Title: One Stupid Person
Author: quixotic-hope (harrysev)
Rating: M (just in case)
Pairing: Harry/Sev Genres: Romance, Angst, Fluff, First time
Warnings: slight-AU (ignoring HBP)
Spoilers: 1-5
Betas: Molvanian name) and twisty3456(livejournal name)
Summary: Having lost his value as a spy for the light, Severus must now take a de-aging potion and befriend the dratted Boy-Who-Lived. But what happens when he starts falling in love?
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and Co. belong to the wonderfully talented JK Rowling. I mean no harm by using her characters in this story. I am making no money whatsoever; I merely hope to entertain people.
Author's Apology:
I am SO SORRY for the long delay in getting this story updated. Let me explain:
I last updated April 3. From April to June, I suffered a terrible case of writer's block.
In June I got a job that forced me to spend hours sitting outside with nothing to do but sign people into a pool. I started bringing paper to work so I could write. I ended up finishing the rest of the story at by the end of June. I got three new betas. One never emailed me back. One emailed me back this chapter. One emailed me back the entire story (Neat, you are the best ever!). I spent July trying to edit the story and make it sound perfect (didn't work). In August, my computer broke down, and I lost everything. Every story I had written, the rest of the chapters of this story,
all gone. Thankfully, I still had Molvanian Queen-In-Exile's edits on my email, so the chapters were not lost forever.
Sadly, I couldn't update until I got a new computer, which I didn't get until yesterday. Our computer does not have Word (yet), so I have to use Notepad, which isn't nearly as good. Therefore, if the format is fucked up...sorry. I'll try to fix it.
Chapter 9: Christmas
Harry and Alan were the only Gryffindors staying at Hogwarts for Christmas. For a while Ron had been worried that he would be too ill to go home. He had been stuck at the hospital wing with a stomach ache for over a week, and Madame Pomfrey hadn't been able to discover anything wrong with him. Harry had a nagging suspicion that Alan was behind Ron's sudden illness. After all, every time Alan returned from delivering a batch of potions to Madame Pomfrey (who seemed to trust this student to help her rather than Professor Ingram), Ron seemed to get worse.
Hermione told Harry that, while she personally didn't have a problem with Harry's sexuality, she could no longer speak to him. She said she'd try to talk some sense into Ron, but she didn't think he'd come around. Hurt and angry, Harry told her he didn't care what Ron thought and that if the two of them wanted to walk around like homophobic bigots, who was he to stop them? Besides, on some level (perhaps thanks to his time spent with Alan), he knew he'd be better off without their 'input' anyway.
Pushing all thoughts of Ron and Hermione from his head, Harry tried to focus on the task at hand: finding a Christmas present for Alan. The two of them had been dating for a few weeks, but he still wanted to get the other boy something special.
Harry tried to think of what Alan liked. He wasn't a fan of Quidditch; he liked to read, but he seemed to have quite a large collection of books already, at least if all his talks of his library at his uncle's was to be believed. He was really good at Potions, but he seemed to have anything he could possibly need already.
Harry sighed. It was pointless. What sort of person was he that he couldn't even think of anything to get his boyfriend?
xxx
Little did Harry know that his boyfriend was having the same thoughts halfway across town. Severus normally wasn't one to go all out for Christmas. In fact, it was quite well known that Severus hated the holiday. However, this was the first (he refused to think that it might be the "only") Christmas he would spend with Harry, and he knew the Gryffindor liked this holiday. Therefore, he wanted to make sure that he got the perfect gift.
Severus was about to call it a day when he passed the bookstore he and Harry had visited on their first trip to Hogwarts. An almost-invisible smile graced his lips as he remembered his suspicions as to Harry's sexuality, having spied on the boy not-so-subtly perusing the homo-erotic literature.(1)
Suddenly Severus knew what he would get Harry. He knew Harry would never feel comfortable buying the books himself, so he would buy them instead, as he wasn't at all nervous about buying them. Besides, even if the store attendant believed that homosexuality was wrong and disgusting, Severus would be himself again in a few months, and would take pleasure in frightening the wits out of anyone that crossed his –and Harry's- paths.
Walking into the bookstore, Severus looked for the gay and lesbian section. Finding it quickly, he began to search for the perfect book. Better make it 'books' plural, he thought, so that Harry might have a few to choose from.
Severus spent at least half an hour in the bookstore looking through titles. He finally settled on Laura Argiri's The God in Flight, Michael Cunningham's A Home at the End of the World, and Lynn Flewelling's Nightrunner series. (2) Pleased with his selection, he paid the man at the counter and made his way back to Hogwarts.
He really hoped Harry liked his gift.
xxx
Harry wasn't having anywhere near as much luck as Severus when it came to finding the perfect gift. In the three hours he'd been in Hogsmeade, he'd walked through most of the shops in town, and he still couldn't find anything to get Alan. Sighing, Harry glanced around, as though expecting a sign, only to have his gaze land on the very cause of his frustrations. Not wanting the other boy to realize that he still hadn't found anything, Harry ran into the nearest shop.
