Title: White Noise
Author: Lexie Jayne
Fandom: Dark Angel
Characters: Jondy, Zack
Prompt: Parents
Word Count: 875
Rating: PG
Summary: They don't sleep, but lie next to each other and pretend that what they have is normal, and what they have will last.
Author's Notes: A back story and continuation to my one-shot Let Go. The idea niggled at me. Each part uses a prompt as given by fanfic100 at livejournal.
V. Parents
Her face is white, with purple-black half moons underneath her eyes. Her hair, still red but duller, is twisted on top of her head, and her lips are dry and chapped. The baby lies in her arms, sleeping amongst the bundle of blankets.
Max shakes her head and leaves Jondy alone. It's easier and safer than sending out a distracted soldier. The others offer to help so that she can sleep, and she'll take them up on that offer. She just doesn't sleep well; her body aches with a cold, bone-deep exhaustion, she's distracted and her eyes never want to close.
She's been given a new mission – to Keep the Baby Quiet. Not just from Max and Zack, either. But from many yelling residents when her son wakes up screaming in the middle of the night, when his heartfelt sobs go on longer than a few minutes. It's easier to stay awake and hold him because then she can just know when something is going to go wrong.
She never wanted to be a mother, and she's realising all her worst fears about babies are true. There is no pleasure for her when her little boy opens his eyes and coos up at her. There is no pleasure when he sleeps in her arms, little fingers curled around hers. Her independence, adaptability, intelligence and spontaneity – all the things that made the X5s so great – have been compromised. She questions Tinga's choices in the long nights free of sleep and relaxation. Did Tinga truly love her life or did she just thing she was expected to love all she had?
Zack doesn't know how to approach her. She grips the baby like an anchor to life. The girl – the woman – he found himself so drawn to has faded into the background; she is not the bright girl whose presence was known the second she walked into a room. Now she is easily forgotten.
He doesn't know what prompted him to go to her one night, with a mug of tea in one hand and a plate of food in the other. Supplies were more limited than ever, and he – well, Syl – had managed to scrounge up a rather haphazard meal for the both of them; rice cakes, noodles and a few squares of overcooked toast. Alec would have to take Zane and make another supply run sooner or late; the last one had bordered on being unsuccessful.
"Hey."
"Hey." She shifts the baby in her arms, and he lets out a gurgle of contentment. He really doesn't know what to say, but puts the tea and food on top of the crate she uses as a table and sits beside her. He reaches for the baby and she resists for a moment, giving him a bleary eyed look of confusion before she releases Adam into his arms and sits back. Her limbs are stiff, her clothes are coated with filth and sweat, and his mind winces at the cracking sound as she stretches her arms and legs, twisting her neck around on her shoulders.
"Go take a shower," he says, looking at her as she rifles through her things for a clean sweatshirt. Adam wriggles in his arms, and Zack grips his son tighter.
She blinks at him, her responses sluggish with lack of sleep over the last few weeks, and gathers some clean clothes into a bundle before slipping away to where some make shift showers have been rigged up.
Adam stares up at him, gurgling at his father, his tiny fists waving in the air. He's so tiny, so alive, and for a moment, Zack feels utter terror for the fact he is responsible for this tiny person, for another life.
Jondy returns, her hair braided tightly back, in cleaner clothes, and looking better than she has for days. She dumps her clothes into one corner and reaches for the mug of tea and some food. She eats quickly, with the speed of someone who has skipped many meals in many days. He feels the heat of guilt rise up as she wipes her hands on her pants and reaches for Adam.
"Thanks Zack."
Zack watches as she folds her legs underneath as a reflex. He's reluctant to hand Adam over; the baby feels more real in his arms and he's jealous this is something Jondy's had for so long already.
"You need to get some sleep," he says, motioning to her makeshift bed. "And Adam needs to learn to sleep in a bed."
"He cries when I put him down," Jondy grabs a clean blanket for Adam. "Really, it's okay Zack."
"He'll only get worse if you keep holding him, Jon. And your seizures will get worse if you don't sleep." Or eat, he mentally adds.
He knows he's won when she breaks eye contact and tugs off her boots. There's an old basket lined with towels for Adam's bed.
It takes both Jondy and Adam only moments to fall asleep, and for the first time in a very long time, Zack lies beside Jondy, his arm around her waist, and sleeps. When Adam stirs, the cry dies in his throat as his father picks him up and Jondy sleeps on.