Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy. I'm just having fun with the series, so please don't sue. I DON'T HAVE MONEY!

Author's Note: I love Buffy and I think it is one of the best series on television. I'm just having fun here due to boredom.

Season One

JOYCE: Try not to get kick out of school.

XANDER: You forgot your stake!

GILES: You are the Chosen One. Into every generation…

BUFFY: It's my first day of school.

(me): Sarah Michelle Gellar is blonde?

ANGEL: You're standing on the mouth of hell and it's about to open.

GILES: The earth is definitely doomed.

BUFFY: You're my Xander-shaped friend.

(me): I didn't know Buffy takes drugs.

XANDER: Just for the record, you were right, I'm idiot, and God bless you.

(me): At least I agree with the idiot part.

BUFFY: Bite me!

WILLOW (on Xander): Why can't he turn into a puppy, or a duck?

(me): Not seeing the difference here.

Buffy screaming as Angel turns into a vampire.

(me): What happen to the handsome guy…oh wait, they are the same.

XANDER: I could say that I'm a n elderly Dutch lady. If I'm in the elderly Dutch lady chat room, who to say that I'm not.

BUFFY: Willow, axe murdered by a circus freak!

(me): Thank god I haven't met one yet.

WILLOW: I think dummies are cute. You don't?

XANDER: So the dummy tells us that he's a demon hunter, and we're like, fine, la la la la. He takes off, and now there's a brain.

(me): I get it! So the dummy is the guy who eats the brains in Hannibal.

CORDELIA: Hello, doofus. You're in my light.

VAMPIRE BUFFY: Scary. I'll tell you something, though. There are a lot scarier things than you. And I'm one of them.

(me): As a vampire, you are not only scary, but I'm also leaning towards the ugly side too.

GILES: A vampire in love with a Slayer. It's rather poetic. In a maudlin sort of way.

(me taking a dictionary and looking up the word "maudlin"): It means tearfully sentimental. What does that mean?

CORDELIA: I guess I just want to say thank you. All of you.

(me): Is that really Cordelia or am I watching the wrong show?

MASTER: Yes, yes! Shake, earth! This is a sign. We are in the final days. My time is come! Glory, glory!

(me): Is this show rated R?

MASTER: What do you think? 5.1?

(me): Oh. Now I understand the science behind earthquakes.

BUFFY (to the Master): You're that amped about hell? Go there!

(me): One point for the good guys and dust for the baddies. Hoorah!