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The third time he held my hand, his eyes were kind and understanding.
We were on our way to a non-shinobi village, having just accomplished a rather messy mission. We were supposed to rendezvous with Kakashi-sensei and another jounin in order to unload our burden upon him, and then round about to tie up any loose ends we might have left during the mission. Basically, Tsunade-shishou wanted everything clean, and although my companion and I were highly skilled and capable, I had never done as thorough a job as we were expected to then. The thought weighed heavily on my mind as we raced through the treetops.
I looked at him, my unspoken partner, noting that his movements had become more graceful and purposeful over the years. He had had a period of awkwardness in the past, mostly due to his lack of formal training and his sudden growth spurt, but he was all coordination and strength then as we weaved through the trees.
"What's up, Sakura-chan?" he asked, snapping me from my mental reverie of his skills and improvements, and of the underlying queasiness churning the contents of my stomach.
I shook my head, not wanting to tell him the uneasiness I felt about our mission and that in some way or another, I had actually been "checking him out" but for entirely different reasons. I didn't want to tell him how glad I was that he was my companion for the trip, simply because I was certain that he already knew.
"Nothing," I replied curtly when I noticed he was still waiting for my answer.
His face fell into a mock pout, something, which I strangely found cute and amusing. "Aww, don't be like that. You know you can tell me anything, right?" He managed to give me his infamous puppy dog/ slash pretty eyes as he jumped from one tree unto the next, without so much as glancing at his chosen path.
I laughed. I had heard Ino say before that those eyes were the downfall of any woman in his path. I had laughed her off then, telling her that he had directed it towards me countless of times before but had never had such an effect. Right then and there however, as he widened his bright blue eyes at me in such an endearingly cute manner, I found my immunity to his strange charm slowly slipping.
"Stop looking like a lost dog! And look where your—"
"Ouch!"
"—going!" I sighed, landing beside him as he heaved himself out of an impossible-to-miss-tree. I cringed at the deep impression his body had made in the process of impact, and wondered vaguely why he wasn't bleeding as much as a normal person ought to under such normal circumstances. Then again, he had always been a fast healer. It was just another something of the many somethings that made him uniquely…..him.
"I told you to always look where you're going. You may have a freakish sense of smell but it doesn't mean that you can exclusively rely on it when moving fast, especially in elevated places!" I really didn't enjoy scolding him as much as I used to when we were younger, mainly because with our closeness, it made me feel as though I were the uptight teacher and he was the misbehaving student. I didn't like feeling that old. But at certain times, I couldn't help my nagger personality coming through, even at the cost of his calling me "Okaa-san". In all honesty, the title didn't settle well with me.
"Yes Okaa-san," he replied, stressing his made-up name for me whenever I reverted back to my know-it-all state. He knew it riled me up just enough for me to forget whatever it was he had done wrong in the first place, and as always it worked. I hated him for reading me so well.
"Shut up! Come here before you bleed to death!" I dragged his arm towards myself, as it seemed to be the most injured part of him.
He blushed and looked away, like he always did whenever I went about mothering him, but I no longer bothered telling him that I noticed. It was funny how comfortable our closeness at that moment was. When we were young, I had always felt queasy and awkward whenever I was near him or Sasuke, or for any other boy for that matter. But as the years progressed, he and I had come to a mutual albeit unsaid agreement that we no longer minded each other's closeness. I certainly didn't but with this constant mumbling and blushing, I wasn't too certain about him.
Noting his discomfort, I decided to give him a bit of slack. "Quit squirming or I'll break your arm!"
He gave me a devious grin, finally looking me straight in the eyes, and visibly relaxed. I found it strange that he responded so positively to my threats whereas most people would simply take heed and run. Over the years, I had gotten a bad reputation of being rather "destructive".
We both balanced ourselves precariously on the branch in silence, not really wanting to destroy the little peace we had managed to find. His arm wasn't at all that badly wounded; just a few scrapes, splinters, and a long bleeding gash, which took me very little chakra to actually close. New tissue had already begun forming on the wound before I had even laid hands on it and so all I had to do was give it a little push and clean up everything else. I used to find this fact about him unnerving, seeing as I had never heard of a jutsu or bloodline ability that allowed for instant regeneration without so much as an effort from the shinobi in question, but now, it was just another one of his quirks I've come to accept.
