A Practical Guide to Massacre
Disclaimer: I do not own the revenge of the Sith Lords over this battered galaxy, the plagues they have unleashed, or any practical and impractical guides to make evil.
"Lo and Behold, I have brought peace to the Empire." Dread Empress Massacre, after ordering the Burning of Okoro.
Nineteen years before the Battle of Yavin
Mustafar
Klegger Corp Mining Facility
"I have dealt with the Separatist leaders, my Master," the last two words were not easy to articulate, though Darth Vader had had plenty of occasions to become used to it these last days.
"Then it is over," the holo-representation of Palpatine – of Darth Sidious – newly proclaimed Galactic Emperor spoke solemnly, "you have restored peace and justice in the galaxy. Well done, Lord Vader."
The smirk which came after was filled with vengeful satisfaction, an emotion the destroyer of the Separatist Council shared. After spending years in worry of what the Neimodians and their greedy allies would do to the Republic if they smashed apart the defences blocking their way to the Core Worlds, after the Battle of Coruscant – whose victory had been paid in millions of casualties – after the blood and quadrillions of deaths, after Jabiim and Geonosis...it was over.
The Separatists had lost, and the cruelty and the atrocities they had committed because no one was powerful enough to stop them were going to be repaid in full.
"Send a message to the remaining flagships of the Separatist fleets." The most powerful politician of the known galaxy commanded. "Now that the command codes of their battle-droids are in our hands, their only choices are surrender or death. I am willing to give them twelve standard hours to begin the dismantlement of their droid forces and the release of their capital ships into our custody. Past that delay, the circumstances will be...regrettable for them."
"I will transmit the message, my Master."
And with great pleasure, he didn't add as the holo-communication ended. It had been a pleasure to terminate this vermin of Nute Gunray and his friends. Their fear had been so powerful after he had drawn it and begun to cut down the first of these alien parasites. But for all their influence and power, Vader knew there were many, many more Neimodians and other non-humans who had supported the massive armament programs destined to slaughter billions of clones, many of whom served and died under his watch.
Yes, the lack of control among these megacorporations had been a massive problem. There was a time when many humans had been able to decide at the top, but since before Naboo, there had only been Neimodians, Geonosians, and allies which managed the feat of being repulsive than them.
If he had his say, Vader wasn't going to give them a future in the New Empire rising from the ashes the incompetence of the bureaucrats and the meekness and the betrayals of the Jedi had allowed to fester for too long.
And suddenly his thoughts were broken as an abandoned console beeped, and red-lighted screens showed the familiar shape of a Nabooian-built yacht descending into the red and black atmosphere of Mustafar.
"Padme." When Anakin had revealed to her where he was going under the orders of the Supreme Chancellor – now Emperor – it had not been his intention to see his wife go anywhere near this volcanic world. In fact, it had been his intention for her to not go anywhere near a warzone, and preferably stay at Coruscant where excellent medical-tech was everywhere and the Separatist could be considered minimal now that Grievous' offensive had near-null chances of repeating itself.
One thing was sure: it was absolutely not his intention to watch her come in what had been until today a Separatist base.
But she was here. This Nabooian yacht had been produced in reduced numbers thanks to the war screwing up everything, and most of them were flying in the Core, or were used by various policy-makers who had no clue he had been sent to Mustafar. Yes, he had researched the technical data and the specifics of these hulls more than a decade ago. Enough to know that of the hundred or so starships produced, the one of his wife was only surpassed in speed and technology by the one owned by the current Queen of Naboo.
The General of the 501st Legion began to run. It wasn't a good sign by any means Padme was here, but he could salvage the situation.
At any rate, any possibility it might not be his wife in this starship was broken as the boarding ramp was lowered and the Senator of Naboo appeared at the top of it.
She was magnificent. Her long black cloak hid most of the signs she was pregnant, and her posture and bearing were those of a Queen – her home planet should have kept her on the throne for this alone, in his biased opinion.
Yet what gave him pause as he arrived on the landing platform was how deliberately slowly she had chosen to leave her yacht, giving the two guards in blue armour of the Senatorial Guard the time to place themselves at each extremity of the ramp.
And as she showed no sign to jump in his arms, Anakin knew instinctively he was in big, big trouble.
"Padme, this is not-"
"Anakin."
The voice of his wife had gained an edge of coldness he had rarely heard her use, safe when she berated on the Senate's floor some imbecilic politician defending a position she abhorred.
"Did you remember I am sitting on the Senate Intelligence Oversight Committee?"
What did it have to do with-
Oh no, no.
"Did you really think I wasn't going to discover your little killings inside the Jedi Temple and across Separatist Space?" His wife asked drawing a holo-recorder from one of her cloak's pockets and revealing an image of him cutting down some Jedi Padawan.
"Padme, I did this to bring an end to this war-"
His black-haired wife suddenly walked towards him and struck without warning.
SLAP!
"Do you think I care about that?" The former Nabooian Queen hissed. "I don't care if you slew ten thousand or a million Jedi in the Temple chambers! I don't care if you want to slaughter a few tribes of Sand People every month! Men are men, and you aren't good to master your urges."
Err...what? She wasn't unhappy about him massacring children or Separatist by surprise? But then-
SLAP!
Suddenly, his left cheek was feeling the same pain his right cheek had experienced moments before.
"What I care," Padme hissed, and for all her eyes weren't the yellow of Darth Sidious, Anakin felt the unpleasant emotion of fear in his veins, "is that I am your wife, the mother of your children, the other half you have sworn yourself to until death tears us apart, and yet, you follow the orders of Palpatine like a mind-wiped droid without asking for my opinion on the subject!"
"Padme, this was the best solution-"
"Anakin." His first name uttered like this was like a glacial shower. "Who is the politician of our couple? You or me?"
