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I Do Not Own the image~ Bea-Gonzalez from DeviantArt owns this beautiful image!
(Revised 3.13.20)
The next stop was a tall rock behind a waterfall. For Clara, these locations were pretty hard to get to so Aang had to help her a lot using earthbending, which was amazing to watch.
I wonder what it will feel like when I can firebend...
She was pulled out of her train of thought when Pathik began the water chakra lesson.
"Next is the-"
"Water chakra?" Aang guessed looking at the waterfall.
"Brilliant! Maybe one day you'll be a guru too!" Clara smiled softly at the old man. She had liked him a lot in the episode so it didn't surprise her that she liked him in real life. It was just his skeleton-like appearance that had taken some getting used to.
"This chakra deals with pleasure and is located below the navel. It is blocked by guilt. Now, look at all the guilt that burdens you so. What do you blame yourself for?"
Hesitantly, Clara closed her eyes and breathed in a deep breath. She was nervous about continuing on since the last time she had a vision it had been so difficult for her she had started crying.
She knew what Aang would see, him running away from home and hurting all those people when he lost control of the Avatar state multiple times. Clara could hear Pathik talking to Aang but tuned it out as she tried to concentrate on her guilt.
At first, she thought her vision would be about the time she had tried running away from home herself since it was something similar to what Aang had felt guilty about but her vision was of herself in grammar school, fourth grade and she was talking about performing at the school's talent show.
Clara and her then best friend Angelica had wanted to sing together in the talent show that year.
"We will sing and you know Leilani's dad's going to be there since she's dancing!" Angelica had said that one afternoon. The girls had recently found out that one of their classmates Leilani, her dad was a talent agent. Leilani had brought her dad's old phone to show and tell explaining his job and that he found people and made them famous.
"You want us to perform together?" Clara pulled at her hair a little before shyly smiling.
"Two is better than one! We're the best singers in the school's choir, so of course, he'll want to make us famous singers!" Angelica had smiled so wide, her excitement unmistakable.
Her vision then cut to Angelica calling Clara's house the day of the talent show. Angelica was sick and couldn't perform. She had called to tell Clara and to ask her to not perform without her. This had made Clara upset, she wanted to sing! They had practiced so hard and she didn't want to do all that work for nothing! So Clara had decided to lie to Angelica and went to the show performing the song they had practiced for weeks. She had loved the feeling of singing on stage. She felt so wonderful and free while she sang. It was the best feeling in the world! It had gotten even better when Leilani's dad had come up to her after the show and gave her and her mom his business card. In the end, Clara's mom told her she was too young to become a professional singer, promising that when she was older and out of school she could try to do it. Angelica found out about all of it and was so mad at Clara for betraying her.
"You lied to me! You are the worst person ever!" Angelica's face was so angry and red it made Clara flinch. It reminded her of Malcolm when he got mad at her.
"You ruined everything! I wanted us to be a pop star team but nooooooo!" Angelica flipped her black hair over her shoulder.
"I just wanted to sing..." Clara heard her voice tremble as she looked at her pissed best friend.
"I WANTED TO SING TOO! And now your mom won't even let you talk to Leilani's dad-" Angelica huffed and crossed her arms.
"You're getting all the attention now cause Lawni's dad wanted you when he would have wanted us! Now even if we perform next year it won't be the same."
"We could try next time-" she was cut off.
"No! We're done and you're no longer my best friend! Don't talk to me ever again!"
Clara watched as the memory played back, and she knew that they had both been kids and that Angelica had just been mad but...
I never sang alone in public again...
"You're letting your feelings of guilt from that one incident ruin something that made you very happy Clara," Pathik's voice echoed in her head as Clara could feel her eyes fill with tears.
"I shouldn't have done it! Shouldn't have been so selfish when she asked me to do something."
"Even if you had not performed, was it not selfish of her to deny what you wanted to do? Being selfish is being human, we all can be a little selfish from time to time. Children, when they are young, are short-sighted, only seeing things from their point of view. You can't change what you did that hurt her feelings but you can learn from it. Think of how your actions will affect others around you and trust your instincts on what you believe is right. Your guilt from that one action has made you deny something you love and that is why you should let this guilt go and forgive yourself."
Breathing in deeply, Clara could feel that she always knew what she did was not kind but it had also made her discover her love of performing.
I... can let myself sing and not feel bad about enjoying it.
Clara opened her eyes and smiled softly.
The sun was slowly coming up now. Clara had just downed the disgusting onion and banana juice, choking a little from the taste but her stomach was still grateful for the substance.
"Third is the fire chakra located in the stomach."
"My fire chakra would like to eat something other then onion banana juice." Pathik chuckled thinking Aang was kidding as he told them to continue.
"This chakra deals with willpower and is blocked by shame. What are you ashamed of? What are your biggest disappointments in yourself?"
Clara closed her eyes and jolted when she saw her brother. He was shouting at her for unplugging the TV power chord. She had tripped and it had been an accident but Malcolm yelled at her anyway. It was this fight that Clara had fought back and told Malcolm that she wished he would die. Clara had been fourteen and was tired of how Malcolm treated her. He had laughed calling her pathetic and pushed her down to the floor before leaving and driving off on his bike. Clara wouldn't find out until the next morning that Malcolm had lost control and had crashed on the freeway. He was dead and that had been the last time they would ever talk but that wasn't what Clara felt ashamed for.
She felt shame for how her mom reacted to Malcolm's death and if she hadn't fought back and yelled at Malcolm he might still be alive. She also felt shame for her not being sad that Malcolm was dead. Clara had been shocked by the news but... She had meant it when she told him she wished he was dead. But she knew that it was wrong for her to want that. And she wished that things had been different between them. For her mom's sake, she had felt maybe she should have tried more with Malcolm but... He had been a constant torment in her life!
"Your brother's poor treatment of you Clara is something you couldn't have controlled nor could you control how your mother felt after his death. Bad things happen to everyone, in different ways. We all lose our temper sometimes and it's not always pretty. You cannot change the past but you can forgive yourself for your own feelings. For they are your feelings and no one else's so you should allow yourself to feel however you wish. Bottling it up will poison your body's energy."
He remembered dad and blamed me for him leaving when it wasn't my fault. I... I did use to wish Malcolm was different but that was how he felt and he held onto that anger so tightly that it caused his life to be the way it was...
"You cannot choose your family but they are still your family," Clara said repeating what her mom had told her. Opening her eyes Clara giggled when Aang burped really loudly.
The heat from the rising sun felt really good. Clara couldn't remember the last time she had felt so refreshed by the sun's rays.