Beautiful Release
by Tina
---
"Rachel?"
"I am so fucked up..."
"Honey, what happened?"
Rachel pushed her drink away - it suddenly occurred to her she shouldn't be mixing alcohol with the pills she'd just had, and it surprised her a little that she worried about it at this point - and then used that free hand to support her face, her elbow resting on the table.
"Ross and I had a fight. And I, I don't know what to do, Mon...! I- I've also left Barry hanging in our room just now, I just..."
Monica sighed. Rachel was a mess. And... she wasn't sure she wanted to see her around his brother anymore, not like this. Specially now, when he was so vulnerable, going through something so big as a divorce. She'd been upset when Ross had said he needed some time for himself, but now she completely understood him. On the other side, Rachel was her friend - possibly her best friend - and needed a strong helping hand. And that Monica sure had.
"Rachel, do you wanna stay married?" She asked, even though the topic had already been discussed and she well knew the real answer to it.
She heard nothing from the other side for a few seconds, followed by an unsuccessful attempt to stifle a sob.
"No. No, I don't."
"It seems very clear to me when you should do, then..."
"But what about what Barry's going through now?"
"It doesn't matter anymore, Rachel. Look at yourself. You're not OK there, you're not gonna be able to help him putting yourself through this like you have."
"Oh, Mon, but he needs me right now... Now's not the right time."
"It's never gonna be the right time. It's never a good time to break up a marriage. Now it's this, next month it's his mother's birthday, then there's some party to go to...!" She paused for effect. "It's never gonna be the right time." She repeated.
"You're right..." Rachel said softly, after a brief silence.
"Of course I am." Monica said in a casual voice, trying to breeze up the conversation. And it worked, because Rachel chuckled softly.
"Thanks, Mon. I love you."
"I love you too, sweetie. You know I'm here for you."
There was a silence and Monica could tell what Rachel was thinking about.
"So how's Ross?"
"He's... he's doing well, Rachel. And you need to be happy for him for that."
Rachel looked down.
"I am. I just..." She trailed off. "Nevermind."
Knowing her friend too well, Monica said:
"It's not that he doesn't love you. Or needs you, for that matter. He's just... he's been with Carol since like forever. This is the first time in his adult life he's doing it on his own and he should be proud for being successful at it, don't you think?"
"I guess."
There was a comfortable and well needed silence.
"Promise not to hate me?"
"I'll try not to."
"I think you could use some alone time too."
Rachel looked down. She didn't want to admit it, but part of the reason she was so upset things weren't working with Ross the way she thought they would was because she was hoping to skip from one man to another like that, so she wouldn't have to face any responsibility by herself. It absolutely terrified her to make it on her own. She was so sure she would fail at it.
Once again, Monica heard Rachel sob.
"Maybe you're right, Monica, but... God, I'm so scared. I don't know what to do. I've never done anything important with my life and everything else had something to do with Barry or with the fact that I was married. Take that away, what do I have?"
"Rachel, you are so much more than you give yourself credit for! You're one of the most amazing people I know, OK? And I will not let you think that this marriage is what defines you."
Soft sobbing.
"I don't wanna be alone..."
"Catch the next plane to New York, alright? Call me when you know what time you'll be here and I'll pick you up. We'll figure out what to do. You are not alone, honey. Not now, not ever."
Rachel finally smiled, so grateful she had Monica once again in her life.
"OK. Thank you, sweetie."
"Anytime."
Rachel sobbed one last time.
"I don't wanna stay in my apartment."
"That's fine, we'll find you a place to stay."
---
A few too many hours later, Rachel was loading her luggage inside the trunk of Phoebe's grandmother's cab with Monica's help. As they walked towards the door, Monica came really close to her friend and whispered in her ear "Brace yourself when she hits those brakes, OK?", to what Rachel responded with a confused expression.
Once inside the car, Rachel looked out the window and blinked slowly. She was exhausted after a sleepless night, after getting an earful and going hours by waiting for a flight. She looked at her watch, which she'd readjusted to local time upon arrival, it was ten in the morning.
Monica, sitting on the front seat next to Phoebe, turned to look at Rachel.
"OK, here's what we're gonna do: you're stay with Phoebe for now, she has a spare room."
"Yeah, and you can stay for as long as you want, Rachel. No rush at all." Phoebe commented.
"Thanks, you guys. I really appreciate everything."
"That's what friends are for, honey." Monica assured her.
"Listen, could we stop by my apartment? There are some things I need to pick up and I think I better do it now, before Barry decides to come back."
