DISCLAIMER: EIICHIRO ODA OWNS ONE PIECE, I OWN THIS STORY

I groaned, and made a show of vomiting in the ground, "Why is it so… smelly here?" I looked at Vivi's hurt expression and amended my statement, "In a good way! It's really… perfume-y… you know?"

Vivi chuckled, "Yeah. This is the city of perfume. It's the biggest Perfume producer in the entire Kingdom."

I winced, touching my stinging nose tenderly with two fingers, "I can smell that…"

"Pee-yew!" Invictus yipped, jumping around, "Pee-yew! Pee-yew! Pee-yew!"

"…I still don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing that he apparently can speak our language." Katrina said dryly, coming up from behind me.

"It's a good thing!" I defended, "Just… maybe I shouldn't have taught him that word…"

"Burn in hell, babies!" he chirped innocently, his tail swishing around his body.

"Or that."

"I AM DARTH VADER!"

"When did you teach him that?" Katrina gaped at Invictus, who was now flying around (and subsequently wreaking havoc) declaring that to the world.

I grimaced, "Katrina, I never taught him that."

Katrina blinked, and then groaned, "You've got to be kidding me. He's a dragon, he can talk, and now he's omniscient?" she banged her head on a stall, "Oda punch my face now…" she muttered.

"Be careful what you wish for," I warned, smiling amusedly, "You never know when the Gods might be listening. Also, I'm pretty sure that he isn't omniscient."

"How do you know?" Arsonist challenged.

"I know this because he doesn't know who Darth Vader is." I deadpanned, "Also, you sleep-talk."

Katrina paled, "Wait, you mean…" she said weakly, and I nodded, "I… sleep-talk?"

"Yeah. Didn't know you watched Star Wars." I commented mildly, snickering from the look of absolute despair on her face.

"Stop laughing!" she screamed desperately, "Just because I like… a boys' show, doesn't mean that I'm stupid!"

My eyes widened, "What makes you think that I think that?" I asked in genuine concern, because was this girl even okay?

"Everyone feels like that. It's… just because I'm pretty means that I have to like makeup, and teen idols and whatever." She sucked in a breath, "Well, I don't, and—"

"Okay, wait. Stop." I waved my hands around, "I did not ask for your life story. And seriously. Do you really think I would care about stereotypes?" I questioned, gesturing at my body for emphasis, "I play hockey, Arsonist, hockey. And they said I couldn't." I smiled cheekily, "Not like they could get past my defense anyways."

"Ah." Katrina blushed in embarrassment and looked down, "Okay."

"Come on!" I laughed, "Let's go get to Luffy before he gets lost in the desert." I reached into the air, just in time to grab a flying blur by the tail, "Nice try, kiddo, but I have a speed devil fruit." I said amusedly, watching Invictus from the corner of my eye.

"Gesundheit." He pouted.

"Who taught him German?" I blinked.

Katrina blushed and rubbed the back of her head, "Haha… Don't think anything of it?"

"Yeah." I said blandly, "That's great. Now let's go." I spun on my heel and began striding away.

"Huh? Hey, wait!" Katrina called out, running after me, almost wheezing to keep up, "Stop running!"

"I'm walking."

"HOW ARE YOU WALKING SO FAST?!"

"Because I don't want to smell perfume any longer." I said honestly, feeling my eyes water from the bombardment of chemicals.

"Understandable." Katrina nodded, "BUT SLOW DOWN, DAMMIT!" she roared, running after me.

"How about you get faster?" I deadpanned, deliberately speeding up my walking speed.

"YOU LITTLE BACKSTABBING LIAR, FRAUD OF A CHEAT!" She howled and ran after me, "I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU REGRET THIS!"

"Worth it." I sang, shifting my stance into a jog.

"I hate you, you know that, right?" She wheezed, running after me, "I hate you so much. The fact that despite there are like, a million plus words in the English language, I still can't seem to find the right ones to string together to express, how much I want to hit you with a chair."

