7
Interrogation Time
After calming down Sakura and lightening the mood a little bit, Naruto and I walked her home. Once she entered her house, we also got on our way to Naruto's home.
"Ne, Sasuke?" Naruto asked once we were close to his apartment.
"Hm?" I said.
"How did you know?" Naruto asked me.
'Because I've watched your entire life in the form of an anime,' I wanted to say but I have a weird feeling that that might've raised some flags. I shrugged. "It's really not that hard. I knew you pranked people through that village, but that still shouldn't get you that much hate. So I wondered what it was about you. I did a little digging and concluded that somehow you were related to the Kyuubi," I explained, hoping he wouldn't ask anymore.
"Oh," Naruto said quietly.
"Naruto?" I called out once we reached his apartment and he looked at me. "Don't ask me how," I began, making sure to tell him I don't want him asking how I got the knowledge, "but I heard that you've been having trouble buying your food and equipment and stuff and you're getting overcharged for it. Is that true?" I asked. I made sure to ask this first before offering anything since the only place I remembered reading about this was in fanfics and never in canon, though I might have just forgotten it.
Naruto's eyes widened in surprise once more before he looked down sadly. "Y-Yeah. It's only the Ichiraku Ramen Stand that doesn't look at me like I'm a demon," he said. "I can't even use a henge to buy things because the seals in the shop doorways disrupt your chakra flow every time you walk through them," he said with a small scowl.
I nodded. "Well, from now on, if you ever need to buy something from somewhere, just give me a list and when I go to get my groceries, I'll go get your things for you too, if you want," I offered.
"R-Really!?" Naruto asked in disbelief. "You'd do that?"
I chuckled at his enthusiasm. "Yeah, sure thing, man. And I'll ask Sakura too if she'd be willing to help. After all, we are a team, right?" I asked with a small smile.
"Eh? Haha, I guess you're right," Naruto said, rubbing the back of his head. "Thanks, Sasuke."
I waved him off. "Don't worry about it. It's the least I could do," I said. He looked like he wanted to say something, so I paused before saying goodbye.
Naruto scratched his cheek with a finger and looked to the side as he said, "Y-You know, I… uh… I can bring some home-cooked lunch for you for our training sessions." He quickly put his hands up and waved, adding, "Only if you want though if you think it won't be good enough, that's okay too… but—"
"Naruto," I said, seeing that he was starting to ramble on. "I'd love to have your home-cooked lunches," I replied, deciding to not show my surprise at the fact that he actually knew how to cook.
Naruto grinned widely. "Awesome!" he yelled, making me laugh too.
"Anyway, it's getting late. I'm gonna head home now, alright?" I said, holding out my fist.
Naruto grinned widely and fist-bumped me. "Alright, see you tomorrow, Sasuke!" he said with a wide smile and climbed the stairs to his apartment.
...
I was currently in my room in the Uchiha clan compound with a rubber ball in my hand. Although after the massacre, the Hokage had given me an apartment, I still had to pay the rent for it from the monthly orphan stipend that I received. And what more, the apartment building itself was owned by the Government of Konoha. This meant that the Hokage only had to give me a small amount of money as the rest of the building would just automatically flow back into Konoha's treasury. That was the moment I realized that Hiruzen was a fucking rat bastard. Fuck that stupid dickhead.
As soon as I had found that out, I had immediately moved back into my clan grounds. Yeah, it was pretty far and secluded but I didn't care about that. If anything, that just made it easier for me to keep my activities a secret.
So now, I was in my room, rubber ball in my hand, trying to blow this shit up by overloading the spinning chakra in it. Even though I had just gotten it a few hours ago after leaving Naruto's place, I was already pretty close to popping it. The rubber ball stretched and shook violently but didn't pop yet. That was evidence that I was close but just didn't have enough chakra to overload it completely.
Disappointed at another failed attempt, I set the ball down with a sigh and went to the backyard to start my workout that I did every other night.