It took me all of two minutes to get his arm clean and ready for more of his clumsiness. He gave me an apologetic smile, as if to say an advanced sorry for the many more injuries I expected him to get, and took his arm back with a bit of showy cracking and stretching.
"You're an angel, y'know that? You're waaaaaay better than that old hag!"
"Don't badmouth my teacher if you know what's good for you!" I quickly replied, not bothering to show him the slight color that had tinted my cheeks when he so blatantly complimented my skills.
"But Sakuraaaaaaaaa!"
"Shh!" I clamped my hand over his gaping mouth, abruptly cutting off any sound that he was struggling to make. He immediately took in my defensive stance and shut up, decidedly turning on his more serious "mission mode".
He nodded and I let my hand drop. I could feel the uncomfortable sensation of someone's gaze staring intently at my form. I knew we were being watched but did not have the same tracking skills that allowed him to immediately pinpoint where exactly our would-be assailants were. I sighed. It was time to get serious.
His vibrant eyes caught my gaze for a second, and I immediately understood the unsaid message, which passed through the both of us. Don't worry. I'm here.
I know. I smiled briefly then set to work, leaving my blonde companion to his rowdy tactics and our pursuers, to their inevitable demise. I disappeared from view, covering my tracks with a well-placed genjutsu as well as completely masking my chakra. I gave myself a triumphant smile at my handiwork. Not even Kakashi-sensei could find me when I didn't want to be found.
I paused at a high branch, several meters to the right of where I could hear the battle raging on without me. I hated the fact that I could not fight alongside my comrade but knew that my hidden role was just as important to the accomplishment of our mission as his was. I cringed as a fairly large explosion ripped through the foliage, sending debris and miscellaneous bits and pieces of organs and appendages towards the nearby trees. I could only hope that he had been the source and not on the receiving end.
I drew my gaze away, and immediately secured the perimeter of the battle. I had to make sure the fight was contained and that no additional forces that could roll the tide of favor against our side, could come into the fray. I studied the traps I had set momentarily, making sure they were all alive and ready to blow off at the slightest touch. I also made sure none of them where in my comrade's line of movement. I was pretty sure that he'd have known my techniques and styles by then to safely dodge the traps but it didn't hurt to stay on the safe side.
Another explosion, though far smaller in scale than the first, sounded and my head instinctively snapped towards a shock of golden blonde hair standing distinctively from the slowly dissipating smoke and ash. Someone had let loose an earth elemental attack and he had answered in kind with a well-formed fireball. I gave him a small proud smile. I had helped him with that move.
Seeing that he seemed to be out of immediate harm, I set about completing my tasks. The perimeter had been secured and it was time to hunt down the other party that had stayed behind to watch in the shadows and bide their time. From the foreign chakra signatures that I had felt, I knew there were at least six more not out in the open. I cursed beneath my breath. I may have made sure they kept their distance from the battle but it didn't mean I had prevented other long-range techniques from possibly hurting my fellow Konoha nin. I knew I had to act fast. Before everything became too complicated to finish off cleanly.
I immediately spotted one, hiding in the tress a few meters to my left. I leapt after him, confident in my near-invisibility, and sliced off his throat even before his eyes could go wide from the coldness of my steel. I draped him silently on the branch he was perched on and wiped my bloodied kunai on his uniform, all the while suppressing my urge to vomit. I checked his forehead protector, making sure to skip past the pale face that I knew was trapped in a state of shocked terror. Sound. I cursed. I didn't think they would be so active so soon.
A slight whistling sound whipped past my nose and I jumped back on pure instinct. That had been too close for comfort. I narrowed my eyes at the direction of the projectile and quickly found myself face to face with a fast-moving enemy nin. Stone? I noticed briefly as an unforgiving roundhouse came toward my head, barely giving me time to evade and throw out a few shurikens to create distance between myself and my assailant.
I panted, having had two close shaves in a row. I hated not being the one to set the pace in a fight. It usually had a certain outcome, which I did not want played out outside of my sparring exercises with the remainders of team 7. I stilled my breath, noticing that two chakra signatures were now solely focused on me. They were waiting for my next move, which was definitely not a good sign as it meant they had good heads on their shoulders. I would have to do more than outsmart them.