"Sure. Phoebe's got today off aswell, so we're all yours for the day."
Rachel gave them a weak smile.
-
As they opened the door to the luxurious apartment, Rachel walked in casually, while Monica and Phoebe stood by the doorway for a little longer, trying to take everything in. The apartment was very well decorated, classic chic with a hint of contemporary; minimalist and clear. Rachel went into her and Barry's room and the two girls followed with their eyes lingering on everything as they passed. Funny how they had been friends for a while and yet had never been to Rachel's place before.
Gladly, both of them knew neither of that made Rachel a different person.
Once inside, Rachel began gathering things she would need, like clothes, toiletries and such, while Phoebe and Monica inspected the room. Monica picked up a framed picture of Rachel and Barry in their wedding day, with smiled plastered on their faces. Looking back, now, Monica couldn't believe she'd let herself be fooled by their picture perfect marriage. They obviously had always had their problems, but everybody had always been so enchanted by their looks, by their appearances, that no one ever tried to look closer.
Monica felt a little ashamed herself for not seeing it sooner. From what Rachel had told her, she had been really unhappy for quite some time now. If someone had helped her come out of this mess sooner, maybe she wouldn't be so far down rock bottom.
She put the picture down as she reminded herself she had only recently re-entered Rachel's life. Before, there was not much she could have done. But now, she would do anything to help her friend. This was the beginning of a new Rachel.
She heard Rachel in the closet and followed her there. She watched it as Rachel opened a jewelry drawer, looked at them for a split second and then shut it off without taking anything. She paced around the room, looking at her clothes, at her bags. She took a deep breath and took a seat, finally looking at Monica. She shook her head and Monica approached, taking a seat next to her friend.
"What?" Monica asked softly.
"Would you look at all of this? I mean, liking clothes and bags and stuff is one thing, but this is ridiculous." She looked down and Monica looked around. "What, was I hoping it would fill the gap inside me?"
"Maybe." Monica took her hand and squeezed it, getting Rachel to look at her. "There's nothing wrong with having them now, Rach. You don't have anything to be ashamed of, OK? I mean, you know it now, don't you? You know that what will make you truly happy, that what will fill every little space inside you will be the people in your life and the moments you've shared with them, right?"
Rachel nodded slowly.
"Then, see... There's nothing wrong with this. So you like a little splurge...! So what?"
Rachel shook her head again.
"But he paid for all of this, Mon."
"He is, or, I don't know, was, your husband, Rachel. It is nothing out of the ordinary."
Rachel kept her eyes fixated down again for a long time, and Monica tried to think of something to say.
"You wanna earn what you have, don't know?"
Rachel thought about Monica's words. That was exactly it. So she nodded.
"Yeah."
"Well, then... You should get a job."
Even though it was the obvious answer, Rachel almost laughed at it. She probably would were this not such a drastic moment for her.
"Monica, did you forget who you're talking to? I'm 29 years old and I have never had a job! I am trained for nothing!"
Monica got this thoughtful look.
"You know what? I think I might be able to help you with that."
"How?"
"Well... If you would like it, we're in the need of a hostess at the restaurant. I could put in a good word for you. I mean, if you'd like it." Rachel didn't say anything, but the thoughtful look she wore encouraged Monica to go on. "See, you'd be perfect for it. So you don't have much experience, but how hard would it be for you, huh? You're polite, you deal with people very well, you look great...! You're everything we need. It's not glamorous, I know, but I think it's pretty great for a first job."
Rachel finally cracked up a smile, looking at her friend. Then she nodded.
"Thank you, Monica."
"This is gonna be great, honey, you'll see."
Rachel nodded again, hoping Monica was right.
"Yeah..."
Monica stood up.
"So, what are you gonna take?"
Rachel smiled and stood up aswell.
"Eh, I guess it wouldn't hurt to take a few things..." She said as she approached her bags. "OK, maybe just a Fendi." She took one from the shelf. "And a Louis Vuitton". She took it and kept looking at the ones left. "OK, the Chanel too, but only because this goes with everything." But, again, she couldn't tear herself away from the shelf. "You know what, I'm gonna need to dress well for this job, so what the hell, I'll take them all!"
Monica laughed.
"That's the spirit! I don't think you'll be wearing bags while on the clock, but what the heck!"
And so Rachel packed away most of her things, leaving behind only the items she decided that were definitely unnecessary even in her most futile days.
