So yes I finally finished and will be posting a new fic soon it will be called city of memories its based after the end of the tv show since I've finished City of hurt. I have no clue when this fic will end because I pretty much have finished city of dreams except I have to yet finish the ending and when I say that wont be for a while is because it wont I still have a lot to write about that and I just realised that it might be over 60 chapters sorry. Also I need to say there is a trigger warning because of the ending of this chapter, it was really hard to write about the ending because it was something related to me and before anyone asks no it hasnt happened to any of my family members.
Remember no matter what you can always talk to me or talk to someone because you are not alone nor will you ever be alone. You are worth it, it may not seem like it now but one day you will know that.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own the mortal instruments or anything that I use in this fanfic except the plot line even though I might not even own that. I dont own Numb by Linkin Park. Or Tourniquet by Evanescence.
previously..
But she had gotten over it after she almost fell for what had been the 7th time that day, so instead of looking around the shopping centre he took her home. She had fallen asleep in the car and because she still was having nightmares Jace just put them into his room and cuddled with her till he fell asleep.
3rd person
Clary woke up to a pounding head ache and a warm arm wrapped around her waist just like every day since. Clary winced as she moved her self away from Jace, he didn't budge at all somehow. She had gone into her bathroom and did her normal routine when she got a text from an unknown number, it had read. 'Kill yourself slut!' Her head screamed 'maybe you should and this world would be better off. Jace would be better off without a useless slut like you.' She never usually let words like that go straight to her head they usually went else where but this one hit her hard. Strong arms wrapped around her waist and she put her phone in the pocket of her jeans so Jace wouldn't see the message.
"Hey Clare, you up for school today?" He asked, his voice was still husky considering he just woke up, but Clary didn't mind. She nodded before giving him a cheek kiss and going to the kitchen. Jace watched her leave and couldn't help but think what was she looking at on her phone. Jace brushed his teeth and did his normal routine before putting on his clothes and going to the kitchen to eat with Clary. He was a little disappointed when she said she wasn't hungry and he wasn't going to push her to eat. He knew that she was still suffering even though she was no longer with Sebastian and Valentine. Jace ate his food whilst Clary got her bag and sketched a little.
"We have art today Jace, I can't wait to see Mrs Garroway again. Shes such a nice woman, she offered me to come and look at some of her art. In a way she reminds me of my mom a lot." Clary spoke, whilst drawing a skyline of New York, Jace smiled at Clary.
"Mrs Garroway? Isn't she the one who was in the bookstore Luke's I think it was called." Jace said, Clary nodded at him before going to wake up Will, who was still asleep even though he had work in an hour. When Will stepped into the shower he noticed something silver, he looked at it and noticed it was a razor blade.
"Jace could you come here for a second!" Will yelled, Jace looked at Clary, who shrugged and continued to sketch, before going to Will and saw the razor blade in his hand. "Jace."
"Will." Jace said stunned.
"Jace." Will said again,
"William Herondale please say that is not what I think it is." Jace spoke still staring at the blade in Will's hand.
"It is, Jace you don't think it's Clary's do you?" Will asked.
"I don't know. I'll ask her when we come home from school but right now this stays between us. Get rid of it and we will confront her later ok." Jace said before going to grab his bag and getting the keys to his motorcycle.
Clary grabbed their helmets and gave one to Jace before strapping her own on. They got to Idris in a record of 10 minutes, Jace helped Clary of the bike before they both went to their group.
"Hey Clarissa, surprised you weren't at home when we came back." A familiar voice said behind them, causing both Jace and Clary to tense. The entire group turned to face the black-eyed devil know as Sebastian. Clary was frozen and didn't realise that her friends had put them selves infront of her. Sebastian smirked at Izzy, Alec, Magnus, Simon and Clary but his smirk dropped when he realised Jace was back, Jace smirked at Sebastian's expression when Seb noticed Jace.
"Miss me? Asshole." Jace hissed at Sebastian who stormed off, leaving behind 5 confused faces.
