Beautiful Release
by Tina

"The moth don't care when he sees the flame
He might get burned but he's in the game
And once he's in he can't go back
And beat his wings 'til he burns them black"

As Barry parked the Porsche, Rachel glanced over her window to the house she could have almost called her own in the past. A house that bore so many memories of her childhood and adolescent years, where she'd gone to countless times when she needed a friend and a family to welcome her to Thanksgiving dinners or dull afternoons after school. A house she was now ashamed she hadn't been to in God knows how many years.

They stepped out of the car and she fixed her dress. It was a brown Burberry down to her knees, gracefully cut on her chest on an U shape, with a small tidy bow under her breasts. She walked in front of her husband, a little eager, a little scared. She wondered how Jack and Judy were. What would they say when they saw her again? What would they say when they met Barry? Oh, if they knew what she and their son were up to... Rachel looked down at her feet as she approached the doorway. She knew Jack and Judy had not raised their son for such behavior.

She ran a hand through her hair and stopped by the door. She looked back and found Barry staring at her.

"What?"

"What's different?" he kept looking at her trying to figure it out himself.

Rachel shifted uncomfortable at the way he looked at her. She could almost feel his hard on coming and the thought of it made her a little sick. She crossed her arms around herself and stroked her arms gently.

"I went to a tanning place, that must be it."

"Must be."

To avoid looking at him again, Rachel rang the doorbell. A couple of seconds later, Monica opened the door.

"Rachel! Hi, sweetie!"

They hugged tight.

"Hey, Mon."

"I'm so glad you made it."

"Of course. I said I would, didn't I?" They broke the hug. "Hm, this is Barry." she motioned over to her husband. "Barry, this is Monica."

"Hi, nice meeting you." Monica said with a genuine smile.

Barry nodded and Rachel felt a little frustrated. He could try a little harder. After all, she always did in the dumb parties he always made her go to.

"Yeah, you too." He finally replied.

"Well, come in."

They entered the house. Rachel looked at Barry and was again annoyed by the look in his eyes. They wandered around the simple yet cozy living room. She knew it wasn't at all what Barry was used to, but that didn't have to mean anything negative. At all. Unfortunately, she knew him better than that and could perfectly read what was going on in his mind. In a way, she wish she didn't, for she took the insult personally.

"Mom, Dad, look who's here! It's Rachel!"

She looked back and saw Judy and Jack approaching. They still looked the same, she noticed. Sure, her hair seemed a little brighter and his was now dark gray. And, well, the clothes adjusted to the current fashion sense. But Rachel knew they were still the same. Kind hearted, caring, simple.

She smiled.

"My- Rachel, darling, hi!"

Judy took the liberty to hug her. Rachel hugged her back.

"Hi, Mrs. Geller!" Judy broke the hug and shot Rachel a look. "Judy."

"Better." She looked over at Barry. "So is this the lucky man?"

"Yes, this is Barry. Barry, Judy and Jack Geller. Monica's parents."

"Hi, nice meeting you."

"So, Monica tells us you're a dentist." Jack started.

"Actually, I'm an orthodontist."

"Oh, 'cause I was wondering if maybe you could take a lo-"

"Dad" Monica cut him. "Not now, please."

"Well, alright. But when the infection begins, I'll have no one else to blame!"

"I'll take full responsibility" she said, rolling her eyes at Rachel, who was smiling. Rachel looked at Barry and fought the urge to reprimand him for wearing that face he did. Laughing inside at these people she now realized she so deeply cared about.

Monica escorted them to the sitting area.

"Here, take a seat." They did so, on a couch. "Can I get you guys anything to drink?"

"Hm, I'll take a Martini." Rachel replied.

"OK, Barry?"

"Scotch on the rocks."

"Sure, I'll be right back, with Chandler."

Monica left them alone. Rachel looked around, but didn't see any familiar face. It felt so weird. Rachel wasn't used to the fact Monica knew different people now, that she had this whole new life she didn't know much about. It sure used to be the other way around in high school.

"What do you say we make this short and be home by ten?"

Rachel turned to look at Barry.

"What? No!"

"Why not?" He asked almost surprised she had denied him something.

"Because this means something to me, OK?" Before he could interfere her speech and make it sound and clear that that didn't mean anything to him, she continued. "And I always do this for you."

"Oh, let's face it, Rach" he looked around. "I've never done THIS to you."