I laughed, "You know that if you hit me with a chair I'd kill you, right?"

"You're incredibly casual about that, you know?" She deadpanned, finding her groove and keeping pace with me.

"Yeah, I suppose I am." I smiled reminiscently, "You won't believe how much my mom used to say that to me."

"Really?" Katrina raised an eyebrow, "I got the impression that you weren't all that close with your mother?"

"I'm not. Because I don't know what she's actually like. She's an actress you know, and sometimes, to get the character she's acting correctly, she plays it at home. It's agonizing, you know? Just agonizing knowing that she's acting like that and not genuine, because sometimes, it hurts."

"Ah." Katrina quieted down, "That seems tough."

"Hehe." I stopped walking, and looked calculatingly over the expanse of desert before me, and sighed, "You don't know how much I want observation Haki right now, do you?"

"I don't know what that is, but whatever." Arsonist shrugged, and skipped across the sand, "Ready to get dehydrated?" she called out.

"Sure. Whatever floats your boat." I deadpanned, stepping onto the sand, "I know I won't die. Truth be told, I'm more worried about you."

"Ha!" she sneered, speeding up her walking, "Worry about yourself."

I hid a smile behind my hand, "Okay." Then, I activated my Devil Fruit.

"Wait, what?"

Before she could finish her sentence, the rattling in my bones had ceased and my Devil Fruit had deactivated, and I was already where the green clouds were, and she was at least 100 yards behind me.

"Hehe." I chuckled, "Invictus."

The newly born dragon perked up and let out a happy trill.

"Go find Arsonist and make sure she doesn't get lost."

"Arsonist, ARSONIST!" Invictus trilled and took to the air, "ARSONIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSST!"

Why do I feel like I should be rather worried? I mused, walking to where Luffy was arguing with the man.

"All I wanted was some food, dammit!" Luffy spat, veritably irritated at life in general.

"Well, Captain." I drawled, making a show of walking towards him, "There's a city not far from here, I suppose, and it has a bar? I remember there's food there, too." I smirked devilishly, "Maybe this kind sir could point us in the right direction." I simpered.

"Uhhh…" poor guy. He looked thoroughly flummoxed and done with life.

"Yeah, yeah, ossan!" Luffy shouted grabbing the old guy by his shoulders, "Where's the food?"

"Ah, also, I suggest not to lie." I smiled coldly, "My Captain's well deserving of his 30 million beri bounty."

I could see the moment the old man paled and started stuttering, "T-T-T-T-That w-w-w-w-way." He pointed a shaky finger in some direction.

I trailed my pointer finger across his face, inclining my nails just so it would leave a mark, "If I find out you're lying, well… we have an ally heading here now, and you'd better pray that you're alright once she's done with you."

The man gulped and nodded, "Yes ma'am."

Katrina. I watched the man scramble into his hut and shut the door with a bang, I think I just traumatized an old man.

'Seriously? You have got to be kidding me.' I snickered, 'What the hell do you think you're laughing at?!' I could feel her indignant pouting.

"Come on Luffy." I deliberately ignored Katrina's protests and mental noises, "Let's go. A little birdy told me that Fire Fist Ace is going to be here today."

"Ace?" Luffy looked at me oddly, and I winked not-so-subtly.

"Yeah, so let's go." I beckoned to him.

"Oh, yeah, okay." Oh. Luffy still seems a bit confused. I frowned; I wonder…

"Hey Luffy, why are you confused?" I asked innocently.

Luffy stared at me blankly, "Last I heard, you couldn't talk to birds."

I choked on air and proceeded to fall face-flat on the ground and cry out my sorrows to the world, "OH MY GOD." I sobbed, "FIGURE OF SPEECH, LUFFY, FIGURE OF SPEECH."

For a moment, Luffy was quiet, but then he turned to me and questioned, so very obliviously, "What's a figure of speech?"

