Disclaimer: I do not own FMA. I am just borrowing the characters for my sleep-deprived mind to completely screw with. Which is basically what happened with this story, lol!

This was written as a birthday gift for So-chan, and is based off the inside joke shared between So-chan, myself, and our fellow Rebirthn RPers. (For more on rebirth, an Elricest RPG, look for fmarebirth at livejournal. I play Winry and Russell, while So-chan is Roy and Elysia.) Anyway, the joke is "Roy the man-whore", because there are some many pairings that have been suggested: Hughes/Roy, Havoc/Roy, Scar/Hughes/Roy, Machine/Roy (Machine being a character exclusive to the RP), Roy/Riza, etc... Anyway, this is based off of that, lol! Enjoy!

Colonel Slut

Roy looked up from his paper work when he heard the door creak open. Hawkeye stood in the threshold, face blank as usual. "What is it, Lieutenant?" he asked.

"Visitors to see you sir."

Roy sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Fullmetal, huh?" he said, recalling how Hawkeye had mentioned earlier that he would be stopping by later. "Send him in, then."

But when Hawkeye opened the door, Hughes walked in instead. Roy gaped at his dead friend, then frowned. "Very funny, Havoc."

"What is, sir?" Havoc replied from his perch on Roy's desk. Roy blinked at the man, then stared as he held a cigarette up to his lips and then slowly exhaled.

"How did you-" Roy began, but was cut off when Hughes climbed on top of him. The chair Roy sat in tilted back and the two men came crashing to the floor. Scar stood over them and deadpanned, "That was smart…"

Hughes looked up at Scar and smirked. "Of course! I've got him pinned down now, so we can all have our merry way with him!"

Roy shook his head and closed his eyes. When they opened again, his pants were twisted around his ankles, Hughes was straddling his waist, Havoc was sucking on his neck, and Scar watched with his hand down his pants. "What the fuc-"

"That's the idea!" Hughes replied cheerfully.

"Excuse m-ah!" Roy's eyes grew wide and his face flushed when Hughes grabbed his groin. "W-w-what's going on!"

"Havoc, didn't you tell him?" Scar asked the other man, who had moved from Roy's neck to his ear, his tongue dancing delightfully around.

Jean sat up and shook his head. "I didn't think it necessary," he replied.

Roy scowled. "Tell me what," he said between gasps, Hughes hand still working on him down there.

Havoc exhaled a cloud of smoke and blushed. "Well, erm , Hawkeye sold you to us. You're our, uh, whore now…"

Roy stared up at the three men, then struggled to get to his feet…and he ended up falling off the couch and onto the floor. He glanced around him and sighed in relief. "Only a dream," he thought.

Hawkeye stepped into the room as Roy got to his feet. "Visitors to see you sir," she said.

Roy nodded. "Send them in."

Fullmetal walked in, an interesting expression on his face. "Hey, Colonel Slut..." Ed smirked, his hand resting suggestively on his belt buckle.

"On your knees."

End

Yes, this story was meant to be crack, lol! Hope you enjoyed! Until next time- Rowan