Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy. I'm just having fun with the series, so please don't sue. I DON'T HAVE MONEY!!!!

Author's Note: I love Buffy and I think it is one of the best series on television. I'm just having fun here due to boredom.

Season Two

BUFFY: Hi guys. Miss me?

CORDELIA (to Buffy): You're really campaigning for bitch of the year, aren't you?

BUFFY: What am I supposed to say? 'Sorry I almost got your throats slit. What's the homework?'

(me): I would take out that "sorry I almost got your throats slit". It doesn't rate high on the sociable list of things to say.

BUFFY (to Giles about Jenny Calendar): She's a technopagan, right? So ask her to bless your laptop.

Spike and Drusilla comes to town. Spike is in leather pants and has black nail polish. Drusilla has heavy makeup on.

DRUSILLA: Kill her for Princess?

(me): Hey, it's Dracula's bride.

SPIKE: Slayer... here, kitty, kitty... I find one of your friends first, I'm gonna suck him dry, and use their bones to bash your head in. Are you getting a word picture here?

(me): (looking at my food) Great. There's goes my appetite.

ETHAN: Hello, Ripper.

(me): Oh my god, so Giles' the Jack the Ripper… Shouldn't it be Rupert the Ripper?

KENDRA: I'm the Vampire Slayer.

(me): So the chosen one was a fluke. I knew it!

Cordelia and Xander kissing.

(me): Something about the writers of this show is very wrong.

Buffy and Angel have sex. Then Angel screams out in the alleyway, turning evil. The next time he comes on, Angelus is wearing leather pants.

(me): The villains in this show are easy to identify. Just look for the trademark leather pant.

JUDGE (on the rocket launcher): What does that do?

(me): Finally we get some fiery action. But why is the smurf a bad guy.

Oz turning into a werewolf.

(me): No one on this show is normal.

Angelus snaps Jenny Calendar's neck.

(me): Ouch. I hope her salary includes medical expenses.

ANGELUS: My boy Acathla here is about to wake up. You're going to hell.

Angelus and Buffy fight, with stunt doubles looking nothing like Sarah Michelle Gellar or David Boreanaz.

Buffy thrusts the sword into Angel.

(me): Well, at least someone is going to hell. (Then I start crying.)