Rachel's eyes became very thin, filled with anger.

"Here you go, Rach. And here's Chandler."

Rachel turned back and saw Monica and Chandler. She forced a smile and took her drink.

"Thank you. Hey Chandler, how are you?"

"Hi, Rachel. I'm doing good, it's a lovely evening, isn't it?"

Monica beamed at Rachel, looking extremely proud.

"He hasn't made a joke all night!"

Rachel chuckled.

"Here," Monica took Rachel's hand. "Phoebe's in the kitchen, we're finishing desert. Wanna come and help? I'll let you sit and watch."

"Sounds like my kind of help" Rachel joked herself.

"Chandler will make Barry company, won't you, honey?"

"Sure. Nice and joke-free!"

Chandler turned to look at Barry and went stiff. How was he supposed to go through that without the magic ice breaker he called sarcasm?

Rachel walked towards the kitchen with Monica. As her friend opened the door, Rachel looked around one more time and caught his eyes. For a slight second. She could have sworn he even smiled at her, briefly. A special smile, just for her.

But then Monica rushed her inside and she wasn't sure anymore. She wasn't even sure if she'd really seen him in the first place.

"Hey, Rachel!" Phoebe exclaimed from her spot by the table, where she was decorating a cake with pink icing.

"Hi, Phoebe." Rachel smiled.

"Phoebe's giving me a cake for a present."

"Oh, it's a special cake!"

Monica's eyes suddenly widened.

"Oh my God! You didn't put pot in there, did you?"

Rachel laughed, until she realized the panic in Monica's voice was real.

"No, dummy!" Phoebe rolled her eyes.

"Oh, phew." Phoebe winked at Rachel, who looked horrified. Monica shot them a look. "Phoebe!"

Phoebe laughed.

"I'm only kidding."

The door suddenly opened and Rachel froze when she stared at the faces who entered.

"But mommy, why can't I have that?"

"I've told you, Ben, you're allergic just like your father, you're gonna feel sick. Do you want that to happen?"

Ben looked pouty.

"No."

"Then here we go, there's nothing I can do." She turned to Monica. "Monica, is there anything I can give Ben for now while dinner isn't served? He's hungry but all we have left outside are those snacks with peanuts in them."

"Sure, we can fix something here, let me see." Monica opened the fridge. She then glanced back and Rachel, stiff as a rock, and back at Carol and Ben. "Carol, that's Rachel. She was my high school friend. Rachel, I don't think you've met Ross' wife yet. And that's his son."

"Oh" Carol began, looking at Rachel. "Hi."

"Hey. Hm, nice meeting you."

Rachel noticed the way Ben glanced over at her, in so many ways so much like his father, but then turned his head away, uninterested. But Carol's gaze lingered. She looked at Rachel for a while, suspiciously. Rachel almost stopped breathing.

"Haven't we met before?"

Rachel thought of the party.

"I, I can't say I recall it."

"Yeah, yeah, at the Roberts 25th anniversary, just a few weeks ago. Weren't you there?"

"I was." Rachel couldn't see a way out. "Sorry, I have a really horrible memory for faces."

"Don't worry about it."

Monica turned to them.

"That's funny. Was Ross there too?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Well, he knows Rachel. Isn't it funny how he didn't see her either?"

"It's a huge apartment they have." Rachel nervously said it. "Besides, we hadn't seen each other in a million years, Mon."

"Must be." Monica considered. "Anyway, here we go Ben, how's some chips?"

"Awesome!" the little boy exclaimed, owning him smiles.

"Thanks, Mon." With that, Carol left with Ben.

Rachel exhaled and looked up in time to see Monica and Phoebe looking after Carol, making sure she was gone.

"So, do you have any news on how things are with her and Ross?" Phoebe asked Monica.

"I don't know, he hasn't talked about it in a while."

Rachel stood in silence, just listening.

"Oh, you weren't there the other day when we got him to talk... He said things aren't much better really, but he doesn't know what to do."

"Oh, poor thing..." Monica said softly, thinking of her brother. She then looked at Rachel. "It's just that Ross and Carol have been having problems with their marriage for a while now."

Rachel crossed her arms and faked surprise.

"Really?"

"Yeah. He said they haven't even slept together for like months now."

Rachel thought for a moment, truly interested now.

"Really?"

"I know, it's been a long time." Monica began. "I don't know how he does it. I know most couples slow down on their sex lives after marriage, but this is ridiculous. I just hope it doesn't happen to Chandler and me."