Looking around, Harry realized he had walked into the Magical Menagerie. Deciding to wait there until Alan passed, Harry started browsing the store, admiring the different animals.
Walking past the rat cage and trying to fight his desire to strangle each one of them, Harry moved on to look at owls. He had always had a liking for the beautiful birds. One owl in particular caught his eye. She was almost all black with a few gray feathers mixed in, and her vivid yellow eyes contrasted nicely with the dark feathers. Harry slowly raised a hand to touch her. The owl hooted but didn't move away.
"You like her?" asked the man who ran the shop.
Harry nodded. "She's beautiful."
"That she is," agreed the man. "Twenty-five galleons."
"Oh, I wasn't going to—" Harry stopped. He hadn't planned on buying the bird, but then he thought about Alan. The other boy didn't have an owl of his own; of that Harry was certain. And this bird was beautiful, no doubt about it. Would she make a good Christmas gift, though?
"Is there any way I could pay for her now, but wait a week or so to pick her up?"
"Christmas present?" asked the man, smiling.
"Yeah," nodded Harry. "I think she'd make a good gift, but I don't know what to do with her until then."
"We can hold her here until Christmas," the man informed him. "Just let us know where you want her to be Christmas morning, and she'll be waiting."
"That'd be great," Harry responded enthusiastically, pulling out his coin-purse. "If you could just have her waiting in the Hogwarts Owlery, I'd really appreciate it."
"Sure thing," the shop attendant nodded, accepting Harry's money.
"Have a good day," said Harry, leaving the store.
He really hoped Alan liked his gift.
xxx
Both Harry and Severus were extremely nervous come Christmas morning. Neither had ever put so much thought into one gift, and neither had ever wanted the receiver to like the gift as much as they did right now.
"Good morning," said Severus as he awoke and saw that Harry was already up.
"Good morning," Harry reciprocated, watching the other boy get out of bed.
There was a somewhat awkward silence. Severus broke it.
"I got you a gift."
"I got you one, too, but it's not here right now," said Harry, suddenly remembering the owl. "I'll be right back."
"You don't have to—" Severus began in vain, but Harry was already out the door.
xxx
Harry was halfway to the Owlery when he realized that he was still in his pajamas. Thankfully, not many people wandered the hallways on Christmas morning. When he reached his destination, the black owl was perched on a branch. She hooted when she saw Harry. Harry walked over and held out his arm for her to climb onto. Seeing Hedwig eyeing the new owl suspiciously, Harry walked over to his own owl and gently stroked her feathers.
"Don't worry, girl," he soothed. "She's a gift for Alan."
Hedwig nipped Harry's fingers in what he hoped was a gesture of acceptance. Giving Hedwig one final pat, Harry made his way back to the dormitory. Once there, he realized that he had no idea what to do with the owl. He couldn't wrap her, but what was he supposed to do with her? He couldn't hold out his arm and say "Surprise!" Could he?
Knowing that he had to do something, Harry opened the door and peeked inside. Alan looked up from his position on the bed when he heard the door open. A box lay on the bed beside him.
"Close your eyes," ordered Harry. He saw Alan raise his eyebrows and frowned. "Just do it," he half-ordered, half-begged.
xxx
Hearing the desperation in Harry's voice, Severus gave in and complied with his boyfriend's strange demand. He heard Harry shuffle into the room and fought the urge to open his eyes, even when he felt the other boy standing directly in front of him.
"Okay, you can open them," said Harry.
The first thing Severus noticed when he opened his eyes was that he was face-to-face with the most beautiful owl he had ever seen.
The second thing he noticed was that Harry looked incredibly nervous. He was biting his lower lip and shifting his weight from one foot to the other. Smiling in spite of himself at Harry's nervousness, Severus met Harry's eyes and sincerely said, "Thank you."
"Is she all right?" Harry asked. "I didn't know what to get you, and she was a really beautiful bird. Plus, I know you don't have one, and I figured this would make it easier for you to communicate with your uncle if you have to. You know, in case you need something from him or something. Besides, birds are really very—"
Severus shut him up with a kiss. Harry calmed down a bit. When he opened his eyes, he blushed.
"Sorry, I just wasn't sure if you'd like your gift."
"I love it," Severus informed him, stroking the bird to reiterate the sentiment. The owl nipped his fingers gently. Getting up, Severus opened the window and let the bird fly out. "I'll let her get comfortable in the Owlery. We can visit her later."
xxx
Harry nodded as he sat down on the end of his bed. Alan walked over to him and handed him his present. It was rather heavy. Taking his time, Harry opened the box.
"So you finally believe that I know how to read?" Harry asked, smiling as he looked over the books. He read the summaries and gasped.
"You shouldn't have…" muttered Harry breathlessly.
"I wanted to," countered Alan, seeing the shock and uncertainty in Harry's eyes. "Actually, I have a confession to make."
Harry looked up expectantly.
