CW: Conversations containing adult themes.
"Harper, let me help you."
The brunette simply groaned at the soft coaxing, burying her face harder into the pillow she had claimed. She felt the bed dip as James sat beside her. His hand fell to her back, rubbing in gentle strokes. Harper sighed, a mixture of contentedness and defeat. "Fine."
"Really?"
She knew he had been expecting a fight, but after two and a half weeks of clusters and trying to stall him seeing the full impact of them, she just didn't have the energy. "Really."
"Do you want me to carry you?"
"No, definitely not," Harper answered immediately, lips turning down in distaste at the suggestion.
"Then up you get, doll. I'll do the rest."
In a fatigued haze, the brunette pushed herself up off the bed and trudged behind the soldier to the bathhouse. She watched with more interest as he began shedding his clothes, but her brain couldn't process that she should be following his lead. Brown eyes traced his form, broad and sturdy with its thick bands of muscle. Harper was always amazed that a man as attractive as him had ever given her a second glance.
"What was your first impression of me?" she asked, watching as he faltered in the process of stepping out of his pants.
He let out a breathy chuckle and said, "Honestly? I thought you were an undercover agent trying to isolate me so that I could be brought in."
Harper blinked several times in surprise. "Oh. Well, shit. It must have been unpleasant when I approached you at the coffee shop and forced my presence on you."
"No, by then I was pretty sure you were just a civilian. Your guard was too low when we first met for you to have actually been an agent."
"So then… what was your first impression of me once you knew I wasn't an enemy?"
He hummed thoughtfully and said, "Well, when you first approached me in the café I was still worried because I wasn't sure I wanted anyone to be able to recognize my face. I was still… a ghost back then. Then when we met for coffee a few days later, I remember being immediately self-conscious because you were a pretty young professional and I was a scruffy, creepy loner. And you seemed so self-assured, so intelligent and sociable, and I was so fucked up. Plus, I'd never really interacted with a woman like you outside of one in the Army. But that was professional and meeting you was decidedly not."
"You really thought I was pretty way back then?"
"A curvy, dark haired dame? Yeah, of course I did, Harper," he chuckled and gave her a small but genuine smile. "I know you don't understand it, but it's true."
"I don't," she agreed, shaking her head with a dejected sigh through her nose.
"C'mon, doll," he coaxed, fingers slipping beneath the bottom hem of her loose fitting t-shirt. They deftly rolled the fabric up, skimming along her sides as he did so.
Harper took the hint and reached down, shooing his hands away to begin disrobing for herself. James smiled fondly and moved to finish taking his own clothes off. As he reached for the taps to begin running the water in the shower, she allowed her eyes to roam, taking in his toned glutes before continuing further downward. She couldn't quite explain it, but the sight of his thighs, so thickly corded with muscle, always made her a little wet.
The brunette slid her shorts and underwear off in one motion, now just as bare as him. She watched as he began quickly washing himself, surely in a rush to finish what he needed to do so he could tend to her. Tears pricked her eyes. She had no idea what she'd done to earn the love of such a good man. Would their future be marked by this kind of genuinely selfless care? Or was that a thing of dreams?
"What's a fantasy you have for us in the future?"
James started, turning to blink at her. The question had clearly taken him aback. "Sexually?"
"Oh," Harper cocked her head thoughtfully. "That too, but like… what would your ideal future for us look like?"
"C'mere," the brunet beckoned her, gently pulling her into the shower and beneath the warm water. She simply let it run over her, eyes watching him begin lathering shampoo in his hair as he gazed contemplatively at the ceiling. Finally, he said, "You really wanna know my biggest sexual fantasies? They're… filthy."
Harper took in his grimace and the flush of his cheeks. "Do you not want to tell me?"
"I don't want to offend or pressure you," he clarified. "Because I get why you wouldn't want to do either of the things that come to mind."
The young woman's brows crawled inward. Slowly, she picked up her soap and began working it into a lather across her shoulders. "How will you know if I'd be opposed if you don't tell me?"
"Well, I'm honestly beyond happy to have any kind of sex I can with you," he replied. "You could never agree to these things and I'd still be a happy man, so why risk upsetting you?"
"But I wanna know," she protested. "What if I wouldn't mind? Or if I'd also enjoy it? I want to make you happy in every way I can."
"Darlin', our biggest fight was related to our differing views on sex. Forgive me for being worried about upsetting you," James frowned.
"Oh," she said again. After a beat she asked, "Can I tell you my hard no's and you answer my question if what you're thinking won't pass those boundaries?"