"You," the new Sith Apprentice grunted reluctantly.
"Then don't go tell me you have found the best solution of a thousand when your little killing-spree has placed in putting us on the hit-list of millions of potential assassins!"
"Assassins?" he repeated blandly.
"You slaughtered Nute Gunray and his allies without jamming their communications or even bothering to switch down their communicators before you ran your lightsaber through them," Padme informed him with an expression which was tiredness mixed with exasperation. "Given that you didn't bother wearing a helmet or use any method to disguise your identity, do you really expect the entirety of Separatist Space is going to be very happy knowing the legendary Anakin Skywalker has deactivated their droid armies and made sure this war is lost for them?"
In hindsight, maybe his decisions to not use anything save his black cloak to cover his head had not...been his best idea.
"I already had to use my agents inside the Republican fleets to send several squadrons against Separatist communication relays to stop the spreading of this information as fast as possible in order to limit the potential damage," the Senator of the Republic-turned-Empire affirmed. "If I wasn't pregnant, dispatching so many assassins wouldn't be a problem, but I prefer to keep this level of opposition far away as long as our children aren't of teenage age."
"You see-"
"Be quiet." His rage disappeared, and his jaw clacked, neutralised by something icy and powerful...something which felt like the Dark Side but was not the Dark Side. "I exhausted myself running from fire to fire trying to clean up your messes. Fortunately for you, I was the one who arrived first in the Jedi Temple Archives, not Obi-Wan, Yoda, or Palpatine."
"Obi-Wan is alive?" Whatever force was keeping him silent, it was insufficient to hold as felt once again his rage and his anger power up. His former Master had surely been well-versed in the plot to overthrow the Chancellor and-
SLAP!
"Focus, husband," the smile of Padme was so stern he took a step back. "Unless, of course, you want to be banned from our marital bed for several years and discover the joys of sexual abstinence."
Anakin shuddered.
"Padme, I realise I've screwed up. But we don't need to hide our relationship anymore! I am the second most powerful man of the Republic! I can overthrow the Chancellor and we will rule the galaxy together!"
"No, certainly not."
"Padme?"
"Anakin, don't misunderstand me, you are a genius on the battlefield, but in politics...well, I would prefer to nominate a Gungan as Supreme Chancellor."
The newly acclaimed Sith known as Darth Vader gaped, unable to react vocally to the insult.
"You are a proficient Force-user, and an expert in lightsaber fighting. But in politics, you would be a disaster. Your suggestion to kill Palpatine betrays your monumental incomprehension of how the Senate works. Right now, so many citizen privileges have been cancelled and so many security laws have been passed to empower the Supreme Chancellor that our new Emperor is the Senate in every way that matters. End his life, and the newborn Empire he is trying to create will not last the year."
"But..."
"I have pledged my allegiance to him and joined his Centrists, of course," his wife continued, deliberately ignoring him. "I have excellent hopes that in five to six years, I will be able to rise sufficiently above the other challengers to be recognised as his political successor."
"There are too many bureaucrats who will oppose you!"
"Anakin." Padme gave him one of his most charming smiles. "I did not arrive at a score of ninety-nine percent of popularity representing the Chommell Sector without removing a few loudmouths and burying the bodies very deeply. The difference between I and you, however, is that I'm good at cleaning my messes after I release some of my frustration."
The female Senator clicked her fingers.
"Palpatine is too important right now for the stability of the Empire. Of course he's old, and we are young. Assuming you come to me before committing more stupidities, we may be able to turn this to our advantage."
"He...wants...he wants my help to find immortality. He said together we could prevent death from..."
Padme looked at him with a pitying expression, and Anakin Skywalker, Fearless Hero, Chosen One, and owner of a thousand more titles, knew deep in his guts he had been a puppet in service of his new 'Master'.
Of course now his wife was giving the orders so in the last minutes he had only been trading away an ugly master for a beautiful mistress.
"Kneel."His wife ordered, and his body obeyed before he truly understood what was going on. "No more mistakes. No more improvised massacres. No more stupidities of keeping secrets from me. From today and for the rest of your life, I am your Empress. If you follow my orders you will have the galactic realm you seem so fond of. If you don't...I am soon going to give birth to my children, so don't think I will have any qualms keeping you sleeping on the couch for several years."
Anakin winced and decided he really, really wanted to avoid a future like the one Padme was describing.
Lights and the familiar sound of a starfighter descending towards the mining complex of Mustafar manifested themselves. And the Force told him there was a familiar presence aboard it.
"Obi-Wan."
"It seems the inventive course plotted by my navigation computers weren't enough to fool him," the Senator of Naboo agreed. "Idiot, I would have ignored him if he crawled into a hole and removed himself from galactic affairs."
Implacable eyes stared at him.
"I am returning to Coruscant. Fight him, and this time make sure the job is done. I am not in the mood to tolerate more stupidity today, and the lava environment is not one which allows for the kind of mistakes your power-thirst led you to commit."
"Yes, Padme."
"A Massacre is not necessary bad to stabilise an Empire, husband. But the Massacre has to remain the means, not the end. And you have to be a good judge of your strength. True Invincibility doesn't exist, and power is a fickle mistress."
Anakin almost sighed in relief as the Nabooian yacht departed and Obi-Wan advanced lightsaber in hand. Compared to facing his wife, this duel against the Negotiator was not looking that terrible...
Author's note: Will Anakin manage to change history, or will he discover the 'joys' of being on the bad side of a former Dread Empress renowned for purging violently her opponents?
Sidious, needless to say, should also tremble; beware the fury of an angered wife, dear Sith Lord...
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www. alternatehistory forum /threads /an-impractical-guide-to-the-force .499018/
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archiveofourown works /27421807 /chapters /67028977