Focus, partner.
I've been focusing for the past three hours. It hasn't exactly done us a lot of good.
You need to unlock the balance breaker. I do not care if you are required to sit here for three weeks straight; you will do it.
Seriously, what is so important about the balance breaker? I get that it is an incredible power boost, but from everything I know about Sacred Gears, which is quite a lot given that I used to work under the world's foremost expert on the things, achieving a balance breaker requires a drastic event that shifts your character. Given that I'm not Boudha, sitting in a room isn't going to do that.
It is imperative that you unlock the Scale Mail as soon as possible.
You're still dodging the question. Why is it so important for me to figure this out right now?
Because our enemies close in around us, stupid boy! The Satan Beelzebub and the Archfallen Azazel are both coming for us. Your current power is insufficient to defend against one of them, let alone both!
Alright! I get it. We need the Scale Mail as soon as we can get it, but that doesn't change the fact that sitting in this room isn't going to unlock it. I need to go through something jarring enough to trigger the change.
Then seek out changing experiences. Mate with the cat if you must; that should be jarring enough. Just. Unlock. The balance breaker!
I get it! I'll go try to shock my system enough to unlock the damn balance breaker.
Standing up from my meditative trance, I stormed from my room as I tried to think of a way to cause myself enough of a crisis to unlock my balance breaker. Ddraig wouldn't shut up about it and it was getting infuriating. At this point, I was starting to think he was pestering me so much because he was hoping I'd snap at him and unlock it that way.
Or he was just a bastard. It was hard to tell really.
As I walked, I started thinking of things about myself that could change to unlock a balance breaker. I was paranoid to a fault and wanted as much power and information as possible, but I didn't want to change either of those things. It wasn't like I could just give away my….
My eyes trailed down to the mithril bracer gleaming on my wrist.
I really didn't want to.
That makes it perfect. Do it.
Screw you.
Holding in a thousand curses against gods, devils and dragons, I pulled my bracer off my wrist and stormed through the manor. After walking through the first two rooms, a small ember of hope began to blossom in me. If I wasn't able to find them then-
Take the next right, then the third left.
Eat shit and die.
Unlock the balance breaker!
Grudgingly following Ddraig's instructions, I came to a small study I'd never been in before.
Arthur was sitting behind a large desk writing something with a quill while Le Fay lounged in a velvet chair with a magical tome. Arthur looked up as I entered.
"Xarion, is there something we can help you with?" he said as he put whatever he was working on aside and stood from his chair to greet me.
"Well, I was just…."
Do it! We need the balance breaker!
Fuck you and the principle of domination!
Before I could turn around and leave the room, I held my bracer up. "I've figured out a way to pay you for letting me stay here."
Arthur tilted his head curiously as he studied the bracer. "It is beautiful. I am sure we could find a display case to put it in."
He wants to put it on the goddamn mantle!
Good! The more it infuriates you, the better it is!
Fuck!
Yes!
Le Fay, having looked up from her book at the commotion stood up to inspect the bracer as well. "Wow. It is really beautiful. I wonder if…" She trailed off as her eyes shot wide. "I-I…. Bwa…. W-we can't accept this!"
There! She said no. Now we can-
Do you want the balance breaker or not!
But it's mine!
Too bad. Once you unlock the balance breaker, you can duel her for it and see it returned. Think of it as extra motivation.
"Le Fay?" Arthur said, completely oblivious to what I was holding in my hand. "What is wrong?"
"That…. It…. It's a spell focus. It duplicates any spell cast through it." she said, stumbling over the words, her gaze transfixed on the bracer.
Arthur's eyes widened behind his spectacles and he looked at the bracer in a new light. "Truly?"
"It only duplicates single target spells, and even then only once every seven seconds, but yes. That is what it does." I said, using all of my discipline training to not snap at the siblings. It wasn't their fault I was too attached to a creation I'd only ever used once. It just…. It was my first successful big project, ya know?
"I…. I believe Le Fay is correct. We cannot accept this." Arthur said, as chivalrous as his name would imply.
