Chap. 4
"Look, when's the last time you thought about Dylan, anyway?" sighed Ellie.
"Uh, it had to be when I dumped him,"
"Is he seeing anyone?" she asked, nudging him playfully in the chest.
"Yeah, like I'd care. I don't know, maybe." He rolled his eyes, "He probably found someone willing to have an 'open' relationship," Marco said.
"What do you think of this color on me?" asked Ellie, trying to avoid the conversation.
"What? All of a sudden, you have an interest in what you look like?"
She sighed, "No, but you do,"
Marco laughed, "Actually, El," he paused, "Uh, hold that thought," he finished picking up his ringing phone.
"Who is it?" Ellie asked, confused. All of their friends knew Marco was in a bad mood and out shopping with her. No one would dare interrupt that accept, perhaps, his parents.
"Look, I'm busy with Ellie. No…look, what are you even asking for? Hold on," he put his hand over the phone and muttered "It's Dylan," as he was tired of her asking who is was.
"Oh, what does he want?" she asked softly.
"I don't…shh…" he picked up the phone, once again, "Talk about what, exactly? No, look, I have to go, really. Fine! Fine, we'll talk just not now. No, bye!"
Ellie laughed at the look of pure frustration on Marco's face. She decided to take pity on him. "You alright?"
"He wants to talk to me," he said "talk" as though it were a curse word. Ellie nodded.
"I see…and I assume you don't want to talk to him,"
He raised an eyebrow, "Do you need to ask? I don't NEED this! I mean, out of all the times he picked to come here! I'm with Tim now….sorta,"
"Do you want to be with Tim?"
"Ellie," he said softly, trying not to get frustrated, "Of course I want to be with him. He's great for me. Well, at least I'm good for him, right? I mean, I'm finally the one helping…"
Ellie nodded, "Yeah, but you also need the help,"
"I know," he sighed.
Dylan waited patiently for Marco to arrive outside the mall. Marco decided not to meet at The Dot because there's more of a chance of an interruption and seeing friends. He shook slightly; his confidence slowly fell with each passing second. What was he going to say?
"I'm here," said Marco from behind him, showing his presence. Dylan nodded to show he understood that time was passing, but still didn't say a word.
Marco sighed and leaned his hand against the wall for support, "Maybe we should go in or something,"
They walked aimlessly around the mall, in silence. Finally, Marco was tired of this. "Dylan, I came here because you said we needed to talk and I agreed, but if we're just going to walk around, I"
"Okay, I just….Marco," he paused in the middle of the throng of people. He took his hands in his, "I love you,"
Marco quickly jerked his hands away. He walked ahead of him so that Dylan could barely even keep up. "I shouldn't have come,"
"Marco, please, just listen to me,"
"No! You listen to me. For once in your life, listen to what I have to say."
Dylan waited for Marco to speak up again. Marco tried to calmly catch his breath, which had sped up the moment Dylan said he loved him.
"You hurt me," he whispered with tears in his eyes.
Dylan looked down at his feet, "I know,"
Marco shook his head slowly, "No, no, I don't think you do. You hurt me so so much," Marco had tears running freely down his face now. Dylan reached out to comfort him, but he pushed him away.
"I loved you, and you hurt me," Dylan almost lost all hope at the word love being replaced with 'loved'. "You made me feel helpless, confused, and bad. You made me feel like I was the one who was wrong; that I was the one being ridiculous. It wasn't until later that I realized you were wrong, Dylan. I would have given up everything for you, but yet…when asked to just….all you had to do was be with one person, and you couldn't even do that. And, now…you come here and tell me that you love me?"
Dylan was silent. He didn't know how to respond to a speech like that. What could possibly be said to defend himself? Nothing. He shouldn't be defending himself anyway. Marco was right. He was wrong. He wanted to make this wrong right, though. He needed Marco to see this, no matter what he had to do to prove it.
"I was stupid. I was an idiot, okay? I still am. But I realized that I need you. I need you more than anyone else in this world and there is no one who could ever come close to you."
