that. But it's not helpin'. Come on, we gotta think about this. Does it end here? I wouldn't want ta think it would, but it's not jest me we're dealin' with."

Ennis sighed, put his can down. "I can't talk about this now."

Jack stood. "Well when the hell can ya about it? Damnit, Ennis!"

He turned away looking off into the woods, hands on hips.

"I've been tryin' ta talk about this with ya fer the past week, and I'm always afraid of makin' ya angry or I dunno, makin' ya storm off. I can't do it anymore."

Jack turned around and walked back over to Ennis, dropped to his knees in front of him, despite his soreness from a week outdoors. He put a hand on each of Ennis' thighs and looked him in the face.

"Let's jest fer once get ta the fuckin' point, what d'ya say? I mean, we've accomplished a lot, right? But we keep dancin' around the whole subject of what's goin' on here, we get close ta it, but then either you or I shy away from it, and let's jest fer once fuck it all and get it out in the open. Come on, come on Ennis."

Ennis was still frowning looking off to the side, but the frown wasn't from anger anymore, Jack could tell, he was thinking about what he'd just heard.

"Last night, when ya asked what I was doin' in '63, that was a pretty far out question, and then ya didn't even seem surprised by the fact that we could've meet that summer. I'm assumin' either you're a tougher sonofabitch than I thought, or ya'd already been thinkin' on that fer a while, thinkin' bout the book and everythin' that we've been steerin' clear of since we got up here."

Ennis placed his hands on top of Jack's. He shook his head in doubt. Jack waited, giving Ennis a chance to speak.

"I'll try." His voice was quiet. "I'll try, but yer gonna have ta help me, I'm not too good at talkin' bout stuff like this. But I'll try."

Jack smiled, all his anger and annoyance vanished. "That's all I ask."

He stood up, looked around.

"All right, now how d'ya wanna do this? How will ya be most comfortable?"

Ennis shrugged. "Jeez, I dunno."

"What if I sit on one side a' the log and you sit on the other, back ta back. Ya don't have ta see me, if it helps."

Ennis ducked his head. "Do we have ta make such a big deal of it?"

"This is me helpin' you." He motioned to himself and then to Ennis. "Me help you."

Jack elicited a small smile from Ennis, which is what he wanted. He hopped over the log and sat down with his back resting against it. He waited. After a couple of seconds he felt Ennis move and sit on the ground directly behind him. Jack smiled.

"All right, first things first. What d'ya think the book is? Where d'ya think it came from?"

"I dunno."

"Ennis…"

"Hold on, I'm puttin' my words together. Goddamn, don't rush me!"

"All right, all right, sorry, sorry."

"I tried thinkin' 'bout where it came from, thinkin' 'bout how it could a' come ta be, but I can't think of anythin'. I can't imagine how some woman could know about my whole life. I…I don't know."

Jack thought. "Yeah…hmm…guess that wasn't the best question ta start out with. I don't have any more answers than you."

"I have wondered about other people readin' it though."

Jack froze. "Oh, yeah? I hadn't thought about that…" Liar.

"Well I have. It's been troublin' me fer a while. I mean, what if my family read it, or Junior! She's even met you, and…d'ya know if anyone down in Texas has read it?"

"No." Why wasn't he telling the truth? "I don't think people down in Childress are much fer literature."

"Well I guess that's a relief then."

Jack pushed away thoughts of Leroy and focused on something else Ennis had said.

"So, ya wouldn't want anyone ta find out about the book? I mean ya wouldn't want anyone else ta know what it said…?"

Ennis sensing what Jack was getting at was quiet for a second.

"Jack, I jest meant…"

"I think I know what ya meant. Don't need ta explain."

Ennis looked down. "All right."

Jack was silent. Ennis turned around and touched him on the shoulder.

"I still don't really know what I want, Jack."

He bit his lip. "Really." It wasn't a question.

"I dunno what else ta say. I know ya probably got all these ideas 'bout how we could find a way ta live together."

"You know me too well."

Ennis smiled sadly at the back of Jack's head. "Wish I could know ya better."

Jack turned around. "Then why don't ya wanna live with me? I don't understand!"

"You ready fer everyone ya know ta suddenly treat ya different? You want yer own family ta act like yer some kinda freak? You ready ta leave yer granddaughter? Tell me that, Jack."

Jack was silent. Ennis looked down. "I don't understand this either, and I'm not sayin' I don't wanna live with ya! I need more time ta think about it. It's only been a week, Jesus, you expect me ta know what I want in that time?"

"I knew what I wanted the minute I saw you."

It was the hard truth, and it tasted bitter in Jack's mouth, but he didn't want to lie about this.

