Part II: Interview with the Weirdo

Gonzo found it hard to sit still for the interview. His small blue body wanted to be in motion, constantly. But now he had to content himself with simply tapping his foot. He and Ivan were sitting outside a large circus tent, eating funnel cake and chatting, and Gonzo was trying very hard to focus his boundless energy and concentrate on the conversation.

"So you're with the circus now, Mr. Gonzo," said Ivan. "Tell me a bit about how you like it here."

Gonzo smiled, and his eyes grew wide the way they did whenever something excited him. "I love what I do, Mr. Ivanovich. Being with the Bunkum & Hailey Circus has been great for me as an artist. They've let me have free creative range with my performances."

"That's wonderful. What was your most recent stunt?"

"I was shot out of a cannon."

Ivan frowned. "That's … that's it? You were simply shot out of a cannon?"

"I'm into minimalist art right now," said Gonzo.

Ivan thought about that for a minute then shrugged. "Is there anyone from the old days that you still keep in touch with?"

"Oh sure, sure. Fozzie and I meet up for coffee whenever we can—I'm on the road a lot, so it's not always easy—and I write to Rizzo fairly regularly. Have you heard of his chain of restaurants in New York? Rizzo's Rest Stop … the best food a rat can cook."

"Yes, I have. I'm from New York, actually, and I've seen quite a few of the restaurants."

"Oh! So you've eaten there?"

"No."

Gonzo nodded. "I don't blame you."

Then Ivan leaned forward, with a sparkle in his eye. "Mr. Gonzo, I'm here to write a story on what all the Muppets are currently up to these days. But honestly, I'm dying to know: what broke up the gang to begin with? And whatever happened to that movie everyone was talking about but never came out in theaters?"

Gonzo sighed softly and looked away. He looked up at the big expanse of blue sky over the circus tent. It had been a long time ago. Gonzo had thought he was over it, but he wasn't. Of course he wasn't. Writing letters, having coffee, doing special appearances—none of it was the same as what the Muppets once had.

"I don't know," Gonzo told Ivan. "I wish I did, but I don't. Maybe it was just time for that chapter of our lives and careers to come to an end."

Ivan and Gonzo both knew Gonzo was lying.

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When Ivan talked to Fozzie, Fozzie said the same thing Gonzo had said. "I don't know. Maybe it was time."

So did Scooter. So did Rowlf and Sam and Chef and everyone. And Ivan knew none of them meant it. They knew. They just didn't want to tell Ivan.

So even though Ivan did his own independent research, he never found out. Nobody who had worked on the mysterious lost movie—from the producers to the stage crew to the gofers—would comment on anything that had happened on set. So Ivan wrote his article for the magazine on what his editors wanted and told his readers what projects the Muppets were working on, in and out of show business.

Ivan still had his hunches, though, about what had really happened ten years ago. There had been two Muppets who had politely but consistently refused interviews with him. Two Muppets who had never been mentioned by the others in any of their interviews. Two Muppets who were, respectively, a pig and a frog. They held the key to this mystery, Ivan knew but could not prove.