I staggered up to my feet, "You have got to be kidding me." I groaned, burying my face in my hands, "Okay, Luffy, a figure of speech is a bunch of words strung together that mean something else, and not the literal thing that's said, okay?"

Luffy stared at me blankly, and then opened his mouth, "I lost you after 'bunch of words'."

I screamed.

'You know. I'm starting to see why you take delight in my suffering. This is quite amusing.' Katrina's voice purred in my skull.

If you don't shut up, I'll tell Invictus to start singing. I threatened.

'Sure, sure. It's worth it.' Katrina's mental voice said mirthfully.

You are incorrigible. I stifled a moan, "Okay, Luffy." I said resolutely, "Forget everything you just heard, and let's just… go meet Ace, mkay? Also, I may or may not have something to say after that involving your third brother."

Luffy looked at me and smiled brightly, "Okay!"

I squinted, The sun is way too bright today. I mused, way, way too bright.

Then, the scent of civilization hit me, "Ah. We're either close by or we're here." I narrowed my eyes, "Just in time to get out of this sun."

"What's so bad about the sun?" Luffy questioned obliviously.

"Luffy." I stared at him blankly, "Rubber melts."

"Yeah, and?" he picked his nose and flicked away the booger.

"Luffy." I stressed, "You're made of rubber, and rubber melts."

3… 2… 1… I stared blankly at my captain who seemed to be processing what I was saying. 0…

"EHHHH?!"

"Here comes the guns and fire." I muttered.

"What are we waiting for then?" he yelled, looping his arm around me multiple times, "LET'S GOOOO!"

"Wait, what? Luffy, don't!" I shrieked, and my wonderful, oblivious rubberbrain of a captain rocketed us inside a bar, smoothly landing me on the seat next to him, and him where I presumed Ace was once seated.

"GIVE ME ALL THE MEAT YOU HAVE!" Luffy yelled, slamming his hands onto the counter to emphasize his words.

"Do you know who you just hit?" Poor bar-dude. He was trembling in fear. Oh well. Maybe if it was anyone else, they'd stop and as who, but alas…

"Nope! Don't know, don't care!" Luffy shook his head, "Now give me meat!"

I breathed out a sigh and turned around in the barstool, "So, Smoker." I said conversationally, "How's life treating you?"

Smoker raised an eyebrow amusedly, "I thought you said you weren't a criminal." He jabbed.

"I said no such thing." I smiled, "And even if I did, I take it back."

Smoker smiled around his cigars before wincing, "Yeah… Sorry about the bounty poster. Protocol, and stuff…"

I raised an eyebrow, and waved him off flippantly, "Don't worry, it doesn't count anyways."

"Oh?" Smoker looked intrigued, "Why's that?"

"Because I didn't get it when I became a part of this crew, so yeah." I smiled passive-aggressively, "You know." I sounded out slowly, "Now that I'm part of the particular pirate crew that you are chasing, that makes us enemies, right?"

Smoker groaned, "Yeah, yeah. Later." He waved me off, and I blinked in surprise, Why does he seem so much more… flippant? "Right now, I want to know what connection Fire Fist Ace has with—".

"SMOKEY?!"

"That… You will find out later." I gritted out, as Luffy curled his arm around my stomach again, "As for right now… I'm sorry to say, but, bye bye."

Then we launched off…

KATRINA POV:

"Yes!" I yelled in triumph, "We are here! At the bar! Which now has a smoking hole in it…" a strange depression leaked into my soul, "I'm too late, aren't I?"

Invictus perked up, and started running around me excitedly, before grabbing me and launching off into the air, "I BELIEVE I CAN FLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"

"You'd better not crash, dammit!" I shrieked, squirming in the dragon's claws.

"MAMA!" Invictus trilled, landing on the ship, "…Mama?"

"Uurgh…" I felt bile burn at the back of my throat, "I feel like I'm going to be sick…" I moaned.

"Welcome to the past half-hour of my life, and everything else that is called the foreseeable future," an insufferably dry voice sounded out behind me.

