Ninjas Dream of Summer
Which Doesn't Actually Take Place In The Summer
A Shakespearean Naruto Fic by Black Mage Leah
Disclaimer – I own practically nothing of this fic. I don't own the characters, I don't own the plot… but the randomnosity is all original!
A/n – Heheh… English class has rekindled my love of rewriting Shakespeare in fics. We're reading Othello, but that was kinda hard to put into ficcy-ness. But this one was too amusing to leave alone. BTW, this fic features NejixTenten, SasukexSakura, and NarutoxHinata.
And thus, we begin with – a character list! But FIRST:
To preserve some type of suspense, I only will announce the parts of characters that appear for the first time in that chapter! But, if you want some hints as to who's who, read my "bitty scenes!" at the end of the chapter! But that's all the hints you get! When you review, you can, if you like, try to guess at a character's part! Get it right… and you get a cybercookie! And your name up here! Yay!
However, I don't actually need suggestions on parts. Already got 'em.
A Midsummer Night's Dream – Ninja Style!
Starring:
Tenten as Hermia
Sakura as Helena
Neji as Lysander
Sasuke as Demetrius
Gai as Eageus (a.k.a. Tenten's dad, for those of you who are confused)
The Third as Theseus
Utatane (the elder lady) as Hippolyta
And
Genma as the Unimportant Messenger Guy To Theseus
And now, without further ado… we shall begin!
It was a lovely day in the Hokage's building in Konoha. Sarutobi and his former teammate and current advisor sat on a bench holding hands.
"Oh, isn't it wonderful that we're going to get married?" said Utatane.
"Oh, yes, my love! It is a true joy of life! And it's just a week away!" said Sarutobi.
"Dear god, THIS IS JUST DISGUSTING!" yelled Genma the messenger, "BOTH OF YOU ARE OVER 70 YEARS OLD AND HERE YOU ARE ACTING LIKE NEWLYWEDS! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS VAGUELY HOLY, ACT YOUR AGE ALREADY!"
"Shut up, Genma the messenger," said the future bride.
"HOKAGE-SAMA!" a panicky voice yelled from the door.
The Hokage puffed on his pipe. "Oh, Gai. You're back from your mission already?"
"IT'S HORRIBLE!" the fashion-sense-free Jounin shrieked.
"What's horrible?"
Gai pointed to the girl that stepped in through the door. "IT'S ABOUT MY DAUGHTER, TENTEN!"
Tenten looked majorly freaked out. "Wait – I'm your daughter now! What the crap!"
"DON'T SPEAK THAT WAY TO YOUR FATHER, TENTEN!"
Tenten sighed. "Hai, hai…" she muttered.
"Now, what's the problem, Gai?" Sarutobi asked mildly.
"WELL, YOU SEE – "
"Use your indoor voice, Gai," said our Hokage's fiancée.
"You see, we were on a mission, and-and-and-and-"
"And what!"
"I SAW HER KISSING NEJI!"
"I see," said the Hokage.
"But, all of Konoha knows," Gai continued, "that I want her to marry someone else!"
"Gai-sensei, kissing and marriage are two very different things…"
Gai completely ignored his "daughter." "Uchiha Sasuke, please step forward."
Sasuke walked in the door, stopped in front of the Hokage, crossed his arms over his chest, and scowled a Sasuke-scowl.
"This man," Gai said, "has an interest in my daughter. He has my consent to marry her."
Sasuke nodded blandly, then smirked at Tenten.
Gai once again turned to the door. "Hyuuga Neji, please step forward."
In through the door came Mr. Hyuuga Genius, all decked out in his normal clothes and looking exactly like he always does.
"And this man," Gai went on, "has bewitched my daughter! With flowers, candy, and various genjutsu, I'm sure, he has turned her innocent mind away from her father's will!" He took a breath (a rare occurrence for him, to be certain), and continued. "Hokage-sama, you know of the law of Konoha regarding daughters disobeying their fathers!"
"Hmm… yes, I do," the Hokage said, "The law is that – if Tenten does not marry Sasuke, she will either die… or become a nun!"
Everyone in the room cracked up. "T-t-tenten! As a n-nun!" Sasuke exclaimed through his strange sounding noise that could possibly be laughter (but you never know with him).
"ALL OF YOU SHUT UP BEFORE I PIERCE YOUR THROATS WITH KUNAI!" Tenten shrieked. The room promptly quieted.
Neji took advantage of this silence to step forward and speak. "Uchiha, I seem to distinctly remember that you had been off with the kunoichi Haruno Sakura. How are we to know that you will not return to her?"
"Sakura and I were barely ever anything, Hyuuga. As Hokage-sama and Gai-sensei know, I now love none other than Tenten."
"Hokage-sama, I can tell you truly that I love Tenten, far more than Uchiha ever could! He's no richer than me, and we both have a Kekke Genkai! What's wrong with me! Why can't I marry Tenten!"
Gai nodded at Sasuke to speak. He complied. "You see, Hyuuga, there is one big difference between us. I have her father's approval. You don't."
Neji snorted. "If you love her father so much, why don't you marry him?"
((Author's eyes twitch in a disturbed manner at the thought of a SasukexGai fic))
"OHHH! BUUUUUUUURN!" Genma the messenger yelled.