Rachel smiled weakly at her.

"So how is it like with you and your husband? Is the fire still going?" Phoebe joked.

Rachel almost laughed out loud. Fire?

"We... we have sex, if that's what you wanna know." Rachel chuckled, managing to make all that sound actually cute. She always found a way to say the truth in a way that made it seem different than reality.

"Well..." Monica started again. "All I have to say is he must really love her." Rachel looked at Monica. "I don't see why he would stick around like that if he didn't."

"But there's Ben too. It's more complicated than that." Phoebe reminded her.

"Still. I know my brother, he's such a hopeless romantic. If he hasn't given up after everything she's putting him through, then it's because he loves her and sees a way out of this, eventually. So I guess we'll just have to wait and see and accept whatever decision they make."

"Whatever's the best for him" Phoebe shook her head, focusing on the pink heart she was finally finishing drawing around Chandler and Monica's names.

Rachel swallowed dry, fighting to keep her breath at a normal pace.

-

Ross watched him from a good distance, near the drinks. Chandler seemed to unsuccessfully try some small talk, but Ross' guess was that Barry hadn't been paying attention to anything he'd said for the last fifteen minutes. Without the slightest concern of being polite, he'd even glanced at his watch about four times. Ross couldn't prevent frustration to fill him.

Chandler stood up and approached his friend, making a face.

"Damn it, what's wrong with that man?"

Ross looked away briefly and tried to act cool, while Chandler started fixing himself a drink.

"Is that Rachel's husband?"

"Yeah. I don't get what she sees in him."

Ross watched Barry for a moment.

"How about his account balance?"

Chandler stared at his friend.

"Geez, that's harsh. Do you really think she'd stay married just for the money? I mean, I know it happens, but do you think Rachel would do it?"

Ross turned to glance at Chandler, knowing he was only speaking up because he was upset.

"I don't know. I don't know her."

Chandler looked at Ross, confused by his seriousness.

"Yeah, me neither."

Silence rose, along with this unexpected tension. Chandler looked at his drink.

"Well, OK, I guess break time is over for me. Back to hell it is." Chandler stopped himself. "That was not a joke!"

Ross looked at him uninterestedly and watched as his friend joined Barry again. After some consideration, he followed.

-

After dinner, Rachel sat next to Barry as he chatted with the one person he'd found slightly interesting in the party, one of Monica's friends' boyfriend who was a fairly successful lawyer for his age. Barry moved one hand to rest on Rachel's tanned leg and she looked at it, bothered. But didn't remove it.

She turned her head slightly and spotted Ross and Carol across the room. She was sitting down, holding a sleeping Ben while he was up, talking to her. They talked. Rachel looked down, it was more than she could say about Barry and herself, despite the fact they had a rather active sex life. But what did it matter anyway when on the long run that was all they had?

She watched them again. She couldn't help it.

Carol looked down at Ben and Rachel saw the smile Carol let escape. And, as Rachel noticed, so did Ross. She watched with a pang of hurt the way he smiled down at his wife and Ben. Carol then leaned closer to plant a kiss on her son's forehead. Locks of her golden hair fell on her face and Rachel almost lost her breath and Ross tucked them back behind her ear.

Rachel looked away. She started playing with her own hair and looked at it. The color she was using wasn't that different from Carol's. Uneven thoughts entered her mind, yet somehow they made sense for her. She rubbed her temples, emotionally drained. She suddenly really wished Phoebe's cake did have marijuana in them. Maybe who knows that way this would bother her less.

Well, she could remedy that. She stood up and made herself another martini.

"The moth don't care if the flame is real
'Cause flame and moth got a sweetheart deal
And nothing fuels a good flirtation
Like need and anger and desperation"

Hm, this was gonna be longer, but then I realized I would be repeating myself if I added more to it. Or rushing some other stuff I wanna talk about here. So, for now, this will be it. Please leave me a review, pretty please? ;) Thanks for reading! Oh, and the "s are from a song, "The Moth" by Aimee Mann :) Gotta love her. Also, I realize this doesn't read very well, but this was the only way I could write it, at the present moment. A lot of stuff is getting in the way of my writing, so I'm posting whatever I can so I'll move along either way. I'm afraid if I leave it, I won't finish it. And also, I think I'll do better in the next few chapters, this was a tricky one. I didn't want too much drama, so...