Naruto yawned, stretched, and blearily opened his eyes. He slowly turned his head and looked at his alarm clock. It read 11:55.
"Holy crap! I'm gonna be late!" He yelled and rushed to change out of his pajamas into his standard dress.
"Good thing I showered last night after training," he said to himself, since he didn't have time do take one during his hasty departure from his apartment. He sprinted to Hokage Tower via Konoha's rooftops, and landed in front of the tower to find all of the other boys crowded around a piece of paper that had been posted on the wall.
"What's the paper say?" He asked Shikamaru, who had just finished reading it and had left the crowd.
"It says to go to room 108. This whole thing is ridiculous; we shouldn't have to waste a perfectly good cloud-watching day learning about women."
"Whatever, as long as they let us eat during the class," Chouji, who had been listening in, added as he opened a bag of potato chips. He, Shikamaru, Naruto, Sasuke, Neji, Lee, Kiba, and Shino all entered the building and headed over to room 108. They entered and sat at desks that were arranged in a semicircle around the blackboard at the front.
"Why do they call it a blackboard if it's green?" Naruto asked, and scratched his head. Nobody answered him. Suddenly, there was a puff of smoke and when it cleared, Jiraya was standing in the center of the semicircle.
"Ero-sennin?" Naruto shouted, and pointed at him. "you're teaching this class?"
"Don't call me that!" Jiraya shouted back, then turned to face the rest of the class. "For those of you who don't know me, I am one of the three legendary Sannin, Jiraya!" He struck a heroic pose as an imaginary breeze ruffled his long, white hair. Everyone present sweat-dropped. Jiraya noticed that nobody was buying his act, and immediately dropped the pose. "A-hem. As Naruto pointed out, I will be teaching this class.
"Now, as you all know, you won't be children forever."
"You mean the springtime of youth is only temporary? NOOOO!" Lee shouted as he held his head in his hands. Everyone heard a crash and spun around to face the door, which Gai had just kicked down.
"Not to worry, my adorable student! We will train rigorously so that you can make the most out of your springtime of youth!"
"Arigato, Gai-sensei!"
"Lee!"
"Gai-Sensei!"
"Lee!"
"Gai-Sensei!"
"Lee!"
"Gai-Sensei!"
"Lee!"
"Gai-Sensei!"
"Lee!"
"Gai-Sensei!"
"Lee!"
"Gai-Sensei!" They ran towards each other and hugged, and suddenly the background shifted and they were hugging in front of a setting sun on a beach. Naruto looked from them, to Jiraya, back to them, and back to Jiraya again.
"Why don't we have something like that?" he asked.
"Because it's creepy. Watch: Naruto!"
"Ero-Sennin!"
"Naruto!"
"Ero-Sennin!"
"Naruto!"
"Ero-Sennin!"
"Naruto!"
"Ero-Sennin!"
"Naruto!"
"Ero-Sennin!"
"Naruto!"
"Ero-Sennin!" The background shifted, and they were standing on a beach with the setting sun looming in-between them.
"You're right, it is pretty creepy," Naruto acknowledged. The sun fell and crashed below the horizon, and the background shifted back to the classroom. Jiraya booted Gai out of the room and ordered Lee back to his seat.
"Now, to begin the lesson…" Jiraya cracked his knuckles.
He began by lecturing them in the basics-where to find sexy girls and how to woo them. He gave them maps of the Fire Country that marked where each city or town was located, and was ranked based on a scale that Jiraya himself had invented, one that combined the number of girls present and how sexy they are. He then gave each of them an extensive list of pick-up lines, telling them to go through it later and decide for themselves which ones they intended on using most frequently.
After that they got into more advanced stuff. He passed around his telescope and told them some of the adventures he'd had with it. He brought forward a small vial of face-powder and had them all smell it and memorize the odor.
"But sensei," Lee asked, "what do we do once we woo them?" Jiraya shot him a wolfish grin.
"For that, young pupil, I am going to refer you to your textbook. In a flash, he withdrew eight books and held them up. "Out of the goodness of my heart, I will give each of you an autographed copy of my latest book. This one hasn't even hit the shelves yet!" He quickly signed the inside front covers of all eight books and passed them out.
"But sensei," Lee interjected, "we are all too young to be reading such books!"
"Quit being a goody-two-shoes, Fuzzy Eyebrows," Naruto snapped at him, and continued to eye his book hungrily.
"This is probably the first time any of you have ever heard this, but Naruto is right." Everyone in the room gasped. Naruto was never right, about anything! "Don't worry about the age restriction; I'll vouch for you."
"But if Gai-sensei sees-"
"What Gai doesn't know won't hurt him," Jiraya calmly interrupted. He looked up at the clock and realized that most of the day had already gone. "I want all of you to go home tonight, and read and analyze the first chapter. After that, it's up to you to finish the book at your own rate. Class dismissed." Everyone got up and walked out, chattering excitedly about the class.
"That was awesome!" Naruto exclaimed.
"Hai, I bet I could get any girl I wanted, now that I know some of the stuff Jiraya taught us!" Chouji stated.
"I wouldn't go that far," Kiba warned, eyeing the Akimichi's multiple chins.
"I have to admit, the man does know how to observe," Shikamaru noted. "And he seems to be a skilled strategist." Neji, Sasuke, and Shino remained silent. They all decided to stop for ramen before splitting up and heading home. Afterwards, they bid each other goodnight and headed back to their respective dwellings.