"Genma the messenger? What are you still doing here?"
"Oh… nothing in particular."
"Well, leave and go inform people of our wedding and the festival that will accompany it."
"Yeah, sure." Genma poofed away.
"Well, anyways," said the Hokage, "Tenten! You have one week to decide what you will decide to do. Your choices are…. Marry Sasuke, die, or be a nun!" At the last word, much muffled laughter was heard in the room. Tenten reached her hand tentatively towards a scroll. Everyone hastily shut up.
"Meh," said Tenten, and walked out of the room. Everyone else followed.
Meanwhile, Sakura was sitting on a bench. "I wonder where Sasuke-kun is…" she wondered aloud, "Maybe I should see if he wants to come train with me…"
"Oh, hey, Sakura," said Tenten, who had just arrived.
"Oh! Hello, Best Friend Tenten!" Sakura said, and gave Tenten a giant hug.
What the crap? Who's my best friend now? Tenten mused, but chose to ignore it. "So, did you hear the news?"
Sakura nodded mournfully. "Why do you get to marry Sasuke-kun? It isn't fair!"
Tenten rolled her eyes at Sakura's blatant fangirlism. "Yeah, see, there's this problem with that. I don't like Sasuke."
Sakura went wide eyed. "You don't like Sasuke-kun! What's not to like!" What the hell is wrong with her! Shannaro! Yelled Inner Sakura.
"Well, for one thing, he's annoying, cold, and, for the love of god, HE'S SHORTER THAN ME!"
All of a sudden, the author stuck her head in through a door in the set. "Umm, actually, Tenten, since it was necessary for plot reasons, you've now been reduced to 4 feet and 10 inches. Also, Sakura, you are now 5'9''."
"YATTA!" Sakura yelled as she miraculously grew.
"Nooo!" Tenten cried as she miraculously shrank.
"Yeah. Sorry 'bout that," the author said as she pulled her head back and shut the door.
Tenten coughed, and continued. "So, I refuse to marry Sasuke, so basically Neji and I are going to run away through the forest and get married in Sunagakure. And I don't really know why I'm telling you this, but I guess it's because you're my 'best friend.'"
"Oh… does that mean I can have Sasuke-kun?"
"Go ahead, no one's stopping you."
"Yatta!"
"Okay, so, I guess this is goodbye."
Sakura glomped Tenten. "Goodbye, Tenten! Live happily ever after!"
Tenten sweatdropped. "Okay, I'm leaving now." She and Neji, who had been standing silently behind her, left.
Sakura sat there silently for a moment. Then she got an idea.
"I know!" she said, "I'll tell Sasuke-kun about their plan, then he'll like me!" And thus Sakura scampered off to snitch on her friend.
Leah: And thus ends the first chapter. It would have been longer, but I couldn't actually remember what happened next and I was writing this thing at school and I couldn't look it up. So, we shall continue later.
Gaara: Let's not.
Leah: Squeeeee! Gaara-kun, you make such a kawaiiiiiiiii fairy!
Gaara: -sweatdrops and sprouts fairy wings- AAAAAH! -runs-
Leah: Nooo! Gaara-kun, don't run away! -latches on and is dragged off-
Temari and Kankuro: -stand in their fairy wings and watch as Gaara drags Leah off-
Naruto: Hey, Hinata! Did you hear? I have an important part!
Hinata: G-good for you, N-naruto-kun!
Naruto: Thanks, Hinata! Besides, I think I look pretty sexy in these foresty clothes!
Hinata: -turns bright red-
Naruto: Of course, your fairy wings look great on you, too, Hinata!
Jiraiya: -poofs in- Yes, Hinata-chan, you look wonderful!
Naruto: Eh? Ero-sennin? What are you doing here?
Jiraiya: Have you read the script, Naruto? I get to order you around like I normally do!
Naruto: NANI!
Jiraiya: As a celebration, let's go find the women's baths! -starts to drag Naruto off-
Tsunade: I don't think so, you pervert! -punches the crap out of Jiraiya in her pretty fairy wings-
Jiraiya: And you didn't read the script either! -turns smugly to Naruto and Hinata- Tsunade-hime is my queen!
Tsunade: -grabs Jiraiya and Naruto, hurls them into the distance, then walks away huffily-
Hinata: M-m-matte, N-naruto-kun! -chases after him-
Temari and Kankuro: -watch with raised eyebrows as Jiraiya and Naruto soar through the air and Hinata follows at a run-
Temari: Okaaay. As Leah is not here to inform you-
Kankuro: -we would like to ask you to please review!
-camera pans way over Leah latched onto Gaara's arm-
Leah: Yes, please review! But don't flame me, I have a rabid sand panda and I know how to use him!
Gaara: I'm not a panda, you can't use me, and, for the love of god, GET OFF OF MY ARM!
Leah: Gaara-kun, you're adorable when you're mad!
Gaara: SOMEONE PLEASE SAVE ME!
Leah: Yosh! We'd love to stay, but I have a cuddly redhead to chloroform, tie up, and shove under my bed! Ja ne!
Glomps and Kyuubi Plushies!
Black Mage Leah
-end-