Stiffly, I turned around, to find Shivani's form leaning against the railing in a mock imitation of casualness, "Who died and made you come here?" I couldn't help but snark.

"The same person who did with you." She deadpanned, striding over to me, "I do hope it was a bumpy ride."

"Go to hell." I replied petulantly.

"Joke's on you." The rat smirked, "I'm from there."

"This answers an uncomfortable amount of questions…" I muttered, taking delight in the mild irritation that welled up in the back of my mind, despite the easy, amused smile that Shivani had on her face.

"Hmm… Yes… It does, I suppose." Shivani mused, and I shuddered. Why do I get the feeling of immense foreboding?

"Invictus." Shivani commanded, "Remember Despacito?" I paled, and Invictus nodded enthusiastically, "Well then." She smiled evilly, "Why don't you… demonstrate your singing ability?"

Invictus let out a little gasp and a trill of happiness, "DEeSpACItooooooooo! ThIs bE how we do it dOWN IN PUErto Rico! Let's jUSSST scREEEEEEEAm AYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"Oh my god." Ace fell over and curled into a ball, "What demonic sound is that?" he hissed.

"I agree. It is a very demonic sound." I whimpered, "Talk to Shivani about it."

SHIVANI POV (her pov is wayyyy easier to write):

"Talk to Shivani about it." I barely hid my scoff at her words.

"That sound is not demonic, it's the exact opposite. It's angelic. It's beautiful." I gushed.

"I guess a mother's love really is blind." Usopp moaned, curling up on the ground.

"Yes." I nodded pompously, "It is."

"Ah, hey, Shivani! You said you were going to say something about Sabo! What were you going to say?"

Ah, crap. My eyes zeroed in on Ace's stiffening form, "Well, yes." I said slowly, choosing my words carefully, "Sabo isn't dead. He's alive, with memory loss, yeah, but he's alive, and coincidentally the second in command of the Revolutionary Army."

"And how, pray tell, do you know this?" Ace questioned, deceptively polite.

I put on the most deadpan face I could muster and replied, "I and Arsonist are from another world, where we saw Luffy's adventure as a visual story and after a certain series of events within that story, because there is no way I'm letting them happen now that I'm here and with knowledge, I found that Sabo was not dead, but alive. Does that answer your question?"

Ace blinked, "How do I know you're not lying?" he may have said it conversationally, but the temperature on the ship upped by about 10 degrees. Normally that wouldn't mean much, but in the Alabastan heat?

I was boiling in my own skin.

"You don't." I conceded, my eyes narrowing, "But I can tell you a few things pertaining to a certain Devil that might change your mind. Like how he had a wife in Sou—"

"Shivani." Luffy's tone was a scathing warning, and I snapped back to my senses.

"Ah, my apologies." I smiled sheepishly, "I didn't mean to target you like that. I'll shut up now."

"How did you know?" Ace interrupted, pale and shaking, "How did you know?" he repeated.

I looked at the rest of the crew who was watching the interaction with interested eyes, "It's not best to talk here. We're kind of on a time crunch. Come follow me. I'll tell you in the storage room, thing."

"Wow, that's not suspicious at all." Ace remarked sarcastically.

"Wow, I'm going to be stuck inside a wooden storage room with a man made of fire. The odds are so even!" I retorted, equally as sarcastic.

Ace sputtered, "For all I know, you could be from the New World!"

I raised one unimpressed eyebrow, "Dude. Seriously? Take a good look at me. What makes you think I'm from the New World?"

"Your knowledge." Ace pointed out weakly.

"I can't be from the New World if I'm from another world, can I?" I said, "Whatever, let's just go."

"Aww, no more drama to watch?" Katrina simpered.

"Rot in hell." I returned almost immediately.

She smiled widely, "Feeling's mutual, grout."

Does that even classifyas an insult? I raised an eyebrow, "You call that an insult, कुत्ता?"

"What did you even say?" Arsonist looked at me incredulously.

