Mentions of divorce
Several more months passed, and the weather warmed quickly to make way for Spring.
Not much changed, really, although he and Iwaizumi did occasionally text something to each other now.
Kageyama's parents still fought though, and it only got worse as time went on.
They didn't keep their arguments to the confines of their bedroom for much longer.
Soon they were fighting no matter what time of the day it was. They started blaming each other for a lot of things, even if it was something Kageyama had done.
For some reason his parents didn't get as angry if he was the one who'd done something, whether it be to leave something out or forget to take out the trash. But they got angry with each other at the same things.
Kageyama didn't really understand it, and after a while he didn't try to.
He simply accepted that this was how things were now.
Sometimes his father's screaming kept him up at night, and his mother's even colder demeanor made him stressed about nothing.
But when his grades started slipping because of it, it now only led to his parents fighting about that too.
Tobio wished the fighting would stop. Stop so he could go back to getting top scores and improving his volleyball skills.
Not to mention that even his coach and teachers mentioned he seemed a little stressed and irritable which they were right about. He proved it whenever he snapped at his teammates and gave them tosses he knew they wouldn't hit even if he knew they could. At first he regretted sending those kinds of tosses, but now it only frustrated him when they were too slow to get to the ball.
He knew they could get there if they would just try a little harder, but after Oikawa left, it seemed everyone had lost all their motivation or something.
To him, it seemed as if he were the only one improving.
And that was because he spent most of his days practicing volleyball whether it be at the park or in his own backyard, whether he practiced with Hinata or alone.
No one ever stayed after practice and the captain of the team wasn't the same as Oikawa. Under his watch, the team was slipping and at this rate Kageyama wasn't sure they even had a chance at making it to nationals, only adding to the ongoing stress he was already facing.
Kageyama buried all those emotions too, and kept up a face of indifference.
He told himself that if his mother could disguise her own emotions all the time, he could bury his frustration at a few missed balls.
It wasn't even that big a deal.
That was the mantra he constantly had going inside his head.
Until he snapped one day when Hinata missed the millionth receive.
Kageyama had been up late listening to his parents arguing once again about his grades, and had been woken up early that morning because of a fight about dishes.
He couldn't even remember the last time he got a full night's rest if he was being honest.
Still, he didn't expect pure rage to spill from his mouth without any thought to what he was saying or even how he was saying it, "God, are you completely stupid! Even a little baby could've received that! What's your problem? Every time we practice you're slow, you're clumsy, your movements are erratic, and stupid, it's like you don't even care about getting better!" he shouted.
Hinata frowned, but Kageyama couldn't tell whether it was from hurt or confusion, "What are you talking about?"
"Your volleyball playing is shit." Kageyama mumbled, already regretting most of what he'd said already.
After Kageyama's declaration, everything went silent in the park, like no one was around even though just minutes ago children had been running around and people had been walking.
He already hated what had just happened. An outburst like that was something his father would do, and he absolutely hated it. Kageyama wanted to run away, and hide because he was afraid of what Hinata would say, what he would look like.
Kageyama hadn't even noticed his own head lowering to the ground until he risked a glance up at Hinata who was just still frowning.
There was silence for a few more minutes before Hinata finally broke the growing tension. "Well I know that, silly." Hinata finally said with a small smile, "That's why we're practicing!"
"Well you aren't getting better." Kageyama crossed his arms and stared at his shoes.
Tobio had thought Hinata might say something about how he was a shit teacher but the older boy just rolled his eyes, "Not everyone's a genius at volleyball Bakageyama."
A genius huh?
Oikawa had said the same thing about him.
He was pretty sure Oikawa didn't like the term. "I know that." Kageyama hissed, "But not everyone's an idiot like you either."
"I'm not an idiot." Hinata defended himself. "Now you have to apologize for being so mean. What's got you all worked up anyway?"
"Sorry for snapping at you," Kageyama sighed, and rubbed at one of his eyes. "I'm just tired."
"Yeah, me too. Homework's just getting harder and harder lately." Hinata groaned, stretching his arms out.
"Yeah…"
The homework hadn't exactly gotten harder lately though, Kageyama had just been incapable of finding the focus or motivation to get a good grade.
"You been talking to Iwaizumi and Oikawa-san lately?" Hinata suddenly asked.
"I talk with iwaizumi-san sometimes."
