The dreams are always the same.
He's sitting on the grass at the foot of the Black Lake, staring up at Hogwarts in all her glory, and thinking of going to see James later and ask him for his Defense Against the Dark Arts homework.
"Remus."
Then he looks up and there's Sirius, but he's older, and then so is Remus. But they're still at the lake, and Sirius sits down beside him, looking so much more alive than he had in the last five years Remus had known him.
"Sirius?"
Sirius always smiles, takes his hand, and squeezes just once before letting go.
"What was it like?"
"What was...?"
Sirius's eyes are on him, not smiling now and angry enough that Remus has to look away.
"I..."
"Did you love him?"
He can barely breathe, and there's Sirius's hand again, his lips on Remus's neck and he whispers, "He needs you, Moony. You're terrified, hiding under your pain, while he's becoming something he has no idea how to be. You can't even look at him."
"Sirius..."
"I gave up life, because I couldn't...be strong like I should've been. I should've ignored Snivellus. Harry needed me."
Remus always looks up then, tears on his face, and barely able to do much but whisper, "I needed you too." Sirius always becomes Padfoot then, runs off, howling at the moon that Remus never seems to see until it's too late.
He always wakes up before the change though.
Always.
The dreams are all the same, and he knows they're something that Sirius wants him to pay attention to. He can feel that every time he feels breath on his neck and that horrible question, 'Did you love him?' that he can't seem to find an answer for.
And now, he finally got up and did something for Harry.
When he sees the words on the mirror, he thinks maybe he may have done the wrong thing.
MALFOY, Moony?
He can't help but smile anyway.
Hermione has been living with the Weasley's for the last month, because she can't seem to ask Draco if she could move in with him, and doesn't want to live alone.
It's hell.
Ron's everywhere.
It's like little pokes at her every time one of them smiles, or when she catches him out of the corner of her eye in a picture or just in a hallucination.
Also, the baby is kicking nearly every other minute now.
Violently.
Hermione Granger has always considered herself to be a smart, strong, capable woman. She never hesitates to use the Killing Curse on runaway renegades or leftover Death Eaters, can swear in four languages, yell at Draco Malfoy, and personally account for the death of Bellatrix Lestrange by her own hand.
But she can't seem say no to Molly Weasley.
"Dear, you really should leave work earlier than you'd planned. Any day now, the little one will be here and you can't let yourself get hurt or you never know what could..."
She's standing in the fireplace holding her wand and briefcase, desperately wanting to just yell back, "I'M PREFECTLY CAPABLE! I'VE KILLED TWENTY-SEVEN PEOPLE!' but can't seem to.
"I'll think on that, Molly."
Mrs. Weasley smiles and bids her good day before she shouts out, "MALFOY MANSION!" and appears in Draco's study.
Where Draco sits on an armchair in front of the fire drinking a glass of brandy wearing nothing but a pair of loose pants and a drunken smile.
He waves at her, "H'lo 'mione!"
She blinks, rubs a little at her belly, and whispers, "Hello."
His grin is unnerving, but she sits in the chair beside him, setting her case on the floor and looking at Draco again.
Draco takes a long gulp and sighs, closing his eyes. "Beautiful morning, isn't it?"
Hermione picks up the liquor bottle, reads it, and then sets it back down.
"Rum, Draco? Not even brandy or vermouth?"
He laughs, throwing back his head and collapsing into a fit that scares her more than she ever believed he could.
It's been a long time since he'd been like this, almost a year or more, after the war. After--
She looks at him suddenly and he looks away just as instantly. "Draco."
"D'ya think I may've caught somethin', 'mione? When we were in the Himalayas a month or so ago?"
"I don't..."
He sets his drink down and leans in close to her on his elbows, barely able to keep balance between the table and her. "I told 'im that he was a stupid, bloody Lion for not letting himself go and now here I am," he looked at the bottle with narrow eyes, "Drowning in this shit because I can't...I can't..."
"Co-Co, is this about...Ron?"
His eyes widen and he stumbles then, off the chair and onto the floor.
Hermione barely blinks.
"You mean, the man I killed in cold blood? That Ron?"
She bites her tongue, knowing it's not him talking, and whispers, "Yes."
"Can't believe you can even look at me."
"Draco, don't."
"I slaughtered the father of your unborn baby and..."
"Silencio!" she hissed, tears on her face and eyes closed while she clutched her wand tightly.
It felt like so much longer than nine months, every time she thought of Ron. Like daggers in her belly and Draco's whispered, "He made me," before she attacked him.
"Damn you."
Draco suddenly looks up at her, realizing his voice is gone, just staring with horrified eyes.
"You promised me you'd never do that again."
He blinks, standing and running fingers through his hair, suddenly pacing.
"What the hell is wrong with you?"
He doesn't answer, can't answer, and just walks around the room. She sees the mark on his belly when he turns back toward her, and it all clicks in place.
"LION." Harry. "Finite incantatum."
Draco coughs, he always does when it hits him, then whispers, "Don't even say it."
"You promised me never to even talk about Ron in front of me again."
"I'm sorry."
"You're smitten."
He growls under his breath.
She whispers, "Once you go Gryffindor..."