"कुत्ता, कुत्ता, कुत्ता!" Invictus crowed, flapping around.

I chuckled, and led Ace into the storage room, "Okay." I clapped my hands together once we reached, "What do you want to know?"

"How do you know about my lineage?" Ace whispered, balled fists shaking at his sides.

"I believe I already told you the answer to that, sir." I said as passive-aggressively obedient as I could.

I must really have a death wish.

Ace slammed his hand into the wall behind me, leaving the wood smoking a dangerous amount.

"You know, if you want to know anything you should just ask, instead of using the ship as a hostage." I helpfully pointed out.

'You seriously have a death wish.' Katrina's deadpan thoughts filled my mind, Get lost. I retorted.

"What else do you know?" Ace growled.

I closed my eyes, "Your mother loved you very much, and I'm pretty sure she didn't regret giving birth to you." I offered, "I may not know too much, but I know that everyone was brought into the world for a reason. We live to find that reason, and that." I stared him in the eye, okay, cool words don't fail me now, "Is the meaning of life."

"…I didn't want your philosophy. I wanted an answer." I breathed out a sigh. Ace may have said those words, but his tone was infinitely lighter and more thoughtful. Thank god.

"Right." I said dryly, "I know that you attempted murder on Luffy a minimum of 10 times when you were a kid, and if he didn't have his Devil Fruit, you actually might have succeeded."

Ace paled so drastically, it was hilarious, "Ah." He said queasily, "I believe you now."

I smiled, "Good."

"SHIVANI!" Katrina broke into the room, sobbing, "INVICTUS WON'T STO-O-P! HE KEEPS SAYING THAT WORD! And also." Her voice dropped to a whisper, when Ace excused himself from the room, "What do we do about Yuba?"

I frowned, "…It's necessary to go there. Chances are, Vivi might hate us after this, but it's worth it to defeat Crocodile in the long run. If she doesn't realize the true extent of his influence… Then there's nothing that will help Luffy in the final battle." I whispered, "This is non-negotiable."

"Ah." Katrina nodded, "I see."

"SHIVANI-SWAN~~~ KATRINA-CHWAN~~~!" Sanji came twirling into the storage room, "I GOT YOU WONDROUS DRESSES FOR THE DESERT, MY SWEETS!" he proclaimed, handing us what I was sure would be a dance dress.

"Ah, thank you, Sanji." I dipped my head, "I'm sure these will come in use for…" I watched in mirth as Katrina looked at the revealing costume in her hands incredulously, "…something." I finished.

As the three of us walked out on deck, Vivi clapped her hands together and stated, "Okay. We're going to go, and we're going to go tell the Rebels the truth about Alabasta's lack of rain." She smiled brightly, "We're so close. I can't thank you all for what you're doing for me."

Luffy grinned, "Don't mention it!"

Zoro smiled languidly, "Although princess." His smile dropped, "How are you so sure they'll listen to you."

Vivi frowned, "They'll have to… I hope so. My friend, Kohza, leads the rebel army. I'm hoping he'll listen. Last I heard there base was in Yuba. So, we'll go there." She said resolutely, hope shining in her eyes.

This… I barely suppressed a groan, is going to be really stressful…

'Tell me about it.'

YEAH!

I jolted, What.

MAMA! MAMA! DARTH VADER GRAsSY GESUNDHEit!

'You have got to be kidding me' Katrina moaned in my head, 'He's here too?'

I didn't bother stopping the grin that spread across my face, Invictus? I purred mentally, Welcome, my darling.

Hehehe.

Here, you can sing all you want. I waved around the mindspace, Also, you can improve your vocabulary. So do that. That would be… Most preferable.

Most preferable! Most preferable! He parroted.

'…I won't sleep during the nights anymore.' Katrina promised herself, 'Ah, wait, I said that in the bond didn't I? Forget everything I said in the past 15 seconds.'

Then she went silent.