"Jack, I told ya how I felt."

Jack turned away again and crossed his arms.

"Yeah, I remember. And I'm glad fer that, at least."

They were silent, and finally Ennis turned away too, leaned against the log, exhausted from the brief words they'd shared.

"We can't stay up here forever. As much as I want to. We have ta go back down, but down there it's different, down there people look and judge."

"Thought you said we were gonna write our own version a' the story, don't seem too different right now."

His words were cold and cutting. He wanted Ennis to feel what he was feeling.

"We still are. I'm jest…goddamnit, I don't know what I am!"

Jack could hear Ennis take several deep breaths. When he spoke again his voice was barely over a whisper.

"I'm sorry. I told ya I'd try, and I have, but there's just nothin' else ta be said right now."

He stood up, looking down at Jack's head.

"Let's get packed up. I still have a week off. You can stay at my place again. We'll see how it goes, okay? Maybe by the end a' the week, I'll know what I want."

Jack didn't stand. He was silent, trying not to let Ennis' words hurt him.

"Till that time, jest keep buildin' that dream fer us you got brewin' behind yer eyes. Don't give up Jack. That's what I need from ya. I won't give up if you won't."

Jack nodded. Finally he stood and helped Ennis take down camp.

They took down the tent (easier than they'd put it up) and cleaned up their campsite, buried their compost, gathered their trash and cans and all their gear. They did this in silence—it was as though they'd used all the words they were allowed when they'd had their "talk" and now there were none left.

It an easy walk to the trucks despite Jack's soreness in his knee and hip (going down hill was always easier at least physically) and there was a remarkable lack of complaining from Mr. Twist. Once they got to their trucks and were loaded up, they stopped, looked at each other expectantly. Ennis broke the silence.

"Yer gonna follow me, right?"

Jack was looking down, trying, but not succeeding, to hide his sadness. "Yeah, once we get outta this tight stretch, I'll fall behind you and let ya lead."

Ennis nodded, knew Jack understood the situation, but wanted him to understand more. He walked over to where Jack was leaning against the door of his truck and put one hand on his shoulder, gave it a squeeze. Jack met his eyes.

"This is not the last time we're gonna come up here, ya understand? I swear that ta ya."

"You swear?"

"I swear."

They kept their eyes locked, both knowing what he meant. Ennis was not the swearing kind, but he felt some sort of promise needed to be spoken, some sort of reassurance that though he still wasn't sure what he wanted, he knew that whatever he decided would somehow involve Jack Twist, if he would have him. He wanted Jack to know that, had to make it clear, had to make sure he understood that Ennis loved him, though he found the words hard to speak. He did what he could though, and that's all Jack asked, right?

Jack smiled, the serious mood evaporating. He clapped Ennis on the back.

"All right, let's get goin' then. Come on, cowboy, daylights a' wastin'."

Ennis smiled and gave Jack's shoulder another squeeze. He turned and got into his truck.

It would take an hour and a half to make it back to the little white house Ennis called home. Jack was glad to have the quiet time.

The ride back was easy enough. Once Jack got out of the stretch of trees (slightly difficult driving in reverse the whole way down) he simply followed the older Chevrolet all the way back to Riverton. Not that he would have had that much trouble on his own, he'd made it to Brokeback with no direction fairly well before, hadn't he? It was more of a safe guard for Ennis, Jack figured. He could rest easy as long as Jack's F-150 was always in his rear view mirror.

"That way he won't have ta worry 'bout our little "talk" upsettin' me too much and sendin' me packin' in the opposite direction."

He didn't understand Ennis. Well that wasn't quiet true, what bothered Jack the most was that he did understand him, could sympathize with his motives, but at the same time, didn't share them. Ennis really made the most sense, take it slow, see what works, give it some time, they could go from there. Sure, sure, that was just swell, but Jack wanted Ennis now. He'd never been an impatient person, but then again, he'd also never wanted anything so badly.

So Jack could understand Ennis' worries, his hesitance to just pick up and start a new life, because granted Jack should feel a little hesitant too, right?

"And what about Eliza, huh? Ennis even mentioned her, how do you feel about that?"

Jack rolled down his window and lit up a smoke. Eliza. Well Eliza was a whole other subject, wasn't she? He shook his head. He really didn't want to leave his granddaughter, his little girl, the light of his life…

"She could come and visit. Spend time with the two of us. I'm sure she'd love Ennis."

Jack shook his head in disbelief. Once he had his sights set on something there really was no backing down. He knew he shouldn't be so eager, so willing to leave his sweet girl, but…

"Damnit, she's got parents! She's not my daughter!"

