Beautiful Release
by Tina
She sat back and just watched. She'd never known doing nothing could be so fun. But then again, she'd never tried it with a friend before. Well, not since high school, anyway. And it was reliving it with her best friend from high school that Rachel spent that tuesday, Monica's day off.
They simply talked all day. Watched a movie, some t.v.. Monica made them lunch and Rachel even tried to help, but when both realized the extra pair of hands was only slowing the process, their empty stomachs sent her back to the watcher position. And she wasn't about to complain, anyway. After all, no matter how great Monica's cooking talents were, they were bound to be ruined if Rachel took any part in it, no matter how small.
At the moment, both were at the coffee house, with Chandler and Phoebe. Rachel couldn't help but still be in awe at the way those people acted. They were just hanging. Words weren't exactly necessary all the time and she could see neither thought much about them until they were flying on the air.
For some reason, that seemed almost surreal to her.
Her thoughts were broken by Phoebe, who had silently picked out a guitar and started playing it. Quite poorly, Rachel had to admit. But it simply gave an innocent feel to it. It was cute. Rachel watched her with a smile on her face, until she started singing.
"I found you in my bed, how d'you wind up there? You are a mystery, little black curly hair."
Rachel's smile disappeared instantly. She looked at Monica and both burst into laughter quietly.
"Little black curly hair, little black, little black, little black, little black, little black curly hair..."
Phoebe continued, oblivious to the girls.
"Cute song, Phoebe" Rachel joked.
"Thanks!"
Rachel smiled even wider noticing Phoebe didn't catch her sarcasm.
Suddenly, the door opened and Ben flew inside, rushing over to Monica.
"Aunt Monica!"
"Ben! Hi, sweetie!"
She hugged the little boy. Ross entered, holding Ben's lunchbox and backpack.
"Hey, guys." Then his eyes found her. "Oh, hey."
"Hi." she replied.
They exchanged looks, though trying to act casual. They hadn't seen each other in a while and were now wondering why exactly.
"Dad, can I have a muffin?"
"Hm, sure."
"And how about three?"
Ross shot him a look.
"You know you won't eat three muffins, Ben."
"But I want banana, blueberry AND chocolate chip!"
"OK, I'll share them with you, then."
"Yeah!" the little boy cheered. "Can I buy them?"
Ross smiled at his son.
"Sure."
"OK, then can I have a fifty?" Ben said, holding his hand out to his father.
Rachel giggled. Ross looked at her and smiled, suddenly feeling something new at the tip of his stomach. A little disturbed by this new sensation, he turned back to Ben.
"Very funny, Mr. Here's a ten and I wanna see that change back, OK?"
"O-kay..." he said, with a bummed intonation.
Ross took a seat on the couch and noticed how everybody turned to look at Ben trying to reach the counter, particularly Rachel. She had a new look in her eyes, one he hadn't seen before. He decided he liked it.
"So, what are you doing here with Ben?" Monica asked.
"I just picked him up at school and he has to do this project on someone from his family and he's chosen you. And he insisted on coming to talk to you now, so..."
"Aw." Monica's eyes filled up with tears. "That's so sweet."
Rachel sat back and simply watched. Ross gave his sister a brotherly hug and Ben rejoined them, having trouble holding the plate with the three muffins.
"Here, let me help you, sweetie." Monica took the plate from him and set it on the table. "Do you want me to split them for you?" Ben nodded and Monica did so with a knife. "There you go."
"Thanks, Aunt Monica."
"You're welcome, sweetie."
Rachel couldn't help but curl up her lips a bit. Monica kissed the top of Ben's head and noticed Rachel. Monica's smile grew wider, reading her friend's sweet expression. Sure, she could say she didn't want kids, but... of course she did, Monica thought. She couldn't not want them and look at Ben with those eyes.
"Inspiring, at all?" Monica joked, her eyes looking straight into Rachel's.
"Cut it out, Monica."
"What?" Phoebe asked.
"Just trying to inspire Rachel here to have some children of her own."
Rachel exchanged looks with Ross and shifted her weight on her chair uncomfortably.
"Come on, Monica, I've made myself clear the other day."
"I just don't understand it! Specially when your husband is so eager to have them. You know, convincing the husband can be the hardest part in some cases!" She noticed the scared look on Chandler's face. "Look all you want, your time's coming up!"
Rachel looked away, trying to find a way to change the subject.
Ross looked down. So Barry wanted to have children now? Was that why Rachel hadn't talked to him in a while? 'Well, I guess with a baby in the picture she won't have more spare time for her little toy...'