Five sets of ten push-ups, different types of sit-ups, pull-ups, muscle-ups and burpees with breaks of about five minutes in between. Five sets of a minute of different types of planks. Three sets of fifty punches, kicks, and different hand-to-hand combat techniques. And finally, five kilometres of intense running.
It was when I had finally finished that last exercise that an ANBU operative with a bear mask had body-flickered right behind me. "Sasuke Uchiha," he spoke.
"AAAHHH!" I screamed, and threw five kunai at him, having the absolute living shit scared out of me. The ANBU deftly dodged each one of them and looked unperturbed. "Don't do that, you stupid fucking dickhead!" I yelled at him. I was shirtless, dammit! I needed some privacy!
"I need you to come with me," he said professionally.
"Nah, fuck you! Fuck off, you expired piece of oatmeal! Go suck a dick!" I said, angrily.
"I need you to come with me," he said once again with an edge to his voice.
"'I nEed yOU to cOmE wiTh mE' shut the fuck up," I said, mocking him. "Bitch," I added, squinting my eyes. "If you want me to come with you, go to my front door, knock, then wait till I answer," I demanded. "Bitch," I added once more. "Dickhead," just for extra measure.
Yeah, I know. I know exactly what I'm doing, and exactly who I'm speaking to, but I don't give a shit. They're gonna make me go with them either way. I might as well have some fun. And I'm not too worried about them hurting me. I was a clan heir. Clan privileges.
The ANBU pulled out a piece of rope from somewhere and held it up. "Sasuke Uchiha, the Hokage and your jonin-sensei demand your presence. Right now."
"The Hokage can come here and get me if he wants to talk to me," I said. "Let's not let him forget that I'm the Uchiha clan heir." Yay for politics, am I right? "And as for Kakashi," I said. "He can come here and suck my balls."
The ANBU looked at a loss for words. I took the chance to take a look around with my Sharingan and counted seven other ANBU on rooftops.
"AY YOOO," I said, mind blown, and spoke to the rooftop ANBU. "What the actual shit!? The Hokage sent two whole-ass squads of ANBU for me, a genin!? How strong do y'all think I am!? Or do you guys just not have anything better to do?"
I looked at the ANBU standing in front of me. "Oy!" I said, trying to see into the holes in his mask. "You alive in there, bud?" I asked and jabbed my thumb at my house before he could answer. "Fuck outta here and go knock," I said, cocking my head toward the front door.
The ANBU looked at one of the rooftop ANBU – presumably his captain. I looked in the direction too, and I saw one of them – the one with the tiger mask – nod. Instantly, I jumped back and just missed the bear mask's hand. "Nah, fuck off, mate!" I said as I tried to run into the house. I knew it was impossible. There's no way I could possibly outrun or outmaneuver fricking ANBU! But I decided to have some fun. I was not to be, as before I even got half a step ahead, I found myself on the ground, with my mouth full of grass.
"Sasuke Uchiha, you are under arrest," the ANBU said. The tone was mostly emotionless, but I could hear just a hint of smugness in it.
"Yeah, fuck you," I said and resigned myself to being carried to wherever they took me. The ANBU tied me up all while being showered by my insults and threw me over his shoulder.
I forgot that I still had my Sharingan activated and because of that, I saw the small build-up of chakra for a body-flicker. I smiled deviously and pushed my own chakra out from my stomach into his shoulder, disrupting his flow and cancelled his technique.
"Hah…" the ANBU sighed.
"Let me go shower and put on a clean set of clothes, and I'll come with you willingly," I offered with a smirk.
Bear mask picked me up and put me on the ground. I smiled the smug Spongebob smile as I looked at him. He took out a slip of paper and slapped it on the forehead.
"OW!" I said, annoyed at the little shit.
Bear mask picked me up once more, and I realized he had slapped on a chakra suppression seal on my forehead.
"Two can play that game bitch!" I said and started screaming. LOUD. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" I yelled right into his ear as loud as possible. I'd let chakra flow to my throat if I were sure it wouldn't blow my neck out. But I wasn't sure, so I didn't. I continued yelling into the ANBU's ear.