---
After the detour to the apartment, the girls drove to Phoebe's place, where Rachel showered and went straight to bed at one in the afternoon. She smiled as her face hit the fluffy pillow. The sheets smelled of roses and incense, pretty much like everything in the apartment.
About four hours later, however, she woke up with her phone ringing. She grunted, but looked at the screen anyway, to see who it was and decide whether to take the call or not.
It was her parents' home.
Rachel cursed under her breath and sat up, opening the flip phone.
"Hello?"
"Rachel?"
"Hey, mom."
"Are you out of your mind?"
Rachel sighed and looked down.
"I take it you've spoken to Barry..."
"Oh no, not me! Your father! And I had to take the phone away from him! Young lady, believe you me, you would be hearing a lot more if he were the one talking to you right now."
Yet, Rachel could hear her father anyway, cursing loudly on the background. She never meant to disappoint her parents...
"Mom, please... You have to understand..." Her voice started breaking.
"Understand what?"
"How unhappy I am..."
At that, Rachel sobbed, somehow glad she was finally sharing that with her family. It was one thing to put up a show to complete stranger, but to fake a smile to her own mother was more than she thought she could bear.
The other side went silent.
"Rachel... honey, I'm sorry. I really am. But don't you think you and Barry can work on this? This just seems so out of the blue."
"Oh, mom... We're so beyond help. You wouldn't understand, I can't take it anymore."
She heard her mother sigh.
"Don't say I wouldn't understand, Rachel. I do. Believe me, I really do."
Rachel wondered briefly what her mother's words meant.
"But you have to realize how serious a divorce is. I understand it seems like a natural thing, specially these days, but you have no idea."
"Well, I wanna try, mom. It can't be worse than this."
Silence.
"OK, where are you now?" Sandra Green went on.
"I'm at a friend's house, she's gonna let me stay here for now."
"What friend? Lisa Jones? Heather Ryan?"
"No, you don't know her. Her name's Phoebe Buffay."
"And may I know where that Phoebe Buffay lives?"
"Hm, at the village." Her mother's quietness bothered Rachel. "It's really near Monica's place, mom. I would have stayed with Mon, but her brother has just left his wife and he's staying there with her."
The minute she said it, Rachel closed her eyes and cursed herself in her head. Her mother might pose as naive, but she was anything but. She could put one and one together. And God knows Rachel had lost the ability to lie to her mother after becoming an adult.
"Rachel! Did you... Did you leave Barry for this other man?"
After a brief thoughtful moment, Rachel couldn't help but smile weakly at her mother's question.
"No, mom. Of course not." She paused slightly. "I left Barry for me."
After hanging up the phone, Rachel looked at her watch and decided maybe it was time to get up. She hadn't slept much, but soon it would be time to sleep again anyway, so it would be best to see what the girls were up to.
---
Ross entered Monica and Chandler's apartment holding Ben's little hand only to find Chandler in the kitchen, visibly having trouble fixing himself something to eat. Ross couldn't help but shoot his future brother-in-law a look. Chandler stared back.
"Shall I order a pizza?"
"Yeah!"
"Hey Ben!"
"Hi, Uncle Chandler!"
As Ross picked up the phone, he looked around the apartment.
"Why were you even trying? Where's Monica?"
Chandler got this weird look.
"Monica's not home. She's not coming to dinner."
"Why not? I thought she had the day off, that's why I brought Ben over."
"Well, hm..." Bad lier he was, Chandler couldn't figure out what to say. Lying would be definitely the worst choice, Ross would be able to see right through him. "I'm not sure I can say that."
"What? Why not?"
"Just because!" He snapped nervously.
Ross shot him a look.
"Come on, Chandler, what's the big deal? I think I deserve to know why my sister will be missing her nephew's visit, don't you think?" By the look on Chandler's eyes, Ross got a serious look, now slightly concerned. "What? Chandler, I'm a big boy, you can tell me."
"OK, OK. She uh... She left this morning to pick Rachel up at the airport. And then she was going to be with her all day helping her settle down." He paused. "It seems she's left Barry."
Ross froze, unable to breathe.
---
I know Chandler seemed to be a great lier in the episode Janice invited herself to his and Monica's wedding, but oh, who were they kidding? He's a really bad lier...! Anyway, I know there seems to be a gap between Rachel and Monica's phone conversation and Rachel arriving NY, but I'll get back to that, how it went with her and Barry and all. Just don't rush me, lol. Anyway, hope you liked this new chapter ;) Now leave me a review, please? ;) Again, my anxiety didn't leave me much time to re-read it many times, so forgive the little mistakes...!