Beautiful Release
by Tina
"You've stopped taking those birth control pills, right?" Barry whispered into her ear as he entered his wife that morning.
"Yeah."
He looked down at her and smiled, not wasting time before picking up speed.
"Good."
She turned her head and closed her eyes, faking pleasure only to enhance his.
She could keep on lying to him for a while, she figured. It's not like women got pregnant that easily anyway. She was just buying some time and then... Well, she still had to some to figure that out.
---
"Hey you" she smiled at him.
He stood up and they walked towards each other, meeting half way.
"Hi" he answered.
They kissed softly.
She smiled weakly at him and tilted her head.
"Have you been waiting long?"
"Just got here."
"Good."
He tucked some of her brown hair behind her ears and smiled at her. She kissed him again.
"I'll be right back, gotta use the bathroom."
She threw her purse on the couch and entered the bathroom. Ross paced around, waiting for her. After a few seconds, her cellphone started ringing. Ross turned around and looked at it, unsure of what to do. Slowly, he approached it and noticed the flip phone hanging outside. He took a peek at the screen, Barry's name flashed on it. He stepped away when the door to the bathroom opened and Rachel walked up to her things, answering the phone.
"Yes?" he could tell her tone was a little irritated. "No, I'm out with a friend." Ross and Rachel exchanged looks, until she looked away, her attention suddenly being held by Barry on the other side. "What? Why?" Rachel rolled her eyes and Ross noticed her temper was rising. "Barry, you should have told me before, I can't right now." She paused and ran a hand through her hair. "Because I'm busy!" Ross sighed when she walked away, towards the window, seeking a bit more privacy.
He looked down and then quickly back at Rachel. He could clearly see what kind of man Barry was. And he imagined the reasons why Rachel stuck around in their marriage. The simple outfit she was wearing alone spoke a lot for that matter. He looked down, he hated thinking about that. It made him very frustrated and confused about the kind of woman Rachel was.
He liked her. A lot. But he knew he wasn't a Barry. He couldn't provide her all those things Barry did. They lived in different worlds. And, pretty soon, they would start having children too. Ross could clearly see the end of his thing with Rachel drawing near and hated it.
He crossed his arms, upset by his thoughts.
"Sorry" she approached him again, her phone flipped closed in her hand. "Barry was just... being Barry."
Ross watched as she put it back in her purse and turned back to look at him. She smiled, despite his serious look. She approached him and threw her arms around him.
"Where were we?"
She leaned in, but he turned his face and gently made her let go of him. She looked at him with a confused look.
"What?"
"Rachel, I... We gotta talk."
She just looked at him with big eyes, worried.
"OK."
He looked at her for a while, afraid of what 'doing the right thing' would mean to them.
"Are you and Barry trying to have a baby?"
She looked at him for a long time, not knowing what to say. Ross almost caved and told her to forget about it when she crossed her arms across her chest, looked down and shook her head.
"I- I don't know."
Ross looked confused.
"What do you mean?"
She just looked at him.
"Ross, can we not talk about this, please?"
"Of course not, Rachel. I don't wanna be in the middle of this knowing that you guys..." Ross shook his head, not knowing how to put it. "You know what, this is all wrong. You're married. I'm married. And apparently you and Barry can work things out yourselves and have kids and be happy together in your little castle or wherever it is you guys live."
Rachel stood there in shock, taken aback by his reaction. Was he ending things with her?
"What?"
"You don't need me, Rachel. So why continue this and risk ruining everything you've got? I'll make this a lot easier for you, OK?"
"But, Ross-"
Too late. Ross crossed the room and left her alone. Rachel stood there by herself for a while. She couldn't cry, she was in shock. She took a seat on the bed and stared straight ahead. How was she supposed to deal with that? What was she supposed to do with her time now, with her thoughts? With her heart?
With a shaky hand, she opened her purse. She took a bottle of pills and stared at it. Slowly, she walked to the minibar and took a bottle of vodka. She set it all on the bedside table and stared at it. How easy would it be to put an end to it all?
She sighed and covered her face with her hands. Her breathing became erratic, pain filling her in a way she had never felt it before.