I made seals, quickly hiding myself in a genjutsu. It had taken the first one a few seconds to realize that I didn't really disappear right in front of their eyes but it was enough to locate the spike of anxious chakra and eliminate its source. His companion though, hadn't been as easy to fool and all through out my efforts, he stuck by me, giving me little space to do anything but defend and run.
"Fuck off!" I grunted, pushing against my enemy's kunai with my own. He smiled in such a dastardly way that I felt the hairs at the back of my spine quickly stand up. I could smell the awful stench of stale blood and poor hygienic habits as he struck me from above, which I quickly parried off with my kunai and followed through with a punch kick to his gut.
The man took his time, his raggy black hair swaying lifelessly with each blow he took against me. Again, I noticed that his forehead protector was that of Stone and not Sound, a thought, which did not settle well in my over-analytic mind. I suppose this means an alliance has been formed between the Sound and Stone. Not surprising, but the fact that they are bold enough to come out this far means that they had either gained a large amount of troops or…
I let the thought slide as he came at me again with a forward thrust that I was able to evade. However, my sidestep brought me within range of his left arm's punch and I found myself unable to defend. He quickly made use of my inebriation and struck my square on the chest, leaving me vulnerable to his uppercut and then his spinning kick.
I staggered to meet the flurry of his attacks but soon found myself trapped between the ugly albeit skilled nin and a far harder place. I sighed. It was time to really get serious.
"Sorry ugly, but I'm going to have to kill you," I said plainly, moving back into my fighting stance. I shuddered at the coldness of my own voice, and for a few seconds, I wondered if that had really been me at all.
"Bold words for someone who's barely standing, I'd say. But come on, give me your—"
I cut him off with a chakra-enhanced punch square on his face. He flew off into one of the nearby trees, bringing the poor thing down as he made contact. But I didn't have time to gloat. Another one was on me in a matter of seconds, slipping long legs beneath me in an attempt to make me fall. It was sheer practice that allowed me to flip back just in time to push myself upwards and land on a low crouch, several feet away from my attacker. It was a woman this time, her pale heart-shaped face somehow reminding me of Hinata-chan.
"What did you do to him?" she seethed, her dark eyes glaring daggers at me. I blinked, looking from her rigid form to the unmoving, albeit alive body behind. I knew it was inappropriate in a middle of a battle, but I couldn't help my curiosity at her blatant anger and defensive stance.
"Nothing he wouldn't have done to me," I quickly answered, staring her straight in the eyes. "Why do you care? Just attack and we can get this over with."
She sneered, and I noticed that she was actually wearing a pretty shade of pale pink lipstick. I couldn't help but feel a little disgusted at her showiness. I hated being reminded of my former self.
"I won't forgive you for hurting my comrade," she said easily, taking a more offensive stance and tensing her calf muscles for an easy spring. I was surprised more by her words and the conviction with which she said them than the frontal assault she made against me. It wouldn't do to say that she was skilled in anyway, taijutsu or otherwise, but she seemed to believe in her actions more than anything else. I evaded her easily, not wanting to hurt her for the main reason that she so easily reminded me of myself when I was younger.
Unfortunately, as I led her into a chase, which I knew would inevitably lead her to her death, I realized that I had wasted too much time playing the merciful enemy. I caught a glimpse of Naruto, surrounded by thirty more fresh-looking nins while he himself was panting heavily and leaning profusely on his left leg. I growled low in irritation. I needed to help him but in order to do that, I needed to get rid of my annoying shadow.
I stopped on a tree, assured that I had a few seconds before she could even catch sight of me again. I sighed as I eased my muscles into relaxation, clearing my mind of everything else. A few more moments and I heard her approach, but the previous reprieve had been enough. I had finally managed to locate the last two of her companions.
"I don't want to do this. Please understand," I said, my voice unusually calm when all I really wanted to do was curl up and cry. I didn't want to kill her. I didn't want to kill anybody. But this was the life I had chosen, and a life I had to endure if I wanted to help those whom I loved. I had to help him! It was no time to turn back into the emotional wreck I had once been.
She looked at me plainly, then nodded, her dark eyes giving off something akin to resigned understanding. She knew she was going to die and she knew she would remain fighting me until the end. I held back the tears as I rushed at her, dispelling the kawarimi when her kunai ran through it and appearing directly behind her, my kunai deeply lunged into her back. A sob broke out as I laid her down the best I could, noticing how red her blood was. Like mine. Like Kakashi-sensei's. Like Sasuke's. Like his. Somehow, I felt like the demons who used to outclass me when I was younger, and she; she was the young naïve pink-haired girl whom everybody knew would never amount to much.