"I insist." I managed to say without hissing. This was physically painful for me. "Both of you have been good to me, and I've been eating your food. I don't use this anymore because Boosted Gear outclasses it in every way, so it should go to a home that will see it used."
Arthur and Le Fay locked gazes, and even though I didn't feel the presence of any mental magic, I could tell they were conversing, albeit silently. Eventually, Arthur straightened his back and returned his gaze to me.
"If you are certain, then we would be most grateful to accept this gift."
"I'm sure." I said, even though I was the exact opposite. I held the bracer up to Arthur, and forcefully relaxed my fingers as he took my first creation from me.
Oh, Ddraig?
Yes, partner?
It didn't fucking work!
No, but you've lost your cool. That rarely happens. Now we just need to compound the problem. It's time for you to mate with the cat.
Are you shitting me right now?
Most teenagers would jump at the chance to increase their power through sex. The fact that you don't is just another avenue we can exploit to awaken the balance breaker. Now excuse yourself and go screw the cat.
Seething underneath my skin, but not allowing any of it to show outwardly, I smiled at the siblings and said, "Well, that was all. To equip it just channel your mana through it and the silver will lock it into place around your arm. Now, if you will excuse me, I am going to train."
"If I may, Xarion?" Arthur said, stopping me as I was about to walk through the door. "How did you acquire such an artifact?"
Smiling, I proudly said, "I made it. See to it that you use it well." I left without another word.
As I walked away, I caught a faint, "I will!" as Le Fay assured me the bracer would see use.
I hate this. I hate everything about this.
Good. Gooood! Let the hate flow through you!
You did not just reference fucking Star Wars from my memories!
Hey, I'm just trying to piss you off even more so you unlock the balance breaker faster. I'm helping you here.
Ignoring Ddraig, I stormed through the manor, searching for Kuroka. After close to five minutes of searching, I found her laying on a bed of several blankets situated on the front porch of the manor.
"Xarion?" she said drowsily as she rubbed her eyes. "What's going on?"
I stared at her for a solid six seconds, wondering if I was seriously doing this.
Just man up and ask her to fuck you already! The longer this takes, the worse it will be for you! Wait, on second thought, keep standing here awkwardly staring at her for at least another minute, then ask her to fuck you. We need to maximize your suffering.
I hate you, Ddraig.
You'll thank me when you unlock the balance breaker and sprout wings. Now keep awkwardly staring!
"Xarion?"
Inhaling to help me maintain my composure, I said, "You want strong children, right? Well I happen to be the Red Dragon Emperor, a necromancer and a powerful illusionist. If you want strong kids, I'm willing to help you, so let's get to it."
No! You were supposed to keep staring for another forty-eight seconds!
Ddraig, I will force us both to remember the Blind Eternities if you don't shut the fuck up!
Shutting up.
Smart dragon.
Wow, maybe Ddraig's insane plan was actually working. If I was pissed enough to willingly subject myself to that torture just to spite Ddraig then I may be closer to unlocking the balance breaker than I thought. I just had to keep this up.
See? Helping!
Blind. Eternities.
Shutting back up.
"Xarion, what did you just say?" Kuroka said, as if she was trying to figure out if she was still dreaming or not.
"I said that if you want strong kids now's your chance. We can go to my room. Or to your room. Hell, we could even do it right here if you wanted. Let's just get to it."
Kuroka tilted her head at a weird angle, then randomly brought her hand up to slap herself in the face. "Ow!" she cried as she cradled a red handprint on her face. She looked back up at me in shock and said, "I'm not dreaming?"
"No. You are not dreaming. So are you ready to do this or not?"
Kuroka's slitted eyes narrowed at me as she stalked closer. She sniffed the air and frowned. "You're angry. And Sad. What's going on, Xarion?"
"Sex prefferably." I said to dodge the question. "So your room or mine?"
"Xarion, I can smell and sense arousal. You do not want to have sex with me, so tell me what is going on." she said from behind narrowed eyes and in a serious tone.
