The Reapers Go To Sunnydale
Prologue
Seattle, Washington
6:25 AM
A knocking on his apartment door pulls Rube out of a dream about his daughter, Rosie. Rosie…God I miss her, Rube muses to himself as he climbs out of bed to answer the door. He looks through the peep hole and is treated to fishbowl view of no one, but he notices a manila envelope in front of his door and the shadow of skirt flapping around the corner. "Odd….normally the boss doesn't knock when dropping the list off." Rube pulls open the door and grabs the envelope. The contents of envelope surprise him, "this has to be a fucking joke." He starts to go the bottle of bourbon on his desk and changes his mind, realizing he should probably be sober when he alerts the troops. Rube calls Roxy, who just got off the night shift, Mason, who muttered something about being too hung over to get of bed, and finally George, who was extremely pissed about being woken up before 10 AM on a Saturday.
Chapter 1: The Transfer
George's narration starts here
7:15 AM
We sit at our usual table in Der Waffle Haus, and Rube reads us the letter from the envelope:
"Dear Mr. Sofer,
This letter is to inform you and your subordinates that you are officially being transferred out of the Seattle area. You and your group, Ms. Roxanne Harvey, Mr. Mason Gamble, Ms. Daisy Adair, Ms. Georgia Lass and Mr. Charles Andrews are being transferred to Sunnydale, California effective June 22nd, 2005. Enclosed in this envelope are transfer papers for Ms. Harvey to the Sunnydale Police Department and papers for Ms. Lass as a receptionist at Sunnydale High.
Sincerely,
The Management."
This new event really throws me for a loop, "a transfer? This is fucking bullshit!"
This outburst gets a disapproving glare from Kiffany, who was coming to take their orders. "This is a family restaurant, sweetie."
"Sorry Kiffany."
"Just watch your tongue here, it's bad enough your friend here swears like sailor on shore leave," Kiffany nods at Mason."I don't swear that much, do I?"
Roxy glares at him from across the table, "I've arrested druggies with Tourette's Syndrome who swear less than you, Mason."
"Oh come on Roxy, I'm not that bad."
Kiffany clears her throat, "can I get you folks anything?" The group places their orders and then starts discussing the transfer. "So where exactly is this Sunnydale place anyways?"
"'Bout two hours north of LA, Peanut. This means that Daisy should feel right at home."
"I never cared much for the LA Area, Rube, too many stuck up movie stars."
This comment caused me to snort into my coffee. "So why are we being transferred? I mean did we piss someone upstairs off or did they just throw darts at the Reaper Registry?"
Mason looks perplexed by Roxy's comment, "I didn't know there was Reaper Registry."
Roxy glares at him, "I was being sarcastic you dumb ass."
I glance at the letter and reads about my transfer papers again. "Wait…I'm becoming a receptionist at a High School? I hate kids. And how am I going to explain this to Delores? Happytime doesn't do placements in High Schools."
"Just tell her that you applied for a job there after college and didn't get it, so you moved here to Seattle, and they decided they wanted you because their old secretary died."
"Like Delores will really buy 'the secretary died' bit? And how do we plan on getting me in there, I think they'd have a record of me."
"Actually she might, there've been a lot of mysterious deaths in that city over the past few years. All Delores has to do is call a Ms. Buffy Summers in the Guidance Department or Principal Robin Wood and get confirmation. And in regards to the record, Peanut, it's all taken care of; the school burnt down in 1999, and was rebuilt, with most of the records lost. One of the boys in the Plague Division owed me a favor so he hacked the school database and put your name in as an applicant."
"Did you just say 'Buffy,' Rube? I'm going to get stuck working with a stupid Valley Girl? But then again, it could be worse; I could have to work with Mason."
Roxy looks back and forth between Rube and I, "come on girl, it's not that bad. You live with Daisy, that right there should prep you for working with a Valley Girl."
"Yeah, but still, it's bad enough I had to school with Valley Girl wannabes, now I've gotta deal with the real deal? That sounds like it'll be a barrel of laughs. And do I have to use the name Millie Hagan there?"
"Millie Hagan, that's what my buddy entered your name as, that's your name in Sunnydale, George."
"So are there other Reapers in Sunnydale for us to work with or what?"
"Actually, no, they cleared about two years ago when the whole town was being evacuated due to what was a 'severe earthquake threat,' there was no quake, but the Reapers never returned. Needless to say, The Powers That Be are quite miffed with that and decided we can be their replacements. And Roxy, I need you to put out an APB on Charlie, he's coming with us."
"Charlie, who the fuck is Charlie?"
I glance across the table at her, "pet reaper. He's about 11 or 12 years old, white, blonde hair, red sweatshirt and knit cap, usually has a skateboard. Kind of short….and why exactly is Charlie coming Rube?"
