15

Orochi-Pedo Really Tryna Kill Me, Eh?

And the dreaded moment finally came when we were halfway to the tower.

As we were jumping from branch to branch, a loud crash sounded about a hundred meters or so in front of us. In a fraction of a second, our team came to a halt with our weapons at the ready and eyes sharp, observing our surroundings.

I heard a small whistling noise from beside me and relying purely on muscle memory, I ducked as a kunai shot over my head and embedded itself into a tree with a loud 'thunk'.

"Contact!" I said, turning towards the direction that the kunai came from. I didn't even hear or sense anything, which meant the enemy was very well trained. This meant that it was most likely Orochimaru himself.

"Yeah, no shit! Look at this thing!" Naruto yelled as another loud crash was heard.

I turned back around just as I heard Sakura say, "w-what the hell?" and honestly, her reaction was completely justified. In front of us stood a massive python, poised to strike at a moment's notice. Its head alone was almost the size of a building. The entirety of the python was slowly coming out of the summoning smoke as our team could do nothing but watch.

"Kukuku," I heard laughter from the head of the snake and out of the smoke, I saw the figure of a woman with a farmer's hat emerge. I always found it weird when I read Orochimaru's laugh written as 'kukuku' but now I understand it. This guy's laugh really does sound like that. "Hello, Sasuke-kun," the 'woman' said.

There were maybe two people in the world that could summon snakes and probably only one that summons those as big as this one. So then why hadn't the ANBU stepped in yet!?

"HI, OROCHIMARU!" I yelled at the top of my lungs, trying to get the ANBU – or really, anyone – to help us.

"Oh, are you hoping for the ANBU to come running to help you?" he asked and my face paled.

SHIT! That was all I could think as the blood drained from my face and my fingers felt cold. The fact that he knew about them meant only one thing: He had killed them, which in turn meant that we had no overwatch. There was no one coming for us and this was the end of the line. I felt like the downed Black Hawk pilots probably felt in Operation Gothic Serpent in Somalia. They at least had the knowledge and hope that someone was trying to come to their aid.

Please, please, please let Yugao and Kakashi be okay, I prayed in my mind. If anything happened to them, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. Wait, I was gonna die anyway. Oh well.

"Now, before I kill you, why don't you tell me how you found me out?" he said, ripping off the fake woman disguise and revealing his true self.

Yep. I was going to die here. There was absolutely no doubt about that. But since he was asking me for information, it meant that I still had a hand to play here. Orochimaru still had an incentive to keep me alive. This meant one thing. If I could, I'd at least save Naruto and Sakura in the process.

I looked at the two people I had grown fond of over the months and smiled. I wondered for a second how it would've turned out, had I transmigrated into Naruto's body. But such thoughts were pointless now.

"Let my teammates go and I'll tell you," I demanded as I turned my attention back to Orochimaru.

"Sasuke, what the hell!? What're you talking about!?" Naruto tried to yell and get his shivering under control. Orochimaru was releasing a crazy amount of killing intent which froze both Naruto and Sakura, but I was completely unaffected.

I took a deep breath to calm myself. This was definitely going to be where I died, so there was no point in panicking. In fact, I needed to drag this out as long as possible so that I could buy my teammates some time.

It's weird how when you're on the edge of death, it's the little things that you think about. 'I probably shouldn't have drunk tea in the morning. I need to take another dump right now.' Or even, 'I should've gotten a haircut. It's so weird how the hidden villages – who are basically the spec ops branch of the military of the country have such lax dress and decorum standards.'

But this also gives you a small sense of power. I'm going to die either way, so why not go out while dicking around as much as possible, I thought as I gazed at the incredibly powerful monster in front of me. I wonder if I could say something that would compel him to keep me alive but at the same time, fuck around with him and make him extremely angry.

"Yo!" I shouted, giving up all hope. Orochimaru looked at me curiously. "Come down here. Let's have a chat," I said and jumped off the tree branch.

