Chapter 5: Heartless
Heartless! Heartless! He thinks it's so cool to be cold
Never realize the way love dies when you crucify its soul
When the call came in, Danny was relieved to be out in the field. Even though he would be working the scene with Lindsay, he thought he would be able to stay out of her way, or at least keep it cool and friendly. He'd worked so hard at putting his feelings for her on ice, he sometimes felt cold all the way through. Still, if a professional relationship was all he could get, he was determined to make that, at least, work. He never wanted to see that look on Mac's face again: the one that said, "You poor sap, you are suckered for life now."
Flack, Stella, even Hawkes and Sid had all been after him to lighten up, be his old self, but he felt as if every loss of the past few months had built a wall between him and the rest until he could barely see over it, and was less and less interested in trying. Mac got by without feeling everything so damn much: so could Danny Messer.
When he got to the scene, he had to take a deep breath before going in. It was a domestic violence scene – he hated those. He always wondered why the guy had to take everyone else out with him. Why not just keep it clean and off himself first? This guy had taken a wife and - Christ Jesus – two little kids who couldn't be more than three or four years old.
He was taking pictures of the mother's body when Lindsay walked in. Patricia Weldon had been severely beaten before husband Ray had shot her; there was blood spatter throughout the house where he had chased her. Like everyone else on scene, Lindsay had suited up before coming to protect the evidence.
"From the postion of the bodies, it looks like she was trying to protect the kids when he shot her," Danny said as matter-of-factly as he could. He didn't look up at Lindsay. The last time they had processed a scene with young children, she had had trouble handling it. He didn't want to remind her of that now. He continued, "The little boy was shot execution style, back of the head. The baby girl was under the mother – maybe a through and through caught her. They bled out before the beat cops got here. A neighbour called it in."
Lindsay nodded, even though Danny couldn't see her. If he was determined to keep this professional, she would oblige. After all, it's all she had wanted when she came out to New York – to be a professional and be treated as one. Still, a small part of her heart ached – no smile, no joke, no "Hiya, Montana." Who would have thought that she could miss that hated nickname so much?
They processed the horrific scene almost silently, speaking only when they had to. Lindsay left the bodies to Danny; she knew her squeamishness wasn't very professional, but he seemed to be perfectly fine. He took pictures, moved the tiny bodies, measured angles, and took samples without turning a hair. Of course, it was his job, and whatever else one might want to say about Messer, he was good at his job. Still, one would think that he might say something about how terrible it was. Lindsay had seen Danny punch holes in walls over less sickening scenes than this.
And this one was with children, just babies, really. How could he do that? How could he just turn off like that? The longer they were in the small apartment together, the more unreasonably angry with Danny Lindsay became. When had he lost all the compassion she had loved in him? Swiftly she corrected her own musings: admired in him? As her anger grew, her responses to his occasional comments became terser and more clipped, until finally, with a shrug, he just stopped talking to her.
He finished up before she did, and casually said, "I'm taking this stuff to the lab. Release the scene when you're ready, okay?"
Barely able to contain herself, she merely nodded as he walked out the door. Suddenly rage overcame her better sense: she pulled the covers off her shoes and ran out of the apartment after him. This time, she would tell him exactly what she thought of him. Her throat was so tight she could hardly breathe, but she wasn't going to let this go.
When she reached the street, though, she couldn't see Danny anywhere. She ran down the stairs and went to the right, walking a few paces that way, then turning and going back towards the corner of the street on the left hand side. As she drew up to the alley in the middle of the block, though, she suddenly pulled up short. She could hear retching, then the unmistakable sound of an investigator losing whatever meal he had been able to grab before being sent out on a scene. She didn't need to look to know that Danny's ice act had been just that: an act.