"Hey," she whispered.
I blinked in surprise, my eyes dry and clear for now. I looked down at her gasping form. I didn't want her to suffer through long hours of helplessness and blood loss, as I knew she would from the wound I had given her. I wanted to make it easier. I fingered another kunai and brought it to her throat.
"B-before you k-k-kill him, will you….him….I-I fought to protect him," she murmured, not caring that I had a sharp blade pressed to her neck. I nodded, slightly dumbstruck at her request and at the easiness with which she accepted her demise. Seeing my nod, she smiled and I glided the blade easily against her skin, ending her life as if it were a mere flame to be blown off. I couldn't hold the bloodied blade after that.
It was the crackling of flames that brought me back into focus. I arranged my defeated opponent properly on the ground and briefly made a silent prayer for her soul. As much as I wanted to turn back and properly burry her, I knew someone living had more need of my efforts than the fallen Stone kunoichi. I raced towards the last two of my targets, opting to deal with the unconscious ninja later, when I had the time to spare to properly give her message to him.
The last two nins were both from Sound, and oddly enough didn't notice me until I sent my shurikens after them. They both evaded, but I had enough time to notice that the two were too raptly engrossed on my comrade and his battles for comfort. It didn't take me much to realize then that they had been sending long-range attacks at my partner before I had appeared.
Shit! I groaned inwardly, not liking the odds that I had left my blonde companion to. I quickly made chase, noticing that one took position, making use of my partner's open side, while the other jumped towards me, halting my approach.
My eyes stayed with the one ready to attack the unknowing Konoha nin. I had to stop him!
"Damn it! Get out of the way!" I snarled, taking little notice of the surprised look my opponent gave when he heard the feral quality of my demand. I rushed past him, taking the kunai at my side without so much as a sideward glance, and threw myself upon the sound nin who was crouched on the ground, readying a massive sound wave aimed straight at my partner.
He had made the final seal and I found myself taking the full brunt of the attack meant for my companion.
I was slowly blacking out, even as I felt the pain from the beatings one of the sound nins was giving me. I struggled to keep awake, certain of my task to eliminate the last two long-range threats to my companion. I bit my lip, forcing myself to fight through the haze that clouded my mind and focus on the nin in front of me.
I gulped.
In my haste to help my comrade, I hadn't bothered noticing how short my two opponents were. As my gaze slowly focused then, I couldn't hide the dread that I would have to cut short the lives of children, probably younger than myself, in order to accomplish my task in the mission.
"Move aside," I managed to mumble out as another fierce kick came in contact with my stomach. I lurched forward, falling on my hands and knees, and wondered for a moment if any of us were ever as good as those two when we were younger.
Probably no.
"I said move aside!" I screamed, my voice catching at my throat and sounding almost like a desperate plea. I caught the boy's foot and threw him off and unto his partner who thankfully missed his target once again due to the intrusion. I took a few moments to assess the damage on my body before finally deciding to skip the healing and use the chakra where it was most needed—in killing two kids with so much potential before they killed us.
I got up, and sprung to action, not allowing the two boys reprieve from the onslaught of my taijutsu attacks. I had Rock Lee and Gai-sensei to thank for that.
Slowly, I realized that the one who had been focusing on attacking my partner was fairly poor in taijutsu, considering that he was taking the brunt of my blows and making no blows in return. I decided to focus on him, quickly making two kage bunshins to distract the other.
His eyes grew wide in fear when he saw my incoming fist, too fast for him to evade and yet it's inevitable power as clear as day. I almost didn't want it to connect, seeing the undiluted fear in his eyes, but I followed through anyway. He fell sideways and I quickly caught him in a roundhouse to the head, using the momentum to fully turn and land a successful axe kick to his left shoulder. He crumpled to the floor and I finished him off before he could make a kawarimi. I didn't have time to play Goddess of Mercy anymore.