Once again, the guy put me down, and before I could say anything, he stuffed my mouth with a piece of cloth.
"MMM! MMM!" I tried to yell, but couldn't. I tried moving around as much as possible but he merely tightened his grip on me.
Finally, I felt the nauseating lurch of movement a few times and we were inside the Hokage's office.
...
The ANBU set me down on a chair and I glared at him with all my might. Funnily enough, glaring was much easier than smiling, I realized. Probably because Sasuke's natural habits were to brood and glare.
"Ahem," the sound of a throat clearing came and I looked around the room. Sitting behind the Hokage's desk was Hiruzen Sarutobi himself. Standing on his right was Kakashi the asshole – he was probably the one who made this happen. And standing on the Hokage's left were Ibiki and Anko.
'Oh, just fucking great. Fuck all of you shit maggots!' I tried to say, but it came out more like, "Inh, funh fufunh gunh! Funnh aanh ah oou mmh maffohh!"
All of them regarded me with wide eyes for a second before turning their attention to the ANBU.
"He resisted, Hokage-sama," the bear mask said.
'Fuck you!' I tried to say which came out as, "Funf mm!"
"Un-gag him please, Kuma," the Hokage said and the ANBU immediately pulled out the cloth from my mouth.
"Ugh," I groaned, moving my jaw to make it feel back to normal again.
"Would you please repeat what you said, Sasuke-kun?" the Hokage asked with a smile.
"Of course, Hokage-sama," I replied with just as much niceness. "I said, 'Good evening, to all you fine shinobi.'"
Anko snorted but was immediately shut up by Ibiki's glance.
"I can tell when someone is lying, Sasuke-kun," the Hokage said, with the same smile plastered on his face.
"Just like any half-decent shinobi should be able to, Hokage-sama," I said, my expression mirroring his.
"I don't like it when people lie to me, Sasuke-kun," he said in the same way.
"Neither do ninety-nine percent of the people on this planet, Hokage-sama," I replied, smiling.
The Hokage stopped smiling and looked at me with a deadly serious expression. "Sasuke, you are under suspicion of espionage and treason," he said and I started laughing my guts out.
"Yooooo, what the fuck? Espionage!? Treason!?" I laughed harder. "Where's the evidence? How the hell would you suspect me of that!?" I asked amusedly.
"This is not a joke, Sasuke!" Kakashi said with a serious voice.
"Psh, Konoha's justice system itself is a big fucking joke," I said. I turned my head to the left, looking at the ANBU who carried me here. "Oh, and you!" I said, scowling at him. "You're a bitch!"
I saw his shoulder twitch and Anko snorted, holding a hand over her mouth and looking to the side to hide her laughter. The subtle shaking of her shoulders easily gave it away though.
I schooled my expression on one of seriousness and spoke again. "Hokage-sama, I need to tell you something important," I said. Hiruzen nodded. "This guy," I said, gesturing to the ANBU with my chin. "He's a bitch!"
"Hah…" I heard Ibiki, and Kakashi sigh at once while Anko quickly excused herself from the office.
"Kuma, you're dismissed. Send in Lynx," the Hokage ordered, and the ANBU immediately disappeared. A couple of seconds later, another ANBU with long purple hair body-flickered in.
"Hokage-sama," she said and took up position beside me.
That was most likely Yugao. I looked at her for a second before clicking my teeth. "You're probably a bitch too," I said. Her arm instantly shot out and clocked me across the face, making me fall over to the other side of the chair.
"I suggest you don't make light of her, Sasuke," Kakashi said mirthfully.
