Title: One Stupid Person
Author: quixotic-hope
Rating: M (just to make sure, but it's more like T)
Pairing: Harry/Sev (of course)
Genres: Romance, angst, fluff
Beta: Molvanian Queen-In-Exile
Summary: Sev de-ages himself to spy on Harry and ends up falling in love with him instead.
Chapter 12: Stop Pretending
How could he have been so stupid as to believe that he had a chance to be loved? Now that he knew that Alan was really Snape, Harry knew that it had all been a huge act to trick him into trusting the "new student."
He was probably laughing at me the entire time, thought Harry sadly.
The more he thought about it, the more Harry began to wonder how much of the past four months had been Dumbledore's idea. As much as Harry distrusted the Headmaster right now, he still didn't believe that Dumbledore would deliberately hurt him. Therefore, he was almost positive that the idea to pretend to date him had been Snape's.
Suddenly, he heard the sound of someone's walking in the snow. Turning around, he saw Alan—Professor Snape, he reminded himself—walking his way. Groaning, Harry pulled his knees to his chest and tried to make himself as small as possible.
xxx
Severus watched as Harry shrank into himself when he saw him and immediately felt guilty again. Noticing the younger man shivering in the cold, Severus conjured up a heavy cloak and draped it across Harry's shoulders.
Xxx
"No thanks," said Harry stubbornly, pushing the cloak off. As much as he wanted warmth, he didn't want help from the man who had tricked him for four months.
"Harry, I—"
"Which did you want to do more," asked Harry, cutting Severus off, "humiliate me or hurt me?"
"Harry, what are you—"
"Or maybe you wanted to do both," mused Harry, not really listening to Severus.
"What makes you believe I wanted to do either?" asked Severus.
"Well," said Harry, trying and failing to sound indifferent, "clearly you don't really lo-have any romantic feelings more me. You must have either been trying to hurt me or humiliate me by making me believe that you did."
xxx
"Did it ever occur to you," said Severus slowly, trying to follow Harry's reasoning, "that maybe I do have romantic feelings for you?"
Harry tried to scoff, but it came out more like a whimper. "Yeah, right. I know you were just laughing at me. I'm not completely stupid, whatever you may think."
"I don't think you're completely stupid," said Severus honestly. "Well, at least not anymore. Harry, you have to believe that I never meant to hurt you—"
"Oh, so it was just good, old-fashioned humiliation then," Harry interrupted again. "I had a feeling that was it."
"Harry, I didn't want to humiliate you, either," insisted Severus.
"Look, I heard Dumbledore, all right? Even if you didn't set out to hurt or humiliate me, you only kissed me because Dumbledore told you to keep an eye on me."
"That's right, he did tell me to keep an eye on you," conceded Severus, "but he never told me to kiss you. That was my doing alone, and I did it because I wanted to, not because I was out for revenge of some sort."
"I doubt it," mumbled Harry, still feeling too hurt and betrayed to look Severus in the eye.
"Harry, I admit that at first I simply wanted to gain your trust so you would tell me what it was that was wrong with you. From there, I could tell Dumbledore, and he would return me to my body. I'm sure you remember when we first met, and I was even more of an ass that day than usual."
Harry nodded so lightly that Severus nearly missed it because of the darkness.
"But Harry, you changed my opinion. When I began this ordeal, I believed that you were a spoiled, selfish, arrogant younger version of your father. However, everything changed when I started talking to you, and I found that you were actually funny, giving, and intelligent. You gave up your free time to help others. You didn't pick a fight with Malfoy when you could have. You thanked me for insulting your friends."
Harry laughed a little in spite of himself. Severus smiled.
"Harry, I meant to hurry up and get back to my life as soon as possible. But then I got to know the real you, and I fell in love with the young man you turned out to be."
xxx
Harry's eyes filled with a fresh set of tears. He wanted to believe Severus so badly, but how could what he was saying be true?
xxx
Severus knew that Harry was hurting and hated himself for causing those doubts and insecurities.
"I know I should have told you who I really was before I kissed you," admitted Severus, "but I was afraid that you liked Alan, and I didn't want to lose you by telling you who I was. I should have been honest with you, and I apologize."
xxx
Had Harry grown up watching TV shows and movies, he would have realized that Severus was saying the same type of things that were prevalent in movies such as She's All That, 10 Things I Hate About You, and Not Another Teen Movie. Fortunately for Harry, the Dursleys had never allowed him to watch movies, so Severus' words were completely new and not at all corny or cliché, and therefore he thought them much more sincere than another Muggle-born his age might have.
But now Harry was confused. He wanted to believe Severus, but he'd been lied to before. Maybe all this was simply a ploy to get him back in Harry's good graces because Dumbledore still hadn't found out what was bothering the Boy-Who-Was-Supposed-To-Stay-Healthy-And-Strong-To-Defeat-The-Sodding-Dark-Lord (1).
xxx
"I'm not doing this because Dumbledore wanted me to," said Severus, knowing what Harry was thinking. "He would have been content with our simply being friends. I'm saying this because I truly care about you. I think we should start over, and we should each be honest with the other. What do you think of that?"
xxx
Harry thought a moment. Should he believe Severus? He really, really, really wanted to. Six months ago he had been in love with Severus. Then he had met Alan, and Harry knew that he had started to fall in love with him. Now Alan turned out to be Severus. Harry was so confused.
"I need some time to think about it," said Harry finally.
xxx
"Of course," agreed Severus, glad that Harry hadn't rejected him yet. "Take all the time you need."
They sat in an uncomfortable silence for a few moments.
"We should go back inside," said Severus.
"I'd prefer to stay out here for a while," said Harry. "Alone."
"You're not supposed to be out here past curfew…"
"Neither are you."
"Cheeky brat," Severus laughed, easing some of the tension. "If you're not back in that dorm in an hour, I'm going to physically drag you back there myself."
"Thanks for the warning," replied Harry dully.
Severus gave Harry one last thoughtful glance before turning and walking back up to the castle. He knew he shouldn't allow Harry to remain outside in the cold, alone, in the dead of night, but he also knew that he had hurt Harry a lot in the last hour, and he didn't feel that he had any right to tell Harry what to do.
xxx
Once Severus had left, Harry leaned forward, grabbed the cloak that Severus had conjured for him, and pulled it around himself.
(1)Thanks, Neat, for this title. I still love it.
Author's Note:
Thanks so much to everyone who has taken the time to review this story. There's only one chapter left to go!