Then her cellphone rang again. She turned to look at her purse immediately, imagining it could be him. She walked up to the couch and answered it quickly, without stopping to see the name on the screen.
"Hello?"
"Hi." Monica's voice made Rachel look down.
"Hey, Monica."
There was a pause before Monica could go on.
"Can I talk to you, Rachel? In person."
"Now's not the best time, Mon."
"It's very important."
Monica's firm voice worried Rachel a little.
"OK. I'll come by in a second."
"Thank you. Bye."
"Bye."
-
Rachel knocked at the door. It didn't take a second before Monica opened it.
"Hey, Mon." Rachel tried her best to fake a smile, but failed miserably. But by the looks of it, Monica didn't even try.
"Hey. Come in."
Rachel stepped inside and then turned to face her friend.
"So, what's up?"
"Sit down."
"OK."
They walked to the livingroom and took seats on the couch.
"Rachel..." Monica began. She took a deep breath and just said it. "Are you having an affair with Ross?"
Rachel's eyes widened at the question.
"What?" Oh my God. Her heart started beating fast. Thoughts raced through her mind and she nervously chuckled. "What? Where did you get that from, Monica?"
"I saw him going into the lady's room with you at he coffee house yesterday" Monica said, still dead serious.
Rachel looked at Monica and her nervous chuckles died out. What sort of excuse would get away with that? Monica wasn't stupid. And Rachel didn't want to lie to her, anyway. So she just paused, for a few seconds and turned serious aswell. After a while she covered her face with her hands and took a deep breath. When she uncovered them, Monica could see tears in her eyes.
"Rachel?"
Rachel looked up at her.
"We were."
"Were?"
"I was just with him and he decided to end things. So there, there's nothing for you to worry about anymore."
"Good." Rachel looked away and Monica could see she was upset. "Rachel, you guys are married, this is for the best."
"Whatever..." Rachel mumbled, brushing tears away. "I have to go."
She stood up quickly and grabbed her purse.
"Rachel, don't be mad at me. I just want the best for you two."
"The best?" Rachel threw her purse at the floor, which startled Monica. "The best for me? Well, Monica, being with your brother was the best thing that happened to me in a long time."
Monica was taken aback by that.
"Really?"
Rachel brushed away her tears.
"Yes. I know you and everybody else think my life is perfect and that I'm really happy all the time, but..." Rachel looked at Monica in a way that almost made her shiver. "I'm so miserable."
Monica sighed and approached her, hugging her friend tight.
"Honey, I'm so sorry... I didn't know."
"Nobody does..."
Rachel cried a little, but just until she realized what was going on. She broke the hug and dried her tears.
"Oh, look at me being a big drama queen." she chuckled, avoiding Monica's eyes. "I'm sorry, honey. I can't deal with this right now. I'm just... I'm sorry about this. I'll talk to you later." She paused briefly. "Hm, if you still want me as a friend."
"Don't be silly, Rachel." Monica weakly smiled at her. "Of course I do."
"OK."
"Are you gonna be alright?"
Rachel sighed and nodded. Monica gave her a weak supportive smile.
Rachel quickly picked up her purse from the floor and left in a hurry. Monica looked after her, well knowing Rachel was running to avoid dealing with something. Maybe there was more to it than she knew. Monica shook her head and looked down, noticing a bottle of pills on the floor. She picked them up. Must've slipped from Rachel's purse, she figured.
Staring at the label, Monica's mouth opened a bit, in shock.
"Oh, Rachel...!"
---
Ross entered his apartment and almost lost balance a little as he closed the door. The few beers he'd had on the bar right after leaving Rachel by herself at the hotel were sure starting to kick in. He held his head and sighed, wondering if the alcohol was disguising some of his sadness. If so, he couldn't imagine how miserable he would be once the effects wore off.
"Hey." Carol greeted him, entering the livingroom.
"Oh, hi" Ross stood up straight, trying to hide the fact he was a little drunk. "Where's Ben?"
"He's at a friend's house, they're having a sleepover."
"Oh. OK."