Jack knew that argument was pointless and he felt a little guilty for even thinking it. Eliza was as much his daughter as anyone's; he spent enough time with her.

"But Ennis…well, Ennis is something special. She'll jest have ta understand."

Now if he could only make the man himself understand.

"So he thinks me stayin' with him fer another week will help him figure out what he wants…sure."

But a week spent with Ennis was a pretty damn good week.

Jack tossed his cigarette out the window, tired of the sour taste it was leaving in his mouth. He hoped Ennis knew what he wanted by the end of the week. It was unlikely, but all he could do was hope, right? Hope was the rock Jack clung to, because he didn't want to imagine leaving Ennis at the end of the week if things were still up in the air. In fact, Jack didn't want to imagine leaving Ennis at all, but he knew he couldn't stay with him forever.

Everything had changed in only a week, and now Jack wasn't the same person he'd been—he didn't know if he'd been changed for the better, but he was sure as hell that he'd been changed for good. It was hard to picture going back to Childress and carrying on like nothing had happened, like the sky hadn't opened up, like he hadn't just had the week of his life.

Jack flipped through several stations on the truck's radio, couldn't find much except preachy talk shows, so he turned it off completely, figured silence was better for his thoughts anyway. Jack's mind returned to Childress. When he'd been in the mountains, he'd barely had a thought that went beyond the man who'd shared his tent with him, and he had to wonder how things were going down there. He hadn't told Lureen how long he was going to be gone, because at the time he hadn't known, and he hadn't called her since.

"I shoulda gotten in touch with her or somethin', jest ta be decent…"

Yes, he should have, but he hadn't, so he just told himself that he would when he got a few free moments at Ennis' house. But when he was with Ennis it was hard to think of much else. Still though, he hadn't even said goodbye to Lureen. He'd left her at the barbeque with the McGuire people. She was talking to a group and he figured she wouldn't want to be interrupted, so he'd made like a bee and buzzed off. Jack bit his lip. It had been a mistake, sure, but there wasn't' much he could do about it.

"Not now anyway."

He made a mental note to call Lureen as soon as he got to Ennis' place and then let all his thoughts slip away, distracted by the road that stretched in to the distance as far as he could see.

"You can make yerself at home. I'm jest gonna take a quick shower, feel like I've been wrestlin' with a pig."

Jack laughed when he got an image of Ennis mud wrestling with a family of hogs.

"Now that's somethin' I would pay ta see."

"Well save yer money."

Jack walked into the family room out of habit and set his stuff down on the couch. He felt happy and warm to be back under Ennis' roof, felt like he'd come home.

"Ya can put those in the bedroom if ya want."

Ennis was making his way to the bathroom, and his words had been barely audible. Jack heard though, had always had fairly good hearing and smiled at the shy way Ennis had about him sometimes. It reminded him how lucky he was to have this man open up to him, to trust him, to call him friend. Jack smiled. He picked up his things and walked into Ennis' bedroom just as Ennis closed the bathroom door behind him, gently. Jack noticed that this time he did not lock it.

Ennis' bedroom was pretty much what Jack had expected: small and bare, but not without its own personality. He had a queen-sized bed with a plain oak headboard. A nice red and blue quilt lay on top of the covers, it looked like it was hand made, most likely by his daughter Junior. Next to his bed there was a wooden nightstand (also handmade, Jack saw from the rough cut of the wood) and a lamp with a big wooden base that had been carved to look like the head of an eagle. On the floor there was a worn woven rug and a pair of boots. Across from the bed stood a chest of drawers with two picture frames displayed on the top—one of Junior at her wedding and another one of a fairly younger woman (Jack assumed it had been taken several years before) which must have been Francine. In the picture a young blonde headed boy was sitting on her lap. Jack studied the picture, and smiled. It was amazing, the boy's resemblance to Ennis even though he was his grandson. Jack supposed it was true after all that family traits skipped a generation.

After giving the bedroom a thorough once over, Jack put his duffel and sleeping bag on the floor next to the chest of drawers and walked out the bedroom. He didn't hear the water running anymore, so he knocked on the door.

"Hey, Ennis, is it okay if I make a phone call?"

"Sure go ahead."

Jack smiled thinking about Ennis wet with only a towel around his waist. If he hadn't promised himself he wasn't going to get distracted, he would have done more than knocked on the door. That could wait till later.

He walked into the kitchen where the phone was perched on the wall and picked it up, dialed his familiar number and heard the familiar phone recording in Lureen's voice.

"Hello, you've reached the Twist residence. We're not home right now, but leave a message at the beep and we'll get back ta ya as soon as possible."

