-1Darkness fell.

It was nearing the end. The closer I came to her grave, it only intensified the knowledge of it. I decided to visit Louie first, to let him know of my decision.

"Hey Louie, it's your brother. I just wanted to say, that I'm sorry for what I'm about to do. It's for the best. You've protected me from them as much as you could, now I realize that. Ultimately, I couldn't protect me from myself. Be seeing you soon huh?"

As I walked deeper into the cemetery, I feel her closer and closer.

My heart beats faster, and faster within my chest.

Then I see her plot, and collapse to my knees in front of her headstone. The grass was lush, green, lively, like her soul.

"…..Lindsay"

I swallow my tears, as I look to the heavens stars. "You're up there somewhere."

The darkness was my only friend now.

"You saved me, Lindsay. I came alive when you happened into my life"

I stare at her headstone, her name, her life. Asking myself how I could've done things different, in this happening that I cannot change. Would it have made a difference?

I felt solace here, the night air only enhanced the feeling within me.

Letting go, the threshold to my fragile spirit, broke. Uncontrollable spasms of sorrow escaped from within me.

Everything has already started to look different in my eyes. The perception was changed, as I came to this haunting conclusion.

My spirit, my life, the air in my lungs bear no meaning with out her by my side.

In the dead of the night, the city slept. It was a clear night in New York, the stars shone brightly within the blue glow of the moon. The cityline shone it's own stars, within the downtown core.

Within the city's cemetary, within the headstones and masoleums there is a broken soul. The cries from this man, mourning for his love, shadowed by the songs of the night.

"Till this day, my life was just turning around. Everything good was coming my way. You were the everything good. I'd never imagined anybody like you, would cross paths with me. You were the one of a kind. You've helped me like no other, you've reformed me, you've saved me, you've loved me. You are the salt of my earth.

If I could've changed what had happened, I would do it over and over till the end of time.

Instead, you're gone. You're gone because of me. You knew the risks, but you didn't care. You've made me think of things, that I would never contemplate thinking of in my lifetime. White picket fences, 2 dogs, bungalow in Jersey. See? Now you know. It's a shame that I couldn't ask you earlier. I was beating myself, waiting for the right moment to tell you. I wanted to ask you if you would 'Vorresti Sporsami?' "

I stopped to think to myself, a small chuckle left my trembling mouth.

"Hey…I guess I wanted to see if you understood Italian. You probably didn't. I wanted to ask you to marry me."

The small smile flew away with the cotton floating through the graveyard.

"There's nothing left for me here, this would just be easier. It's this, or I let them come finish me off. It's no use fighting. "

Ever since that day, I've been coming here at lunchtime, after work, every chance that I could. I thought that I could move on, but my life has been deteriorating ever since.

Mac and Stella were extremely accommodating, giving me extra days off, lightening my case load.

But there was that constant reminder, the essence of you was everywhere. In the office your empty desk sat across from my own, our photo sitting prominently on mine. I kept thinking that you'd be walking through that door, proclaiming what new thing New York has that Montana doesn't.

I take off my glasses, rest them on the lush green grass at my knees just at the base of the headstone.

Lindsay's parents gave me the honor of writing her epitaph. It was the most difficult thing I've ever done.

"Lindsay Anne Monroe. She loved life, put everybody else before her, beloved daughter, sister, kindred spirit, friend." I wanted to get it right, respect her memory of who she was. Was.

I dusted her headstone for one final time. I made sure that it was perfect.

I removed my dogtags, and draped them over the headstone. Wiping the tears from my eyes, and my now raw face so that I could see. I reach into my holster, and withdrew my weapon.

Closing my eyes, I empty my lungs and fill them deeply for the last time.

Turning off the safety, I load the chamber. Raising the muzzle to my head, I press the cold metal to my temple. My hand shaking, I put my finger on the trigger.

The ticking clock in my heart began to count down, as a movement of nightwinds surround me.

"I'll see you soon Montana, I love you."

BANG

…..was this death?