Ross watched Carol for a while. She set a big card box on the coffee table and opened it, taking a lot of colorful papers from it. She started working on them, probably making something for her students, the 4th graders she taught to. His wife. The one he should be trying to make it work with.
He walked into his bathroom and washed his face. He looked at his reflection and then brushed his teeth, trying to wash the smell of alcohol off his mouth. He ran the toothbrush over his tongue, thinking of the times it had been all over Rachel. He set it aside and wiped his lips with his fingers, with the back of his hand, with his palms, rubbing hard until he felt them burning in pain.
He rinsed and wiped some tears away.
He looked at his reflection and swore he could see a hint of madness in that dark spark-less pool.
He undressed and hopped into the shower, hoping to wash her off of him. As if her perfume was all over his skin, her body cells somehow mixed with his, her saliva still in his mouth.
As he hopped off, he felt more calm, desintoxicated. He wrapped a towel around his body and went into the closet, picking up some boxer shorts and a t-shirt. He got dressed and combed his hair, breathing slowly.
In the livingroom, Carol was still working. She smiled weakly, satisfied with the first ready piece, too engrossed to feel Ross' presence. He took a seat beside her and she finally looked at him.
"Like it?"
He smiled at her.
"Yeah."
She looked at him for a while, uncertain about the look on his face. But, before she could give it much thought, he leaned in and kissed her softly. She closed her eyes apprehensively and kissed back. They broke and looked at each other for a while, silently discussing whether to go down that road or not.
They reached a common agreement and kissed again, this time deeper.
They laid together on the couch, undressing each other quickly. It wasn't about enjoying it, really. It was about getting it over with, proving to themselves they could do it, they didn't have a problem. They were married and... that is how it worked.
He got on top of her and entered her. He kept his head down, his chin resting on her shoulder, his nose nuzzled on her hair. He had to do this. He coached himself in his head, trying hard to convince his heart that he was doing the right thing.
It didn't last too long. As he came, he sighed heavily and relaxed his muscles, lying on his wife. She wrapped her arms around him and stroked his back with one hand and his hair with the other. He felt miserable. He thought of Rachel.
And then he realized it was not that easy to get rid of her. She was in him.
---
Rachel locked the door to her closet. Barry wasn't home yet, but God knows he'd been clingy the past few days and could be home any second, eager to try again to get her pregnant. It would just be the cherry on the top of her crappy day, wouldn't it?
She set her purse on her dressing table and paced around a bit. She took a seat on the white lounge chair and stared at her purse, thinking of her pills. How easy would it be to take a few and forget about the pain? And ease that tightness in her chest, drown in numbness and just forget about everything for a while.
She cried.
If being with Ross had taught her one thing it was that life was only worth living if you could actually feel it. If you could feel the warmth, the hot, the cold. The curiosity, the discovery. The touch. His touch.
Maybe feeling some of her real pain would actually do her some good. Or maybe it wouldn't and she was just being a little masochist. Whatever the case, Rachel ignored the pills in her bag and lied down on the couch by herself, welcoming the sadness.
---
"Now at last I know
What a fool I've been
For I've lost the last love
I shall ever win"
---
Ross gently managed to get untangled from Carol's embrace without waking her up. He slowly stood up and got dressed, gazing down at his wife with a defeated expression. He heard his phone ring and went into his room in the search of it. He stared at the screen for two more rings as he looked at the flashing name. He answered it.
"Hello?"
She took some time before speaking.
"You're wrong" she said simply. Before he could question her, she went on. "I do need you, Ross."
He couldn't prevent his lips from curling up.
A little drama was needed. I know it's taken longer than usual, but, as I said on my previous chapter, life's being busy here. I shouldn't even be writing here, I have a lot of papers to write and stuff to study for the past few days. Good news is that things will be better after wednesday, so I'll try writing a lot more then ;) Now... Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. You guys are the best and I really am very grateful to know that you're enjoying anf giving me so much support. Keep it going, haha! Now, OK, I better go, I've neglected my studies enough as it is! See you next chapter, please review! Oh, and the quote is from "Now At last" by Feist :)