Jack didn't bother leaving a message figured he'd just call back later. He hung up the phone and looked around the kitchen, once again glad to be "home". Suddenly Jack realized he'd left his hat out in his truck, and for some reason the idea made him uneasy. Not that it really mattered, but he wanted to have everything he needed inside with him, wanted it all there. He went back over to the bathroom door, but didn't bother knocking this time. He opened the door so he could poke his head in and wasn't surprised to find Ennis exactly as he'd imagined him, looking into the mirror shaving, only a towel around his waist.

"Now why in the hell d'ya keep buzzin' around here? Can't a man shave in peace?" He didn't take his eyes off the mirror.

"Jest hopin' ta catch ya in the middle a' some indecent act."

Ennis laughed and shook his head, flicked some shaving cream into the sink.

"Actually was jest gonna let ya know that I'm goin' out ta my truck fer a second, forgot somethin'."

"All right."

Jack backed out, closing the door and then went out to his truck. It was late afternoon, the sky was clear, and everything was quiet. Jack whistled a little tune down to the curb where he'd parked. Things seemed to be looking up. At the moment, he didn't even care that Ennis hadn't "figured out what he wanted", he was just glad to be alive, glad to be with him.

He got to his black F-150 and opened the driver's side door just as he heard a familiar tune. At first he was puzzled, wasn't sure what it was or where it was coming from, or why he recognized it, and then all at once he realized it was his cell phone.

"Shit!"

Jack dove into the car, frantically searching for the phone, not knowing where he'd put it, in fact, he'd forgotten that he'd even brought it. The phone stopped its obnoxious electronic chime, and Jack cursed. He finally discovered it; it had been buried under the various maps he'd used and the empty bag of beef jerky he'd bought on the way to Wyoming.

He picked up the small phone in his hand, a foreign object after weeks in the wilderness. He squinted to read the little screen and gasped when he saw what it said.

42 missed calls

"Holy shit!"

42 missed calls? How could that be possible? Jack pressed some of the buttons, trying to figure out how to see who had called. He eventually got to the screen that showed missed numbers, and immediately began to panic when he saw they were from Lureen, Marla, and Bobby—all 42 of them.

"Jesus…"

A cold fist curled in his stomach and he pressed the redial button, calling Marla's cell phone, which had been the most recent number on the screen. The phone rang once, twice, each time building the dread inside Jack, and then someone picked up.

"Hello?" The voice sounded panicked, tired and a little raw.

"Marla? Sweetie, it's Jack. What the hell's goin' on?"

"Jack, oh my God, Jack! Thank Jesus!" He heard her pull the phone away from her ear and announce him to whoever else was with her. She came back on.

"Jack it's been horrible here, and we didn't' know how ta find you…"

Her voice was breaking and Jack could tell that she was crying. He wished he could reach across the miles and take her in his arms, soothe her, anything to stop her from making such pitiful sounds.

"Marla what's happened?"

She took in a shuddered breath. "It's Eliza…"

Jack froze. He'd thought that was it, but had hoped his feeling was wrong. "What happened…?" He could barely ask the question, didn't really want to

know the answer.

All he heard were sobs. He waited. He felt the sweat start to collect on his back.

"Marla?"

"My baby…my poor baby…"

"Oh God, Marla, please tell me what happened…"

Jack felt panic try and take hold, but he wrestled it back down somehow. He heard a loud voice off in the distance and then the noise of the phone switching hands.

"Jack, where the fuck are you?" It was Lureen.

Guilt washed over him. "I'm in Wyoming."

"Why haven't ya been answerin' yer calls?"

"I've been campin'. I forgot my cell phone in the truck." His words sounded pathetic even to him.

"Ya've been out campin' while yer own granddaughter was dyin'!"

Jack sucked in a breath. "What? Lureen, what happened?"

Lureen was quiet for a moment, not doing a very good job at hiding her anger, but eventually bringing her voice down to an even tone.

"We thought she was jest havin' a sudden bad bought of asthma. Turns out she's got pneumonia. The doctors say it's been developin' fer a while now, and we didn't even know."

Jack remembered the way he'd last seen her, how she'd had several coughing fits, how she'd been going to the water park that afternoon.

"Jesus." He could have stopped her. He could have stopped her. He should have been there.

"How is she?"

"We don't know if she's goin' ta make it. The doctors are doing everythin' they can for her, but they say it doesn't look good. Unless she makes some sort of miracle recovery…we might lose her."

Jack swallowed. "I'll be there soon's I can. I'm leavin' right now."

Lureen made some sort of sound, most likely of disapproval, with her throat.

"All right. Drive safe."

