Beautiful Release
by Tina
The familiar ring tone woke her up that morning. Instinctively, she opened her eyes briefly only to reach for her cellphone on the bedside table.
"Hello?"
"Oh, thank God you're alright! Where are you?"
"Monica?"
"Yeah! Are you OK? And where the hell are you, Barry has called me a million times already, asking about you!"
Rachel looked around and found herself in the hotel room. Beside her, Ross was still sound asleep.
"Shit..." Rachel murmured under her breath.
"Rachel?"
"Hold on, Monica." she whispered and got up from the bed quietly, picking up her clothes from the floor on her way to the bathroom.
"Rachel, are you... with Ross?"
Rachel closed the bathroom door and leaned against it. It was much too early for that.
"What time is it?"
"It is six thirty, now answer me." Monica's tone was firm.
"Yes, OK. I'm with him."
The other side went silent for a while and Rachel looked down.
"What, have you guys decided to stay together now? Are you gonna leave Barry?"
"I don't know, Monica."
"So what, you're just gonna-" Monica stopped herself suddenly. "You know what? You two are grown ups. If you don't want my advice, which obviously you don't, then I'll just keep my mouth shut from now on. Just think about the position you put me in when your husband calls me at midnight asking about you, OK?"
"I'm sorry, Mon. But it's... It's complicated."
"See, I don't see it that way. You both made a vow, a commitment to your spouses. If you don't intend to keep that, fine, but have the decency to make up your minds and get divorced! Oh, look at that, I'm doing it again. Just... Call Barry, he's really worried. My part's done here, so goodbye."
And she hung up before Rachel could say anything else.
She sighed, rubbing her eyes, slowly waking up to what had just happened and hopped into the shower to try and think things through.
Oh damn, Barry would be waiting for her, wouldn't he? And he'd have all these questions she still didn't know how to answer. How stupid of her. Had she learned nothing from him over the past few years? How difficult would it have been to pick up the phone once, just once, and give him some excuse? He'd provided her a very wide selection himself, after all. But no, she had to go and try to prove something to Ross. It seemed like the right thing to do at the time, yes, but... Oh, the consequences.
She stepped out of the shower and got dressed. Slowly, almost afraid of doing so, she opened a gap of the door and spied on Ross again, still sleeping.
He looked almost irresistible. Her eyes filled up with tears, wishing that things were simpler. Why couldn't she feel this way about Barry? Of course, Barry was a jerk. But weren't there so many women out there who claimed to be in love with guys like that? And why did Ross had to stir those feelings in her? Why couldn't she go on the way she was doing? Oh, how unfair. She knew in two seconds she'd regret considering those thoughts. As painful it could be, she loved that warm feeling, that sometimes desperate need of him.
She thought of his little boy, at home, expecting to see his daddy for breakfast.
Rachel's hands started trembling. She slowly lifted a palm to her face and felt as the trembling spread to her entire body. Her knees went week, she felt she could fall to the floor at any second. Her breathing got shorter and she started panicking.
Terrified whimpers joined her shallow gasps for air. She managed to walk to her things, searching for her pills. Inpatient, she dropped the entire content of the purse on the sofa, but still couldn't find the orange bottles.
So she ran to the bed.
"Ross. Ross, wake up." she shook him violently, her voice uneven.
"What?" he opened his eyes and quickly sat up, scared by the sight of her before him. "What's going on?"
"Take me... to an... ER... now." she sobbed, still gasping for air.
"What?"
Rachel reached for her throat and stroked it.
"Now... please."
---
Rachel sat by herself on her small bed at the semi-private room of the ER. She scanned the room once, uninterested. There were three other small beds, separated by white curtains. Yet, she was the only occupant of the room, so they were all fully drown back. A nurse stood beside her, checking something in her chart. The drugs she'd been prescribed had just started to kick in. She looked down at her Jimmy Choos and waited. Her mind was blank. Or almost, anyway. She took some time to lazily think if Ross, who hadn't been allowed in for not being a relative, would still be out there when she was discharged. Of course he would, she concluded. 'Cause he was just that type of guy.
"So was this the first time you had a panic attack?"
Rachel kept her sight low, now rocking her feet slowly.
"No. I take pills for that, but I couldn't find them this time."
"Are they..." the nurse trailed off and Rachel looked up at her.
"The prescriptions are at home."
The nurse nodded and carried on with her job. Rachel kept looking at her.
"So, how can I get some sort of paper that says I had to come here? Like to prove it, to my work or something..."