Boosted Gear materialized around my arm at Ddraig's prompting and he began to speak. "Woman, you couldn't keep your hands to yourself yesterday and now you give a shit what Xarion wants? Stop looking a gift horse in the mouth and just fuck him!"
Kuroka's eyes widened as she looked up at me from the gauntlet. "He's forcing you to do this. Why?"
"Does it really matter?" I said, raising an eyebrow at her. "Whatever it takes, right? Considering all it takes is not asking questions, that's a pretty good deal."
Kuroka stared hard at me, then stood up to wrap her arms around me.
Finally. Let's just get this over with.
I dismissed Boosted Gear and wrapped my arms around her, returning the hug. I was about to lean back to kiss her when she spoke.
"No."
"No?" I echoed, shocked.
"No." she said again. "Not like this. We're going to lay down while fully clothed and you're going to tell me what is wrong."
Abort! She's trying to rid us of our hard earned rage! Get out of there, partner!
"Kuroka, if now's not a good time just say so, but you're really screwing things up right now. I need to-"
"No." she said as her arms locked themselves around me. "You're not going anywhere. I'm going to keep squeezing you so you can't escape; invisible or no."
"Kuroka, please let me go. I need to-"
"No." she said for the fourth time as she started dragging me down to her bed of blankets.
Extraction Plan Zulu, partner! Exfil! Exfil!
What the hell is Extraction Plan Zulu?
Running!
Seeing only one way to get out from Kuroka's grip without pulling out Boosted Gear and wrecking the porch, I conjured an illusion within arms reach of me and snapped my fingers as Kuroka pulled me down. The illusion and I swapped places, and I took off running across the grass.
Well done, partner! Now we just need to find something else to…. Why are you slowing down?
My legs started to feel as if they weighed a hundred pounds each, and any movement at all was like trying to swim through molasses.
"What's….happening?"
"I used youjutsu to put you to sleep." Kuroka said as she walked up towards my slowly collapsing form. "We'll talk when you wake up."
Partner! You need to listen to me! Use this! Let it trigger the balance break-
Kuroka caught me as I fell forward, asleep the moment her arms wrapped around me.
XXX
I woke up on the most comfortable pillow I'd ever felt. I felt warm and safe and something was gently rubbing my forehead; this was amazing.
Opening my eyes, all of my muscles instantly tensed. "Kuroka?" I said.
"Yes, Xarion?"
"Why is my head in your lap?"
She frowned down at me, her hand stilling against my forehead as she said, "I didn't take advantage of you if that's what you're asking. I just didn't have an extra pillow for you, so I let you use me!" she finished with a glowing smile.
She's bewitched you, partner! Her smile is not glowing; it is the work of a witch! You need to-
Ddraig, the jig is up. We lost all our progress and I don't have the energy to deal with you trying to incite my rage again. Just let it go for now. Please?
…..Fine. But this isn't over!
"You seem a lot more comfortable now, so do you want to talk about what was going on?" Kuroka said as she began rubbing my forehead again.
"Well I-" I was cut off as my attempt to stand up was thwarted by Kuroka pressing my head down into her lap.
"Don't try running again. I've already got you tagged with another sleep charm. You're going to stay right there until you tell me everything."
Cringing slightly, I said, "You really don't want to hear everything." No one wanted to hear that someone was planning to have sex with them solely to jar them into unlocking their Sacred Gear's balance breaker, even if the person saying that was someone you saw as little more than a sperm dispensary.
"Everything." Kuroka said, leaning over me to glare at me.
Sighing, I said, "Fine, but you're not allowed to cut open my throat with your claws."
She started rubbing my forehead again, a content humming escaping her lips. "So? What caused you to suddenly change your mind about having kittens with me?"
"Ddraig was trying to force me to unlock my balance breaker." I said, ready to summon an illusion to swap with, then use Boosted Gear to power through her sleep charm when she tried to gut me.