After she'd managed to get them to move to another topic, Rachel excused herself to the bathroom. As she reached for the doorknob, she felt a tug on her other hand.
"Hey."
She turned around and faced him, surprised he'd followed her.
"Hi."
"Can we talk?"
She smiled weakly at him.
"Sure."
She knocked slightly on the girl's room. Upon no response, she opened it and walked in, followed by Ross. Outside, a very confused Monica watched it with a slightly ajar mouth.
"So..." she said, turning around in the very tiny room. It was a single bathroom, for one person only. There was a toilet on the corner and a little sink with a mirror hanging above it. Ross had to be careful not to stumble over the trash can. He looked at Rachel and carefully brushed away some hair from her eyes.
"Well, it's been a while... What happened?" He was careful not to ask anything about this baby business.
"You tell me. Every time I call I get your voice message."
"Same."
"So you called me?" she approached him sensually, letting her hands slide up his chest.
"Certainly."
"How many times?" she smiled, toying with him.
"How does a dozen million sound?"
"Excellent."
She chuckled and he couldn't resist her anymore. He leaned closer and kissed her. They wrapped their arms around each other and deepened the kiss. He backed her against the wall and moved to her neck. She breathed loudly and started returning to her senses.
"Oh, we have to go back out there, Ross." But he didn't seem to hear her. She closed her eyes. "Your son is out there."
He finally stopped, touched by the way she said it. She seemed to be ashamed of herself to get caught on such situation. He looked down and let go of her. He couldn't help but feel a little ashamed himself. His son was just outside, damn it. How had he become the sort of man who did this sort of thing?
"OK. But tell me when I can see you again."
She ran a hand through her hair, trying to smooth down the tiny mess he'd managed to do on such short time.
"My agenda's pretty flexible, you know that." She told him, suddenly seeming a little hostile.
He looked down and caught hold of her hand, sweetly.
"Well, OK, I can meet you tomorrow afternoon. Same place, around five."
She didn't look at him, but he felt her hand give his a light squeeze.
"OK. Now you better go first or they might get suspicious."
"OK."
He looked at her again and placed a kiss on her shoulder, before leaving. Rachel stood there alone for another two minutes, trying to control her erratic breathing that hit her out of nowhere the minute he stepped out. She rested her back against the wall and slid down till the floor, reaching inside her purse for her source of release.
---
"Mom!" Ben rushed inside and threw his things on the foot of the table, where Carol was working. "We went to the coffee house and Aunt Monica was there and Uncle Chandler and everything!"
"Hey, Ben." She kissed his cheek. "How was school?"
"M-kay!"
He picked up only half of his things from the floor and rushed to his room. Ross picked up after him.
"Hey." He finally greeted his wife.
She looked at him and then looked away. Ross well knew she hadn't been in the best of moods, specially after the incident they'd had just a few days ago, when he'd surprised them both by turning her down.
"Hi." She replied after a while, her attention completely on the book before her.
Ross decided not to argue, not to question anything. If possible, not even think about it. He simply tightened his grip on Ben's things and left.
---
Rachel sat across from Katie with a blank stare. She could hear her distant voice ranting about Lamaze classes, baby shoes or whatever it was pregnant women talked about those days. She just couldn't believe Barry. So pathetic. To invite their friends Katie and John - who were expecting their first child after four long years of trying in vitro - to dinner without even telling her...! Wouldn't it have been easier to just talk about it?
Hm, not under that roof.
Or under any other roof, for that matter, when it came to Rachel and Barry.
"Anyway," Katie glowed "on monday we found out it's a girl." Rachel thought Katie was about to burst with glee any time. And it bugged her. "Now we've started painting the nursery pink! I know it's conventional, we even discussed lilac or pale orange, but, what the heck, we decided to embrace the cliché!"
"Mm-hm, nice." Rachel said for the fifth time, pretending, though not very hard, to care.
"What about you guys, huh?" Rachel kept looking at Katie, too tired to protest. "Barry's told us you guys are trying! Congratulations, you guys!"
Rachel didn't even feel like she had enough strength to be mad at Barry. She simply gave Katie a fake smile and looked at Barry, who overhead the conversation and gave Rachel a smile. Rachel sighed.
"Thanks."
It was easier that way.
Short chapter, I know. It's sort of like a filler, but not too much, really. Just some stuff I gotta add so you can get more of the feel. Anyway... I know it's been a while and it's bound to get worse. College and life are basically killing me. That and my dramatic ways, of course ;) Anyway... Leave me a review, please, and make me feel this was worth it:D I love this story, but it's only getting harder and harder to go on.