"Okay," he agreed with a somewhat reluctant nod. "What would you be absolutely unwilling to do?"
"Hard no to golden showers." At his confused expression, she clarified, "No pissing on me."
Face shifting to a look of horror, he exclaimed, "I'd never think to do that to you!"
Harper shrugged. "It doesn't bother me that other people are into it, but it doesn't do it for me. Anyway, also a hard no to a threesome with another woman."
"But it'd be okay with another man?" he asked curiously, working conditioner into his hair now.
"I'd be more open to it," she nodded. "I… wouldn't want to be comparing myself to another woman in the bedroom. I feel like my fucked up brain would convince itself that you were more interested in her, or paying more attention to her, getting off better with her…"
"I have no interest in fucking other women," James cut her off firmly. "But I also really wouldn't be okay with you fucking other men. You're my world, and I don't want to share."
Her lips twitched upward as she tiredly finished the slow soaping of her limbs. "Alright, no threesomes; fine by me."
"What else isn't fine by you?"
"No tying me up, choking me, spanking, any other BDSM stuff. I can't be totally without control."
His expression darkened and his eyes turned haunted. "I would never be able to do anything like that to you. I'd never remove your agency and… god, choking you… the idea makes me sick."
"Sorry," she mumbled, leaning forward and embracing him. His body was warm and hard against hers. His hand came up to cradle the back of her head against his chest. "I know you would never hurt me. I only mentioned it in case… in a sanctioned setting… I'm sorry, James."
"It's okay," he muttered with a shaky sigh. "Anything else?"
"I don't want anyone watching us or to be recorded. I really like when you dirty talk about it, but never actually want to do it. Nothing degrading. Um… I think that's it for absolute no-go's. There are other things I don't necessarily find appealing but we could talk about."
"Okay." James pressed a kiss to the top of her head. He pulled away, turning her away from him. Harper was confused until he began gently massaging shampoo into her scalp. After a moment in which she could sense his trepidation, he said, "One of my fantasies is sort of adjacent to one of your no's."
"What is it?" she questioned curiously.
"I… wanna watch you touch yourself," he forced out. "Hopefully 'til you cum."
"Would you be doing the same?" she asked.
Sounding surprised, he asked, "Would you want me to?"
"Yeah, I could be down for that."
"Really?"
"Sure. I just don't want anyone other than you to see me naked or… like that. But if it's you, and if it'd be good for you… Plus that does sound like it could be fun."
"Alright," he spoke, voice still touched with amazement at her openness.
"What's the second one?"
"Um… this one is much filthier," he admitted fingers turning clumsy with nerves as they stroked through her hair.
"My biggest fantasy is dirty, too. And you guessed it once when you were dirty talking," Harper shared, trying to alleviate his distress.
"I did?" he asked, sounding puzzled. "I don't even know half the shit I say to you when I'm dirty talking. My brain isn't usually the organ in control during those moments."
"You did," she confirmed. With her own blush, she admitted, "You once suggested I ride your thighs?"
"And you'd wanna?"
"God, would I," Harper confirmed.
"Fuck, doll, I have no problem fulfilling that fantasy for you." Sounding less nervous, but still embarrassed, he said, "I want to fuck you on all fours, and I wanna cum inside. And then I want to enjoy the view of you all filled up like that for a bit, if you catch my drift. I know that's disgusting – and I don't even know why it's so sexy to me – but…"
"Could we start in missionary first?"
There was a strained groan of surprise that whispered from his lips, as if blown away that she didn't outright reject him. He managed, "Of course, if that's what you wanted."
"I don't think I could take you like that right off the bat," she admitted. Frustrated with herself, Harper griped, "I wish my body could more easily accommodate you."
"Does it still hurt at first when we…?"
"No," she reassured, "but I do have to adjust still every time. It's initially a tad uncomfortable. You're very… thick for me."
His brows scrunched with worry. "But-"
"But it's not for long and I still enjoy myself," she headed off his concerns.
"Well… so long as it isn't unpleasant for you… I admit I love how fuckin' tight you are. It's insane."
Harper was glad he couldn't see the brilliant blush on her face. "In any case, I wouldn't want to do that all the time… 'cause risk of infection and whatnot… but I'd be willing to do it."
"You sure?" he asked quickly. "Because I know I'm terrible for asking something like that of you. It's filthy and disgusting, and-"
"James," Harper interrupted firmly. "I don't think it's disgusting. I'd be happy to try it with you."
The former soldier was silent for a moment before saying, "God, I'm lucky to have you, Harper."