"Have you gone on a date yet?"
Kageyama choked on his own spit and started coughing, "No!" he managed to splutter out, coughing a few more times."
"Chill Yamayama," Hinata laughed, tossing the volleyball into the air a few more times before facing Kageyama again, "How about you send me a set now."
"Not happening, you can't even receive properly yet."
Hinata rolled his eyes, "Receiving is boring." He complained. "I want to hit the ball. Please!"
"No."
After his outburst, Kageyama subdued himself more. Hinata hadn't said much about it but they also knew each other a lot better than Kageyama knew his teammates.
He knew a horrible outburst like that might not go over quite as smoothly with them.
Besides that, Kageyama hated yelling, hated stress, and hated letting anything get to him. He wanted to just stay neutral and not have to feel strongly one way or another.
He was tired of hurting whenever the fighting started.
The most annoying part of all of it, was when Kageyama's parents acted surprised he knew they would fight about things as if they weren't yelling just downstairs.
Kageyama didn't like noticing of course, and he would rather just block everything out, which he managed to do sometimes by listening to music with headphones over his ears.
Often times he was too curious to block it out, however. Even though it hurt, he had to know what they were saying to each other, what they were fighting about, what was going to happen after.
So far, the fights were only once or twice every week, but Kageyama would lay awake at night, worrying and wondering what was going to happen to him and his parents.
He'd heard of divorce of course, but he didn't want that to happen.
As selfish as he knew it to be he wanted to go back to pretending. He wanted to be oblivious again.
He didn't want to grow up.
He didn't want anything to change anymore. He liked how things were. If his parents stopped fighting and Oikawa answered one of his texts than everything would be just fine.
Kageyama didn't want much out of life at the moment, but he did want both his parents, and yes it wouldn't hurt if Oikawa would finally just talk to him.
The problem with both those things was that they wouldn't just happen because he wanted it. Both scenarios involved other people and as much as he hated it, he knew he couldn't make anyone do anything he wanted if they didn't want to.
When his father got home that day, there were no shouts or quiet whispers of anger, just silence. Kageyama used that time to shower and get ready for dinner.
Before the quiet had made him uncomfortable at dinner but now he wished his parents wouldn't talk at all, because when they talked it was more likely they would argue.
The things he thought he knew no longer applied, the list of do's and don't's suddenly becoming much longer.
He honestly never thought he'd take blame for things just to get them to stop fighting each other, and for some reason it was easier to have them be angry at him than each other.
Maybe because he was used to them being angry with him.
Maybe because if he took the blame it meant he got good sleep.
Maybe because when it was him the anger disappeared and didn't linger for days on end.
Either way, that was what he'd started doing, and he never really regretted it.
Kageyama wasn't an idiot, he knew what divorce was. He knew divorce meant his parents didn't like each other anymore, and he knew it meant a lot of change.
That was why he tried not to think about it. He didn't like things to change. He liked the way everything was right now, and he didn't want to move back and forth between separate houses.
He liked when they were all together, and one of his parents without the other seemed much too strange.
Tobio laid down on his bed, listening to his parents talk, and he hoped desperately they didn't start fighting again.
He didn't know why they had to fight at night.
Logically he knew it was because his father was at work all day, but inside he just wished they could fight when he wasn't here. What he didn't know wouldn't hurt him, but when he could hear every single exchange outside his bedroom, he couldn't help but know, and think, and worry.
If it wasn't like this forever, then what would it be like?
What was going to happen to him?
Kageyama tried to block that out of his mind and get some sleep.
It was hard with the never ending, invasive thoughts inside his head but eventually Kageyama managed to fall asleep.
He was awoken at five a.m. by shouts coming from his parents' bedroom.
Kageyama rolled over.
"Hey, Kageyama."
Tobio removed his nose from the book that had oddly popped out and pulled him in to see Iwaizumi standing next to his table in the library. "Hey," Kageyama responded weakly.
"So, you told me you were having trouble with the new school work you've been getting, right?" Kageyama nodded and Iwaizumi gave him a small smile, sliding into the seat across from him. "Well, I'm not as smart as Tooru, but I think I can handle whatever you're working on."
Kageyama had actually tried to get Oikawa to help, but he'd been left on 'seen'.
