Disclaimer: I still don't own it. RENT, or tick,tick...BOOM! Jonathan Larson does.

Authoress Note: I guess every girl does have a Godmother. Thanks for the great review! This chapter's going to be on the slapstick-y side. And Sparrow's Someone, your wish is granted.

It's long again.

A Season of Love,

VivaLaVieBohemeA

TTYL

Chapter Three: You Can Dress 'Em up, But You Can't Take 'Em Out

Mark was editing in his bedroom, and Roger was doing...

Well, nothing. La Boheme was blaring from Mark's room. Ah, Roger thought, Alexia must be in there with him. Helping him edit. And Roger really meant it. Alexia was the only person that Mark had ever let help him cut a film together.

The shower was running, and the only other person left in the loft was Mimi. And Roger was Roger, so he decided to sneak in on her. There was nothing else to do anyway.

The female figure behind the newly pale pink (thanks to Alexia) shower curtain lured Roger in. He crept across the re-tiled (also, thanks to Alexia, but at least this one was an agreeable shade of, What did Alexia call it? Taupe?) floor and on to the plush pink (It's taking over) bathmat. Mimi still didn't know he was there. He crept up closer and flung back the curtain.

Oh, not Mimi.

Alexia screamed and grabbed for the towel hanging on the towel rack with the little ducky end pieces that was within reach. She kept screaming, and he screamed too, running out of the bathroom into the living room where the real Mimi no sat. She jumped up from the couch "What's going on? Roger!"

Alexia, now wearing a towel rushing across the loft towards Mark's closed bedroom door. "Mark! Mark! Mark! MARK!" she was screaming as she burst in. "MARK!"

He turned from what he was working on, his electric blue eyes wide at her attire. He was speechless.

Roger followed her in, trying to fix the situation. It didn't help. Alexia pointed at him. "Mark! He just walked in on me!"

"Huh?" Mark was throughly confused.

"I was in the shower," she explained "And your roommate rushes in, and throws the curtain back! I was in the shower Mark! You don't exactly wear clothes in the shower!"

"It was an accident! I thought you were Mimi!"

"Mimi wasn't home!"

Upon hearing her name, Mimi rushed in as well. "You saw her in the shower?" she hissed at Roger, pointing at Alexia who was dripping wet, her hair leaving a puddle on Mark's bedroom floor. Sh hadn't exactly had time time to dry it.

"Ooh, who was in the shower?" asked Maureen as she and Joanne entered the loft with Collins following behind them like a little, philosophical puppy. They made their way to all the commotion, and upon seeing Alexia in her blue hibiscus print towel, she added "Alexia, hi, hey have you ever thought about becoming a-"

"MAUREEN!" Mark shouted, finally understanding the whole scene, and what had happened. Mark was a very intelligent person, a genius, even, but this had caught him off guard. Now he understood. "Alexia is not a -"

"-model?" Maureen finished like she hadn't heard Mark. "You have the figure for it."

Alexia looked flattered, and things seemed to calm down a bit until Roger added, "That's for sure."

Alexia sighed angrily. "I didn't intend on you knowing that."

Mark attempted to stop the bickering between, well, just about everyone, save for Joanne and Collins. "Alright, Roger, learn to knock. Mimi, tell Roger when you going out. Maureen, Alexia isn't of your persuasion. Alexia, go get dressed. We have reservations. I thought just you and I would go, but, we're all here so, everyone, let's go."

Everyone just looked at him. He smiled at Alexia, that cute I Love You grin. She returned it. Joanne saw it and felt a twinge of nausea. Alexia felt that tickle-y feeling. "Where?" she asked?

Mark thought he saw Alexia start to lose her towel. He nodded his head slightly toward it, and Alexia adjusted it. Roger looked away. "That is for me to know and you to find out. No go, so I can tell everyone else."

She pouted, and spun out of the room.

"Mark, where are we going?" Alexia asked as they hit a bump in the road in her little blue Mercedes.

"Crazy!" Roger answered from the back seat mockingly, yet enthusiastically. And, for Roger, doing anything enthusiastically was quite an achievement.

"You're lucky I'm driving and can't take my hands off the wheel," Mark began, never taking his eyes off the road, because if you did that in New York, you may as well drive straight to the insurance claims office. "Or I'd be punching you in the arm you right now."

"You hit like a girl Mark," Roger said. Alexia turned around in her seat as far as her seatbelt would allow, and gave him a look that, if looks could kill, Alexia would be arrested for murder. "And not Alexia either," Roger quickly covered. "She could kick my a-"

Mimi elbowed him in the ribs. "Don't cuss."