In the waiting room, Ross stared at his phone. No unanswered calls. None. He looked at his watch, it was almost eight o'clock. He'd already called work and explained he'd be late because he'd had to take a friend to the ER, so, in a way, there was no rush. After all, even after the sex they'd had the previous night, Carol still didn't seem to care about their marriage. Just as well, if things were going to move forward with Rachel from now on...!
What a way to start their first morning together though. He still wasn't sure what had happened, and it was beginning to get him really worried. She wasn't in condition to talk much when they left their room and now nobody would tell him anything. Startled, they hadn't had the chance to talk, discuss how things would be now.
The clicking of her heels made him look up. Somehow it was distinguishing to his ears, he knew it was hers. She had a serious look on her face, but looked healthy nonetheless. He sighed with relief and stood up, approaching her.
"What happened? What's wrong?"
"I had a panic attack." She avoided his eyes.
"What?"
"A panic attack! Dizzy, shaking, couldn't breath, you know!" She answered, a little hostile.
"Alright, alright... Are you OK now?"
She looked down and sighed, nodding quickly and glancing at her wrist watch.
"I'm sorry. I- I gotta go home."
"Hey." He grabbed her hand and made her look at him. "So what are we... I mean, how are we...?" he trailed off.
"Ross... Not now. I don't feel that well, I need to get some rest, I'm..." She trailed off.
Ross looked at her, trying to remain understanding. Sure this morning must've been very overwhelming for her. They were all confused and tired and...
"Sure."
"We'll talk about this later, OK?"
"OK."
She looked up at him one more time, quietly, her eyes filled with so many feelings. Yet Ross had trouble distinguishing any.
---
Before the door to her apartment, Rachel took a deep breath before inserting her key into the lock. The minute she stepped in, she heard Barry making his way to the living room, where they met.
"Where the hell have you been?" he asked with much hostility in his voice. She just stared back at him for a few seconds, emotionlessly. "Huh, Rachel?"
She slowly opened her purse and retrieved the paper the doctor had given her at the hospital, attesting she'd been there.
"At the hospital." She handed him the paper and started making her way to their bedroom. "Thanks for the sensitivity, by the way."
Barry stared at it, running his eyes briefly through the words. Three seconds later, he quickly made it into a ball and followed his wife.
"What kind of hospital is that that they don't bother to call your husband?"
Rachel was hopping off her shoes and taking off her jewelry.
"I don't know, Barry. Maybe they were too busy and didn't think mine was such a serious case. It's not like I was unconscious or anything."
"OK, so why didn't you answer your phone?"
"I'm not even gonna bother to answer that. You know how I get."
"Where were the pills?"
"Couldn't find them."
She casually went into her closet and shut the door after herself. Inside, alone she sobbed once. She rubbed her temples and then proceeded to change into a nightgown. When she stepped out, Barry was out there, still waiting for her. She made her way to the window, shut the voluptuous curtains then walked up to the bed. His eyes followed her and she felt just how suspicious they were. She imagined what Barry would do if he found out she was going to sleep now not because she'd spent the night sick at a hospital, but because she was exhausted from making love with another man.
Did he still care enough about their marriage to be jealous? Or was it just the childish feeling of possession, after having someone else play with something that belongs to you?
"Were you there by yourself?"
"Yes. I was out shopping when I started feeling bad. Barney's, it's right near that Hospital."
Barry still kept looking skeptical. Yet, she was surprised by how he was keeping it all to himself. He wasn't buying any of that, she could tell. And yet, he wasn't saying anything. They kept looking at each other and she finally recognized the look in his eyes. It was fear. Damn it, he was scared of losing her. The realization hit her like a truck.
"I gotta get to work. Hm, get some rest and uh... I'll bring you some new pills, OK?"
She nodded.
"Thanks."
He approached and kissed her. It was a simple kiss and yet... Rachel couldn't remember being kissed by him so meaningfully in a long time. Saddened by the situation they presently caught themselves and the sudden memory of how they used to be, the plans they used to have, she kissed him back.
"Bye."
He left and Rachel looked at the closed door. And now what?
I know I haven't been great to you guys as you've been to me...! I'm on vacation and quite honestly I spend most of my days just killing time. I should write more. Leave me some reviews, hee, and hopefully it'll get me in the mood to write more and more. I actually felt like writing something new a few days ago, but I put my food down and decided I'm only writing something else after I finish this. So...! Anyway, mwah! See you next chapter! Please take five minutes of your time to leave me a note... it'll make my day :)