Once more, Kuroka's hand froze on my forehead. She looked straight ahead of her, refusing to meet my eyes. "You thought it would be so bad you would unlock your Boosted Gear's scale mail?" she said with a faint quiver in her voice. I could see a faint pool of moisture gathering at the edge of her eye.
The one thing worse than her trying to kill me; she was crying.
"The act itself? No." I quickly said. "I enjoy sex as much as the next guy, but that's not what you wanted. You've made it pretty clear you want someone to get you pregnant so you can go off and raise your 'kittens' without anyone else around. The idea of abandoning my kids like that, or worse, letting someone take them, infuriates me. Walking away knowing I'd be abandoning any child you had would've been what triggered it." I wasn't sure why I was trying to comfort her. A short while ago she tried to mount me in my room without my consent. Why did I suddenly care about her feelings?
"That isn't what I want at all." she said quietly.
"What? But I saw…." I trailed off, running over the image I'd seen in her mind when I asked her what she wanted from me.
Kuroka had pictured herself laying on a large bed with two daughters and a son sleeping around her, all of them with feline ears and tails just like her, though only the boy's feline features were black. One of her daughters had yellow ears and a tail, and the second girl had red ears and a tail. She was lying alone with her family, a happy smile on her face.
Family.
"You don't want kids." I said, realizing my mistake. "You want a family."
A single tear escaped Kuroka's eye as she shallowly nodded.
"I owe you an apology, Kuroka." I said. "I'm sorry. I have been through a lot in a very short time frame, and while that isn't an excuse, it has taken a toll on me. If you need space, I understand. I'll leave you be."
Kuroka was silent for several seconds, just staring out at the shimmering barrier at the far edge of the Pendragon's estate. After what felt like forever, her hand began to rub against my forehead again. "I forgive you." she said, her voice still quiet. "Why did you think I would abandon you?"
"I'm not an illusionist; at least not like you know them." I said, knowing I owed her an explanation. "Where I come from, we're called mind mages. As the name implies, I can influence and interact with the mind. I asked you what you wanted from me to force you to subconsciously think of the truth and saw an image of you lying on a bed with three children; a boy with ears the same color as yours and two girls, one with red ears and one yellow. I didn't see myself anywhere in that picture. I interpreted the different colorings to mean you wanted to have children with as many powerful men as possible and then take them off to raise on your own, forgetting the man as soon as you were out of his bed."
"And you have abandonment issues because you were an orphan. When you thought I would toss you aside, you were disgusted with me." Kuroka said, putting the pieces together.
"Yes. Admittedly, I rely far too much on my mental magic when interacting with people. Hell, that's probably why Vali is my only friend. Albion kicks me out of his head whenever I stick around too long and outright stops me from reading him unless he allows it. I had to do the whole friendship thing the old fashioned way with Vali.
"And just for the record, 'orphan' is an understatement. My parents abandoned me in a cold alley a day or two after I was born. Some random passerby found me and brought me to an orphanage that kicked me out when I was four because they didn't have enough room to keep kids that had a chance to fend for themselves. I then spent the next decade of my life nearly dying everyday while I watched the few friends I'd made die in horrific trials, sometimes as a direct result of my actions because only a certain number of us were allowed to live through them. Maybe that's why I'm shit at socializing?" Why was I telling her all of this? I hadn't even told Vali this much. Was she using some funky youjutsu trick to get me to open up?
Kuroka finally looked back down at me, her eyes heavy with pity as she said, "What horrible place would subject children to something like that?"
"One that didn't really have a choice. There were far too many people and far too few resources." I said without really answering her question. "Regardless, they made me into the powerhouse I am, so I guess I should thank them."
"No." Kuroka denied, fury lacing her voice. "Do not thank them. If my people were still alive, I would not have my power. If I had not been turned into a glorified sex toy, I would not have my power. If I had not become the Underwold's most wanted criminal, I would not have my power. Do not thank the monsters that made you what you are. I would gladly give up all I have become to have everything back; to have my family back." She was breathing heavily when she finally stopped talking, her teeth grinding together as she struggled to control herself.