I quickly ducked and rolled, feeling my last opponent's projectiles pass mere millimeters over my head. He had finished off my kage bunshins in the same time I had finished off his companion. He quickly made seals, and pressed his hands on the ground, which all of a sudden shook as if an earthquake had occurred. A jagged line of mud spikes snaked their way towards me and I almost wasn't able to evade. I leapt back, only to be met with a painful kick to the back from my opponent.
I flipped back, managing to confuse him with a kawarimi long enough to allow me a safe landing away from the spikes. I made the proper seals and my hands glowed a faint green in readiness.
He came at me at full speed, his form blurring every now and then, but I knew exactly where he was. A high kick came at me from my left but I only ducked, catching an incoming fist and bodily throwing it over my head. A distinctive pop confirmed my guess that it had only been bunshins attacking me but my eyes hadn't caught the swift upper kick to my jaw, which sent me flying.
He smirked as he drove his elbow down my head, quite assured of his victory, only to be met with a log covered in exploding notes.
He didn't even see it coming.
I suppose, in some way, none of us really do.
He was lying dead on the forest ground even before I reached my surprised partner's side.
With the two of us pooling together our strengths and assured that no outside surprises where lying in wait, we easily finished off what was left of the pursuing party. By the end of the battle, we were both tired and bloody, surrounded by bodies we knew would never rise again.
Sighing, I ran back into the woods, my worried partner not too far behind. I had something to finish and for all the bloody fighting with had both faced, I really didn't want him to see me do it.
I landed before the prostate Stone nin, blocking his path as he struggled to crawl to safety. I wanted to tell him there was no such place.
"She wanted me to tell you, that she had died to protect you," I said, my voice calm and even. By then, my blond companion had sidled up beside me, his large hand draped over my shoulder as if offering me both comfort and support. I stepped away from his touch. I felt dirty and undeserving.
"Stupid bitch," the man chocked, but I could clearly tell the fondness with which he said those words. He grinned up at me mockingly, his mouth bloody and a few teeth short due to my punch. "Ain't smart enough to know she got no chance," he laughed before looking up at me with much the same resignation his female companion had.
I shuddered inside but kept my hands still. I ended his life with a swift twist of the neck.
And then I cried.
Everything was so horribly wrong.
His arms were around me in an instant.
"Please don't cry, Sakura-chan," he said, his voice soft and uncertain. He held me closer, struggling to find the right words to ease my suffering, but all I felt was the deep loathing inside that I had killed so many in cold blood, even when I had sworn to protect as many lives as I could. I felt like a hypocrite, saying one thing and then doing the complete opposite. I felt myself treacherous, as I could no longer trust my own self. I hadn't thought myself capable but I had been lying all along.
I had done it. My hands were stained forever. No matter how many times I washed them, I could no longer claim to be innocent. Not like him…
I looked up, staring deeply into his bright blue orbs, searching for something that had never been there to begin with. Even as his hands were stained with more blood than mine, his eyes held the color of summer days and walks in the parks. Why was he so clean when I had been so tainted? It hadn't been his first kill, I knew, but he hadn't changed a single bit from the pure and kind-hearted boy I had first met as a child. While I…..I knew there was a shadow, something darkening within me that can never again be clean and white. I had seen it in Kakashi-sensei's eyes, even in Sasuke's; something that marked them as having been tainted by death. I was certain then, as I looked into his eyes and saw myself reflected in them, that I saw the same shadow lurking in my soul.
I felt disgusted. I pushed him away in fright.
But he held on. He had been holding on for so long. He would never let me go.
"Damn it, Naruto! Let me go! I'm dirty! I'm dirty! I'm dirty! You don't deserve this!" I screamed, eyes wandering erratically on his bloodied shirt, as I could no longer bear to see his clear and bright eyes. I didn't want to see my filthy refection anymore.
I struggled against him, wanting to break free, wanting to keep as far away from him as possible. I couldn't breath, my tears choking both my eyes and lungs. I was going to die. Oh kami, I was so certain I was going to die.
And all the while, his warmth encased me. He still hadn't let go.
He rode out the storm of my breakdown with such weathered finesse and grace that he seemed built for that purpose alone. When I had quieted down, I realized that he was rocking me gently, crooning soothing sounds into my ear. He held me fast against his chest, his arms wrapped around both my arms, hugging them to my sides. Our fingers were intertwined.
"I killed children, Naruto," I said softly in confession, readying myself for the sudden loss of heat I thought would come with those words. But still, he didn't move. If anything, he held me tighter.