Jack hung up the phone. He dropped it in his jean pocket and ran back into the house. All he could think was how fast he could get to Childress if he drove 90 mph the whole way.

He threw the door open to find Ennis, fully dressed, sitting at the kitchen table with two beers, one for himself, one for Jack. He stood up the minute he saw the state Jack was in.

"What's wrong?"

Jack stopped and brought his hand to his mouth, bit on the side of his nail. God he hated to leave, hated leaving Ennis, but nothing could make him stay.

"Ennis I've gotta go."

Ennis frowned, opened his mouth in shock. "What?"

"I…have ta go." He couldn't stand around talking; he rushed into the bedroom and grabbed his things, brought them into the living room. Ennis walked out of the kitchen, met Jack at the door.

"Jack, come on, slow down, what's the matter?"

He put one hand on Jack's shoulder, turned him towards himself. His eyes were full of concern. Jack knew he had to explain.

"My granddaughter, Eliza…she's in the hospital with pneumonia. They've been tryin' ta reach me fer a while." He felt his eyes mist over.

"Ennis, I might loose my little girl…"

Ennis bit his lip, grabbed Jack and pulled him into his chest.

"I'm so sorry."

Jack soaked in the feel of Ennis' arms around him, whispered, "So am I," quietly into his neck.

He pulled away and looked into Ennis' face, realized that if he was going back to Childress, he had to come completely clean, had to tell Ennis the whole truth about Leroy and the story if he was going to rest easy. Though how he'd ever rest easy with his little girl in the hospital dying, he had no idea.

"Ennis I have ta tell you somethin' before I go. I have ta tell ya the truth 'bout somethin' real important."

Ennis nodded, hands still on Jack's shoulders, not wanting to break their contact. Jack took in a deep breath.

"I lied when I said I didn't think anyone read the story down in Childress. I…think someone did, someone I used ta know."

Ennis clenched his jaw. "Why d'ya think that?"

Jack looked away. This was hard to say, and he was wondering if he still wanted to go ahead with the truth.

"My granddaughter…she told me. She's friends with the man's—Leroy's daughter. She overheard him talkin' 'bout me, callin' me a…callin' me a faggot."

He could only whisper the words. Ennis looked away, but gripped Jack's shoulders harder. Jack saw Ennis swallow, and then he turned back to meet Jack's eyes.

"I don't want ya ta go."

Jack winced. "Ennis I gotta go."

"You didn't' let me finish. I don't' want ya ta go, but I know ya have to. I'd do the same thing if I were in yer shoes. But that don't change the fact I don't want ya ta go, makes me sick thinkin' on you goin' back down there."

Jack started feeling the pressure of the clock. He reached out for the doorknob and twisted it.

"Ennis I have ta leave, I can't stand around no longer. I'll be careful, I promise."

Ennis nodded, and then suddenly tightened his grip again.

"Wait, Jack. Wait right here fer one second. I'll be right back, just hold on, please."

He turned away and ran down the hall, into this bedroom. Jack stood impatiently tapping his boot on the ground, bags in hand. He'd never felt so torn. The only place he wanted to be was with Ennis, but he couldn't stand to stay another second. He took in a deep breath and was about to go on out side when Ennis came back out and strode up to Jack with something in his hands.

He didn't hesitate, swept Jack up into a bear hug, pressing their bodies together, and pressing what he had in his hand into Jack's. It was soft, some piece of material and Jack grasped it firmly in his hand. He whispered into Jack's hair.

"Bring it back to me, take it, but bring it back."

Ennis pulled away and grabbed Jack's face in both his hands, brought their mouths roughly together, kissed him frantically, tasting him like he may never again have the chance.

Ennis broke the kiss, but kept their foreheads touching together, he ran his thumb over Jack's cheek, whispered, "Little Darlin'" in the softest, gentlest voice he could manage.

They stood there for a minute, looking into each other's eyes, soothed by the close contact, and then Jack parted their bodies. He opened the door, not checking what Ennis had stuffed in his hand until he got out to his truck. He wasn't very surprised to see that it was a shirt, the shirt that Ennis had worn on Brokeback, the shirt that Jack had accidentally taken.

Tears in his eyes, Jack brought the plaid material up to his face, breathed in the scent, immediately feeling the rush of the mountain air and getting a sense of Ennis close by, the shirt thick with the smell of cigarettes and the forest. Jack shuddered. He felt his chest tighten, knew he didn't want to leave, but knew that his place was with his family for the time being, the family he'd left back in Texas. He took one more deep breath, inhaled what he could from the shirt Ennis had given him to guard, and then laid it out carefully on the seat next to him. He turned the ignition in the truck and pulled away from the curb.