"Guys." Alec spoke, "Where's Clary?" He questioned. The group turned to look at him and noticed that the red head was no where to be seen. Izzy and Magnus both looked at each other before going to the girls bathroom to see if Clary was there. Jace and Alec both sighed before Simon, Alec and Jace went to their lockers to grab their books. Jace looked at Clary's and saw a note attached to it. He ripped it off and read it before scrupling it up and tossing it into the nearest bin.
Izzy and Magnus found Clary sobbing in the girls toilets, they both comforted her and when she had finished crying they helped her up and dried her face before they all went to met the rest of the group. Clary didn't speak when she came back just grabbed her books and went to her classes with Jace by her side. Jace and everyone else were worried about Clary, but she just didn't speak. When school finished Clary went home but Jace went to football tryouts. Will was still in work when Clary came home and she listened to some music whilst sketching.
Clary's pov
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface
I don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
I'm so tired of being known as the Morgenstern slut when I was being raped. I hate everything about me. My mom left me and took Jon with her, she promised she'd be back but that was 13 years ago. Valentine hated me from the moment I was born and Sebastian was always looking at me like I was a toy to be played with.
Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there
Become so tired, so much more aware
I'm becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
I barely feel anything anymore, the cutting does a good job at numbing my emotions. But sometimes it gets to hard for me to hide them.
Can't you see that you're smothering me?
Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control
'Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart, right in front of you
Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow
And every second I waste is more than I can take
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there
Become so tired, so much more aware
I'm becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
And I know I may end up failing, too
But I know you were just like me
With someone disappointed in you
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there
Become so tired, so much more aware
I'm becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
My phone buzzed, 1 New Text Message: Blocked Number. I read the text which said Jace is mine BITCH go Kill yourself. The world is better off anyway. Your mother should have aborted you the moment you were conceived. I continued to get messages from other numbers similar to this message, but I ignored it. I continued to ignore them till I got one from the person who meant the most to me. Jace the text read I hate you Clary Your an abomination you should just kill yourself I hate you anyway I wouldn't miss you. That one brought tears to my eyes. I ripped my ear buds out of my ears, wrote a note before going into the bathroom. I grabbed one of my spare razors and stripped down into my bra and underwear. I got into the bath and started to cut my wrists.
I tried to kill my pain
But only brought more (So much more)
I lay dying
And I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal
I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming
Am I too lost to be saved?
Am I too lost?
The first cut was for being a slut. I remembered every memory with Jace, Alec, Jon, Simon, Magnus and Izzy.
My God, my tourniquet
Return to me salvation
My God, my tourniquet
Return to me salvation
The next couple of cuts were for being raped constantly.
Do you remember me?
Lost for so long
Will you be on the other side
Or will you forget me?
I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming
Am I too lost to be saved?
Am I too lost?
Valentine was right I am a worthless piece of shit.
My God, my tourniquet
Return to me salvation
My God, my tourniquet
Return to me salvation
(Return to me salvation)
Jon and my mother were right to leave me. I cut a few more times.
(I want to die)
My God, my tourniquet
Return to me salvation
My God, my tourniquet
Return to me salvation
Kaelie was right I deserved everything that I got. I used the razor blade and cut two straight lines across my wrists before dragging the blade down the length of my arm. I smiled as I felt the blood drip to the floor, my vision had started to fade and I realised that no body ever cared about me. They would all be happy that I was gone.
My wounds cry for the grave
My soul cries for deliverance
Will I be denied, Christ?
Tourniquet
My suicide
(Return to me salvation
Return to me salvation)
I was so far gone I didn't register the bathroom door opening or the strong arms pulling me out of the bathtub. I didn't hear the words that were coming out of the persons mouth. All I did register was the sounds of peace and the sight of darkness.
Sorry to end it like this but all will be explained in the next chapter and you will find out who pulled her from the bathtub. Till next time everyone. See you in a bit,