"Butt! I was going to say butt!"

"Uh-huh. And I'm Miss America." Mimi answered sarcastically.

God, Alexia thought, acting like a teenager twice in two days. That's a new record even for me.

They were like a car full of teenagers. All paired off and bickering.

At the next light they stopped at, a black Chrysler pulled up next to them and lightly beeped it's horn. Alexia and Mark looked over to see Maureen waving hysterically, and Joanne intently watching the light. Collins sat calmly in the back, and Alexia wondered what he had smoked before he left his apartment. Collins was infamous for that.

Roger noticed the car. "Hey, look, speaking of butts, there's Maureen!" Mimi waved, and Joanne pulled over in behind Mark as the light turned green.

"Mark, I'm starting to think you're kidnapping me. Where are we going?" Alexia asked a few minutes later as they turned onto 5th Avenue, heading toward Central Park. "Are we going to a picnic, because I really didn't dress for a-" Mark pulled up to the valet by the sign that read, in big, maroon letters: TAVERN ON THE GREEN.

Alexia gasped. "Mark! I love this place!" she leaned over and kissed him. "Angel introduced us here, remember?"

"Marky and Alexia, sitting in the car-" Mimi sang.

"Shut it Mimi. I'm having a moment here." Alexia spouted playfully. They kissed again, and Roger made a silent gagging motion so that only Mimi could see. She giggled, and Mark and Alexia didn't even notice.

They hopped out of the car, and Mark handed the valet the keys to the Mercedes. When Mark wasn't paying attention, Alexia slipped the teenager a tip. The valet nodded a silent thank-you and went off to park the car so his co-worker could park Joanne's Chrysler that was rapidly approaching.

"What do you think about this, Honeybear?"

"Maureen, don't order that. It'll make you sick."

"No it won't. Vichyssoise never make me sick." Maureen answered.

"Do you even know what Vichyssoise is Maureen?" Joanne turned to her girlfriend.

"That French, potato soupy stuff."

Joanne just sighed. There was no arguing with Maureen.

"What are you going to have?" Mimi nudged Roger.

"I don't know." he answered dryly. "I can hardly read some off this stuff. And, If I can't read it, I won't eat it."

Mimi just rolled her eyes. "Oh for God's sake, would it kill you to have some culture."

Alexia sipped her Shirley Temple, and speared the cherry in the bottom with her straw, slopping little pink dots of grenadine in the process. They fell to the hunter green napkin gracefully folded in a triangle on her lap. "What are you having?" she asked Mark.

"I have no idea." He answered.

Alexia looked over at his open menu. "I'm having the linguine Alfredo. It's really good here." Mark didn't look overly enthusiastic, so she tried again. "They have other stuff here, too."

Collins wasn't talking to anyone, and he liked it that way. This way, he could just observe, picking up random little facts about the happy couples. Maureen was ordering a French soup that would make her sick, and Joanne was trying to tell her so. As usual, Maureen wasn't listening. Roger was having trouble pronouncing some of the more foreign names on the menu, and Mimi was calling him uncultured. Collins chuckled, guessing that Roger would probably just end up with a cheeseburger.

Mark didn't seem to like the idea of pasta. Mark had never liked the idea of pasta, at least for as long as Collins had known him. Alexia was sipping her Shirley Temple, and doing a pretty good job of sprinkling some of it on her napkin.

At least she wasn't making some snide remark like Mimi. Alexia really didn't do that, to Mark at least. He'd heard her spout off to Roger a few times, but it was easy to tell that the musician wasn't her favorite person in the world. Collins knew who was.

And, as for the professor, ever the vegetarian, he was going to have the Shoe Peg Corn an Peanut soup with a Chef's salad, hold the meat.

"Um, excuse me, Miss, my soup's cold."

The waitress sat Roger's cheeseburger down in front of him and then turned back to Maureen. "Ma'am, it Vichyssoise. It's supposed to be cold."

Alexia laughed a little as Joanne said, "I thought you knew what it was."

Maureen poked at a potato floating by in her cold soup with her spoon, "Yeah, it's just, every time I've ever had it, It was hot."

The waitress sat Alexia's linguine down and looked at her strangely. "I'm sorry, but, I know you from somewhere." she said, and Alexia looked at Mark and then averted her eyes. Great. Being recognized for be a senator's daughter, again.

