Wanda: You pregnant yet?
Harper: Nosy, much?
Wanda: You're the only friend I have who's getting laid right now. There's nobody else I can live vicariously through.
Harper: Decidedly not pregnant.
Wanda: Are you walking funny at least?
Harper: Use your imagination.
Wanda: You're no fun.
Harper: Grab a vibrator, call up that boyfriend of yours, and don't concern yourself with my vagina.
Wanda: Excellent idea! Steve would die of embarrassment if he finds anything like that, but that would just be a bonus. Off to the shops!
Harper: Happy shopping, my friend.
Harper found it difficult to stay focused on her notes. She had an online exam in a few days and knew she needed to prepare for it, but how could she when James was nearby, hauling hay around with his sculpted, flexing muscles and his skin glistening beneath the sun…
"Enjoying the view?" he called with a glance over a broad shoulder.
"Of my CBT notes?" she asked, playing off her ogling. "Yeah, easily the most interesting thing I've seen today."
"Yeah, your nose has been stuck in that book," the brunet drawled teasingly, picking up another bale and tossing it to its destination.
Harper scoffed dramatically and looked back at her notes. She tried to ignore the soft, effortful grunts of the super soldier as he worked, but couldn't help but lift her eyes from the page to skim his powerful back and the thick cords of muscle in his thighs.
She hastily averted her eyes when he looked back at her, arranging her expression to a neutral one. A moment later, a smoky voice whispered in her ear, "Your eyes aren't moving on that page, doll."
Harper jumped and dropped her notes. "Don't scare me like that! Using your super-powered silent footsteps bullshit…"
James barked a laugh and pressed an apologetic kiss to her cheek. Extending his hand, he said, "C'mon."
She placed her palm in his, allowing him to pull her to her feet as she asked, "Where?"
A devilish grin split his lips. "Shower."
"Well, it took a few weeks, but the sunburn has set in," Harper announced, poking at the slightly stinging skin on her forearm.
"I'm surprised it took this long," James chuckled, pressing a quick peck to her temple. "Given your aversion to sunlight."
"It's more an aversion to heat," the brunette shrugged. "I'm glad the nights are more pleasant."
And they were. It was pleasantly cool and there was a light breeze as the couple lay on a blanket in the grass beneath an expanse of black sky. The goats milled around in their nearby covered lodging, but the night was mostly quiet. Harper lay tucked into the former soldier's side, his remaining arm curled around her. She was grateful for the warmth he provided her, and enjoyed being able to be close in an intimate way outside of sex. Not that she was tiring of their sexual exploits, but it was a pleasant change of pace all the same.
"We could go swimming tomorrow. Maybe see if Shuri wants to come."
"That would be fine," Harper nodded. "I have school stuff starting at 2, but we could do anytime before that."
Comfortable silence fell over the couple for a stretch. Harper turned slightly more into James's side, draping an arm across his middle. He held her there, fingers tracing nonsensical shapes across her forearm.
"I feel bad that we haven't made any progress on the serious conversations you came here to have," James admitted quietly, as if he was forcing himself to speak his thoughts. "Would that ruin the moment?"
"I didn't come here just to talk," Harper disagreed. "I wanted to see you. But we can talk now if you want."
"We can," he nodded. Harper smiled, feeling him turn to press his nose to her hair in the way she found endearing. "Where do you want to start?"
"Maybe we should go back to basics," Harper suggested. "We didn't talk a lot about what we're looking for, what we want in life. Now, I assume all that stuff can be out in the open?"
"Definitely," the brunet assured. "I want to give you honesty."
Harper tilted her head up for his lips, and he gave them. It was brief and sweet. Settling her head on his shoulder, she said, "I can start. I want to focus on school and then getting licensed and then my career. That's what I find fulfilling and what I feel called to put my energy toward. I'm open to marriage, but it isn't necessary. I'd be happy being together long term, regardless of legal titles."
James hummed his understanding and was thoughtfully silent for a moment. "If it was possible, I'd want to be your husband. If, given my… status it isn't possible, I'd be happy with you no matter what. But being a husband is something I don't want to give up because of everything that's happened in my life unless it's necessary."
"Would it upset you if I didn't take your name, or if I hyphenated mine with yours?"
"What do you mean?" he asked, revealing a nuance he was missing about modern times.
