Chapter 25: Suddenly, I see.

If she had been her old self she would have had to wait outside and breathe deeply. She would try unsuccessfully to make her heart stop racing in her chest. If she were her old self she would have come here a long time ago. Hermione looked up at the house that could have been classified as a hovel. It was dirty and dark and hadn't had many repairs done in the past fifty years of its existence. It reminded her so much of him.

She walked briskly to the door trying to stop her mind from thinking that he would open the door and be happy to see her. Her knuckles rapped on the scarred wood and only seconds later the door swung open to reveal Severus Snape.

His eyes passed over her. They were dark and focused and seemed to take in every last inch of her. Finally he spoke.

"Ms. Granger. Can I help you?" He didn't sound like he had been pining away for her. Of course it didn't, she thought quickly. He wasn't the type to pine; he was the type to forget.

"Professor Snape, I…" Her voice caught in her throat as she thought of the last time she had seen him. He had been attending his own trial after having spent a long time in Azkaban. " I heard that you were rumored to be living here. I come by this way often on my way to a friend's home. I thought I'd…"

Noticing that this could take awhile Snape stepped back from the door allowing her to enter. "Ms. Granger, I haven't been your teacher for quite some time. In fact you taking over my old position as Potions-master should allow you to call me Severus now, if you please."

"Yes… of course. I hadn't known you'd heard that I'd taken over for you." She hadn't intended to have this brought up so early in the conversation so she suddenly felt as though she'd betrayed him.

"Well… I have my informants. Anyway, sit down if you'd like. Obviously you have something to say. I can see your mind working feverously." Severus sat in a large black chair and left the small sofa for her.

Hermione saw that the tiny couch in the corner was the only place to sit and so she did. She looked around the room briefly noticing the walls bare of any decoration and she thought that the humble home was very Snape-esque.

"Well… I… I guess I should begin." She straightened her shoulders the way she used to when she was about to tell someone something she thought they ought to know. Sadly, she thought, she did this more out of habit than out of the actual need to do so. "Well here I go. Severus… my goodness I'll never get used to that… umm… It's been so long. I suppose it's been about two years give or take." Hermione found that as she begun to talk, telling her story became remarkably easier. Suddenly the entire thing just seemed to flop from her lips. "The last time we really talked was in the dreamscape if you've remembered which I can't understand why you would. Anyway, I just thought I'd… I never thought I'd be telling you this so late, but obviously that is the way it has to be. Severus… I loved you. I fell in love with you in the dreamscape and at one point in the dreamscape I thought you had said you had loved me too. Isn't that the strangest part of all of this? That it could have mutual all this time?" She let herself laugh for the first time in two years. The laughter was real and true yet it felt inconceivably foreign to her. After the many funerals and wakes for the beloved dead that had unfortunately perished that awful night at Godric's Hollow, Hermione had never thought she'd laugh again.

Harry's funeral had been the worst. Remembering it now her heart sank as though it were terribly wrong of her to feel joy again. It felt as though she were harming him.

The beloved boy-who-had-lived-but-who-was-now-dead was buried next to the graves of the parents he had never known. The service had been short because so few of the people who had known the real Harry Potter were left. Most of the time was devoted to wizards and witches, who had trekked all over the world to thank and bless with sad tears the body of the young man who had had the strength to save an entire community.

Hermione had spoken at his funeral. Her voice was full of emotion as she remarked over his strength, intelligence and determined loyal love. She had never cried so hard as she did standing at the pulpit, speaking to thousands of people who never even really knew Harry. She felt cheated. Traveling back in her mind she remembered what she had said.

"It is so rare in life that we may have the opportunity to meet someone who changes our lives in the most profound yet simple way. We continue ever on our journey, shielding ourselves from danger, weather and, sadly enough, the truth. Harry was one of those exemplary people who changed each one of us and the lives of our children and our children's children because he had such strength in him.

He had the heart and courage to do what none of us could have done in our wildest dreams. He saved our beloved wizarding world from destruction and despair. I regret only that we could not save him in return.

Harry to me was…is… the best friend I've ever had. Whenever he was needed he was there to do what ever he could and he believed in all of us. He was the only person I knew who would tell me the truth when I asked for it, I wish that we could have showed him the same courtesy.

He was strong yet far from the man he could have become. If given the chance he would have done even more remarkable things for he was just that type of person.

Harry will live on through each of us. As we see new children born who will grow to be great witches and wizards, I aks that you think of Harry. When old respected witches and wizards pass on I ask you to think of Harry. When someone begins the tale of the boy-who-lived I ask you to sit and listen and think of Harry. Because without him and his sacrifice, none of these things would be possible because he made our lifestyle, our magic, our world safe again.

Goodbye Harry James Potter. You are the bravest, strongest, kindest man I've ever known or will ever know. You were truly an original in a world full of people who are all the same."