"I'm learning functions in math, "Kageyama started, "and in history we're learning all about Japan, and in Language we're reading books and we're supposed to interpret lots of stuff about it… oh yeah, and in science we're learning about elements and stuff."
Iwaizumi grimaced. "Right… okay, we can do this."
That proclamation gave Kageyama some hope, so he leaned over and took all his books out of his bag, setting them down on the table.
"Wow, you're a lot more organized than I was in middle school." Iwaizumi commented, eyeing his notes.
Kageyama shrugged as Iwaizumi grabbed one of his notebooks, flipping through the notes.
Tobio was usually a good notetaker, but as of lately the writing had gotten sloppy, and he knew there was information missing that would've helped him do his homework a lot easier.
"So, you're learning functions in math, right? Let's take a look." Iwaizumi rifled through a few more notebooks before taking the math one and flipping it to the last lesson Kageyama had written notes about.
He watched as Iwaizumi narrowed his eyes at the textbook, and if Kageyama was paying attention to Iwaizumi's expression, which he totally wasn't, he would've thought the look was kind of cute.
"Hm, okay, alright, let's take a break from math." Iwaizumi set the notebook down as Kageyama was about to comment that they hadn't even started. "I'm good at Language, can you show me the book they're having you read or tell me what it's about?"
"Oh… well it's about soulmates," again, "and the main character thinks her soulmate doesn't love her but it's obvious that he does and it's obvious it'll end happily ever after like every other book we read. It's also ancient and kind of sexist, so, y'know." Kageyama grumbled dryly. His school had to get more interesting reading material. Tobio for one didn't want to read a million versions of the same sappy love story that wasn't realistic at all.
He lived the life of a lot of main characters, and it wasn't as much a fairytale ending like they wanted him to believe.
His life was messy. It wasn't dramatic or romantic, or perfectly scripted, it was just messy.
"Sounds rough. What kind of questions do you have to answer?"
Stupid ones, "I have to answer a lot interpretation questions. Some of them are really simple, and some of them I have to use my own life experience." Which he didn't want to do at all.
"Well," Iwaizumi said, grabbing Kageyama's list of questions he had to answer, "The first one asks you to interpret a passage in the story."
Kageyama didn't want to interpret anything about this story, but he tried his best, thinking about word choices, and what the author was trying to say about something.
Things were running mostly smoothly, and with Iwaizumi here, Kageyama was actually starting to like answering the questions. But then, Iwaizumi came to a question he instantly and absolutely despised.
"It asks what you would do if you were in the situation of the main character." Iwaizumi read and then looked up expectantly.
Kageyama fell silent, "Um… what does it mean by 'situation'."
Iwaizumi chuckled, "I'm pretty sure it's referring to how the main character thinks her soulmate doesn't want her?"
"I don't know… I don't think it's that far off the mark. The guy acts like he hates her, why shouldn't she think he doesn't want her… right?"
Kageyama didn't like the funny look Iwaizumi sent him, "Well they're soulmates, of course he wants her."
Of course he wants her.
Kageyama rolled his eyes, "Just because they're soulmates doesn't mean he wants her."
Iwaizumi tilted his head, "… I don't follow."
Kageyama sighed, "I mean it's not obvious he wants her. It's not silly to feel insecure when he treats her like shit."
"I'm sure it isn't as bad as you think. Soulmates love each other. Their souls are bound together. They have a special connection they can't share with anyone else."
Kageyama didn't say anything for a long time before he murmured, "Connections don't always have to be good though. And not everyone stays with their soulmate forever."
"I guess your right… but those cases are rare. Soulmates usually live happily together."
"That's not true."
Iwaizumi frowned and sighed, "Why don't you think that's true?"
"Both my parents hate their soulmates. And both their soulmates are horrible people who don't deserve soulmates."
"But… if you don't even know them, is that really fair to say?"
Kageyama didn't need to know them to know they hurt his parents and probably wanted to hurt him too. "People change," Kageyama said, "it's not very realistic anyway to have one soulmate that's supposed to be with you for the rest of your life."
Kageyama once again did not like Iwaizumi's funny look or the laugh he let out, "So many people are happy with their soulmates though. You can't take a minority of cases and insist something isn't realistic."
"It isn't realistic, and it's dumb." Kageyama stood up, "So many things in the world are dumb, and mistakes! Why can't soulmates be too."