Timeskip to when they were crossing the desert—

"You know." I commented conversationally, to whoever was next to me, which just so happened to be Ace, "I think I may have underestimated the Desert's heat."

Chopper snorted, "Tell me about it." He panted, lying on the makeshift sled we had.

Luffy groaned, "Okay! Let's do rock paper scissors—"

"I foresee that you're going to lose at this game, captain." I interrupted, "One way or another, you're going to end up carrying all the bags, because we're pirates, and we cheat."

Luffy pouted, "Fiiine." He grumbled, and pulled up the (thankfully still) singular backpack on his shoulders.

"Hey." Ace whispered, "I have a question."

"Shoot." I panted, "It's not like I have anything else to do."

"What of Blackbeard?" he whispered, "Will I win against him? Will I give him retribution?"

I stopped cold in my tracks, before walking forward with twice as much speed, "Ace." I stated coldly, "I know I won't be able to dissuade you from going against Blackbeard, so I won't do that. Just don't go against Blackbeard alone. Bring your allies. He's deceptively strong."

"I can do it." Ace said stubbornly, "I can do it."

"Ace." I whispered, "You die. That's what I don't want to happen. Luffy—Luffy almost broke. He was doubting whether or not he was worthy to become Pirate King to save you, and now, I-I just can't let that happen. Now that I'm here and I have a chance to change things."

Ace fell silent, "But I have a tail on him now." He looked up to the sky and then back at me, "I can't just let him go."

I narrowed my eyes at him, "Ace." I sighed, "He isn't here at Alabasta, you will find nothing, but before you leave, hear me out." I stared him in the eye, "Blackbeard will be at Banaro Island when we attack Enies Lobby."

"When you what."

I ignored his sputtering with ease, "That's your opening. That's when you can attack him. If you miss that, then Luffy will be his target. I can't tell you his exact goals, as that would be detrimental to everyone in the future, but he wants to become a Shichibukai. To do that, he needs to turn in a bounty. If you don't stop him at Banaro, then the bounty he'll go for is Luffy's. You hear me?"

Ace nodded grimly, "Then I should leave. Ah, hey, do you think you could give Luffy this for me?" he searched inside his pockets and handed me a seemingly normal piece of paper.

"Yes." I replied, folding the piece of paper into a fortune teller, "I'll give him your Vivre card."

Ace stared at me for a moment, "You know, you're pretty questionable, Shivani." He laughed, "But I'm glad my brother has someone like you on his crew."

I smiled lopsidedly, "I am too."

"I wish you luck at Yuba." He smiled, then disappeared.

"Huh." I commented, "Hey, Luffy! Ace says bye! He's going to go track down a traitor to his crew and bring them to Pirate Justice!"

"Eh?!" Luffy groaned, "Really? I would totally be 'up in the clouds right now' if it weren't for the 'your hotness.'"

I shook my head in exasperation, "Luffy, that's not how figures of speech work."

I could see the tick mark on Luffy's forehead, "WHO CARES?!" he roared, "THEY'RE TOO HARD FOR ME TO UNDERSTAND!"

I smiled and shook my head, "With time, Luffy, with time."

Katrina jogged next to me, "I don't know what you would do without me." She deadpanned.

"The feeling is mutual गधा." I commented.

"Please speak in English, Shivani, English." She moaned, pitching forward.

I just laughed in response.

AN: I am alive. Yes. Very much. I didn't update earlier because the new AOT story I added to my routine totally threw off my groove. Also. It's summer. I don't want to do anything. Also. I ran the risk of carpal tunnel, so I really, really needed a break. Hehe. Oh well, the story's out now! And it's a good 4000-ish words, so yeah. Don't complain. Especially considering I wrote about a thousand-ish of those words in one day, hehe. Also, I'm trying to get used to my new AO3 account, lolz. Expect my stuff being crossposted on AO3, because why not. hehe. Thanks for reading, please review, favorite, follow, and my life's luck be on your side!

~~Oracle (I'M BACK, BABY!)