His fingers combed through her hair, rinsing the conditioner from it. The water, which was turning cold, was soon shut off. James wrapped a towel around his waist before gently scrubbing one through Harper's hair. She shivered slightly at the air hitting her wet skin. He moved closer to her, bodies pressing together as he continued to work at her wet hair. Finally, he draped the towel around her. She adjusted the item for modesty as he poked his head outside the bathhouse, checking their surroundings.
"We're good," he confirmed and they began the short walk back to his home.
Once there, he hoisted her up in his remaining arm and carried her to his bed. Setting her gently in its center, he followed her on his knees, perching himself behind her. Gently, he requested, "Brush."
Harper acquiesced, handing him the requested item off his nightstand. As he began to methodically and gingerly pull the brush through her wet locks, the young woman asked, "And what about your ideal future for us?"
"Well, I wouldn't be a fugitive," he answered bitterly. "Or feared or abhorred by the public. I just wanna be with you. I wanna watch Netflix on the couch, go grocery shopping with you, eat dinner sitting at the coffee table… Maybe have Steve over for dinner every so often, or your sisters. I want to drag a Christmas tree up a bunch of stairs so we can decorate it together. I want to finally be normal, live simply, be free to be happy with you. That's all."
"That sounds really nice," Harper replied wistfully. She was silent for a long moment before asking, "What if… you have to stay here? Hidden?"
It took a long time for James to reply. He slowly finished untangling her hair before setting the brush aside. Barely above a whisper, he admitted, "I don't know."
"Do you think that's… the likeliest outcome?"
"It's hard to say," the former soldier answered, sounding defeated. "T'Challa is trying to advocate, but… I don't know. My fugitive status won't be overturned in the very near future at minimum."
Harper's eyes fell closed against the sting of tears. "Where do you feel that leaves us?"
He wrapped his arm around her, rested his chin on her shoulder, and pressed his nose to her neck. "I don't know, doll. I can't ask you to give up your life, all of your abundant potential, to live in this little home with me, tending goats. I couldn't live with myself if I asked such a thing of you. But thinking about ending this, living the rest of my life without you…"
She could hear the pain in his voice, the warble as he cut off. Slow tears pattered against her neck. Harper turned in his hold, crawling into his lap and embracing him tightly. He pulled her flush against him and buried his face in her shoulder. A hand lifted and she gently combed her fingers through his hair. Exhaustion was the only thing preventing the fall of her own tears.
"I don't want those things, either," she muttered. His arm tightened around her and she felt him tremble. "I've lived almost a year without you, and my life was duller, shallower. I don't know how I could feel full without you. But I also don't know if I could feel full without my career."
"I don't want you to have to choose," James sighed. "I didn't want any of this for you."
"Well, I feel the same way now as I did when you left Bucharest. As long as I've known you, our relationship is the one part of my life where I've done what I wanted. You are what I've wanted. You've made me happy. Regretting being in this position is like regretting us, and I don't feel that way at all."
"I don't want you to come to regret anything. Who I am is going to force choices on your part that you may not want to make; it's going to reflect on you in the other parts of your life. I don't know if I'm worth all that."
"James, you're worth the world to me."
"I'm worth choosing between your dream life in Boston and a life as a fugitive living in hiding with me?" he challenged with a disbelieving huff.
"We don't know that this is forever," Harper pointed out. "You're worth the chance to have it all. Because without you, I can't live my dream life in Boston anyway."
James pulled back, removing his arm from around her to instead take her left hand in his. Their fingers wove together and he held on tightly. "So what are you saying?"
"I know that when we spoke about me coming here, it was in part to have some serious future talk. I feel like we've accomplished enough for now. I don't see a point in breaking things off based on your status, not knowing how long things will be this way. We know we're compatible, our future wants and goals align… it's too soon to give up. For me, anyway," she explained.
"So we wait? We're long distance?"
"Unless you have another suggestion, or you want to break up," the brunette replied quietly.
His fingers squeezed hers and James said, "I don't want to break up. I think you deserve more than what I can offer you at this point, but I'm willing to wait it out and see if we can make this work."
"Okay," she nodded, squeezing his fingers back.
"I love you," he declared earnestly.
With warmth in her chest, Harper replied, "I love you, too."
A/N: Thank you for the support and feedback. I'm glad that Bucky and Harper's normalcy is enjoyable and endearing. I've really tried to create a love story that's as refreshing for the FF community as it is for our troubled characters. I'd love to keep hearing your thoughts as we push forward.