I landed deftly with a roll and dusted off the minor spots of dirt on my clothing.

"C'mon," I said, looking up at Orochimaru who was just observing me and waved at him to come down and join me.

After a short pause, the massive snake slowly slithered its way down until I was face-to-face with its snout. "Interesting. You are a very interesting one," he said as he jumped off the summoned creature and stood barely a meter away from me.

"Thank you for the compliment," I said with a nod. "First of all," I started, "even though you are basically an international terrorist, let me just say, it's an honour to meet you," I said as I stuck out my hand for him to shake.

He was a stone-hearted, inhumane cunt, but there was no harm in getting on his good side.

Orochimaru cocked his head to the side and gazed at me curiously. The only reason I wasn't dead yet was probably because he's never had someone talk to him in such a friendly manner in a very long time.

"Hah..." I sighed, faking confidence and annoyance at the same time. "Listen, I know this is weird, and honestly, I don't like you or anything," I said. He narrowed his eyes in contempt, but before he could say anything, I said, "BUT! I do respect your dedication to research."

And it was partially the truth.

The deeds he committed were heinous and unforgivable, but at least he was honest about it, unlike the people who took the moral high ground, berating him for his actions while still benefitting the most from his experiment results.

In my previous life, when the Nazi regime fell, did the allies destroy all of the scientific experimentation documents that were scavenged like vultures on dead meat? NO! They used it for their own benefit and even hired Nazi scientists to work for them.

Similarly, did Konoha destroy all of Orochimaru's leftover research? NO! They studied it themselves and made use of it.

"Do you now?" he asked with a raspy voice. I felt his suspicion, but I wasn't afraid.

"I do. What you did... It shouldn't have been done, but you did it in the name of science and progress of humanity, so I can at least respect that much," I said to him. "I still don't like it, though!" I added, just to show him that I wasn't sucking up to him.

"Hmm," he said and finally took my hand and shook it. Surprisingly, it felt just like any other normal human hand. It was slightly cold though. "You're an interesting one, so I shall hear you out before deciding whether I want to kill you or not," he said with his trademarked Evil Smile™, gesturing for me to continue.

He stopped emitting his killing intent and I heard Naruto and Sakura gasp and heave on the branches above me.

"Alright," I nodded. "Now, here's the deal: You can have anything you want from me as long as you let my teammates go completely unharmed."

Just as I said that Naruto and Sakura both dropped from their position. They took up positions so that it'd look like we were surrounding Orochimaru.

"Naruto, Sakura, stand down," I said to my teammates.

"The hell you mean 'stand down'!?" Naruto yelled. "This bastard was about to kill us right now."

"Fuckin' hell," I said as I facepalmed. Gesturing to the snake bastard in front of me, I said, "Guys, meet Orochimaru. An..." I paused. "Is it A-rank, or S-rank?" I asked him.

"S-rank," Orochimaru answered, looking amused at my antics.

"Right. An S-rank missing-nin that is capable of crushing us all at once with both arms tied behind his back.," I finished introducing him. "Let's not fuck around right now, yeah?" I asked them.

"W-wait! O-Orochimaru!?" Sakura said with wide eyes. "N-no way. Why is he here!?"

Ah! It seems that she recognized him. I wasn't too surprised that Naruto still didn't know who this was, though. He never really read the textbook in the Academy, and I vividly remember the chapter on 'international terrorists' was an optional one.

But I realized that this was the perfect time for me to say something to pique his interest in me.

"Guys, let me tell you both a little bit about him, yeah?" I started. "Orochimaru was an orphan who was trained by Hiruzen Sarutobi, our Hokage. He was on a team with Tsunade and Jiraiya who were so strong, they were named as the legendary Sannin by Hanzo." As I continued, Orochimaru stared at me with interest, but I didn't see any burning curiosity yet.

"One of his big accomplishments is that he's the one to have caused the last known rampage of the eight-tails in Kumo." This made him widen his eyes a little bit.