"He did die in accident, so that technically puts him in our Division. And maybe the high death rate in Sunnydale doesn't only apply to its human citizens."
"So how can one small town have such a high death rate? And how many of these are considered to be 'External Influences?'"
"Don't know, the Management couldn't get a hold of the morgue records and the Powers That Be are keeping it all very hush-hush."
"'Hush-hush?' Is this a transfer or a bad episode of Mission: Impossible?"
"Look, let's just enjoy our last meal at this fine establishment."
Kiffany heard this comment while she was coming over with their plates. "Sorry 'bout the wait. So you guys are going to stop being regulars?"
"Unfortunately Kiffany, yes, we can no longer come here. We're moving to a small town in California. Millie, Roxy and I are all being transferred there, Mason, well he follows the source of money and Daisy's been getting homesick for California."
"That's a real shame, you guys have become a fixture here. All the servers talk about you and even some of the customers enjoy some of the stuff you talk about. It's like all five of are Norm from Cheers. Well, Mason, not as much, but the rest of you are."
"Hey, I resemble that remark, Kiffany."
Roxy rolls her eyes, "I think you mean: 'I resent that remark.'"
Kiffany moves off to serve another table and returns twenty minutes later with a Birthday Waffle, but it instead says: 'Good Luck Table 5!' The Reapers say goodbye to Kiffany, then the Merry Band of Reapers head off to enjoy their last weekend in Seattle.
Monday, June 20, 2005
I enter Happytime Temporary services and heads straight for Delores' desk at the back of the Cube Farm.
God, it's bad enough I'm here at eight in the morning, but the first thing I have to is deal with Delores…I swear if she tries to throw a 'surprise' going-away part for me, actually I saw how the whole killing a soul before it's time worked out with Ray. I do not want to go down that path again.
"Hi, Delores."
"Millie! I'm surprised to see you hear so early on a Monday morning. What do you need?"
"I've got some bad news for you. I got a new job."
"Where? I don't remember sending your files to anyone."
"It's at a high school in California. I applied there for a position after college working as a secretary. They didn't hire me then, but they called last night saying that their last secretary died and I was first on the list of qualified replacements. It shocked me, but I'm seriously considering accepting their offer."
"But Millie, you're a valued member of the Happytime staff, you really can't just up and leave."
"I know Delores, but this seems like it'd be a good job and I love dealing with children. And besides, it'd put me close to my cousin, the two of us are like brother and sister."
I figure if the comment about children didn't get her, the bullshit I made up about my cousin would convince her to let me leave.
"Well, since you put it that way, I'll have Crystal fill out your last pay check and give you forms. It's been great having you here, Millie." Delores stands up and comes around the desk, offering her hand. I figured it wouldn't be a friendly handshake, but I bit and was pulled into a hug by a now weeping Delores. "Alright Millie, go clean out your computer and your desk, after lunch I'll give you all of your paperwork and the last check."
So I sit and wait in my cubicle, playing Solitaire, surfing the internet and waiting for the inevitable moment when Delores sends someone to bring me to the conference room to handle some emergency.
Someone clears their throat in the door of my cubicle. It's Sandra, the girl three cubicles over from me. "Uh, Millie, Delores wants to see you in the Conference Room, something about one of the guys you placed."
Yeah…I'm sure that's exactly why Delores wants to see me.
I get up and follow Sandra, trudging and half expecting someone to shout "Dead man walking down the green mile." I enter the Conference Room and, sure enough, Delores was throwing a going away party for me. Thirty minutes in, I manage to sneak off to the bathroom and spend the rest of the afternoon at the main reception desk talking to Crystal and helping her with the phones. Once five o'clock rolls around, I leave my cubicle for the last time. When I get home, I open the envelope from Happytime containing my last pay check, and to my surprise, I start tearing up. Holy shit! I miss Delores.
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
At five in the morning, we leave for Sunnydale, California, by the time we arrive there, it's almost dark. I pull my car into a Denny's parking lot, and Daisy and I walk across the asphalt to meet Rube, Roxy and Mason. Before we can even enter, Rube hands me a Post-It Note. "You're shitting me! We just got here."
"Death waits for no man, Peanut."
I glance down at the Post-It, it reads:A. Madison
Denny's Parking Lot
ETD: 6:56
Sure enough, my watch reads 6:55 and a girl in her twenties is being chased by a very odd looking many calling her Amy. As she blasts pass me, she accidentally brushes me and I pop her soul, twenty feet later, she stumbles. The man jumps at her and I notice his face is ridged and his eyes are glowing gold. He bites down into her neck and moments later, drops the corpse of Amy Madison to the trash strewn asphalt.
"Something tells me we're not in Kansas anymore."