After the service Ron and Ginny had comforted her and themselves by remarking over all of the adventures they had had. But it was useless. They had lost their leader and truest friend they had ever had and the emptiness that was left was too great a burden.

Suddenly Hermione was brought back to the present. She had been confessing her adolescent love to the man whom she had hated, and she had been laughing. Now she felt her cheeks wet with newly fallen tears and her heart was breaking for the hundredth time that day and the millionth time that year. All she ever felt was remorse and regret. She spent much of her time in the past, thumbing over her beautiful memories to the point where the pictures of her mind had become frail, paper-thin and worn. So had she.

Hermione was a frightening shadow of the plain beauty she had once been. She was pale, her eyes dark and continually misty. Black circles formed under her brown eyes like clouds weighing down the world. She was no longer who she had been physically or mentally. She feared the truth was that she would never be that person again.

She stared at the man she was sitting with. For the first time she believed she really saw him. He looked no better than she. Pale and sleep deprived he no longer struck an imposing figure. Age had crept along his face and with his hair beginning to turn gray he appeared to be aging well beyond his years.

"Ms. Granger, why did you seek me out to tell me this?" There was nothing in his eyes. He seemed altogether empty. She held his gaze as she thought. Why had she? Ws it that maybe if she confessed she loved him… that to this day she thought of him with a depressing passion… that maybe he would return it? Did she do this so that she could have some peace in the world, closing yet another chapter of her past? No. She did this because it was her deepest hope that they could provide solace for one another in a world that was too selfishly starting over to care about the ones who had helped save it from destruction.

"I don't know. I was sitting at home trying to read a book… when I thought of you." Hermione kept her voice level, trying not to show emotion because she was weak enough without it.

"So you merely fancied a friendly chat with an old foe?" Snape quirked an eyebrow at her which reminded her of the way he used to tease and embarrass her not so long ago.

"Were we really foes?" Hermione had long since forgotten the idea that Severus really had been out to destroy Harry with Lord Voldemort. Because of her love for him she had abandoned the idea that he was evil and trusted that he was truly a good man though he didn't show it.

"I thought we were enemies in the classroom, Ms. Granger."

"You were my teacher. I never considered you my enemy. I respected you." She looked at him with teary eyes ready to give him anything he asked of her.

"Obviously you felt more than respect." His comment was full of mockery and it cut her.

"Snape, Severus…was- was it real?"

"Was it real? Of course the dreamscape was real though to this day I don't see why we were brought there together. It seems it is just one of those things we will never know." Severus finished briskly. He didn't like to think of the past.

"So you did say you loved me, The last time in the dreamscape? At Godric's Hollow?" Her voice was almost giddy with anticipation that was so unlike her that it made her check herself.

"No. I never did. That was part of your imagination it seems."

"It couldn't have been… it was just like the dreamscape."

"Truly it never happened. I never crossed that line." He watched her face as she went back to that night. He remembered that he never spoke to her at all in the time at the Hollow.

Hermione felt as though she should cry. It only seemed right that after all this time in which she had nursed a tender love for him that she should cry. But no tears came. Her eyes were dry.

"Did you ever want to?"

Severus' eyes roamed her face and his mind roamed his memory. Had he ever wanted to? Maybe he had. Those times before that night were so uncertain and he had been so unlike himself. He looked deep into himself as he remembered the darkness that had engulfed him as Voldemort taunted him. He had loved her. Voldemort had seen this unexpected emotion in him and had spat it in his face. The memory of that pain swam over Severus.

"Yes," Snape said. He was trying not to be bitter. He remembered how it was love of Hermione that had weakened him to the evil one's feet. He had submitted where before he had been strong. He couldn't help but feel bitterness toward that love now.

Hermione nodded. It was easy to accept that Severus had loved her and it shocked her how it didn't make her as happy as she had thought it would. "But, Ms. Granger, it's been over two years. You can't expect me to…"

"I understand," Hermione said. Strangely enough she did and she did not hold it against him. "Love can't be ignored and still expected to thrive after all this time." Hermione wasn't heart broken like she imagined herself to be. She had pictured this very conversation in her mind a thousand times and each time it had brought her to tears. To feel it really happen wasn't a shock at all. It seemed so natural and simple. It was truly the way it was supposed to be.

Time had come between their short-lived, shortly explored secret love for one another. Time had ripped them apart and had forced them to go on. They would survive this just as they had survived so many things before because they were who they were. There would be no changing this now because they were too set in their ways. And little did they know that this mattered very little to both of them. Perhaps if they had found each other after that night when the love still bloomed and comforted each of them things would be different. But the past cannot be altered when it came to love. Not even for wizards.

Hermione rose to leave and felt a great boulder being lifted from her shoulders and she smiled to herself. It was a wonderful feeling to know that life would go on even after heartache and pain and misery. It was even a little comforting to know that not everything ended happily ever after.