"Afterwards, he joined the darkest of the Konoha black ops, Root, under Danzo and started experimenting on kids of Konoha, trying to make them awaken the First Hokage's Wood Release. Isn't that right, Orochimaru?" I asked, Only one final push was needed.

"In fact, one of the kids actually manifested the ability, and his experiment succeeded. Though the other fifty-nine died, unfortunately," I finished, and as I thought, Orochimaru didn't know about this. The curiosity in his eyes that I wanted to see was finally there.

Now it was time to change the subject.

"By the way, Sakura's right," I said nonchalantly. "Why are you here in the first place?" I asked Orochi-pedo.

"Kukuku," he laughed again. "Wonderful! You are very knowledgeable, Sasuke-kun. But why I'm here is not really any of your business now, is it?" he asked. "Moreover, why don't you tell me more about the one kid that survived?"

"Eeeh... Well, it kind of is my business, y'know," I said. "You're a missing-nin. I'm a shinobi of Konoha. You're wanted in Konoha. So technically speaking, I'm supposed to arrest you, aren't I? And I don't really want to talk about that other topic for now," I added with a shrug.

Orochimaru threw his head back and laughed out loud. "You," he said as he brought his face incredibly close to mine and held a kunai against my neck, "are one incredibly brave kid," he said.

"Augh!" I muffled a cough as I stumbled back.

Now I had a small plan in mind. If I could make him lose his cool even the slightest bit, that would be enough for the time being.

"Dawg, hold up a sec," I said, unhooking my equipment pouch. I could've reached in, but that would set him on edge. I put the equipment pouch down and started ruffling through the items. "Ah!" I exclaimed as I found it. "Take one of these, please," I said, handing Orochimaru a pack of gum.

The air around us felt like it had frozen as he stared at the item in my hand for a second. And the next thing I knew was that I was flying through the air while my face felt like it was on fire. "AH!" I screamed as my stomach crashed against a tree trunk, probably breaking a few ribs. "Augh!" another cough escaped me as I fell on one of the sharp roots and rolled over onto the ground.

"And here I thought you were a smart kid," I heard Orochimaru say as he slowly walked towards me. I tried getting onto my feet, but the pain in my chest made it hard to even breathe.

I coughed quite a bit of blood out before I could finally speak. "What the actual fuck gave you that wild idea?" I asked, making a self-deprecating joke. Orochimaru scowled and his figure blurred once again as a throbbing pain invaded my stomach. "GAH!" I screamed once again as I found myself flying and hitting more trunks and branches.

Yep. I had definitely broken more than a few bones. I spit out some more blood in my mouth as I tried to get up. Yeah, no, fuck this.

"Now would you like to give me more information about the child that survived? Or would you like some more pain?" he said, giving me some choices.

Who the fuck did this gutter tadpole think he was? I hated it when people took this attitude with me. I didn't give a shit whoever it was.

"Pain?" I asked with a smile on my face. "This ain't pain. Real pain was when I fucked yo mama last—" and before I could finish my sentence, I momentarily blacked out from more of his beatings.

I regained my consciousness once again as I found myself being held up and looking at him through swollen eyes.

"Yo, you ugly as fuck, boi," I declared and more blows rained down on me.

I was taking advantage of the fact that he couldn't kill me until he got his info. And I wasn't even feeling pain all that much as my entire body had gone numb and I kept slipping in and out of confidence.

"I will get the information myself," he said as my eyes opened a little bit again. " But you are quite the resilient one, I see," he declared.

And this would be my final sentence probably. He didn't let me finish my last one, but I just had to make one last yo mama insult before I died.

"Oh, you're just finding that out?" Just talking was even more painful than I thought. But I couldn't let it end here. "I thought yo mama would've told you after I fucking obliterated her tight ass the night you were born," I answered and grinned. If I was gonna die, I was gonna do it on my terms.

And Orochimaru's livid expression was the last thing I saw before the world blacked out.

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