"Oh, but it took you a freaking year to decide this! Dylan, admit it, okay? You just don't like me with Tim. You just don't like knowing that I don't need you. It's like a game to you. You don't care about me. You care about beating Tim; about winning. And I'm happy, Dylan. For the first time in my life since I left you, I'm actually happy. And nothing you do will change that because I'm smarter than that. I'm smart enough to know that I don't…I CAN'T want you. I don't know why I came here. I knew what this was about."
"Please! Please, Marco, don't!" he pleaded. "Just…I need to talk to you!"
"I'm going to talk to Tim. Tim, my boyfriend, asked me to call him when this little social engagement was over. And, Dylan, it is over."
He walked back over to Dylan so that they were face to face. "It is soo so over."
With that statement, it was obvious to Dylan that he wasn't supposed to push the subject or their relationship any further ever again. However, Dylan didn't always do what he was supposed to do, did he?
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"Marco," Tim shouted, throwing his arms around the boy. Marco laughed, but couldn't help thinking of the arms that had held him before. This was all Dylan's fault. If he hadn't put some stupid notion in his head that they were meant to be together, he wouldn't be thinking anything about him!
"Hey, Tim, how you doing?" he asked. He hoped he sounded normal.
"I'm good," Tim seemed to think nothing of it. "How was your little conversation with Dylan?"
Marco was completely caught off guard with the question. "Oh! Oh, yeah, it was okay. I guess, Tim," he tried not to feel guilty, "Dylan and I had a relationship and"
"I know. Paige told me. It's okay, though. I mean, he's in your past, right? Everyone has a past….well, except for me," he laughed, "but….you're happy with what we have now, right?"
Well, that was a loaded question. It couldn't be answered with a simple 'yes' or 'no'. He could have been honest. He could have told Tim that as much as he liked him and hated what Dylan did to him, he also loved Dylan. He missed him. Not matter how hard he tried to pretend that he didn't, even he almost started to believe he was over him, but he wasn't. He could have told Tim this, but…
"Of course, Tim. You and I could be great for each other. I'm so over Dylan," he tried convincing himself more than Tim. Tim smiled encouragingly.
Marco smiled back and intertwined their fingers, "So, you want to do something? No Dylan. No Paige. Or…" he laughed, "my dad. Just you and me."
Tim nodded, "I'd love that,"
"Great,"
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"I'm giving up,"
"Excuse me?"
"Paige, I am so giving up. I mean, look, the boy has obviously moved on and,"
Paige scoffed, "Moved on? Hardly, look, Dylan, you and I keep changing our positions on this topic. Do you want to go out with him or not?"
"Yes, of course," he closed his eyes and tried to imagine Marco's lips on his and…
His thoughts were interrupted, "So, you will not give up until this is over. That's my brother, right?"
"Right, of course. You're so right. What was I thinking!"
Paige laughed, "Logically, Dylan. Believe it or not, you were thinking logically," she muttered as he closed his bedroom door.
Dylan lay down on his bed staring at the ceiling and thinking about Marco. What should be done? He didn't know how to get Tim out of the picture, and what if, god forbid, Marco was even angrier at Dylan when Tim was gone. After all, Dylan would have been angry if his ex-boyfriend came and ruined his relationship with his new guy. His "better" boyfriend.
He sighed, getting up and going to his dresser, he picked up a picture frame. At the end of the year, whether Dylan was staying at the University or not, he packed up all his stuff and, this had fallen out. It was a picture of he and Marco a week before he left for College, his first year of college. In the picture, Dylan was smiling wider than he had…well, since the picture was taken, and Marco had his arms around Dylan's middle with his head leaning on his back, smiling.
It was the reason Dylan had come back with his mission. He hadn't seen this picture probably since it was taken, and when he saw it, he decided he was coming home straight away. The picture had reminded him of everything he lost that night Marco left. Marco was his everything, and losing everything hurt more than he wanted it to. Most of all, though, he wanted to see that smile on Marco's face again. He wanted to see that smile of absolute bliss and never ending happiness that he put there. HE put that smile on Marco's face. It made him happy, yet also sad, that he was the only one who could put that amazing smile on his face, and he was the only one who could take it off.
The tears came back again, but he refused to let them fall. He vowed that if…when he got Marco back, they'd be taken a picture the same way. He would put the two pictures next to each other and compare the smiles. Dylan nodded, "Good plan," he said to himself, "Now, how about I actually make a plan that involves how to get him back,"