"Are you okay?" I said, knowing it was a stupid question but not knowing what else to say.
She took a deep breath and managed to relax a little, but it was plain to see she was still shaken. "I'll be alright."
Almost absentmindedly, she began to rub my forehead again, I wasn't sure if she even realized she was doing it.
"That image you saw? Of me with those kittens? That's the only thing that's kept me going." she said, her gaze focused on some far off point as she quietly continued. "When I was still…. When the bastard still had me, I created that image in my mind so I could hold onto myself - to give myself a reason to keep going. I was going to get out of there, and I was going to be a mother. I was going to help my race come back from the edge of extinction. That one thought has kept me going this whole time. Any moment where I've fallen to despair or been cornered by a devil bounty hunter team, I remember that image and do everything I can to make it a reality. I lost my family and everyone else I ever cared for. I won't let anyone take my future family from me."
"I guess that's where we're different." I said once she'd finished talking. "You fight for those close to you, even if they haven't been born yet, because you want to restore what you lost. I just fight for myself; because I've never had anyone close enough to me that when I lost them it shook me. Even those friends I mentioned earlier? They only classify as friends in my mind because we shared food with each other and talked before lights out. I have no way to comprehend where you're coming from because I've never lost anyone like that."
It was true. The closest thing would be my family from my first life, but, barring any tragedies, they should all still be alive. I hadn't had my entire species slaughtered before my eyes, so I had no frame of reference to use to measure what Kuroka was going through.
"So while you remake your family, I'll just keep being me." I said unprompted, not knowing why I was still talking. "You'll find happiness again, and I'll just keep doing what I've always done; survive."
"You don't have to." Kuroka said, placing her hand against my cheek to force me to meet her eyes. "We could be happy together."
I smiled up at her and said, "It's a nice image; a really nice image, but it wouldn't work. I don't know how to interact with people without using mind magic. Add onto that all my other issues, and it would be unhealthy for you and your kids. You've been through enough. Find someone who can actually make you happy. You deserve it."
"And you don't? You haven't been through enough, yet?"
I looked past her to stare up at the sky and said, "I'm not cut out to be a dad." Turning my gaze back to her, I said, "But you'll be one hell of a mom. Just make sure you don't pick an asshole to be the father."
"I haven't." she said as she closed her eyes, lifting my head as she leaned down to capture my lips with her own in an action that surprised me. The feeling of her lips moving against mine felt good; really good.
Without really realizing what I was doing, I shifted to my knees and wrapped my arms around her, pulling her closer as I prodded at her lips with my tongue.
Her mouth parted in invitation as she laid back, dragging me with her from where her supernaturally strong hands gripped my shoulders. My tongue delved into her mouth as I fell on top of her. I felt her legs and tails wrap around me as she started tugging at my shirt in irritation.
Her hands slid around to my front and came to rest at the waist of my pants. She started undoing my belt and-
A flash of brown hair.
The woman smirked at me as she leaned over my bleeding form. "Poor, stupid boy. Who could ever love you?" With a parting kick to the wound she'd opened in my gut, she turned around and-
"Stop!" I cried as I pulled myself off of Kuroka. "This is…. No. You shouldn't…. I can't…." I couldn't do this. Not again. I was enjoying it; immensely so, and that was part of the problem. I needed to get away from here. I needed to think. "I'm sorry. I just-"
Kuroka sat up quickly and put a finger against my lips. "Don't apologize. It's okay. I'm sorry I pushed you. If you need to go, go, but you can stay, too. I promise I won't try anything. I just want to cuddle."
That sounded really nice. And that was precisely why it terrified me.
"I'm sorry. I need to go." I stood without another word and fled into the house.
I don't get you, partner. Why would you turn her down after you found out she-
Ddraig. Not. Now.
Got it.
Quickly ascending the stairs, I locked the door to my room behind me and fell onto the bed.
That was…. I needed literally anything else to focus on.
Pulling on my connection to the various spirits I had positioned around the plane, I lost myself in my spy network, successfully forgetting what had just happened. For now, at least.