I sighed. I leaned back, resting my head on his shoulder as I stared up at the bleak afternoon sky. It hadn't even been evening. I had thought the horrors of death only came at night.
"They were younger than both of us. Maybe Konohamaru-chan's age. And those two…." I looked towards the dead Stone nin, his blank eyes staring up at me in blind defiance from a head twisted to an odd angle. I repressed the tears that threatened to fall once more. "They were in love, or maybe only she was in love, but there was love there. They're only humans. Just like us. And it feels so much worse to know you're killing people with real lives than just faceless ghosts," I said slowly, trying to pick the right words to express exactly how I felt. I found myself lost, grasping for something that could make me feel right again.
He squeezed my hands, as if to tell me he was listening.
"I was so much better than her. She didn't have a chance. But I killed her all the same."
I looked up, and his large blue eyes came into view. He looked at me and I knew somehow, he understood everything I was feeling.
"Those demons we used to fight……." I said, feeling myself lost inside the depth of his gaze.
He quirked an eyebrow at me, prodding me to continue. I sighed dejectedly, looking out into the once immaculate forest now littered with corpses and charred trees. I had done so much damage. "I feel like one of them now," I finished.
We sat there in silence for what felt like an eternity, my heartbeat strangely in sync with his. We were breathing in rhythm, our chests rising and falling all at the same time as if we were but one entity. I fell back deeper into his embrace. I wanted to hide in him forever.
"We are tools, Sakura-chan," he began, his voice steady and toneless as if he were reading out the weather report, "but we are also humans."
"I know," I answered.
"If we kill, it is for a purpose, for something better than the both of us. We don't kill for pleasure, Sakura-chan."
"I know."
"So it's right to feel horrible about taking someone else's life. We have the right to grieve for doing something that is against our nature. But we must also understand that we cannot grieve forever. In some way, we are tasked to take on the lives of those we have killed. We have to live the lives they have lost."
"How?"
"By living life to the fullest. By taking all the possibilities and chances that they had lost. And sometimes, to do that, we have to kill others again, to fulfill the choices we've made. Even if we don't like it."
"It's a horrible cycle."
"I know. But it is the path that we have chosen."
I remained silent for a while, rolling his words in my mind. I still didn't feel justified. It all still felt so very wrong. Why couldn't I understand the peace he was trying to offer me?
"What would you kill for, Naruto?"
He stared me in mild surprise, but his eyes quickly melted into something kind and understanding. Vaguely, I felt my heartbeat quicken. I felt smothered and yet safe all at the same time. He smiled and pulled me closer, if it were possible.
"Many things, Sakura-chan. Mainly, to protect the people who are important to me. When I kill, I think of it as trading an enemy's life for the life of someone I care about. It is selfish but it's what keeps me going."
"We are both selfish, then."
"I would kill for you," he stated simply, his conviction so strong I almost cried. I could feel his warm breath on my neck, breathing softly as he buried his face into my hair. I felt my lips turn upward in a contented smile.
"I killed for you," I replied back.
I felt him stiffen behind me, then slowly relax. He buried his face in my hair once again, his breath sending shivers down my spine and yet warming me as well. Then I felt him shake.
He cried into my hair, for what I did not know. It was the first time I had ever known him to cry. I felt it was long overdue.
I held his arms closer to my body, running my thumbs soothingly over the sides of his hands as he cried behind me. When it seemed as though he would not stop, I began to sing a tune I had learned at the academy when I was young.
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine…..," my voice was barely above whisper as I pushed down my own tears and sang the haunting melody that had crept into my mind. It felt fitting to the occasion, as I felt his brightness slowly wane then swell behind me. I didn't want him to disappear. I held tightly unto his hands, hoping he would know how much I wanted him to stay. How much I wanted him to hold my hand. How much I would give up just so he would never leave me alone.
The sun faded slowly into darkness' unyielding embrace, covering us both in her blessed silence, turning the forest into something more than just a garden of corpses and unseeing gazes. Everything was pure once again.
"Please don't take my sunshine away…." He held my hand, and for once, I didn't want him to let go.
Author's notes: Ahck! Horrible crappy goddamn ending! Too sappy! Eek! It makes my skin crawl just thinking I wrote the damnable thing. But...I love that damn song and I couldn't get it off my head so there!
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