People in the library shushed him and Kageyama just sent them all a scowl before turning back to Iwaizumi. "Having a 'perfect match' sounds like a fairytale, but since when has life ever been like that." Kageyama hissed. "Since when has anything in the entire world ever been perfect! I think soulmates are stupid, I think they give people false hope that everything will be okay once you meet your soulmate, but that's not how it works."
Kageyama wasn't stupid. He knew that the world didn't just hand out happy endings for free, yet so many people acted like soulmates were the answer to life's problems. In so many books of romance when the soulmates got together everything seemed to magically right itself.
But Kageyama was here, standing next to his soulmate who didn't even know he was his soulmate, but nothing was being fixed. The world left him with unrealistic expectations for what soulmates were supposed to be. So much so that it made him forget soulmates were only people too.
Stupid people who made mistakes, and hurt him without even knowing, and made things that much harder every single day.
"You can't say that, Kageyama." Iwaizumi explained, "Look at Tooru and I. We've known each other for so long, and we knew we were soulmates since we were eight. We're so happy together, we don't need anything else."
Kageyama clenched his fists when those words left Iwaizumi's mouth and started shoving his books back into his bag as quickly as he could manage, not caring that they were completely disorganized, and needing to get out of the library before he melted down in front of everyone.
"Kageyama?" Iwaizumi looked confused.
"I have to get home… I forgot I had lots of chores to do." Kageyama murmured as a horrible excuse and basically ran out of the library.
He thought he heard Iwaizumi say something after him, but Kageyama didn't turn around or even try to listen to what he'd said.
He had to get out, had to leave.
He pushed open the door and was met with lukewarm air outside.
Kageyama panted and felt tears flood his eyes and he tried to keep them back but they wouldn't leave.
The more he tried to stop and blink them back the more started coming out, leaving him breathless and shaky.
"Kageyama, why'd you leave so fast!"
Please go away Kageyama thought and ignored him, trying to stop his tears as efficiently as possible.
"Hey… what's wrong?" Iwaizumi asked gently.
Tobio felt an arm brush his shoulder. "I'm fine." Kageyama murmured, his voice cracking and certainly not sounding fine.
"Was it something I said?" Iwaizumi tried.
Kageyama glanced up at Iwaizumi and saw concerned brown eyes staring back at him.
He hated that he'd put that expression on Iwaizumi's face. For something as stupid as this. He always overreacted to everything and he made people upset for something that wasn't even their fault. Iwaizumi couldn't possibly know how those words would hurt him because he couldn't even say three simple words to let him know.
"I'm sorry, it's just that… I get really emotional cus of my parents." He lied.
"That's okay. You don't need to run from me if you're about to cry."
"I don't like to let people see me cry."
He hated letting people see him weak.
"If you don't want to cry in front of me that's fine, I'll go, but I also don't mind if you cry." Kageyama bit his lip and looked at Iwaizumi again.
He didn't let the betrayal he felt show on his face, but all he wanted was to break down because of the things Iwaizumi had said.
Even if that didn't make any sense to want.
Kageyama knew he didn't mean it, but another reminder that Iwaizumi and Oikawa were just fine without him, still hurt him more than he'd ever like to admit.
"It's alright." Iwaizumi murmured and pulled Kageyama to his chest where Tobio immediately reciprocated the hug, deciding he didn't want Iwaizumi to leave.
And that moment was when Kageyama did break down, and it was horrible and embarrassing and he was glad Iwaizumi said absolutely nothing because that would've made everything more mortifying.
There were only Iwaizumi's arms, and his breath in Kageyama's ear and his chest rising and falling against Kageyama's cheek, and he was glad for that. Anything else would've made everything feel worse that it already did.
"Iwaizumi-san?" Kageyama finally whispered after calming down, hating how rough his voice was from from crying.
"Yeah?"
I'm your soulmate.
Kageyama closed his eyes.
"… Nothing."
A/N I think I enjoy this way too much... lol, so... I'm sorry this took longer than I thought because I restarted this chapter three different ways and then went with a whole new idea entirely so it took a while.
On another note, just curious, but if you have any pet name suggestions that Kageyama, Iwaizumi, or Oikawa could call one of them I'd love to hear them lol (Ik we got Iwa-chan, and Tobio-chan, and Shittykawa XD but I absolutely love pet names so ya) Thanks so much for reading, reviews always appreciated!