Harper explained, "Not all women take their husband's last name anymore. They might just keep their own name, or they may do both. Like, I'd be Harper Montgomery-Barnes. Hyphenated. The tradition comes from a sexist place when women were of lesser value. It reminds me of when single women were tied to dowries, and their family basically paid off men to absorb their daughters into their family. I don't like it, honestly."
"But you'd be willing to add mine rather than keeping just your own?"
"I could make that concession," she confirmed.
"That wouldn't bother me, I don't think," James replied after a beat.
Harper smiled. "Then theoretically, if possible, marriage would be agreeable."
"My only… hang up I guess is that I don't know what I'd do to contribute to our financial situation. What does a former infamous assassin do for gainful employment? I don't like the idea of being a husband who isn't providing. Well, contributing. I know you don't need or want someone to provide for you."
"You're right; that wouldn't bother me. But I can see why you wouldn't feel good about it. There's time to figure that out. And depending on how things pan out –public perception, fugitive status, all that shit – there could be more options available to you than you may expect. I feel like you'd be a really valuable asset at the VA working peer support with POWs, but that's just me. Although, Ihave maybe a more loaded admission," Harper admitted, nervously moving to begin tracing circles into the fabric of his t-shirt. "I'm a little afraid this could be a deal-breaker for you."
"Really? What is it?"
"I don't think that I want kids."
There was a long stretch of silence as Bucky pondered her words. He hadn't thought seriously about becoming a father in many decades. He couldn't deny that something twisted in his chest, envisioning Harper's belly, swollen with his child. But thinking about raising a child, of all that would mean, elicited more anxiety than desire. But how did he explain that, and did that really mean he didn't want to be a father anymore?
She seemed to sense his hesitance, and asked, "Are you alright?"
"I'm okay, I'm just feeling a lot of things. I don't know how to explain without maybe sounding offensive or gross."
"You can just explain, James. Unless your answer is that you want me barefoot and constantly pregnant until I can't be anymore, I don't think anything you could say would disgust or offend me. I know you said you wanted to have children back before the war."
He frowned and said, "I don't know how I feel about having kids anymore. I'm sorry, I don't mean this in a gross way, but… when I think about you, pregnant with my child, I want that. I want to see you grow with an amazing thing that we've created, to know that part of me is inside you. But when I think about actually raising a child, I don't think I could do it right. The code may be outta my head, but the memories aren't. I'm still really fucked up. How can I raise a child when I am the way I am? And how can I help a child navigate a world that I feel so unprepared to live in myself?"
"I'm not grossed out by that at all," Harper assured kindly, tightening her hold around his midsection. "I can't imagine trying to integrate into a totally different time. That would be really scary and stressful. From knowing you in Bucharest, though, I think you're selling yourself short. You were making it even as someone who was living in hiding. If things can be settled and you can go back to living more freely, I think you'd be more capable of functioning in the modern world and raising a child in it than you might think."
"Maybe," he allowed. "I guess… I don't know how I feel about having kids. Are you sure about not wanting them?"
"Well, I don't think it would be fair to bring a child into the world knowing that the majority of my time and attention would be given to my work. That wouldn't be fair to them, or you, honestly."
"To me?"
"You'd have to take over the majority of parenting responsibilities, yeah. I don't want to do that to you."
"If I was alright with that, would it change your feelings on the matter?"
It was Harper's turn to fall silent. Finally, she admitted, "I don't know. Isn't it still unfair to the child if one of their parents is more focused on work than them, even if the other parent takes up the slack?"
"I think you're underselling your ability to love your child, and isn't that what matters? Hasn't it always been that way? One parent takes up the slack for the other who is focused on work and providing?"
"I suppose?"
"Am I pressuring you?" he asked suddenly. "I don't mean to. I'm just..."
"No, you're not pressuring me. I guess I had never considered finding someone who might be willing to do more of the parenting and allow me to be focused on work. I don't know if it changes anything, but maybe it would." She pulled back to look up at him. "Could you really see that for yourself?"
"The idea of you pregnant makes me really happy. I can't explain it. Maybe it's leftover from the dreams I had before the war. I think I told you before that I envisioned being content, maybe happy with my future wife raising a family. But with you, it'd be different. A beautiful wife I love, belly growing with our baby. It's everything after that I feel unsure about. But maybe that is a future that would make me happy."
"Do you think you could be happy either way? With or without children?"
"No matter what, I'd be happy with you."
"So whatever we end up deciding, kids or not, it wouldn't be a deal breaker?"
"I want you more than anything else," Bucky answered, assured at least of that.