Mark scooted his chair closer to Alexia, "She'd really like not to-"

"You're Susan!" The waitress cried, drawing immense attention to the Bohemian's table.

Alexia looked surprised. "You...you saw the play?" she said slowly. She saw the play! She's recognizing me for something I've done. Finally!

"Yeah! I saw the preview last week! It was amazing!" the younger girl said. Mark nonchalantly put his arm around Alexia's waist, pulling her closer to him. The waitress continued, "That song, about the Green Dress was awesome, or when you sang that song about coming to your senses, it was awesome!" she pulled out her order taking pad, opened it to her program that she had obviously been showing off to her co-workers , and thrust it at Alexia. "Would you mind signing this for me?"

Her friends looked at her, and Mark handed her her purse so she could dig for a pen. After she found one, she looked up and saw Mark smiling broadly, Mimi looking excited, Collins looked calm and mature as usual. Roger was kind of surprised, and Maureen looked vaguely angry, as if no one had ever asked for her autograph. Joanne was trying to stifle laughter and her girlfriend's anger. Alexia signed the program beneath her name.

Alexia Hemmingway

"Susan / Karessa"

She handed the pad back to the eager waitress, who thanked her, and with the promise to return if they needed anything, happily left.

Alexia sighed. "Well, that was strange."

Roger looked over at Mimi, wishing he hadn't sat across the table from Mark and Alexia. He was starting to feel sick as Mark whispered something in Alexia's ear, and she giggled.

Maureen batted at the cell phone hanging from her belt loop, and began to feel quite nauseous herself. "Honeybear, I have to use the restroom." And, with that, she was gone into the old, saloon style, one stall bathroom with swinging white shutter doors.

"Attack of the Vichyssoise?" Alexia asked, leaning her head on Mark's shoulder.

Joanne nodded. "She can't say I didn't warn her."

"How was the cheeseburger, Rog?" Collins asked. He felt a lecture coming on.

"Really good. Great."

" I certainly hope so." Collins retorted "Some poor little cow died so you can quench your lust for beef."

Alexia was rethinking her position that Collins was possibly the most mature of the group. Sure, she fully respected his stance as a vegetarian, and didn't eat any meat in front of him, but, now, he was causing a scene. "How would you like it if you were a cow, happily grazing in a meadow somewhere and then some butcher comes by and-"

A polyphonic version of the Phantom of the Opera interrupted him. Joanne reached into her suit jacket and pulled out her cell phone. "Maureen?"

Mark saw Maureen's purse lying on the chair next to Alexia where Maureen had left it when she scampered into the bathroom. "Honeybear, I left my purse on my chair. It has my toilet paper in it." Mark heard through the phone. Maureen always yelled while she was on the phone, as if the person on the other end couldn't hear her. He was fairly certain the entire restaurant heard.

"I'll bring it back to you." Joanne hung up and turned to Alexia. "Can you hand me Maureen's," she lowered her voice "toilet paper?"

Alexia chuckled and began digging through the bag, and the toilet paper popped out and fell on the Parquet wood floor, rolling away. The Bohemians just stared at it in shock. Here they were in a five star restaurant, rolling organic toilet paper across the floor.

Just as it rolled behind Roger and Mimi, a waiter, a tray full of exotic food held high above his head stepped on the roll, and was standing one moment, lying down in mid-air the next, and then flat on his back, his tray dowsing Mimi, who screamed, and Roger, who began using words that were not usually used in the Tavern. With an "Oh my God!" Joanne went to see it the waiter was alright.

The toilet paper was rolling toward another table, and Mark dove after it, crawling on his hands and knees. He didn't see where he was going and crawled right under a table where a thirty-something couple sat.

Mark saw the woman's white shoe, and thought that it was the roll. He grabbed it, and the woman began screaming. "Someone just grabbed my foot!" she shrieked.

Mark backed up quickly, realizing he had gone under a table. He smiled pathetically. "I'm sorry, I was just-"

The woman's husband stood up, picking Mark up by his collar. He let go and shoved Mark, much like a bully on an elementary school playground. "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!" the older man yelled, pushing Mark again. He stumbled backward and fell painfully on his back. "ANSWER ME!"

Alexia walked over to the man as Mark got up and tried to apologize again. "I'm sorry!"

The man raised his fist to punch Mark in the face, but Alexia caught it in mid-swing. "Excuse me is there a problem here?"

The man put his fist down. "Is he with you?"

"Yes."

"Well, then tell your boyfriend to keep his hands off my wife's foot."