"That day you and I went to Hogsmeade, I watched you in the store. I wanted to see what you looked at when I wasn't looking. I was surprised to see you go into the homo-erotic section of the store, but I initially believed that you were just..." he searched for the right word, "curious.
"After you came out to your friends, I knew for a fact that you were indeed gay. But I also knew that you weren't comfortable enough yet to buy these books yourself. I don't know if you'll like them. I bought you ones that sounded interesting."
"I love them," said Harry sincerely, looking up at Alan. He lay the box down gently, got up, and wrapped his arms around Alan's neck. "Thank you so much!"
"You're welcome," the other boy beamed as he leaned down to kiss Harry, pleased that the young man liked his gift so much.
xxx
"I'm glad," said Severus, pulling away. As much as he loved holding Harry, he didn't want to get too used to it. He felt guilty for betraying Harry's trust. Pushing those thoughts from his mind, Severus suggested they go down to breakfast.
"Sounds good to me," agreed Harry. "But, this time, I'm going to change before I leave the dormitory."
xxx
Harry and Severus spent all day together. After breakfast, they headed up to the Owlery to visit Hedwig and the newly named Sauda (3). They walked around the castle for a while, admiring the snow-covered grounds, enjoying each others' company. Afterwards, the two changed into dry clothes and curled up in front of the fire.
xxx
Harry was confused. He knew that most guys his age were only concerned with sleeping with people. He also knew that he really liked Alan. Was Alan expecting something from him? He hadn't mentioned anything to Harry, but maybe he was. They had only been dating for about a month, but they had been friends for months before that. A lot of the guys he knew were upset if they had been dating someone for a couple weeks without "getting any." What if Alan was getting upset that he and Harry had only gone so far as kissing?
Making up his mind, Harry decided that he would show Alan that he was interested in moving things forward. Maybe they didn't even have to have sex. Maybe they could just…touch each other or something. Harry sighed. He didn't even know what to do. What if Alan laughed at him? What would he do?
Sighing and trying his best to remove all thoughts of doubt from his head, Harry leaned up and kissed Alan. The older boy immediately kissed back. Usually the two would kiss for a while, then Harry would relax into Alan and the two would stay in a comfortable position for a while before heading in.
Tonight, however, Harry didn't relax into Alan. Instead, he kept kissing and started trying to unbutton Alan's shirt.
xxx
Severus enjoyed kissing Harry, but when he felt Harry's hands start to unbutton his shirt, he knew things had to stop. As much as he wanted to have sex with Harry, he knew that Harry was a virgin. He didn't want Harry to regret his first time once he realized that Alan was really Severus, and he knew that he had to stop. He immediately drew back and stilled Harry's hands.
"What are you doing?"
xxx
Harry panicked when Alan tried to stop him. Alan didn't want to have sex with him? Maybe he just wanted to make sure that Harry wanted it, too. That had to be it.
"What does it look like I'm doing?" asked Harry, trying to sound sexy but ending up sounding scared.
"Harry, as much as I would love to continue," said Alan, trying to sound reassuring as he turned Harry down, "I don't think we should do this right now."
"Right," said Harry, getting as far away from Alan as he could and still remain on the couch.
"It's not that I don't want to," the other boy continued, trying to make sure Harry understood. "I just want to take things slowly, that's all."
Harry nodded. 'Take things slowly.' Right. Alan was just trying to make him feel better. He didn't want Harry that way; it was as simple as that. Harry felt tears start to prickle his eyes, and he immediately looked away so Alan wouldn't see them.
"I understand," mumbled Harry, feeling utterly humiliated. "You know, I'm kind of tired. I think I'll go to bed. I'll…I'll see you in the morning. Happy Christmas."
xxx
Severus sighed. Harry clearly didn't believe his excuse, but what more could he have said? He noticed the tears in Harry's eyes, but he knew that acknowledging them only would have made Harry feel worse. He wished Harry a happy Christmas as he watched the boy walk up to the dorm. Looking into the fire, Severus raked a hand through his hair. This was getting complicated – fast.
What was he going to do about Harry?
(1) Thanks, Neat, for the suggestion. I love it!
(2)A quick summary of the books Severus bought (yes, they really do exist:
"God in Flight" is about a student who falls in love with his teacher. Simion and Dori remind me so much of Harry and Sev sometimes. It has a lot of big words, but it's not a bad book.
"A Home at the End of the World" is about a gay guy, his female roommate, and his childhood friend. It was such a good book that it was made into a movie with Colin Ferrell (sp?) as the childhood friend.
"The Nightrunner" series I haven't read but it was metioned in redrum's "Animula," so I looked it up. It sounded vaguely interesting (though clearly not enough for me to go and buy it). (3) Sauda-Swahili for "Dark Beauty." Thanks to twisty3456 for suggesting this.
Note: Thanks to everyone who's stuck with me this far. I'm going to try to get as much of the story posted tonight as I can, but I still have other (school-related) stuff that I have to do. I promise that I'll update soon, though. Please review and tell me what you think!