Harper bumped a kiss to his cheek before saying, "Are you sure? If my feelings don't change, I don't want to stand in the way of you becoming a father if that's something you want. I want you to live the rest of your life the way you want."
"The life I most want to live is one with you, darlin'. When we were together in Bucharest, I got to see what a future would be like with you. When I had to run and that was all ripped away…" Bucky had to stop, his voice cracking with emotion. More collected, he affirmed, "That's the future I want."
"Okay," she accepted his words easily, flipping the hand on his torso so she could lace their fingers. "I want you to be happy, James."
"I want that for you, too."
"You make me happy," Harper assured, reading between the lines as always. Her thumb drew circles on his palm. "Do you want to go back to New York?"
"I don't much care, honestly," Bucky sighed. "It's not gonna be the city I remember, and I don't feel like anywhere is really home anymore. Do you want to stay in Boston?"
"For the foreseeable future," she nodded. "Would that be okay?"
"I could concede to living in an inferior city," the brunet chuckled. "I might have to get some New York time in every so often to cleanse myself of all things Boston."
"I've never been to New York City," Harper confessed. "I'd love to experience it with you someday, if you'd want."
"I'd love to show you what a real city is like," the former soldier teased. He squeezed her hand and said, "I hope that's possible someday."
Harper returned the pressure on his palm and said, "I think maybe I've had enough serious talk for now. I feel more assured that, everything else notwithstanding, what we want is compatible or at least negotiable without major deal breakers."
"Yeah," he agreed. "I know we talked about stuff back in Bucharest, but this more fully fleshed things out, I think."
"I love you, James."
"I love you, too, Harper."
Jordan: How's it goin, sis?
Harper: Really good. We talked through some stuff the other night, which left me feeling better. There's more stuff we need to figure out, but I feel good.
Jordan: I'm glad! Mom and Dad still have some worries, and Natalie doesn't really have a consistent take on things, but I've thought about it a lot since we last talked. I know things were really hard on you in Bucharest, and I want you to be with someone who can be there for you when things are hard. James certainly seems to be that. I can only imagine how happy you could be with him in good times when you were so happy even in bad times.
Harper: Thanks, Jordan; that means a lot. I'm so sorry that I'm not going to be around next month for your graduation. I'll be back a couple weeks after and will make it up to you.
Jordan: It's okay. You needed to go on this trip and get this shit figured out more than I need you at some long ass ceremony. I have to go, though. Trying to get a few more booty calls in before real life starts! ;)
Harper: Be careful, please!
Jordan: Of course! Get you some, too! Love ya!
Harper floated lazily in the small lake she, Shuri, and James had been frequenting. She was grateful she had packed a swimsuit, because days were much better spent in the water than in the stifling heat. There was an excited whoop and Harper grinned, turning her head to watch James launch Shuri into the air once again. He had been tossing her into the water and otherwise allowing her to use him as a spring board for half an hour with no sign of either tiring. They kept chattering excitedly about flips and spins they wanted to try. Harper was glad. Seeing James having fun, being so carefree, was a rarity. She wasn't even sure how much of that she'd seen in Bucharest.
Plus, his being happily preoccupied gave her some space. Being with James made her truly happy, but she was a semi-lone wolf that needed space at times and his home didn't quite allow for that. Her eyes fell closed again as she drifted lazily, sun still beating harshly against her eyelids despite the sunglasses she wore. Her hair floated around her in a dark halo, and she was glad that she had cut it a bit shorter. The young woman let out a sigh. She'd gotten another text from her mother that morning about how Aslan was finally settling in a bit, but that he wasn't quite himself still. The guilt had been churning in her stomach all day.
Another gleeful holler warned her of a wave heading her way. She spread her arms to better distribute her weight and keep herself afloat as the water rolled beneath her. Another cheer alerted her of Shuri's resurfacing. Immediately, she began rattling off another idea for some sort of spinning backflip, which Harper had to breathe a laugh at.
Suddenly, a throbbing, burning hot pain burst behind her right eye. Harper flailed in shock, then splashed her way to treading water. Her hand reflexively slapped up to her right eye. She managed to swim forward far enough so that her feet could touch the bottom of the lake before the pain spread to her temple and began to burn hotter. Unable to veil her distress, she called, "James?" before the first small sob parted her lips.
A/N: Thank you for all of the continued support! This one is a little shorter, but I hope the balance between humor and serious, healthy relationship stuff makes up for it.