Collins could see Alexia trying to remain calm. "Sir, that was an accident. If you look under your table, you'll find a roll of toilet paper-"

"Toilet paper, what kind of a sicko is he?" The guy yelled, and punched Mark square in the face.

Before anyone knew what was happening, Alexia had the guy pinned to the ground. She'd immediately slipped her foot behind the guy's right leg, and with a simple push on the chest, he was on the floor. His wife shrieked, and then turned to Alexia. "Keep him down there! He deserves it." she shouted to her husband. The woman kicked her foot as she stood up, kicking the toilet paper roll. It began to roll away again. This time, Joanne lunged for it. "He said it was an accident, and you go and make a scene like this!"

Alexia spoke to the man's wife, woman to woman "This isn't a scene, it's a whole production." Then she shouted to Mark, "Honey, are you alright?"

Mark didn't answer. "Mark?"

"I'm fine," he answered, "but his wedding ring hurt!" Alexia turned around to see Mark holding his water glass to his cheek, but even through the distortion caused by the water displacement, she could see a red mark that looked very painful.

Some other woman screamed as Joanne chased the toilet paper out from under another table, and a hostess fell over it this time, falling backward into the party of eight she was seating. They fell like dominoes, one on top of each other. Someone else putting her coat on felt the roll brush past her ankle, and screamed "RAT!"

Chaos erupted in the tavern, and to people in the park looking in through the glass walls, it looked like the "Mooing Riot" all over again.

"RAT!" Mimi shrieked and jumped up on her chair.

People were yelling, and the chef had run out of the kitchen, a frying pan in his hand, ready to squash the non-existent rodent. He charged forward and didn't see Joanne, still on all fours.

For a minute, he looked like he was flying. His frying pan fell out of his hand as he landed, and fell right on Roger's foot, who strung together a new stream of profanities as he stepped backward, knocking Mimi off of the chair.

Alexia got up off of the man who had punched Mark, to try and make her way back to the table and see if Mimi was alright. The man followed her, heading toward Mark, and Alexia heard him grumble above all the screaming, "Nobody touches my wife but me. He's in trouble now."

Before she knew what she was doing, Alexia had wheeled around and punched the man squarely in the nose, he stumbled backward into the emergency exit, and the door opened ever so slightly.

The fire alarm, and the sprinklers hissed on. Alexia even shrieked.

And, she turned just in time to see the now severely diminished roll make it's way right to the women bathroom door, run out of paper, and just the empty roll stop at Maureen's feet.

She knew Maureen's wrath would be almost as bad as the scene before her.

Collins's eyes were wide as everything just stopped. The restaurant was crammed with people sprawled on the ground, water soaked everything, and Maureen even stopped yelling about the no paper situation.

He raised his left hand in the air. "Check!"

Later back at the loft, Alexia stood over the stove, stirring the soup she'd made. Mark loved her, but he wasn't looking forward to eating her cooking, as he sat on the now slipcovered couch, holding a baggie full of ice to his cheek where he had been punched.

Everyone was sore, and tired, and hungry. So, when Alexia handed Roger his pink (to match the new mugs) bowl, she expected at least a nod in thanks. Instead, he sat the bowl down on the (newly replaced) coffee table, and stood up, looking very angry.

Alexia sat down on the couch next to Mark, as Roger began shouting. "I can't take it anymore! I CAN'T TAKE IT! Everywhere I look, I see the same thing! PINK!" Collins, Joanne and Maureen looked confused, Mimi looked angry, and Alexia and Mark didn't know what to think. "Everything is PINK! PINK BOWLS, PINK MUGS, PINK SHOWER CURTAINS! And not to mention, I can't even walk into the bathroom to find MY Girlfriend anymore! It's HER!" he pointed forcefully at Alexia. "It's all HER FAULT! She's got you around her finger Mark! You're like her little dog, doing whatever she says!" Alexia felt herself begin to cry. She loved Mark, and Roger's accusation was hurtful. Roger's pager beeped. "And now it's time for me to take my AZT! GOOD NIGHT!" He stormed out, and Alexia buried her face on Mark's shoulder as she cried.

Mark shouted after Roger "JERK!"

Roger flung open the medicine cabinet, and his angry scream made the others in the living room laugh as an avalanche of tampons pelted him.

Roger seeing Alexia in the shower? A restaurant fiasco? Roger making Alexia cry, and Mark calling him a jerk? What will happen next?

Find out as soon as I update.

Soon. Very soon.

TTYL

VivaLaVieBohemeA