"Shut. Up."
She grins.
He stares at his hands.
Her smile is luminous in the dreary room; so much so that when he looks up Draco can't help but mutter, "I haven't even touched him."
Her laughter fills the room and he storms out, slamming the door behind him.
"Harry?"
Harry Potter is sitting in his bedroom in front of the fire when he hears Hermione's voice and smiles up from his book, The Complete Animagus. "Hermione."
"Are you busy?"
"Um," he looks around the room, "Not really."
"Wanna help me skip work and bug Draco?"
Harry smiles. "Sure."
He comes through the fireplace in a second, brushing some soot off his jeans before stepping into Malfoy's parlor, which he has never seen before.
It's very much like Draco: dark, a little warm, and expensive.
Harry smiles at the thought and Hermione grins at him. "I know that look, Seeker," she hugs him down the middle and Harry hugs back just as fiercely, "It took me a very long time to recognize it."
"What are you talking about?"
She looks up at him, still with that same secret smile. "You and Draco."
He blinks. "Me and Draco...what, exactly? Hate each other equally?"
Hermione's grin intensifies and she just sighs, letting go of him and sitting down in the chair Draco had been in not minutes before.
Harry looks around again, takes a deep breath, and suddenly smells alcohol.
And Draco.
"He's been drinking."
Hermione blinks, staring at him. "How did..."
He ignores her and walks across the room, suddenly intent on finding the source of the smell.
"Harry, don't."
Harry smiles back over his shoulder. "It'll be fine."
Of all the people Draco has killed, he still feels Weasley the most.
It's an everyday thing, can change from a tiny pin prick to a knife wound depending on the day and if he had the chance to do it over again, he knows he'd do the exact same thing.
No one had ever asked him to kill them before, until Ron Weasley. He owed him that much, and respects him more so for the sacrifice.
"She's gonna have my baby, you know," he'd whispered, coughing up blood and smiling with reddened teeth.
Draco had wanted to leave but he was the guard, even if he was working for Dumbledore. The person assigned Ron wouldn't ignore him like Draco was.
"Harry saw it, you know. He," he coughed again and laughed, "says it'll be a boy. If they ask me, I know I'll tell them. I know."
Draco looked at him. "You sell yourself short, Weasley. You've gone this far."
Ron had looked at him then and he was surprised to see how broken he really was.
"It's over for me, Draco. And I'd rather be dead than betray them."
"Weasley..."
"If you have an respect for me at all, you'll kill me now."
And so he had.
Draco lay on the grass outside in the garden, staring up at the stars. He didn't get a chance to do it often but he loved the feel of grass under his head; there were times when he needed grass more than down pillows.
There was a gasp from his left and he opened his eyes, turning.
Harry Potter stood there staring at him like he was a ghost, eyes wide and more alert than Draco had ever seen him.
"See something you like, Potter?"
"Yes.
Draco blinked and sat up, not bothering to fix his hair. "Well..."
"You're drunk."
He smiled and looked at Potter again. "Thinking of taking advantage?"
Harry didn't look amused. "Just the opposite, actually."
"Ah," Draco looked away again and leaned his head back to stare up at the stars.
Harry walked over and sat in the grass beside him, leaning his head back to do the same.
"I've never liked stars."
Draco looked over at him. "Who in the world doesn't like stars?"
Harry smiled back. "I heard once, after a class pet died in primary school, that when things die they become stars so we can always see them and they can always see us. I guess I just hated the possibility that my parents were watching me as I lived in a cupboard and had no friends. It was too depressing."
Draco looked back up at the stars again. "Well...if they are watching, I think you have some things for them to be proud of."
Harry reached out and put a hand on Draco's shoulder, causing him to flinch.
"Thanks."
Draco shrugged his hand off and stood quickly, brushing off his pants and fixing his hair.
"Well, that's enough of that I think," he muttered, walking off and saying over his shoulder, "Don't stay out here too long, Potter. My gardener is allergic to cats."
Harry smiled at his retreating back.
When the two of them get back to the study Hermione is asleep in an armchair, her head hanging nearly off the edge. Draco moved to wake her and Harry stopped him.
"I think she wants to stay."
Draco looked at him. "As in...live here?"
Harry grinned. "Like you weren't already going to offer when she had the baby."
Draco glared and put his arms around Hermione and apparated into one of the extra bedrooms, laying Hermione down and covering her as well as he could.
There was a pop behind him and Harry announced, "Well, I'll be going then."
Draco ignored him.
"You could at the very least, say something. Anything."
Draco turned around angrily just as Harry apparated, laughing.
"You're only prolonging the inevitable, you know," Hermione whispered from behind him.
Draco turned and glared at her. "Inevitable? Like I'd ever even consider..."
Hermione smiled up at him, sleepy eyed and amused. "You already have, Co-Co. But it's okay. I would trust you more than anyone not to hurt him."
His jaw set and he didn't say anything. Hermione just sighed and closed her eyes again, falling back to sleep. Draco left her alone, walking into the hallway and back towards his bedroom.
Once he was inside, he let out a long sigh and closed his eyes.
Who knew that at eighteen he'd completely lose his mind?