I rolled over to look at him. "Heh," I chuckled and swallowed the blood in my mouth. I don't like to spit unless it's in a sink. "If anything, she's an even bigger bitch than you, dickhead," I said with a smirk. "Though it'd be a close competition, I reckon," I said, rocking around and slowly getting to my feet. "You kicked me in my face, but she punched me while I was tied up." I hopped over to my chair and sat down beside her, not showing a hint of fear. I knew they can't kill me, so I'm really not too scared. "Like it's obvious that both of you are shit-eating, cock-sucking cowards," I said with as malicious a smile as I could show, "but I don't know who's the bigger cunt." I looked at Kakashi. "The ex-ANBU captain who kicked his own genin in the head," I looked at Yugao, "Or the current ANBU bitch who punched a tied up genin in the face." I looked at the Hokage who was looking at me emotionlessly. "Hey Hokage-sama, I bet even pigeons fly upside down over these two cuz there's nothing worth shitting on!" I said and started laughing as I felt the killing intent roll of both the victims of my insults.
"Enough!" the Hokage roared and even I was surprised enough to stop laughing. "Sasuke, you are in a very precarious situation right now," he said.
"Ok," I replied. Da faq you want me to do bout that?
"Ibiki here," he gestured to the man in the long dark cloak with a hardass look on his face, "will ask you a few questions that will decide your innocence."
I looked at Ibiki for five seconds before speaking. "This guy looks like he wakes his alarm clock up in the morning."
"Hah…" a collective sigh from everyone – even the ANBU – filled the room.
"Just get to it, Ibiki," Hiruzen said.
"Yes, Hokage-sama," Ibiki replied. He moved to stand in front of me and looked down from his towering position.
"Ah, yes," I said, rolling my eyes. "The 'tower over your prisoner so he feels intimidated' tactic. How original."
"First of all," Ibiki started, ignoring my previous comment. "You stated that you believed Konoha's justice system to be a joke. Why is that?" he asked.
Should I just say everything I know about Danzo? If they ask me how I know it, I can just say that Itachi told me everything before he left. Or maybe I shouldn't since Itachi is still loyal to the village and they could just cross-examine the information. And I'm sure they'd believe him over me. Yeah, let's just make an excuse. "Because the Hokage is a dictator, and he dictates who dies and who gets to live. There is no justice in that. Konoha's so-called justice system is a massive fucking joke," I said, staring into Ibiki's eyes. Behind him, I heard the Hokage sigh.
"Very well. You are entitled to an opinion. Next question: your personality differs greatly from the academy sensei's reports. Why is that?"
"Cuz they're idiots. They just didn't know when to observe and probably only saw me on my sad days," I said. Ibiki raised an eyebrow as if to say 'Really? That's the best you got?' and I merely shrugged.
"We both know that is not true," Ibiki said. "Who are you?" he asked.
"My name is Sasuke Uchiha. Genin, Konoha Armed Forces. Serial number 012606," I replied without hesitation.
Ibiki breathed in deeply and exhaled in frustration before turning to Hiruzen. "Hokage-sama, I think we may have to call in Inoichi-san," he said and that was finally when I felt a hint of fear.
The Hokage nodded and the air in the room shifted minutely, signalling the departure of one of the ANBU leaving to summon the Yamanaka clan head.
"This is your last chance, kid," Ibiki said. "Spill the truth now, or let it be revealed by a mind walker."
"If I don't say anything now, then the absolute truth will be revealed by the mind walk?" I asked.
"That's right," Ibiki answered with a smile, thinking that he got me.
"Psh, then rather than speaking now and letting you guys keep suspecting me, I might as well just wait for the mind walker creep to arrive and clear everything up," I said nonchalantly.
No one said or even showed a hint of anything, but I could feel the disbelief. I turned to the ANBU again. "And you!" I said. Unlike the previous one, she looked at me. "You're a bitch and I hope you get fucked by a fish."
Don't get used to these fast updates, eh. On god, this is only because I suddenly found quite a bit of free time and motivation.
As for the title, I'll just leave it as it is for now, but something like 'A Crackhead's Transmigration' sounds good. Transmigration isn't the word I'm looking for tho, so idk yet.
Anyway, leave a review if you liked it, and please stay safe amid this COVID crisis.